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[Belah here – AI was not used to draft or write this description]

524-A Pastor Didn’t Expect Marriage Help to Come This Way

Sometimes I have been asked if I, as a woman, should be teaching men. When it comes up, I really appreciate that question because it shows a level of maturity and commitment to scripture.

The truth is, I never intended to be coaching or training men. That, in fact, is something I was against, at first. I intended to just follow Titus 2 by inviting women to learn to love their husbands well.

As I wrote the book and started the podcast and coaching women with this end in mind, men started reaching out to me. It was kind of uncomfortable at first.

I didn’t know what to do with it. They were asking how they could get their wife to listen to my material. “I have no idea. That’s on you.” I wasn’t cold-hearted, I just didn’t think it was prudent.

Well, I was speaking to my husband, and he felt like it would be ok to speak to some of them via email or possibly a phone call, just so I could understand.

And when I did, I could tell “wow, now I see why she is rejecting”. And not only that, I could see that she was really suffering too.

So with prayer and wise counsel and the blessing of my husband, I went for it and tried a pilot coaching program for men. Amazingly, every single man got amazing results (even though only 1 went through the course — and she didn’t know he did it!)

Glory to God. From there, we’ve tweaked and updated and, by God’s grace, are at a place where God is doing miracle after miracle here.

Would love you to hear Aaron’s story of the pursuit of God’s way in his marriage. As a pastor, he likely had to grapple with this question — is it ok to be trained by a woman in this topic? And he decided the answer should be yes. You’re welcome to check out our convictions surrounding Women in Leadership, here.  And the Lord worked in his heart and in his marriage — even though only he did the work.

We are so excited to share his story with you!

 

Would love to work with you too! delightyourmarriage.com/cc for next steps.

 

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[Below is an AI summary of Belah Rose’s original podcast]

When a Pastor Realized the Marriage Problem Wasn’t His Wife — It Was His Heart

What happens when a husband who believes he’s been doing everything right begins to realize that something in his own heart needs to change?

In this powerful conversation, Melanie from the Delight Your Marriage team interviews Aaron — a pastor, husband of ten years, and father of three young boys — about the transformation he experienced through the Delight Your Marriage coaching process.

Aaron’s story is not just about improving communication or increasing intimacy in marriage. It’s about humility, discipleship, and the slow transformation of a husband’s heart when he chooses to lead with love the way Christ leads the Church.

And perhaps most surprising of all: Aaron went through the program without even telling his wife.

A Marriage That Looked Fine — But Felt Distant

Aaron describes his life as full and meaningful. As a pastor and father to three boys ages eight, five, and two, his days are full of ministry, family responsibilities, and the normal chaos of raising young children.

But beneath the surface, there were struggles.

Like many husbands, Aaron felt he was the one working on the marriage while his wife seemed distant. Over time that perception produced resentment, bitterness, and emotional withdrawal.

He explains that there were moments when he found himself drifting away from his wife internally.

He wanted connection. He wanted intimacy. But he increasingly felt rejected.

That tension eventually pushed him to start searching for answers.

The Podcast That Changed Everything

Aaron didn’t initially discover Delight Your Marriage through a friend or church recommendation.

Instead, he was simply searching for answers.

He had gotten into the habit of bringing his marriage questions to podcasts — typing topics into podcast apps and listening to conversations about marriage, intimacy, and relationships.

One day he heard Belah Rose as a guest on another podcast.

Something about what she said caught his attention.

Her perspective sounded different.

Instead of focusing on how wives needed to change, the conversation kept coming back to the husband’s own growth and responsibility.

That curiosity led Aaron to explore further, which eventually brought him to the free Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations course.

A Difficult Realization: The Change Starts With Me

As Aaron went through the foundations course, something began to shift.

He realized that he had been viewing the problems in his marriage primarily through the lens of what his wife wasn’t doing.

But the program challenged that perspective.

Instead of focusing on changing his wife, Aaron began to ask himself a different question:

What if the transformation in my marriage begins with me?

He describes that realization as deeply humbling.

The program helped him recognize something that many husbands experience but rarely articulate:

Men have often never been discipled in how to be a husband.

Aaron had read books. He had listened to sermons. But he had never been trained in practical, daily habits that cultivate emotional and relational intimacy in marriage.

For the first time, he began to see a path forward.

Doing the Work Without Telling His Wife

When Aaron eventually joined the full program, he made a decision that might surprise many people.

He didn’t tell his wife.

Not because he was hiding something, but because he wanted to take full responsibility for his own growth without making her feel like she was being analyzed or fixed.

The only thing he told her was simple:

“I’m working on becoming a better husband.”

And then he began doing the work.

The Small Habits That Changed His Heart

One of the key insights Aaron shares is that transformation didn’t begin with emotional breakthroughs.

It began with small daily habits.

At first, these actions required discipline.

His feelings didn’t immediately follow.

But over time something unexpected happened.

His heart began to change.

Aaron explains that the actions came first — and the feelings followed later.

Seeing His Wife Differently

One of the most powerful moments Aaron describes involves something very ordinary: the couch in their living room.

Every night after putting the kids to bed, he and his wife would sit on the couch together.

Before the program, he viewed this time through a selfish lens. He often focused on what he wanted from the evening or what he felt he wasn’t receiving.

But as his perspective shifted, he began noticing something he had completely missed before.

His wife had been reaching for connection all along.

She would lean closer to him.

She would rest on his shoulder.

Sometimes she would fall asleep beside him because she simply wanted to be near him.

Aaron realized that what he had interpreted as distance was often his wife’s quiet way of drawing close.

And once he began responding with warmth instead of resentment, the dynamic between them changed dramatically.

The Power of Gratitude

One habit Aaron says transformed his heart more than anything else was gratitude.

Every day he wrote down specific things he appreciated about his wife.

At first it felt like a discipline.

But eventually it became something deeper.

Gratitude changed the way he saw her.

Instead of focusing on disappointments, he began to see her as a gift.

Today, he says one of the most noticeable changes in their relationship is how he responds when she walks into a room.

Instead of indifference or tension, he feels genuine joy.

A Pastor Wrestling With Theology

Because Aaron is a pastor, he also had to wrestle with a theological question that some listeners may share:

Is it appropriate for a woman to teach men about marriage?

Aaron approached that question carefully.

But he ultimately concluded that hearing a woman’s perspective was actually a tremendous gift.

After all, much of the confusion husbands experience in marriage comes from misunderstanding how their wives think and feel.

Hearing that perspective helped Aaron understand his wife in ways he never had before.

And throughout the program, he consistently saw Belah grounding her coaching in biblical principles — particularly the call in Ephesians 5 for husbands to love their wives sacrificially.

The Power of Brotherhood

Another unexpected gift Aaron experienced was the group environment.

Each coaching call included other men walking through similar struggles.

At first that environment was humbling.

Hearing other men’s stories helped Aaron realize he wasn’t alone.

The phrase that kept surfacing during those calls was simple:

“Me too.”

Men who had felt isolated suddenly realized others were experiencing the same challenges.

And that shared honesty created an atmosphere where real growth could happen.

A Long-Term Change

One of Aaron’s initial fears was that the changes might be temporary.

But the program includes ongoing accountability groups made up of graduates who completed the program years earlier.

Hearing their stories reassured him that the transformation could last.

Marriage growth isn’t a straight upward line.

There are setbacks.

But the men in those groups continued returning to the same principles whenever they drifted off course.

The key wasn’t perfection.

It was perseverance.

A Marriage Transformed

Today Aaron describes his love for his wife in a very different way.

He says she has become his “greater affection.”

His goal is no longer to get something from her.

His goal is to cherish her.

He continually asks himself one simple question:

How am I loving a daughter of the King?

That question has reshaped the way he approaches his marriage.

Why This Matters for Churches

As a pastor, Aaron now believes programs like this are deeply needed in churches.

Many ministries emphasize theology, doctrine, and spiritual growth — all of which are vital.

But very few intentionally disciple men in how to love their wives.

Aaron believes that gap has left many husbands unprepared for the realities of marriage.

Now that he has experienced the transformation personally, he hopes to bring the Delight Your Marriage Academy into his church so other couples can experience similar change.

The Simple Prayer That Started It All

Looking back, Aaron says the journey began with a simple prayer.

At the start of the year he asked God:

“If there’s anywhere I want to invest this year, it’s in my marriage.”

At the time he thought he knew how to do that.

But God had something deeper in mind.

And through humility, coaching, and daily faithfulness, Aaron discovered that transformation in marriage often begins with a single, courageous step:

The willingness to change yourself first.