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Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of Annie Lobert, hookersforjesus.net, talks about how one can leave the sex addictions whether it is or inappropriate fantasies, porn, and using call girls. Its so sad but a reality and it is important to understand and be ready to resist. God cares about every person struggling in this sin and He wants to give you hope and inspiration to fight against this significant struggle.
Part I of her powerful interview is delightyourmarriage.com/22 (Part III is coming out tomorrow for a bonus episode! delightyourmarriage.com/24)
Scriptures:
- Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed–not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence–continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, Philippians 2:12
- Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7
- I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Rom 7:15
You’ll Discover:
- Why porn, prostitution, sex is so powerful.
- How to get past the flashbacks of the past.
- How sex trafficking is destroying our society’s way of intimacy.
- Sex is so spiritual; two bodies become one.
- Pornography is a gateway drug to calling a woman for sex.
- How can a husband get over his guilt.
- How can a man get out of his addictions in the sex industry.
- You can get past the hard desire you have to do war against it.
- How a wife can respond to a situation if the husband is in addiction.
- You have got to lean on God. He is your strength.
- We hide our sin, so often. When God’s light gives freedom.
Resources Mentioned:
Fallen: Out of the Sex Industry & Into the Arms of the Savior
- xxxchurch.com
- Other Resources to help understand and end an addiction to pornography:
Tweetables:
- Pray and ask God for forgiveness.
- If you feed a dog, it will get bigger and keep coming back. But if you starve that dog, it’ll stop coming back to you.
- Give the grace that you can day by day.
- Marriage is a commitment and it means forever.
- You don’t have to advertise sex, it sells regardless.
Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!
Love,
Belah
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Transcript
0:00
delight your marriage episode 23.
0:04
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah. Rose.
0:21
Hi, there, this is belah. Again, I just want to thank you so much for being here and taking the time out to listen into today’s broadcast. And I am thrilled to have the second part of actually a three part episode with Annie Lewbert. Now Annie, if you didn’t listen to episode one, she is actually a woman so brave to tell her story. But she came out of the sex industry, and she was horrifically treated. I mean, it’s almost unbelievable. I’m halfway through her book right now. And we’ll talk about more of that later. But it’s called Fallon. And it’s just an incredible read, totally eye opening. And here on this podcast, she really shares some more insights about, you know, why is it that people you know, turn to sex and actually pay for it? And, and what are their ways, you know, as a marriage, can you, you know, try to get your own household, really in the right order before Jesus. And the cool thing is, no matter where you’re coming from listening to my voice right now, or there is hope for you, there is hope for you, there’s freedom, there is also hope for your marriage. And that’s exactly why I think it’s so important to expose the realities of what’s going on. And the temptations that are really readily available all the time to our kids, to our husbands to ourselves, and how we can fight against that. And it’s just such a powerful message. And again, this is number two of three, the third is coming out tomorrow, Friday, it’s a bonus episode, because I just didn’t want you to miss the immense lessons and the things that we really need to know about are currently happening. You know, some of the stuff is heavy, but there’s so much hope that she also brings out and I’m just so grateful for that. So listen in and I’ll chat with you more on the other side.
2:16
From the inside, looking out, I mean, why do you think that’s the case? Why is this affecting everyone? Why is sex so huge? I mean, tell me what you think.
2:25
I think sex is wonderful, beautiful. It’s amazing. It’s amazing. It can change your life. It Right. Right creates life. And so, because of that, that’s why sex is probably the best selling item on our planet. Right? Right. And that’s why these these traffickers are so good at what they do, because of the fact that sex sells, you don’t have to advertise it, it sells regardless, people have an inherent nature to want to have sex, our hormones produce certain chemicals in our body that we crave it. And visuals experiences start that craving. You know, they say that pornography at a young age can start that flower to open up inside of us and I’m putting it lightly here. But you know, you’re that desire that that need to want to try and experiment and, and all right, the arousal and for men, I think it’s more or less a conquering thing in the very beginning because it’s what their cool buddies do and what they’ve been learning for Unfortunately, our culture, glamorizes the sex as a man and get it you’re a man when you have sex and with women were different. I mean, honestly, even though my girlfriends I was the last virgin and my girlfriend group that I grew up with in high school. Yeah, we didn’t glamorize sex as much. We thought of sex as love. Like we literally, if I had sex with someone, he was my boyfriend. He was my, my future marriage partner. That’s how we thought. And, and I always thought of it like that. And that’s where our ideas of sex as teens and as young young adults can get skewed because we believe men are ready for love when they’re really not Bella. Put that standard on them, and we get our hearts broken, right. And then men, you know, for sex for them. It makes them feel powerful and respected. And it makes them feel loved in a different way than women do. And I think that’s why it’s so sellable. Because it produces a chemical rush for a short period of time. And even a piece, right, like I said, for a short period of time. That’s right, let’s see if there’s not real love that binds those two people together. And that’s called commitment. It’s called a gap, a love unconditional love, then that sex becomes a way to hurt each other, a way to use as a way to sell each other. You catch my drift on that, and that’s why sex trafficking and prostitution is so popular. Wow. And then the thing is, is that if you could sell love, put it in a bottle. Yeah, it would be the top selling item on eBay, right? It would be the top selling item on Google. However, we’re already doing it. We’re selling sex because people believe sex is love. Some people believe, right? A lot of people believe that.
5:20
Yep. And I want to pull out just a couple things you said one was we if if we don’t have that adopt a love in our marriage, right, we’re using each other. And so that’s very interesting to think about, you know, if that that commitment, let love. If that’s not there, that kind of ability to fully embrace that person fully accept them, then you are using each other to get your needs met, instead of serving each other to meet each other’s needs. I mean, it’s a whole different perspective shift in part of me.
5:46
Absolutely. I mean, it’s right. It’s so amazing what you just said, I’m gonna piggyback off that because he’s First Corinthians 13. It says in verse seven, it says, Love bears up under anything, and everything that is ever ready to believe the best of every person. Wow. Okay. It hopes in its hope. It says it hopes sorry. Its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and indoors, everything without weakening. And so what I can take from that, and what I see from that is the fact that when you when we love each other, and there’s a copy love between each other, we look at each other with God’s eyes. Yeah. You know,
6:34
that’s so good. That’s so good. And the thing, I wanted to also pull out kind of what what you were saying also is that kind of if you’re using each other, not in the way that God want, instead of you’re serving each other, you’re loving each other, according to Christ. You know, that’s the love. That’s the first Corinthians 13 Love, you’re talking about what I feel like if you’re in the wrong zone of using and trying to get something from what I’m giving you sex you’re giving me this, or vice versa or whatever, that opens the door for sex is just about using and getting your needs met and then okay, why wouldn’t I do pornography? Why wouldn’t I call the
7:08
man we’re having having church right now, let me tell you, man, it says it. It says in first Corinthians 13 It says it is not conceited, arrogant, and inflated with pride is not rooted unmannerly and does not act on becomingly. It does not insist on its own rights or its own way. It’s not self seeking. It’s not touchy feely or resentful. So check this out. If you buy a girl, man out there listening, pay attention, right? If you buy someone for sex, and you’ve done the deed, you’ve paid her. You’ve didn’t you basically use her for something for your own game, and you walked out of that room? Do you feel better about yourself now? You’ve just added a new devastation to that woman soul? Because you’ve picked away a piece of her that could be given to a husband. Right? For the love that she could have given a real husband. You took a piece of her with you? Does that make you feel? That’s very selfish. You wanted something done to you were stressed out? You needed to get an orgasm. I’m just gonna keep it real here. Yeah, please. You. You allow your passions to and by the way, are you married? What do you do? Like why can’t you get this from your wife? What communication breakdown has happened in your home? Or you cannot talk to your wife in a loving relationship intimate with her like this to get what you really need. And see the thing is, is that we when we put each other on a pedestal in a relationship in a marriage, and that person lets us down. Right? Now we’ve we’ve disrespected that person because of the fact that you’re not supposed to do that God is on the pedestal not us. Okay, that’s exactly so the thing is, is that you can’t that’s why selling sex is not good. Right? Every piece of our soul gets affected. Our mountains get affected our minds get affected our soul get affected. Trust me. It’s so it’s such a spiritual thing. Sex is so spiritual. It’s I don’t care what anyone says. It says in the word, two bodies become one when we unite. intercourse, okay. That means a lot. Okay, that’s why you light one candle at your wedding. You become one flame for God. Yeah. And in that flame, the energy of that flame in that light is God’s love and His peace and His joy and his, his purposes for us and, and so for me, personally, you know, if I knew Bella, what I know now I would have never let a man ever look at me the wrong way or touch me in the wrong way. It is a grid. You know, it is supernatural. It’s beautiful. And I think if people really understood I mean, it creates babies for goodness sakes. Okay, amazing. You’re create miracles. Little Right,
9:57
right. So tell me Okay, so a couple Things I just want to pull out from you is you told me about all the different kinds of people, right that our clients, but I think the statistic is something like 90% of kids see porn before they’re even, like nine years old. So it’s just crazy rampant. How what’s the percentage of people that use, you know, sex, or, you know, clients of sex trafficking, specifically prostitution.
10:25
Okay, so I don’t have an exact stat, but I could please my own personal experience, from the girlfriends I’ve known, I would say, more than 70% Wow, we’re viewing porn, when I walked in the room. And what I can remember, if they weren’t viewing it, right when I walked in the room, they had the station on, and they had just shut it off when I walked in the door, I could hear it Gosh. So that’s why I say the 70% or higher, and that is an appetite wetter for a man calling a girl. Or from an ad on Craigslist, or from an add on, or from an ad on any dating sites, or, or any escort site. So we didn’t have back then the internet had just started becoming a large part of our work. But I did not have my own website and, and I quit the Escort business in 1998. So the internet had just kind of blossoming came along. I think Google wasn’t even invented yet. It was about to be invented. So but it’s it’s so important to remember that when a girl is being called and walk into that room, if a man’s calling for a woman, there is a big possibility that she is taking that money and surrendering it to her sex trafficker. Though you’re also contributing to sex trafficking by calling the girl that’s what eating the monster that it already is. Right? And she goes home and she has to break herself. And by the way, if she doesn’t give that money to the pimps, she gets beat down to it and tell you she’s going, Oh, I’m going to college. Oh, yeah, I’m trying to buy my first home. Oh, yeah, I just purchased my first car. We can give the tricks. The clients, whatever you want to call them. Right? Whatever garbage in lies we can I was the greatest actor on actress on Earth. Okay. Would you shoot it to you straight? After being with 10 to 20 minute day, do you think I enjoyed it? Oh, my gosh, check. No. Your body can’t handle that many people on you like that. I don’t care if you hustled the money and didn’t have to have sex with them some of the time. Eventually you will. Okay. And your body is designed for one person? Not multiple partners. That’s why there’s diseases people. Okay. Trust me. Right. Right. Right. So I’m just trying to help whoever’s listening out there to just think about it twice. Really about what does that need that you’re trying to fulfill that honestly will not be fulfilled by that addiction that you’re in?
12:58
That’s exactly right. Oh, praise God. Yes. Okay. Support. Basically you’re saying is like the gateway drug? I mean, it is the student. It is. Right. It’s getting that love out of the right context. And you’re using it for your own gain. And then you’re using people. I mean, it talks about in Proverbs, I was just talking about this last night, I had a webinar on this. And it Yeah, anyway, but um, you said it specifically talks in Proverbs about how adultery was just will destroy your own soul. God talks so much about adultery, because God’s saying sex is powerful sex will hurt you like crazy if it’s in the wrong spot. So I love that. Okay. I wanted to mention, now there’s two things. One is you said that your husband, if you’re, if the husband is listening, we do have lots of men, even though I try to focus this for wives, but how can you get over his guilt? Let’s say he’s done this. He’s gone, you know, and use women in this way. Maybe many times? I mean, what’s the next step for him?
13:55
I would say, you need to find accountability partner. And I really think you need to apologize and repent and really decide to make a change 180 degree, right. Oftentimes, people will apologize. I’ve seen people that are sex addicts, they’ll apologize and go right back. And as soon as the urge hits them again, because testosterone levels, they fluctuate in a man’s body. So he gets in moods, and just like a woman does in different times. And depending on what he’s eating, and how many times he’s working out and how much stress he’s had at work and stress, cortisol can bring on a stress attack to where you need sex to cool you down. Wow. And if you have a wife, that’s perfect, because now you guys can have great sex. Right? That’s right. You know, I would say, admit it repent. I mean, pray ask God for forgiveness. And that’s that for me personally, that’s what’s always brought me back to the love of God is to realize that he loves us and his, his desires for us is to have a guilt free conscience. Amen. And right, we don’t keep a guilt free. If we keep going back to the same monster and feeding the monster, and I realized that sex pornography, calling escorts might be an addiction for some people out there and and you know, I would just suggest, like I said earlier, get an accountability partner Hey, if you’re brave enough to do this group that you can be accountable to there’s some great resources out there now on the internet and I have friends Triple X church, great resource for pornography addiction, you know, and you know, get around some safe people that will not condemn you. But they’ll love you through this hard time. That’s right. Yeah, if you feed a dog, it’ll get bigger. It will continue to bully. But if you starve that that evil dog that’s in your yard, that dog will eventually go away. And I think for me personally, that’s what helped me with my addictions. I mean, I had sex addiction. I had pornography addiction. Well, and I mean, in Christ havens, and oh, you did to Bella, I did. Yeah. Then you can relate to this. I can. And the thing is, is that remember, your hormones are pretty powerful, that your hormones that aren’t always telling you the truth in your emotions. You can get past this, this this heart desire that you’re feeling? Yes, you can. And it takes a lot of prayer. And if you have to run outside and scream, hate, grab your Bible, that’s one of the things that happens to me if I get tempted to do something, or an old thought tries to come on top of me in my brain and tries to overtake and override, like when my husband and I learned I’m going to get real intimate real real here. My husband and I, sometimes I have flashbacks Bella I do. It’s really for a woman that’s been in the sex industry that’s been sex trafficking victim, or anyone that’s called prostitutes, or it’s been a sex addict for you in a great, awesome marriage. Now, you will have flashbacks sometimes. That’s right. I pray before I have sex. And sometimes you just get flashbacks. And you have to ask God to clear your mind. Right? You know, and it’s not easy, right? And there’s days where I can’t have sex because I’m having issues trying to clear my mind. Wow, get my mind in that right place. I’m keeping it real here. I’m being very transparent and true. Some people would say, Well, you’re not healed, not true. We are healed. As soon as we accept Jesus into our boat, we’re healed. But my mind has not caught up with the healing. That’s all my spirit filled with Jesus Christ. That’s right. That’s right, as we work out our salvation with fear and trembling in the word, so believe that, like our flesh struggles. And God sees that, and he’s nice, and he’s full of mercy. If we just surrender that to him, surrender our flesh to him. He can get through these hard times for us with us.
18:03
That’s so true. Oh, I just love that. So I just thank you so much for mentioning the flashbacks. Because I agree. I mean, that’s something that every person is going to struggle with. And that’s why it’s so sacred, because God knows this is a really big deal. But I also just appreciate that God I just love you mentioned starving that dog, right? And thinking about if, right, like, if there’s a stray dog in the area and comes over and you start feeding it start, you know, embracing that dog, why then he’s gonna keep coming back over and over and over again, but starting to starve that dog, and he might come back every now and then. But it’s not what it used to be, and you can just let it go. And it specifically says in James, resist the devil, and he will flee from you resist the devil cling to God and he will flee from you. And I just sometimes got to repeat that over and over and over again, in my mind and I don’t know if you’re like me, Annie, but because I’m specifically in you know, talking and educating people about sex and intimacy in marriage. I mean, I’m thinking about sex all the time. But I’m but sometimes I have to like be putting it making sure I rein myself in is this under the authority of Christ? Is this you know, as this about my husband, you know, that’s what God talks about when in Proverbs five that, you know, drink water from your own system your own Well, that’s the the, the salt thing to these addictions. It’s doing it in your own your own marriage. So I want to ask, because this is so huge, so rampant in so many of men and husbands, that you were specifically talking about, what can a wife do when she finds out about pornography addiction? And more importantly, what we’re talking about specifically is prostitution. What can she do? How should she respond?
19:38
Oh, goodness, this is a hardcore question. Yes. Now, I would like to put myself in that place. Yeah. If I found out my husband had a pornography addiction. Yeah. And was calling prostitutes. Yeah, of course, I’d be devastated. I would be broken, I would be hurt and then I would immediately probably think because I’m human and like we all We’re women. What’s wrong with me? What can I do? But that’s my past. That’s my old thinking, what you need to do is pray for him. First of all, drop to your knees, pray, and ask him, does he want to change? And we need to talk to a counselor, and can we work this out? Will he stopped doing now if he’s obstinate, and decides that he’s not going to quit, and he’s going to continue to call girls because this is just who he is, then I would really consider separating for a while, right? And really pondering and asking the Lord is this a relationship that you want, because you both need to be it says, We’re two or more gathered, there I am in the mix, if you’re both not agreeing on what God has for that marriage, which is purity, which is, you know, no adultery, obviously, it’s a union with each other means you have full communication at all times. And you can’t have that intimacy and communication by someone cheating on you, you just can’t. There’s no support in that relationship where he’s, he is shutting that woman out or shutting the wife out. And something started happening a long time ago. So I would suggest to immediately get some counseling and some support and some accountability, if he wants to change and if he wants to get his life and the relationship and marriage back on track, and I would definitely, it’s a hard place ladies to be honestly. And if you’re a man and this happening to with your wife, it’s a very hard place. But if you love your partner, right? Yes, I by the word of God, by what you just said, if someone is adultery against you, you know, that’s a reason to divorce. But listen, does God divorce us when we mess up? Amen. I want you to really think about that. We need to have some, some some real. I’m not saying you get stepped on. And I’m not saying you’re a doormat, but give give the grace that you can, that you’re able to. That’s really, you know, it’s a day by day. That’s right. You know, so it’s, it’s something where I can’t comment on that has happened to me with my husband, because it hasn’t, but I’d had prior relationships, I was in a relationship after I left those two abusive ones with the two different paths with the man that rescued me out of the industry, that was actually a trick. I had situations with him where there was cheating going on and it hurt. And with my attempts at hurt, but Go figure. Right? They were, you know, they were both they all relationships were devastating regardless. Right? And it was very hard to deal with, and I wasn’t married. So was it really cheating, right? But marriage is a commitment. And it means forever. And it’s a commitment for God. And, and I want to remind your partner that you took a commitment to me and I took a commitment to you, and I’m going to see this through and if you’re willing to change, I’m willing to wait and I willing to walk this out with you. And I know ladies, that this probably will hurt you like no one’s business, you know, but you got to lean on God, that is your original husband, you lean on him. And if that’s what he has to be, he has to be your strength for this. See, he says that he is our strength and we are weakened and so present to him. You know, encourage your husband to there’s something going on with your husband or vice versa, your wife that is something from their past, maybe a childhood trauma that never got, yes, a dress, maybe an addiction and never got to let that slip in secret stress, whatever it is at work. There was a reason for this problem. And don’t blame yourself fully. Now, ladies, if you’re nagging him like a mother, please stop it. That’s my husband. It’s one of his pet peeves. And I asked him today, baby. Do I nag you he goes honey, he goes You encouraged me to eat the right things. You’re kind of pushy about that. He goes, but you don’t need me. And I was so relieved. Because honestly, Bella I felt like I’ve been nagging my husband about his bad eating.
24:15
You’re so funny. Well, I love that you’re talking about that specifically because I think sometimes we we feel like we can control our husbands and so with porn addiction, and again, I mean, the vast it’s 50% in the church are addicted to porn. And that doesn’t even mean that people have struggled with it in the past Bella, I’ve
24:32
heard a tire. Oh, wow. There you go. I mean, Google it. But you know what? I’ve heard 4050 and even 60%. Right? And I said, because I think the reason why it’s so high is because hide we tend to be really good liars and we hide our hide our sin. We’re taught to be great actors and actresses as Christians from our culture of Christianity and denominations and even the nondenominational. We still have is a sort of culture that we, you know, if you’re going to speak on this subject, you need to be perfected in it. No, that’s not true. Actually, that’s the opposite. Look at Paul, look at how Paul struggling New Testament. Look at him. I got this thorn in my side. And he never ever revealed what it was. But that man, and I love his openness about it. I’m not supposed to do what I do. Don’t do it. Can I really relate to him? Because we all struggle. Yes, we’re not perfect. The perfect is Jesus Christ. In that’s our model, and that’s our mentor. That’s our father. That’s our our holy presence that we can always turn to and say, Lord, I messed up. And then we hear his beautiful voice, child, I already know. Sorry, child, I forgive you. In I’m going to cry because his love. If for anyone out there struggling right now, I just want to speak to you and your struggle, as love overcomes that. He wants to tap into that brokenness and that stress and that part of the reason why you’re going to that temporary fix, right? Trust me, he knows it will not satisfy you. Right? He knows that. What you’re eating, what you’re partaking in what you’re fantasizing about is never going to heal that piece that you’re so desperate for to be healed. If you can just give him your struggle, if you can just give him your appetite. If you can just give him your addiction. Right, he can take it away from you. That’s one thing I prayed for a biller was to take that addiction away from me. And he did. Wow. And you know, it’s it’s funny, because he he’ll do that, but then you’ll get faced with the new witness. And again with me, I’ve always been addicted to
27:08
sugar. Oh, I hear that. Yes.
27:11
In You know what, how about this? Doing? Ministry? Loving the feeling it gives you to help people? Yeah, that’s an addiction. Come on somebody and my ministers out there that can come your idle. Yeah. And if we don’t, if we don’t have enough of that, I found out I get depressed. Yeah. Not out of balance again. That’s right. We need to keep balanced in every area of our lives. Okay. Is too much of one thing is not good. Yes. Okay. So anything I could say to Jesus is always good. That’s right. Yeah. For anyone out there that struggling right now. He is He is the Alpha and Omega, he is our peace. He is an addiction breaker. He is our comfort. He is our our answer to every problem.
28:12
Oh, that is just so good. And so true. Such good encouragement. So I have two things I want to just bring to your attention before we sign off. One is the webinars coming up. You know, the Bible talks so much about our intimacy with in marriage, actually, there’s so many spicy things I bet you had no idea about. And often I find that we think that we’re not allowed to do certain things in marital intimacy that we’re really given the green light to do and enjoy and embrace. And so I want to encourage you and invite you to my second webinar, which is coming up this Saturday, that’s April 25. At 8pm, Eastern Standard Time, I would love to have you there. There were some women on it last time that reached out to me and literally one was like, you know, my intimacy with my husband was so different last night, and she was so kind to share with me, the huge impact of this little online training had for her and another woman who’s been married 44 years said that, you know, she was impacted even after such a long marriage. And another woman reached out and said, I have been praying for you every single day since I learned about your ministry. And so she was on the webinar and said she can confirm every single thing that was said on there. So I’m so grateful for it. If you have had some hang ups, some reservations, some feeling uneasy in marital intimacy, I just want to encourage you to come because I think God wants to show you and teach you some things that you might be blown away by. I really believe it’s going to be helpful for you and your marriage. So please join me go to delight your marriage comm slash webinar. That’s delight your marriage.com/webinar and when you sign up, you’ll Get a free guide right away. So I would love for you to check that out. Otherwise, thank you so much for joining me today it really is special that I get to spend time with you. And if you get a chance to listen to the last part of this interview, it’s coming out again Friday, which is tomorrow. And please, really Islam login for that. It’s also directed towards husbands as well. So if your husband gets a chance to join, it would be, I believe, very beneficial to him as well. Okay, God bless you. Thank you so much for joining and being willing to just listen to what is really going on in this world. But remember that God is a redeemer, he can heal, he can mend and he wants you to have hope for your marriage and for your life. God bless you and I’ll talk to you soon.
30:51
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion