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This is Part II of my interview with Ginny Hannan joyfromgrace.com who shares the habit that she and her husband have developed to make their fights way easier. Ginny shares the 3 major things that has been central to her marital success. She also gives some great ideas about having fun in intimacy and just generally lightening up about life’s challenges. I give a little insight into how to choose joy even in the midst of challenges.
Check out Part I of this interview at DYM Ep12: Truth Overcomes The Lies of Depression with Ginny Hannan
Quote:
Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice! Phil 4:4 (AMP)
You’ll Discover:
- That faith is central piece in Ginny’s marriage.
- After a fight they brainstorm together how to make sure that doesn’t happen again.
- How she was raised with ideas about sex being just for his needs and how she moved into really enjoying the experience for her.
- How you can feel comfortable expressing yourself in intimacy to be confident and make it more fun for both of you!
- Feel free to play games in the bedroom as well…why not add whip cream?
- Why respect is something Ginny had to discover through trial and error but now has realized its import in her marriage.
- How you can choose joy even in the hardest of circumstances.
Resources Mentioned:
Team Us: Marriage Together
- joyfromgrace.com
- After a fight we talk and ask each other: “Ok. What can we do better so that doesn’t happen again?”
- Putting each other’s needs before our own is huge for our relationship.
- In intimacy, we want to make that time even more incredible for the other person.
- Even if you’ve heard these tips before, you can never hear it too many times.
- When you’re speaking disrespectful for your husband when he’s not there it also makes you feel less love for you him.
- We are very careful about the friends we keep because we want friends who will lift up our marriage.
- Have fun in intimacy. Start small…Play games…Feel free to use whip cream!
Transcript
0:00
delight your marriage episode 13.
0:03
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah rose.
0:20
Hello, and welcome. I’m so glad that you’re joining me today. If this is your first time listening to delight your marriage, I’m just so glad you’re here. And basically what we do here is interview wives and intimacy experts to really find out how to have wonderful and fulfilling marriage. You know, I’ve talked about my my journey and episode one, and you’ll hear it in different bits and pieces. But I came from a really broken experience in marriage. And now after having gone through that hardship and pain, I’m in an amazing marriage with a wonderful man. But honestly, I’m a different person. And I have learned bit by bit moment by moment that things have to be different in my heart for me to have a successful and fulfilling marriage. Now, Jenny is my guest today. And she actually is giving the second part of her interview, if you didn’t hear the first part, it’s an episode 12. So definitely go back and listen to that, because she talks about the real struggle she had when she became a mom, and how she was in some significant depression, even considering ending it all. And, you know, I relate to Jenny so much, because after my first son was born, I really had a significant identity issue, I wasn’t sure how to do this whole mom thing. And there, here’s a little person that’s completely dependent on me. And I’m not working like I used to be. And I’m not in the same environments that I used to be in, I’m at home all the time, and there’s spit up to clean up and there’s diapers change, and it’s barely sleeping at night. And there’s just so much change. That happened in my life that I really struggled in some sad, lonely, depressive thoughts. And if you’re there, I really want to encourage you to listen today, Jenny was in that place, she was in that place, very, very dark. And she has, by God’s grace, really been able to turn things around. I mean, my goodness, when you listen to the rest of this interview, you’re going to be just shocked at the wonderful insight she can give us and teach us about marriage and about how she interacts here. So she’s going to talk about the three things that are central to her marital success. And she also gives some really fun advice about how to lighten things up in the bedroom. So I don’t want you to miss that. And lastly, at the end, I come back and talk a little bit about choosing joy on a day to day basis. So enjoy. And let’s just dive right in.
3:11
Well, let me let me move to the next question I wanted to ask you about is what do you think the three chief things are that have been central to your marital success? We might have touched on some already. But
3:23
what would you say number one, number one is God, our relationship with God, when both of us have a face that we share, that’s so important. And I know it’s really hard for this woman out there who don’t have a husband to the face is the same. But for us, it’s been something where if we are going to struggle, we can pray together we can we go to church together, that’s such a, it’s a weekly thing that we all do together. And it’s just a nice bonding experience for us, we get to talk about things and strengthen each other in our faith. So faith has been huge. It also affects our parenting and sex, how we treat each other how he leads me as a wife, you know, so. So it’s affected every little part of our lives. But I would say the next one would be communication. My husband and I had a unique experience when we were first dating because I was going up to Wheaton College in Illinois, and he was here in Pittsburgh working his job. So we had a long distance relationship for the first year of our dating time, and we were forced to talk a lot. My roommates were probably not thrilled with that, because I was on the phone for hours every day. But we talked for hours and it felt such a line of communication between the two of us that has impacted us to this day. And when I see marriages not communicating, it breaks my heart because it’s like, if the wife doesn’t know a story that our husbands telling it’s like, oh, but you should you guys should be talking about that kind of stuff and sharing that kind of stuff with each other. So I feel like there are no secrets between he and I, and we share everything almost to a fault. So that’s huge. I think communication as far as like our fighting goes, we communicate after every fight, and we say, Okay, what? What can we do to make that better? And that has made our fighting a lot more fair over time. So we’ve had to communicate about that. It’s not always it’s not always right after a fight, sometimes it’s a couple of weeks later. But when we’ve everything simmer down, but it has, we really feel it’s important to do that. So we can, you know, not repeat that again. And it’s really helped us. And then I think the third one would be putting the needs of each other before our own needs. And I clean the house, because I know it makes him happy. Now, it’s not always amazingly clean. So don’t get me wrong. I’m looking at my playroom right now. And it’s a disaster. But you know, we get there. But I yeah, I know that he really wants to watch football on a Sunday, because he’s a huge Steelers fan, go Steelers, then he, you know what, that does no harm to me to give him a few hours to watch a football game, and I can watch the kids while like he’s doing that, you know, so that’s not a hard thing for me to do. And then for me, he knows there are days where the kids had tears in me that he and I am losing my mind. And he can see it in my eyes when he comes home. You know, I tried to be all happy when he comes home. But there are days where that’s just not going to happen. And he’s like, oh, boy, honey, I will take the kids. And you know what, you go to Barnes and Noble, and you read the book, and write or do whatever you need to do to clear your mind and just take some time. And he recognizes that need. And he knows that he just came home from a long day of work, but he’s unwilling to put that need to rest aside because he sees a greater need and need that day. Does that make sense? Yeah. So putting each other’s needs before each other is huge. And I and I feel like that’s something that makes our marriage so special. And I don’t I just I really appreciate that and not so
7:10
and I love what you said about the the needs, almost as though you had a higher need than his at the time of relaxing after work. But yours being with the kids all day, you needed a break, whereas his need for some peace and quiet afterwards, we somehow there’s almost like a higher priority of which needs really are more important at this point. And it sounds like that’s something that you guys kind of keep in mind as you’re
7:39
in and we recognize that of each other, you know, so it’s we’ve come to the point now, you know, after 10 years, that we can kind of recognize these things and each other without even having to say a word, and I value his, you know, him as my husband so much that I want to help him in any way to have a better day. And I will do anything it takes to do that. And he will do the same for me. So it’s not like a one way relationship. It’s both of us working really hard to to bring, you know, better day for each other. And that has actually helped bring us closer together as a couple.
8:17
I love it so much. I love that so much. And it’s funny that your that your you time is at Barnes and Noble. That’s, that’s pretty much my ideal afternoon. Also.
8:27
I get my huge stack of books and I only end up reading one. But you know, I feel so good having my big second. Because I never get that time at home.
8:38
I love that’s true. I generally will bring a stack of books and peruse one. Yep, exactly. That’s awesome. Well, I want to ask you if you’re comfortable, would you be willing to share a tip about or advice about intimacy that you wish someone let you in on a little earlier? Oh, yes.
8:57
You know, isn’t to see it’s not just for him. It’s for both of you. So I had a hard time learning that I think sometimes in the church, we tend to make it about the woman providing some man’s meats. And I think that that was kind of the way I was raised. So with that mindset, and I have now learned that, you know, both of us can enjoy sex, and both of us can have a son at it. So, you know, I have learned to speak up about what I like and what I don’t like, and that has absolutely done wonders for our intimacy time. And I want to do it more I want to enjoy you know, I enjoy it more. So it’s something that I’m not reading each time. Oh, okay. He’s, you know, he’s feeling the desire. Here we go. The thing that I can say, Yeah, I’d like to do Okay, let’s, let’s go. So and we do and it’s become. And because of that, I feel like it’s also more of an intimate and relational time for us. Because again, it goes back to that giving to each other type of thing and putting each other’s needs before our own. So it’s like intimacy. Now we want to make that time even more incredible for the other person. And so we’ve really worked hard at that. So yeah, that’s not just for the man.
10:30
And I wonder if, if a woman is having trouble speaking up? I mean, what, what would you suggest? How does she get to a place where she’s, you know, feels confident or self assured enough to do that? That small,
10:44
maybe just, you know, at one point, say, you know, what, can you move over this way? You know, just something like that, just start small, see how he responds, and then grow from there? Does that make sense? Or, you know, I, like, you know, I really love it, even if it’s just during a massage, you know, oh, I really like it when you do this, you know, and then, you know, move from there. And then eventually, you’ll get more comfortable in the bedroom saying more about what you like, or make it fun. Feel free to play games, you know, I know it sounds silly, but like, see something that you both can enjoy? And, and make it silly, if you need to, you know, bring up the whipped cream? Is that something that you need to do to make it more fun and a little bit more lighthearted, so that your communication lines can be open a little more? Does that make sense? Yeah,
11:31
and I love that you’re saying kind of to make it a little lighter. It’s not this big issue, I think sometimes we we, you know, feel a little uncomfortable, or don’t feel great about certain things in the bedroom. And we think it’s this like, monumental issue that, you know, is really going to hurt him if we bring it up. And, you know, we can’t be, you know, open with these feelings that we have. And yet, it’s really do things that make it fun. I think that’s a great, great tip, because that’s gonna help you to relax. And then when you’re like, Well, I’d actually like if you did this instead, that’ll help him to not have this big pressure of Oh, my gosh, I’ve been doing it wrong for years. What do you mean, you know, but the truth is that, you know, and actually, that’s something that we’re not always clued into is he’s probably just as insecure as you are in different ways. And if you’re not talking about it, you really have no idea. So,
12:23
and your intimacy, time can be so fun and amazing. And there is so much potential there, if you just speak up, and whatever you need to do to feel more comfortable to do that, you know, do it because it’s worth it.
12:38
Yeah, that’s awesome. That’s awesome. So then my next My next, just to move into our next segment of thoughtful takeaways, I’m interested in due to the specific marriage that you’ve had, what opportunities have you had to serve and get to know God?
12:55
I’m sorry, to grow together and get to know God. Right. I think, again, it goes back to that serving together, which has been really fun. We’ve, we both have histories with weaknesses, and, you know, and addictions. And so we’re able to use that to help other couples, you know, that there have been some couples in our church who have gone through some difficulties. And so we’ve been able to help, I’ve been more with the wife, and he’s been more with the husband, and we’ve been able to help them in that way. And, you know, and again, we’re serving together, we’re starting off little ministry times together, like, you know, with our, with our little Valentine’s Day gift thing, and, and that that’s fun to do together. It really is. And when you minister together, I don’t know, it just it brings about such a different dynamic in your relationship, because you’re serving God and and when you bring God into it. I don’t know. It just brings out a deepness. Numerix you didn’t realize you had and it also keeps you together. Because I mean, sometimes we get involved in our separate ministries, which is good to have. But then he feel he want to be careful not to get so separate, that you become more like roommates. So serving separately, but together helps keep us, you know, in line together and keeps us you know, going as a couple.
14:18
I love that. And I love that even even when you’re saying about being in church together and you know, I find my husband, one of the most sexiest times is when I see him in church.
14:29
Little nursery babies. Oh my goodness, there’s nothing sexier than watching a man holding babies in the nursery.
14:37
That is so true. That is so true. So if there’s any husbands out there listening, feel free to go to the nursery wholesome kids and your wife.
14:47
Your intimacy kind of might be a little bit better that he’s made, so you know. Well, great. Well, you know,
14:54
I’d love to hear if there’s any books or programs that you would recommend to our Have listeners, either ones that are going through similar struggles that you have, or just some books that you like.
15:06
One that I read recently, that I really enjoyed, and maybe it’s because they’re around the same time timeframe is our marriage. But it’s I Ashleigh Slater. And it’s called Team us. And it’s written by Ashley. But they have Ted Ted isms throughout the book, where Ted kind of gets his side of the story. And they’re really quirky. And it’s so funny because like, they’ll often compare, you know, marriage to curling, which is like a sport in Olympics and the Olympics, and stuff that you wouldn’t even if this creative, and but it has such wisdom for your marriage. And it’s something that you can do on your own. However, it has discussion questions in the back. So you can actually do it as a couple. It’s great for, you know, couples who are just about to get married, or who have been married for, you know, you know, 1020 3040 or more years, because even though these may be things that you have heard before, it’s always good to read it again, you can never hear some of these marriage tips too much. And so I would really encourage you just not to think of it as another marriage book. But to think of it as a great reminder book about the things that you really should be doing in your marriage. So yeah, but I really love that book. So that would be one that I really suggest,
16:21
Oh, that’s awesome. Great. Definitely have that linked up in the show notes. So at delight your marriage calm, any listener can go in and find that there. So my last question is, if you could go back to year one of your marriage and sit yourself down, what is one piece of advice that you would give you.
16:40
Respect is huge. I think for me, because I’m so bullheaded and strong willed that I like to have my way that I was often very disrespectful to my husband early on. And, and that was not something that he appreciated very much. And I didn’t quite realize what an impact it was having on him until he started to speak up about it. And he’s like, you know, I really don’t like it when we speak that way to me. And it’d be like, Whoa. And for me, it was hard to hear. However, it was eye opening to me. And I realized I needed to be kinder with my words. And I also needed to let Him lead and, and when I wasn’t letting him lead, I was being disrespectful to him, because I would want to do it my way. But I didn’t realize that there’s a softer way to do that, where I can still have an impact on his thinking without being a jerk about it. And not having to be the leader in the home. And that has created such a nice, wonderful, calming atmosphere in our house. And in our marriage. It’s funny when you do things God’s way. It works out better. So that respect is huge. And I along that same line, there’s nothing that irks me more than being in a group of women to think it’s fun to put down their husbands. And they’ll talk about other husbands weaknesses. And that’s it becomes almost a game as to whose husband does worse. And it does two things wrong with that. I mean, when you’re speaking disrespectfully about your husband, when he’s not there, it often it makes you feel less love for your own husband and less respect for him. And then it’s also encouraging the women around you to have this respect for their husbands, and to make them unhappy in their relationships. And so we’re very careful about the friends we keep, because we want friends who are going to uplift our marriage, and not bring it down. So I won’t participate in that kind of husband bashing now, if I’m struggling with something, and I have a close girlfriend life, how to for counsel about that. My husband has given me full permission to do that, if I need to do that. And so that’s different. So I’m not bashing him, but I’m asking for counsel. And, you know, and eventually he and I can talk about it once I’m able to get to a point where I can. So but when we’re when it’s for entertainment, and you’re putting your husband down, that’s not okay. That’s disrespectful and it’s nothing to do nothing good for your marriage.
19:20
Yeah, I love that. And I love that you even said in order to seek counsel, you’ve even talked about that with your husband, which is very key because sometimes you get in this this zone of where you’re keeping things from your husband, and that’s not that’s not the right place to be but actually talking to him about sometimes, honey, I need to have a third third year on this. Is that something that you’re okay with? This is a person’s very trustworthy, it would be in confidence and the immune Is that some kind of how the conversation went so that he’s just comfortable?
19:52
Oh, yeah. And I know, you know, and I knows as he goes to for his counsel type of stuff, and he knows who I go to, and there friends that we trust, who will give up counsel that will build our marriage and aren’t going to say, well, you need to leave him over that, you know? Or how can he do that? What a terrible husband, you know, they’re not going to say things like that. So we can trust, the other person is going to give us counsel that is going to at least be intended to build us. And that is really important, you know, that we know who each other goes to, and that we trust that person as well. But yeah, eventually we do have to talk about those things. But sometimes I need counsel in order to get to that point.
20:35
Yeah, and I love that. And just listeners, this is a great piece of advice that the point that I was gonna make was, I love how Jenny has made it so important to make sure that even who she speaks to about her marriage is, you know, protected, and in a safe place. So that’s something you really need to recognize in your marriage that it is worth really protecting, even in the small ways of who you talk to about maybe a problem that you’re going through, you don’t want ungodly counsel or unwise counsel in that space. So I love that so much. And it’s such great advice. So that kind of overarching theme of respect for your husband is so key. And so Jenny, this is this has been just a fantastic interview. I mean, really, all of your insight and wisdom has just been wonderful. And before we say goodbye, I would love to hear how our audience can find more about you and connect with you online.
21:34
Absolutely, they can visit me on my blog, it’s joy from grace.com. I also write for a wonderful women’s ministry called deliberate women. And I asked her right for ungraded magazines on a monthly basis. So I have a lot of fun writing. Thank you feel free to connect with me on there. I’m also on Facebook. It’s Roy from grace on Facebook. And I would love love to talk with anyone who’s listening to this and want to delve further into any of what I’ve been talking about. Because that is what I do this for I do this to encourage others and to, you know, strengthen their relationship with God, and in this case, strengthening your marriage. So I would love to be there for you guys. So feel free to contact me anytime.
22:24
Thanks so much, Jenny, I appreciate that you’re so generous with your insight and wisdom and your story just being open with it. So definitely check her out, go to delight your marriage.com/thirteen. And you can find all the links to the resources that we’ve talked about. I’m just so grateful that she was open about her struggle with depression, because that is something that is very significant. You yourself have never struggled with it. I’m sure you know, others that have. I mean, there’s lots of difficulties in this life. It’s true. You know, we have an enemy that opposes us. And we have, you know, suffering, it’s sickness and sadness that happen. And it’s true and in and they’re significant. But the thing is that God talks about the fruit of the Spirit, being love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control. And I’m sorry if I got the order wrong in that, but I think I got all nine of them. But, you know, God wants us to live a life with each of those qualities exhibited. You know, we’re not supposed to be, you know, depravity, and sad and despairing. That’s not I mean, we’re not able to effectively be a light to the world and do what God wants us to do in this earth, if we are full of such sadness, and bitterness, or just just depression, honestly. So I love that she talked about getting out of that place. She talked very practically in Episode 12, about how to do that. And one of the biggest things she talked about was getting into the word and I can’t agree with Jenny more, you know, when we can meditate on what is true, what is godly, you know, then our character begins to change because we’re meditating on the Word, you are meditating on what’s provoking faith in us because faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. The cool thing is, we have the opportunity to choose joy. So if there’s, you know, a moment in the day where you are just sad, you know, you’re lonely, you’re having difficulty. You know, God says, the joy of the Lord is your strength. It’s your strength to have his joy. So the cool thing is, you know, one thing that helps me get into joy is to start thanking God to start praising him, even if I don’t feel like it and generally to get out of a sad place is you need to say it out loud. You need to let the word you know you need to hear the word literally. You need to hear the joy of the Lord is my strength. Rejoice in the Always and again, I say rejoice. This is the day the Lord has made, I will be glad in it. So, you know, Paul wrote Philippians four. Now, if you haven’t started on the Bible, Philippians four is one of my favorite chapters. So the cool thing is, you’re probably going to read that and be like, Wow, Paul is the happiest guy ever. He just wakes up with roses and falls asleep with butterflies, whatever. The funny thing is, Paul writes, Philippians, when he’s in jail, so that’s when he says, Rejoice in the Lord always. And again, I say, rejoice. And literally, he’s got explanations on that. It’s not a, you know, Rejoice in the Lord blah, blah, blah, no, he’s serious about it, that in any circumstance, you can rejoice. So I just want to encourage you if you’re in a really tough time, and again, this is delight your marriage. So I’m confident that there are people listening that are in a big struggle with their marriage. I just want to say, first of all, I hear you, and I’m sorry. And I acknowledge that it might be really tough right now. But I want to also encourage you that by God’s grace, you can have joy. Now, I didn’t ask Jenny, why her website was called Joy from grace. But I’m guessing that might be why that God would give you the grace to have joy, that you would rejoice in the Lord always, even if you are in prison and getting beaten daily, like Paul was that you might have joy even then. So I just want to pray God, would you encourage any woman that’s listening that is struggling to have her joy to keep peace and hope in her heart? Father, I just ask in Jesus name that you would encourage her today, that you would cause her to trust you in every area of her heart, Lord, that you have good plans for her life and her future Lord, and you care deeply about her. Father, I just ask in Jesus name that you would provide joy. Lord, remind her of all the many, many things she can be grateful for God in so many areas, God that you have blessed her. In Jesus name we ask. Thanks again, for listening today. I just pray that you have been encouraged and that you will choose joy, even in the midst of some difficulty, because we can always, always rejoice. I love you. And I’m looking forward to talking to you next time. Now be aware it’s going to be kind of a steamy topic, but I think it’s going to be a good one. It’s just going to be the next time and I’ll tell you more about that on Tuesday. So I’ll catch you then. Thanks so much love you. Choose joy today. Bye.
27:44
Thanks for joining. If you’ve been inspired by this show, would you help spread the word? If you take a moment to review and subscribe others can find us more easily. Find out how to delight your marriage.com forward slash iTunes. Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion
44:28
Well, Carrie, thank you so much. It was just such a pleasure to hear from you and hear from your heart and your experience. I feel like I could listen to Kerry all day long. I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but she just has so much wisdom and yet so much humility in the midst of that, and I’m really grateful that she was willing to share so openly about her marriage and so that we can all learn and grow and become better and I love that it’s so clear that They really take care of each other in their marriage. I mean, it sounds like she really honors what’s most important to her husband. And he does the same for her. And she said at the end how much she feels taken care of and cherished. I just love that. So what a beautiful picture of marriage, definitely check out her resources that she mentioned, that’s all going to be linked up at delight your marriage.com/eleven you can go there, all the books are linked to there. All of her website, the materials that she mentioned. Further, I want to encourage you if you haven’t already, well, first of all, I just want to thank everyone that has reviewed the podcast on iTunes. You mean the world to me, really, I read each one of those reviews, and it’s so encourages me and I really appreciate that you do that because it helps other people find the podcast easier. So if you haven’t done that yet, I would really appreciate it. You also have the opportunity. If you do it before next week, you have the opportunity to be entered into a drawing to win a free delight your husband course, if you go to delight your marriage.com/review I have all the specifics on how to review it so you can be entered into the drawing. So please go there. I am so grateful that you joined me today. Thank you so much. And you mean a lot to me. And I just pray for you and your marriage and your family and that God would be so present in your lives the rest of this week. Thanks again for listening. We’ll talk soon. Bye.
46:38
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion