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Hi there! Belah here. It’s just me today, and I will be talking about the vulnerable issue in my life: my struggle with body image and how it has affected my sex life, my marriage, & my walk with God. Every day we are faced with the “standards of beauty.” It’s about time that we take a look at ourselves a different way; be proud of who we are and for what we are. You are more than your weight.

Listen in as I talk about how I struggled with a serious eating disorders, grew up with the teasing, went into my first marriage with insecurities, and how I slowly overcame (and daily am currently working to overcome) all these with some steps that you, too, could use in your own lives.

You’ll Discover:

• How I struggled with body image issues even as a small child.
• How the insecurities and hang-ups I had affected my marriage.
• That when I got married the first time, my expectations in the bedroom were way off.
• I assumed that he was going to do everything and because I kept myself “pure” he should be utterly thrilled. But both of us had inappropriate expectations.
• How I was ashamed of marital intimacy because of the way I was raised.
• How my husband made me feel like a valuable person again and because of that his love brought me back to Jesus.
• The four steps I took, and am currently taking, to overcome my bouts with body image, emotional eating and physical insecurity.
• When sex was in the right context, our intimacy exploded.
• How you should focus on the things that make you proud, that make you love who you are.

 

Scriptures/Quotes:

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ Matthew 25:21

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 2 Peter 3:8

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. 2 Corinthians 10:12

Story of Gideon Judges 6-8

 

Resources Mentioned:

Joyce Meyer https://www.joycemeyer.org/

Anthony Robbins http://www.tonyrobbins.com/

delightyourmarriage.com/social

Tweetables:

• The psychology of a woman is so connected to her physiology.
• You deserve value and respect because you are God’s holy creature.
• Focus on the areas that make you proud; focus on the things that will make you say, “Wow, God knew what he was doing when he designed me.”
• If you find wisdom out there in the world it’s Gods. If it’s true, it’s God’s truth.
• Stop calling yourself fat. Stop calling yourself unworthy. Stop calling yourself gross. Because that’s not true. That’s what the enemy wants you think. That is a satan attack. That is not of God. That is not true. You are beautiful, you are worth it.
• God wants to use you for His glory.
• You have to change your life and if you are not uncomfortable, you are not changing.
• If the secret to success is failing over and over again without losing enthusiasm. Sounds a lot like faith, doesn’t it?
• God is a hopeful god; he fights for you to change.
• He wants for you to have an abundant life; he died for you to live it.
• He brought me back to Jesus, and he wasn’t even saved.
• You bring your entire humanhood into the bedroom. Unfortunately, we can’t leave our normal self outside and bring in only our sexy-self. It’s all there is intimacy.
• I called myself to a higher level. I called myself out on my sin.
• Any comment that is not encouraging your wife, makes her want to eat.
• God designed every part of your body.
• Husbands, honor your wives.
• Let the gentle, kind, loving conviction of the Holy Spirit speak to your heart, not the devil’s condemnation that comes from the sin of the world.

 

Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!

Love,

Belah

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Transcript

0:00
delight your marriage episode 20.

0:04
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast, the show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah rose.

0:21
Hello, hello, this is belah. And thank you so much for joining me today, I have a really special, special episode today because I am going to be very vulnerable. This has been my hardest part of my life. And if any woman is out there, who I’m sure there are a lot of women out there that are shaking their heads, yes, I know just what you mean girlfriend. And if the men who are listening, don’t understand what I’m talking about, then I’m really glad that you’re listening, because this is going to give you a lot of insight into your wife. And secondly, I’m also glad this is recorded, because this is something you’re going to need to meditate on and think about and get in order to really love your wife in this way and support her. Well, I’m just going to dive right in. Basically, I’m talking about my eating disorder that started when I was at Biddy, and how that has affected everything in my life, and how that impacts my marriage. And lastly, and most importantly, how it impacts my walk with God. And I want to give very practical steps that I’m currently taking. And God has given me so much more freedom in this area. I just again, want to thank you so much for listening. And I hope and pray that this blesses you and your life as well. Also, I have a little announcement at the end of GYN, so I’d love for you to stick around after the Music

2:03
All right, well, thank you again. And I’m just going to dive right in. First of all, I just want to share about my struggle with body image. Yeah, it started when, honestly, as early as I can remember when I was in? Gosh, kindergarten at least. No, I don’t know. I don’t know. Yeah, no, I was I was four. Okay, I remember, I was four when my older brother would tease me about being the tomato. My sister is the carrot, but I’m the tomato. Wow, that’s early. I didn’t even realize that. Well, it started there then. And slowly it grew. But I know, my my, my brother didn’t, you know, he was what three years older than me. He was just as young. He didn’t know what he was saying. But it affected me and it impacted me. And, you know, the thing is, it’s the culture that parents provide in their household is going to allow kids to say certain things. So if the husband, you know, is looking at his wife in a certain age, and the wife is looking at herself in a certain way, why then the kids are going to look at their the others that around them in the same difficult, bad way. Alright, so anyway, the point is that, when I was I mean, as early as elementary school, I would look at the entire room of kids. And these are kids were all kids elementary school that’s at the most, you know, nine years old. And I would I would size them all up and decide, am I the fattest person in the room? Am I the biggest one here? And if it’s true, I couldn’t even concentrate. I mean, literally, when that thought entered my mind, I remember my face getting red. I remember being embarrassed that I had shorts on that my legs probably looks so fat and ugly. Literally, I hated that my mom made me wear modest clothes, because I was like, I already look like a you know, horrible why? Why can’t I at least wear the clothes that everyone else is wearing? Why do I have to stand out so much? Well, I mean, of course, I didn’t understand how men were looking at little girls with, you know, little bitty shorts on but I didn’t understand that I didn’t know that I had a valuable desirable body. I just thought I gross. I thought the reason I had to cover up is because no one wanted to see that nasty under there. And it’s have to stop because that’s really that’s really what I felt. My parents kind people that tried their best and they get did a lot of good for me in my life. I mean, look, look at what God has been able to do through me from the background I had. But one couple things that they might have missed on was when they encouraged me to eat better and more. And they didn’t stop my siblings from teasing me and humiliating me in public for being fat. I’m telling you. It wasn’t helpful. That didn’t help me at all. That did not encourage me to make good choices at all. I’m telling you that I remained a virgin until I got married, not because I thought I was valuable and deserved respect. I didn’t even know I was sexy. I remained a virgin because I thought my body was disgusting in every area. And even more significant. When I got married to my ex husband, he expected me to be like the women he had viewed on the screen. Are you kidding me? Those women were sinful? I don’t act like that, that sin? How could he expect me to act like that? Absolutely not. I follow Jesus. Thank you very much. That was my perspective. So I had this, this insecurity coming into marriage of just being completely broken, and completely shamed and embarrassed about the thing that my husband was actually supposed to be able to enjoy. But I wouldn’t let him know that man wants me to do gross things, sinful things. And if he had just done what I did, and remain pure before we were married, why then we wouldn’t be in this nation now, would we? That was his fault. And I wanted to make sure I knew that. So every time we would actually attempt at having sex, and I would not say making love because that was not what we were doing. But we were trying to have sex, I would have this. I’d like, it’s so far away, I can scarcely really remember. But I just had this bitter feeling towards the whole experience. It was never good. It always hurt. I, you know, whatever else, but it was my mind. You know, again, the psychology of a woman is so connected to our physiology, if she’s not feeling loved, and embraced and encouraged and excited, it hurts men, it hurts her physically. That’s why it’s important for you to serve her in the ways that she needs to be served and loved and held and comforted. That’s why because it hurts her if she’s not ready.

6:57
I was embarrassed, and I was ashamed in the act. So it became this cycle of rejection. So I knew that was important for him. But it didn’t feel good to me. Or my, you know, it didn’t feel good to my whole being much less physically. And so I’d come down the stairs, feeling completely vulnerable in something that I thought was ridiculous, and that I actually looked ugly in, but that I would hope you would like. And instead of him recognizing effort I took to be vulnerable. And recognizing that I was an open here. I’m like exposing a wound to him that he didn’t realize, like when I did something, trying to be sexy that was opening this wound of saying, Am I really gross? Or do you actually like me? He responded in his own hurt. Because he No, I didn’t enjoy the experience. And so he was hurt by that. But I didn’t know that. All I knew was he rejected me so many times that were so painful. He would get me this rebuking look and tell me to go back upstairs.

8:08
And men, if you’re doing that to your wife, you you’re really hurting her. She doesn’t want to make you happy. If you treat like that. She doesn’t want to understand you if you treat her like that. She doesn’t even want to get out of her own pain enough to hear what’s happening to you if you treat her like that.

8:34
So maybe needless to say, we did get divorced. And shortly after that. I had had little bouts of bulimia here and there. Since I was young, you know, when I would eat way too much. And I just felt so fat I would purge and I remember that as early as nine, nine years old. No one knew. I remember one time. My mom caught me coming out of the bathroom and my eyes were bloodshot because I just purged and she’s like, What? Are you okay? Were you crying? And and I was I think I I like I couldn’t even believe how quickly I was able to lie about it. But I said something like No mom, I sneezed at, you know how cold it is in this house. And she just left it at that. Now I don’t want to be bad on my mom. Literally. This woman is incredible. You should have seen the way she raised us we had every animal you could imagine. And she did all the work to make sure that we had great upbringings. We lived in the woods. I mean, there were so many times that she just dropped everything for us. So I don’t want to you know, knock her she is an incredible woman. They’re just everyone has little blind spots and that that would happen to be hers. But anyway so after this significant rejection that I encountered in this marriage over again And meanwhile, throughout the whole marriage, I was praying like crazy. I was praying like crazy. But I didn’t understand things that were really important for me to understand. And people weren’t telling me people, Well, honestly, I didn’t let people into my life because I was afraid they would reject everything about my marriage. And so then, you know, where would we be if they actually knew what was going on, then they would say, you know, get away from him. And, and that’s not what I wanted either. So no one really knew no one was speaking in my life, I didn’t have the wisdom that I needed, in order to combat all these feelings and all this rejection that I was feeling. So shortly after that, I turned to food to satiate me. It’s funny, because I was exercising a lot to kind of get out of my emotions, you know, just to like, it kept me busy. So I would go to the gym, but I, on the way home from the gym, I would buy a box or a box of ice cream, one of those, whatever the, you know, the big, big gallon boxes, and I’d eat the entire thing. Right after that, and then purge it. I mean, that was a cycle that was the standard for a while. And that might be once or twice a day. Sometimes I’d miss a day, I got on to this program that I really like, actually, from Anthony Robbins, and Anthony, I really like him, I think he’s got a lot of really good things to say. And really just like, every other business and empowerment book, whatever that’s out there. If you pull out biblical principles, you’re solid, if you just say that these things are actually godly things, then that I can learn from why why we should limit because wisdom is God’s wisdom. If you find wisdom out there in the world, it’s God’s. So if it’s true, it’s God. So you kind of, you know, figure out according to the Bible tested according to the Bible, but there’s a lot of things that are good out there. But again, just as long as you tell it, and you’re shrewd as serpents, and don’t let you know the enemy lie to you through these things, but there are some things that are good. So I think some things and Anthony Robbins stuffs are great. So that was one thing that I did some of his processes for a while. So one thing that he suggests is a morning routine where you get out, and you thank God or your higher powers, what he says, but thank God for everything in your life and what he’s given you and start walking and moving your body and, you know, saying good things about your life and what you want to happen. Like literally just speak faith is what I say speak faith, you know, you’re not walking by sight, you’re walking by faith. And so as I started to actually do this routine, I started living to a higher standard, I started to think of my life as full and good and positive. And it was a huge, huge difference. And so for six months, I was totally bulimia free. And at that time, I was about to graduate from college and I, those six months I my life turned around, I mean, I was able to do things that I can’t believe I was able to do even now I’m like, wow, how did that happen? All of a sudden, at the end of college, I got all these rewards. And I gave the speech at my commencement and all these things that God gave me, because I wasn’t hindered by this horrifying illness and sickness. But shortly thereafter, very shortly thereafter, I started to date with my broken heart. And so that was where that promiscuous stuff came in. And I started to understand that my body was actually valuable. And people actually desired my body, which I didn’t think was the case, I literally thought it was gross. That’s what I thought, gentlemen, if your wife is struggling in this area, that’s what she’s thinking. It’s not when you look at her and you say put something else on. She thinks you think she’s gross. It’s not that she’s trying to seduce someone else. She

13:33
has no idea. That’s what her body is capable of. I am not lying to you. This is real. When I started to date, and then now my brokenness, and my wound just started getting bigger and bigger and worse. Because you know, the men now they want my body, but that’s it. Then I’m like, oh, so my body is the thing that matters. Not anything else. Like before, I thought they were supposed to value my soul and my body didn’t matter. And now I’m like, okay, my body is the only thing that matters and my soul doesn’t. So I’m just going to do whatever I want. And of course, that’s not God’s plan, either. So I was just flipping back and forth from one extreme to the next. And I learned a lot through that that season. But I learned that I was valuable in my body. And that’s what I didn’t understand.

14:26
God was really kind to me, and he gave me a man that let me know how valuable I was, and how valuable my body was. He wasn’t a Christian. And he has his own sin, too, that he brought in, but God had given him a gift to tell me how valuable my mind, my emotions, my heart, things that I feel the things that I say my past and he was able to accept and love every part of my body, everything everything and be able to tell me about everything that matters to him. Be able to touch me and be able to hold me when I needed it when I was crying and it’s so vulnerable. It’s so open, he had the wisdom to recognize that I was being vulnerable. And that’s when I needed to be hugged. And that’s when I needed to be touched. And when we’re having an argument, and I’m crying on the floor, I need you to come over and comfort me, I don’t need you to leave. If you leave. That’s, that’s it. I feel like I don’t deserve you to stay. I don’t deserve for you to push through the hard stuff. And this man did it for me. And that healed my heart in ways that I don’t even know how to tell you about literally, he brought me back to Jesus, and he wasn’t even saved. He’s in the cosmi, to say, You know what, wow, I am a valuable person. I deserve honor and respect because I am God’s holy creature. And after we got married, God just reminded me of that more and more and more. And when our sexual intimacy was in the right context, intimacy exploded, I’m not talking about frequency or other things that changed. I’m talking about my heart intimacy exploded. It changed, ladies and gentlemen, it is different when you get married. It’s also more scary. Scary, because you can fake it when you’re, you know, not seeing the same person every single day and night. You can pretend you’re a certain way when you’re hot. But when you’re married, everything comes out everything, all the weird stuff, all the you know, embarrassing stuff, it’s there. And as a husband and wife, you are unified, you are one flesh, it’s not your body anymore. It’s both of your bodies. It’s not his body anymore. It’s both of your bodies. Alright, so that’s that’s the way it’s supposed to be. It’s supposed to kind of weird and annoying me and embarrassing and, you know, fun and exciting. All those things, because that’s the way God made it because we’re humans, and we bring our entire human hood into the bed. We don’t leave you know, our normal self outside and we say okay, here’s my sexy self. I’m ready. Now it comes in there. So if you’re conditioning yourself as a whole person a valued by the Most High that’s designed and created and destined for goodness, and grace, oh my, you are going to be on fire. When you get with that one person that’s allowed and excited to enjoy it with you.

17:28
I want to speak to those ladies that wish they could feel that way. That wish when the doors were closed, they didn’t run to the freezer to get the ice cream that didn’t go to that extra store an extra block away so their husband doesn’t know where they’re going to get the candy bar and stuffed it in their mouth before anyone can see them. That doesn’t hide in the car and you know, bend over while they eat that last piece of pizza. Girlfriends I’ve been there. But listen, listen to me. God doesn’t want you to struggle. God wants you to feel loved. He wants you to feel worth it. He wants you to feel worthy of love. Because he designed every part of your body and he loves it. He loves your curves he loves the areas of the areas that your husband didn’t even know about like you know your neck and your clavicles literally that’s one of my favorite parts of my body and my husband is never mentioned and you have beautiful clavicles Why doesn’t he say that? Why can’t he just mentioned my clavicles once in a while but God does he made those clavicles he knows those clavicles and he loves those clavicles but listen it’s true those area buddy focus on the ones you love focus on the areas that make you proud that make you say wow God know what he was doing when he designed me maybe it’s your toes maybe you’ve got some great look and toes or your fingernails I’m literally when I see beautiful hands I can’t help but tell someone about it because I have always wanted beautiful hands literally. And I actually I remember when I was young I went to a ring store and for whatever reason this guy wanted to either was measuring my fingers wanted to let me and my mom know about how immensely huge my fingers were and in not in lotto she’s gonna be a piano player. No it was a I’ve never seen hands that big on such a young girl. Oh, okay, that’s that’s gonna that’s gonna self esteem great. So I would literally I don’t even I didn’t even remember this I’m so far away from this experience. But yeah, that’s what happened and in high school and in not not college I think I think I was over by them but maybe not. At least middle school, I would hide my hands. I would hide them I’d like you know, I would have my I would fold my arms all the time because I didn’t want people to see my huge hands and now I think they’re beautiful and they’re a lovely size. But, but I didn’t know I didn’t know that. So stop calling yourself fat. The point, stop calling yourself unworthy stop calling yourself gross. It’s not true. That is what the enemy wants. You think because I know the cycle. I know because I’ve been there so many times, and I still there, I still have to fight through it. But this is the cycle. You’re walking down the street feeling good about the day, oh, man, it’s gonna be a good day you had your breakfast, you got your news on, you are walking down the street and you glance in the window of a store thinking, Oh, I’m sure I look great. Today, I’m excited about what I’m going to see the mirror. And all of a sudden, the woman looking back at you a little chunkier than you remembered it this morning. Oh my gosh. And, and your role is showing that muffin top is actually showing my goodness, oh man. And you’ve got to just you’ve got to readjust your shirt, you’ve got to pull up your pants, you’ve got to suck in and all the sudden you’ve got this crazy demon reminding you that you aren’t worth it unless you’re beautiful. And that is an attack. That is not of God, that is not true. Because you are beautiful. You are worth it. You have to fight against that disease of lacking self worth, because it is not true. So the first thing I want you to do in terms of how to get out of this cycle. Oh, sorry, I missed the I missed the rest of the cycle. Okay. So you get that that demon tak attacking you on your mind and saying you’re not worthy worth it. So then you see that donut shop and you’re like, oh my gosh, I need to get out of this feeling. This is what I need to do, I need the sugar, that sugar is gonna make me feel better. And once I get that rush in me, I’m not gonna even care about this anymore. It’s, I’m totally going to be fine. And then you you rush over to that doughnut shop, you eat that doughnut and boom, you get that sugar rush. And then about the time that you fish, the last bit of the donut, you realize that you just feel worse. And then you’re like, wow,

22:05
it’s true, I’m not worth it. I’m really not worth it. Because look, if I was worth it, I wouldn’t do this to myself. And then you hate that feeling. So then you rush and go get another donut. And actually, what you probably do is you’re like, you go and make small talk to the cashier like, I should buy a box of doughnuts for the co workers, coworkers. You know what, actually, instead of one, give me 12. And then the cashier goes, Oh, sure. That’s a great idea. That’s really kind of you to give, you know, all your co workers doughnuts. Oh, you know, I do it every now and then. And then you put it in your car, and you drive away. And you sit in the parking lot at work. And you eat all the doughnuts yourself. If I’m talking to anyone there, I have been in your shoes. I have been there. I have been there. It’s time to stop this. It’s to stop this lie that the enemy is telling you. Because obviously after you get through the 12 doughnuts, then you’re even worse. And then you’re depressed throughout the rest of the day. And you can’t function and you can’t think about anything but food. You know, all you want to do is think these depressive thoughts and it just continues and continues genius by the time you get home and your husband is wanting to make like, Are you kidding me? I feel gross and horrible. Why would I want to make love right now? And he’s like, Well, babe, I, I, I just want you I want I want you and and you take it out on him. And he doesn’t deserve that. And he doesn’t know what’s going on in your heart. But God does. And God’s heart is even more broken. Because if you’re in this cycle, and you’ve been in this cycle, I’m telling you what God can’t use you if you’re in the cycle. He wants you to be whole and healthy and righteous before him. Because he wants to use you for His glory. You’re a wounded soldier if you are in the cycle of eating addiction. And I’m calling an addiction because that is what it is. So my dad was so brave recently he has gotten out of a 45 year, alcohol addiction. Every every moment of his life. I’ve known him he has been addicted to alcohol, and that colors everything in his life, everything. Our relationship is marriage folded as a result of that. I mean, all these things were affected by it not I mean, of course my mom could have maybe done other choices or whatever, but everything was affected by it. And now as you know, he’s got a bunch of adult kids and they’re having grandkids and he has no relationship with him. I think he starts to wake up and realize, Wow, this, this is the issue. And thank God he went to a rehab center and he got clean and got sober and just I mean within the last year he is totally sober. I have never seen This man sober, never. And he’s the one I mean, he’s the, you know, big football player kind of guy, six foot five or something. big hands, obviously, that’s where I get them from. But he’s the kind that’s like as stubborn as a mule. You know, like when he wants something he goes for, and when he thinks he can handle it, he thinks he can handle it, whether he can or not. But thank God that’s worked his favor when he got humble enough to say this is wrong, and I need to change this. Now, he has the stubbornness to say I’m not going back, I am not going back. I’m not going back. So anyway, the point is, he is out, and this man is becoming a good man. And I’d say he, there was a good amount of hiding in there before, but now I can see it, I can see it. I’ve never seen it. I’m proud of my father, I am so proud of him. And I’m telling you, I’m not going to tell you some of the things in the past, but sorted, I would say a dirty past. But I’m telling you, I am proud of him. And I forgive him of everything. I forgave him before that. But man, what he is able to do now that he is free, that he is free, he can be the best grandfather, he can be the best husband to his new wife that I love. And I’m so grateful that they’re together. And I mean, he just has the opportunity to do so much because he kicked this addiction. He can do so much of the Lord. And honestly, I don’t know about his salvation at this point. But I believe in His wife is really on fire. So I think pretty soon, you know, he’s going to be on fire too. It’s so funny. I went to visit them the other day, and she’s got like, pictures of Jesus above the bathtub. And I’m like, you know, what, all my prayers my whole life about my dad being saved. And then he ends up with this woman. Thank God, you know, thank God, how funny is that? All right, sorry, I’m getting off track. But the point is, God can do so much if you choose to be humble, and realize that this is not the cycle he wants for you.

26:48
Alright, so these are the steps I want to ask you to take. And these are the steps I’m taking even now. I mean, today daily, I’m taking these steps because this is not something that you can just, you know, assume if you have intentional effort, it’s going to go away, it’s not going to go away. You have to change your life. And if you are not uncomfortable, you are not changing. I say that one more time. If you are not uncomfortable, you are not changing. And I’m calling you higher. I’m calling you to war against the sickness. Okay, so the first thing is get busy. Number one, get busy with what you love. What areas have you been hurt in or are hurting in that you can help others start focusing your energy on that, whatever it is. Focus on that. And And honestly, if you don’t know what it is just start. God will direct you just start. You know, I love what Joyce Meyer says. And she says, When you’re in a boat, you know, sailboat. Right? Without wind, you know, without the No, I guess it doesn’t matter what kind of boat if at the boat is in the water. If if the boat is standing still, it’s really hard to control it. You can’t move a boat. That’s still but if the boat is moving, let’s say put an engine on there. Let’s put you put some sails on there. It starts moving, oh, why then you can direct that boat, you can move it. So I just believe what Joyce is saying is that, you know a boat that’s moving, God can direct but if you’re not moving, I mean, that’s the issue. You’re just sitting down eating. And that’s what I was for so many, many years. Okay. So yeah, the secret to success is to fail over and over again, without losing enthusiasm. Now, that’s the business kind of secular understanding of success or whatever. I love that I love. It encourages me. But if you think about faith, it’s the same way. I mean, faith is the evidence of things unseen. Right? It’s the I might have the switch the substance of things hoped for. And Hebrews 11 One, I believe. That’s what we’re talking about faith. So God is a hopeful God, He wants you to change and he believes you can change. He’s fighting for you to change. I’m telling you, if you are 50, and you have got 100 pounds overweight, he still is fighting for you to change. He still loves you and wants you to change he wants to have the life that he died to give the abundant life. Number two, don’t look at the road ahead. Don’t Don’t you know, get on the scale and say, Okay, I’ve got 800 pounds to lose. Don’t look at that. I’m sorry, but that’s not what God asks us to do. He doesn’t say, start if you’re sure you can succeed. Don’t do that. He just asked you to do grace, by grace by Grace day by day by day that his mercies are new every morning and he’s gonna wake up with you fresh. Next morning. If you fall down and make a mistake and you binge. He wants you to get back up the next day and start over and recommit and fail again. But don’t lose Soozee Azzam the next day don’t lose enthusiasm, fail again, but don’t lose enthusiasm. I believe that at the end of the day, that maybe you did these small choices, these small things. It matters to God. And I want to read for you something I was reading the other day that really spoke to my heart was Matthew 2521. And this is the story of the talents. If you haven’t read it, it is powerful. So check out Matthew 25. And I’m just going to read that last part where the master comes back to see his, his followers, the people that he invested money in, and the master comes back and. And His lord said to him, Well done good and faithful servant, you are faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things, Enter into the joy of the Lord. So I believe that God cares about those little things, because he’s going to elevate you, and cause you to get higher and better. If you care about those little little things. You know, sin creeps in, sin creeps in little by little by little. So if you’re faithful in the little man, you’re set, you’re set. If you create a habit of being faithful in the little, you’re set. That’s when God is going to bless you, that’s when he’s going to give you opportunities. Because let’s say you’re not faithful in the little and accidentally, somehow you fall into or you work hard, and you get to have that platform. If you are not faithful and little, and then you’re elevated. Oh, honey, oh my gosh, can you imagine having hundreds of 1000s of people looking at you, and you, I mean, inside, you’re not confident that you’re okay, you’re not confident that you are a person of integrity, that you are faithful to small things.

31:30
And if this is not a call to perfection, none of us can be perfect. But this is a call to decide that the status quo. If you have allowed yourself to just forget about health and that your body I’m it is a call to to step up an extra measure, you know, just because Christ died for us. Like Paul says, I mean, should we just keep on sinning. So Grace can abound. But instead, we should run the race, we should press forward, we should do what God is asking us to do. You’re going to mess up and you’re going to fail, and I mess up and I fail. And the other day, I was gonna bring my husband home doughnuts from church. And yeah, I did. And he had one of them, but I eat the rest. So I’m still working on this thing. But the cool thing is that every time you you put forth the effort and you try. You know, I think that God blesses that. And as long as you don’t give up, really just don’t give up, keep going. God says that every day is like 1000 years to him. And 1000 years is like a day. So if you can imagine one day being 1000 years, then when you’re angry with someone, God that I mean, that’s like a 24 hour period, even if that’s just a moment. God knows. And he cares about movements of your heart. All right, I want to move on to the next piece number three, be open with this. That’s right. Let your husband know. Let your husband know what you’re dealing with. And if you can’t find the words, just let them listen to this, honestly, I mean, if this is ringing true for you, just let them listen to this and cry with him a little bit. Be open about it. And I know hurts. And it’s possible, he could give you a bad response. I’m sorry about that. But it’s possible he could have grace with you. It’s possible he could change his heart. So don’t be afraid, be willing to be open. And you know what I do when I was struggling bulimia after a little by little, you know, my husband was so kind to support me and get me through it. I will I shared it with him. And only until that was he was my boyfriend at the time, but only until I shared it with him did I start to find a level of freedom in that area? Literally, it was it was all consuming all the time, until I was able to tell him this is what I’ve been doing for months. And you’ve known me for months. And once I was open then there was a little bit of a level of freedom. And then I shared it with more people I actually, you know my family environment I’ve kind of chatted about there’s there’s problems that there’s real things to like everyone you know, but there’s problems and I send a mass email to all of my Well, my close family, my close family members, and I said this is what’s happening happening in my life. I just wanted to let you know because I’m committed to changing and literally that was when I was still struggling. And after that email, I’m telling you something broken me something changed. I did not have that temptation anymore because I was like, You know what? I called myself to a higher level. I called myself higher and I called myself out on my sin and man it changed so So ladies, be open with it. Okay. The other thing is let your husband know that any comment that does not encourage you, makes you want to eat any comment that is not encouraging your wife makes her want to eat if this says her struggle that is what is happening. So husbands when you see your wife making the small changes, the small things being faithful about maybe just choosing to have a salad, you know, mix, you know, salad and pasta. That is worth praising her for praise her honor her effort. Say, oh my gosh, you woke up early to stretch. Wow, I’m proud of you. You know how many women don’t do that? Thank you, I love your body. Thank you for honoring it. Literally, if those words have never come out of your mouth, start, start, rewind this little audio and start because they need to start coming out of your mouth. So here’s the deal. The other thing I want to just mention is number four, for wives that again are struggling with this. Get into the word that’s the fourth thing is really important. flied it over you get let the kind, gentle loving conviction of the Holy Spirit speak to your heart, not the devil’s condemnation that comes from the sin of the world. Don’t you know meditate on these magazines that these models you think that’s gonna encourage? You know, that’s the enemy that’s going to condemn you don’t do that. That doesn’t help. That’s wrong.

36:08
I don’t I mean, maybe some people it works. I disagree. I don’t think it helps. I think you shouldn’t be comparing yourself to other people. It says that the people that compare themselves by each other are not wise. It’s in the Bible somewhere I don’t remember where But alright, so flooded over you let the kind of gentle loving conviction of the Holy Spirit speak to you. In James four, seven is a Submit yourselves then to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you. I believe this wife, if you’re listening to this, if you submit yourself to God, he will flee from you. All right, well, my last point, I just thank you so much for bearing with me. It’s a little bit longer of an episode. I know. But my last point I want to share with you it’s actually a story. A man reached out to me and asked if we could have a conversation. And I’m open to it that was really, you know, generous of him to say the good things about the ministry and that kind of thing. He told me a little bit about self, his background, his work. I mean, he’s got a wonderful wife, he talks very highly of her. He’s got wonderful kids that are in the ministry doing amazing work for God. And, you know, the whole time I’m like, okay, the shoe is gonna drop what I mean, what is really going on? Why did we need to talk, but I, you know, welcome the conversation was so grateful that he was willing to trust me with, with whatever was on his heart. And and he started telling me about how much he honors and respects women, and how much he’s learned about women, and how much he wants to honor or respect his wife, because she’s such an incredible woman. And I, you know, I was like, wow, this guy really gets it. Praise God, this guy gets it. All right, sir. And then he said, I’ve loved your resources so far, because I think you understand the heart of a man. And he said, he basically started telling me the story that slowly after they got married, started to see that she’s gaining weight, little by little. And he didn’t want to say anything. He wanted her to feel loved and respected and honored all these things. And, but eventually, it started to get to be a lot. And he started to, you know, see other people as being attractive. And he was like, God, what is happening? Why did I like why can I have this for my wife? Why is he have a wife at home? Why would a problem here and slowly, this just kind of continued, until basically, he admitted to me present day, that right now, he’s doing so much work for God and helping so many people. But in his own marriage, he feels isolated and alone, because of the intense amount of weight that’s getting in the way of him loving his wife. And he shared with me a number that a lot. And I don’t know what that number is you or your husband even, it might be less, it might be more. So I asked him a question. I understood his heart because he really wanted me to know how much he loves and respects women. And this is still something he struggles with, he want her to be her full, glorious self. And yet, this is the struggle. And I said, you know, if all all of your years of marriage, I mean it, 20 plus years, grown kids, I mean, can you imagine the stuff that happens in 20 plus years people die, you know, you’ve got grieving going on, you’ve got you know, a friend, it’s, you know, sick in bed, and you’ve got to help them and so many things happen in marriages, right? They break all the time for that reason. And I asked him on a scale of one to 10 How, how big of an issue is this? And he, he was like, You know what? That’s a really good question. And he took a minute to think about it. And he said, you know, we’ll actually honestly no, no, he didn’t take a minute to think about it. He said, You know, we’ve been through a lot We have been through a lot she and I, and she has been a good wife, and she has done so many good things. And then he said, this has been huge, huge. This has been huge for me. And then he started to say if I had known, and he stopped himself, because he didn’t want to finish that, but I know what he was saying. This man loves his wife. And yet, this is getting in the way to such a degree, that if he had known that she was going to do this, from the get go, he would have chosen someone else. Wives, listen to this man’s heart. He is a godly man, and he loves his wife. And yet she’s not loving her own body when she said, my body is not my own. But it is my husband, she didn’t mean it. Because she has been hiding the food, eating it on her own and not regarding her husband’s desires of her at all. Is not allowed herself to bond with her husband. And I want to say wives, I hear you, and I love you and I understand where you are.

41:07
But listen to this man, he is hurting, he is hurting because of your choices on your body. That is what God was talking about when he says we’re one flesh, its own body anymore. Ladies, it’s your husbands and husbands when you abuse or fear, use women for your own satisfaction. That’s the same thing. It’s not hurting. It’s not just hurting you, it’s hurting your wife. So I want to just ask and challenge the ladies, would you just listen to this audio again, and just pray and thank God he has given you the opportunity to change before it’s too late. Before it’s too late, you have the opportunity to change. If you’re still breathing air, you have the opportunity to change God gave you that air. He gave you that wisdom he gave you this opportunity to make a change. Get to a place where you say it’s a big deal. And you have the hope and the ability and the power to change it I’m seriously think about it day by day by day. You know, you walk a long journey just by walking one day at a time. I’m going to leave with that story, because I think that really illustrates it. This man was in tears. Literally, I asked I asked him if I could pray for him because I said, Listen, I’m so grateful that you have chosen to honor and be faithful. But you need prayer, sir, because this isn’t an easy road. This is not an easy road for you. And so I prayed for him and I asked God to help him have the grace to be faithful. And I asked God to help him feel loved, even though the choices his wife are making daily on her own body is making him not feel loved. That’s what I asked God to do for this man. I’m going to ask any man this listing that God would do the same for your heart, that you would have the grace to not fall into temptation, even though it’s all around you. That if life is making bad choices with her health, I just ask that God would give you I’m just going to pray, Father, any man that’s out here today listening to this and shaking his head yes. And saying I wish my wife could understand how I feel about her body that I want to enjoy it to the nth degree that God created it to be and yet she doesn’t value it for self God. Father, would you help that man, give him the love in his heart for his wife to embrace her vulnerability to understand she’s hurting and that’s why she does this. The only reason she’s, you know, upset when he criticizes her is because it’s hurt. It hurts her. So I just asked for an ability, a grace, only your grace allowed to understand each other for grace to understand the wives and understand the husbands God that they would understand each other broken people trying to figure this out together GOD OH ask for the wives that you would give them hope that you have destined this day to be a change in their perspective on the way they interact with food God that today is the day of salvation from this disease the sickness that they have been feeding into for so long. In Jesus name. I pray that today would be a day that would mark as different I asked you God that you are the one that can break and break down walls God you are the one that brings Hearts of Stone into heart flesh. You are the one oh god Holy Spirit. Would you move today? In Jesus name? Amen. Hey, again, I just want to appreciate you for sticking with me on this important topic. And I just pray that your life and marriage and walk with God are just encouraged and you have a better and more significant understanding of your oneness with each other. I know that’s kind of a huge topic to tackle in one episode is going to take a lot of time to really meditate on and think through but I really believe that, when you decide, and you put in the work, God is going to honor that and help you with this day by day, step by step. And it’s funny actually, the day after I recorded this, my husband comes home with lots of cake and ice cream from his work, and I could not believe it. And of course, while he’s at work, the very next day, I had to throw it away, because I just couldn’t have it in the house. So hopefully you don’t waste food like that. But if you have to, I mean, come on, this is a war, throw that stuff away. Okay, thank you so much. If you can stay after the little music, I’ll have a quick announcement for you. Just in terms of how do you I am is moving. Okay, thanks again, to God bless you. And I love you, and we’ll talk soon.

45:48
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it. Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion.

46:09
Okay, if you need to stop this and pray if God’s talking to you just go right ahead. I, you know, cry, whatever you want to do, I would I did the same thing. When I listened to this the second time, I’m just like, Lord, You’re so good. Two things. First is I’m so sorry about the audio quality, I really wish that this was good quality. I’ll record it again, probably at some point, hopefully in the future, when I get a better computer. But for now, it’s not in the budget. So eventually, I’ll get to that spot. But the second thing is, it’s actually an announcement, I’m going to close my social media accounts for delight your marriage, that’s the Facebook page, the Twitter accounts, the Pinterest boards, all the social media ones. For this reason, one, this is really a private subject, obviously, that’s why just you and I are talking together. But you know, Facebook and these other social media outlets aren’t, in my opinion, necessarily the right context for this discussion, it’s really appropriate to be in a podcast form like you and I do. But if of course, if you find something helpful, and you have some friends that you’d like to share it with, I mean, feel free to share it on social media, if you if you’d like to, or private messages, or texting or all those other things that make it you know, comfortable for you to be able to talk to your friends openly about it in a in a safe space in a safe way. Further, the other ways you can really follow what dy M is doing is you can sign up for our email list. And the way to do that is go to delight your marriage comm slash social. And there I give a free guide, it’s called a secrets to staying present in the bedroom. I don’t know if you’ve ever had the challenge of getting things going. And all of a sudden your mind is on the laundry and the socks that are on the floor and all these other ideas that come into your head. So here’s some some practical guidance that can help you just zone in especially especially for wives. The men that are listening are like what, what do you mean, I don’t need a guide for that, please. So anyway, the emails just so you know, I’m going to try my best to make it very relevant for you something that actually will help you and inspire you in your day, and your walk with God and your marriage. Because I really think we need support in this thing if 50% of marriages fail. And then second marriages, 50%, or like 70% of those fail on your what we need some help. So I would love to be that support, you know, once or twice a week just to kind of give you that little pickup in your inbox. The other thing I’m going to do is at the end of the show, after the music, just like today, I’m going to give you a little snippet of what’s happening in the coming weeks. I want to do it after the show because I want you to have the opportunity to digest what just happened. You could Paul, you can pray, you can meditate, you can come back, you know three days later and listen to what’s happening next week. Just don’t let your mind get clouded with too much distraction. So that’s kind of the point there. But I’m going to start doing that. And of course, you know that shows come out every Tuesday morning and Thursday morning. And honestly, if I ever miss one of those days, it is a problem that happened. I really am trying to get these incredibly consistent for you. And my backup systems are, you know, go into the coffee shop if the internet is down there’s there’s a handful of coffee shops in New York City. So I’m, I think I’ll be fine, but I really try my best so you can count on that. Otherwise, I’d like to tell you about what’s happening this coming weekend next week. So our next show on Thursday, I interview a doctor who is going to talk to us about sexual health. So it’s actually very applicable to this topic. And it’s awesome really I have read and studied a lot on this honestly. And he tells a lot of things that I’ve never heard before. So I think you’re gonna love it has really inspired me in the last weeks to get super healthy and it has been a great benefit. I’m telling you what, then next week is a real treat. I have a woman who is an incredibly godly woman, and clearly has been in the Scriptures so much. And she actually is one of those people that has been forgiven much. And so she loves much Jesus talks about that. Well, she left a life in the sex industry, where she was self sack to pay her pimp and it’s just unbelievable story and she has got incredible insights. I believe that you are going to be just shocked and an amazed at what God can do through any of us. And she is so brave to tell her story and fight for justice in this vital area of our society. So don’t miss that happening next week. I will talk to you then. Thank you so much for sticking with me on this much longer episode, but I hope that it has blessed you and your marriage and your life and we’ll talk soon. Bye