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Hi there! Belah here. Today I have founder of Covenant Spice talking about her married life and how intimacy changed when she opened herself up to really enjoying it. She and her husband founded Covenant Spice, an online shop featuring intimacy products for married Christian couples. She shares about her wildly conservative upbringing and how it has required a journey through the Bible and discover that there’s a lot more to enjoy than she thought! Listen in as she talks about how it is perfectly okay for a married couple to use more interesting means and make sex exciting for you both!
Shop at the adult toy store here and receive free shipping for this week! Just type in the coupon code: delight (Offer ends 5/5/15)
If you do decide to make a purchase, I’d suggest having a budget around $50. Only because the cheaper toys aren’t as resilient and I would hate for your first try with adult toys to be a poor one. A bit pricier but here’s one that was recommended to me!
- A vibrator you may want to try out: “We-Vibe Touch” at Covenant Spice
Scripture/Quote:
- “When you make a decision to apologize, it doesn’t always mean that you’re wrong. It just means that you are setting aside your ego and valuing your relationship.”
- Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Proverbs 5:15
You’ll Discover:
- That she believes sex is a gift from our Father God, so Christian couples should have the healthiest sexual relationships of all!
- How a breakthrough in their marriage happened when she stopped worrying about sex and just relaxed
- How she was introduced to intimacy products but wished she wouldn’t have to subject herself to inappropriate language and images.
- How she started the business from scratch, without any knowledge of computers…just an idea and faith!
- How they spoke to their children about intimacy when they were still very smalll, generally and in clean terms, just so it would always be part of a natural conversation
- How husbands just want their wives to not only be willing to have sex, but also excited to do it with them!
- When finally she was able to reach an orgasm, she was able to relax and be more excited about sex
- How her husband felt there was something wrong with him when she needed sex toys to enjoy sex, but then found out the truth!
Books & Resources Mentioned (clickable image)
- The Marriage Bed
- A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy by Dr. Douglas Rosenau
Tweetables:
- Intimacy is not any fun if one of the participants is not having any fun
- I grew up in a conservative family, and when I got married, I did not have a turn-on switch. I was so shut down.
- Husbands want somebody who is not only willing, but somebody who is eager.
- When we commit to our husbands, that’s a huge responsibility.
- Instead of telling our children that sex is bad, we tell them that sex is fun and awesome and wonderful; and it’s going to be so exciting when you get married and experience this!
- I am average looking and a little overweight, but my husband is crazy about exactly who I am; and I love that my children see that.
- For husbands, I say “don’t get a toy that’s going to make your wife be what you want. Instead choose something a little more romantic. Something she would want.”
Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!
Love,
Belah
—
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Transcript
0:00
delight your marriage episode 25.
0:04
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast, the show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah rose.
0:21
Hey there, and welcome back. This is belah rose, and you’re listening to the delight your marriage podcast. If this is your first time, I just want to say welcome. I just imagine you, you know, thumbing through your, you know, iTunes or Stitcher or your pod bay app on your phone, and you came across sex toys. Whoa. So if that is what happened, I just want to say welcome, you’re safe here. It’s not crazy. I and every guest, I believe, is endeavoring to live a holy godly life, you know, before Jesus, because you know, this, this life is temporary. But the cool thing is our marriages teach us a lot about being like God, which is incredible. You know, I did a webinar just two nights ago now. And it was incredible to have, you know, some of you on there live, it was just wonderful to get to hear what is going on in your heart in your life, and how you see some of these areas of sex and what the hang ups are on your end, and be able to share what I believe God has laid out in the Bible on why these things are really good, and really holy. And I just a piece I want to point out from that is, is I use a lot of images online. And if you have gone to delight your marriage.com, you can see lots of quotes and images that I pull out from these different interviews. And I use nature for the background. And there’s a specific reason for that, because I believe God created sex as a wonderful part of his plan. Just like he created waterfalls as a wonderful part of his plan, and sunsets and sunsets are actually my favorite. So I use those a lot. Hope it’s okay with you. Because I just think it’s gorgeous. And it helps me to realize that this is God’s majesty demonstrated in your bedroom in the marital union, he blesses it. I’d love for you to join me on my next webinar. It’s actually may 12, Tuesday, if you can block that on your calendar, I would be so grateful go to delight your marriage.com/webinar. And we are going to dive back into that seriously. If some of that stuff is over your head and you’re just like, I don’t get it. Don’t worry, I’ve been there. And I I’m still working through it myself. But I think we can work through it together. And I think God can help us really get a sense on this thing called sex. Anyway, so again, I just want to dive into labels topic today, sex toys, she is just a beautiful soul. You can tell she’s so genuine and kind and she’s not scary. She is really seeking to honor the Lord in her marriage. And she’s got some just great, a great family life. I mean, you can tell there’s so many great stories and whatnot. So I just want to stop talking and let you listen because it’s good stuff.
3:31
Well, welcome back delight your marriage listeners. I’m so glad that you’re here with me. It’s belah rose, and I’m here with Leo, from covenant. spice.com. How are you, Leo?
3:41
I’m doing great this morning. How are you? Very good.
3:45
I’m really excited to connect with you. Because I have seen your website here in there just over the years. And now with a podcast on being able to really see the heart behind it all. So would you just go ahead and spend a little bit of time introducing yourself your sight and a little bit about your family, if you would?
4:07
Well, I’m a fan layou. I’ve been married for 16 years. So my husband, Kevin, we have five children, two biological and three that we adopted internationally. And we started our website, covenant spice about nine years ago now. And that came about through some personal needs in our own life and finding what we were looking for wasn’t available and deciding to create it on our own.
4:35
That’s awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and you and I just chatted a little bit about your kids that are actually from Haiti. Yes. You’ve got three now they’re all tell us the ages of all your kids, if you would.
4:49
I have a 910 12 and 213 year olds.
4:54
That’s amazing. I’m definitely not in the teenage years yet but that is I’m sure challenging out you got some preteens and full house. Wow.
5:05
Yes. Yeah. But they’re great kids.
5:09
That’s awesome. Well, yeah. So would you share covenant spice? What is the mission behind it? And and what does it do for Christian marriages?
5:18
Well, our statement goal is to create passionate intimacy in Christian marriages. And the reason that we started it is, you know, we believe that sex was created by our Father God. And so Christians should be having the most, the healthiest sexual relationships and the best sex of anyone you know. And yet, there’s still so much as a lack of knowledge, and people don’t know where to turn to for information, you sometimes don’t want to go talk to your pastor about problems in your intimate life. And so that’s our goal to have a place where people can find resources that they need and ask questions, and we can refer them places if they need extra help, things like that. That’s awesome.
6:01
Yeah, and just in case, anyone, anyone who’s listening hasn’t been to the site, it’s really a lot of very modest and just no nudity, very, very Christian oriented, but adult toys and adult products that really help in the passion area of your life. So it’s just got a lot of variety. And and I think you just did a, a website redo, right?
6:29
We did, yes, we have a brand new updated site with a much better just lay out and easy to navigate. Yeah. And what we’ve done is we’ve done a lot of research to make sure that any of the companies you purchase from do not have any connection to the pornography industry don’t spend any money that way. We buy from a lot of the higher quality and places that they just have very discreet and elegant packaging.
6:56
That’s wonderful. Oh, I just love that because that’s exactly what Christian should be standing for as a healthy, good marriage and sex life, but not feeding into the sin in the world and keeping people in bondage of thing. Brilliant. I love that. Well, I want to move more into your story very soon. But I wanted to ask you, because this podcast is all about inspiring and encouraging intimacy in marriage, I’m interested in a scripture or a quote that’s meant something to you over the years, or even recently.
7:30
Well, I’m, I have a Facebook page, and one that I had just posted that just in the last week that has meant something to me is that when you make a decision to apologize, it doesn’t always mean that you’re wrong, it means that you’re putting aside your ego and valuing the relationship. And so that’s just something that’s meant something last week to me that you can just make a choice to repair a relationship, even if you don’t think you were in the wrong or something.
7:59
Very cool. Yeah. Because it might even just be apologizing for hurting their feelings.
8:03
Exactly. Or the way you responded or anything. Yes, yes.
8:07
Yes. And I think that’s perfect in marriage. Because sometimes I know I grew up in a place where in my family that argument was you’re either going to win the argument, or you’re losing the argument, exactly. Those are the only choices, right, and that’s not, that’s not healthy, we shouldn’t have it that way it should be a I’m spending the time to understand where you’re coming from. And, and getting a chance to know you more, and it shouldn’t be a win or lose, it should be both are winning, we’re winning by understanding each other more getting a better sense of what’s going on. So yeah, I love that. So I’m interested if you wouldn’t mind sharing, about a season of struggle in your marriage. And so the listeners can really be inspired and understand, they might have the exact same struggle that you’ve had, and how you’ve kind of worked through that.
8:55
Well, it would have to do with the creation of my business. And that is that I was raised in the Mennonite Church, which some people may not be familiar with, they probably heard of the Amish and things and so very, very conservative, very modest, very you know, suppressing all even romantic desire or anything and then when you get married, then it’s all well and good. And I found Well, you know I’ve spent suppressing everything for 28 years and I got married and there was no on switch. I couldn’t turn anything on you know, I was just so shut down. And so um, you know, my husband and I did a lot of research and we tried a lot of just a lot of different things. And then you know, my husband went to a a traditional store and bought something to help me but I was so offended at the store that he had gone to that I threw it in the trash. And then my girlfriends and I went went to a, you know, were invited to a party where things like this were being sold. And I purchase something and you know, I had one of the first orgasms I’m sorry to be so specific. But yeah, um, since our marriage, and that was a huge, you know, intimacy is no fun for the wife or the husband, if one participant is not having any fun. Right. So that was a, that was a huge thing, learning to just release that part of my life and let go and know everything’s okay. And it’s fine and getting whatever help I needed. And, and then turning that into a very satisfying, intimate life. So,
10:45
yes, I love that. And that’s a similar story to my own. I mean, my very first orgasm was definitely with a vibrator. And the cool thing is that since then, I’ve been able to have orgasms other ways, you know, but
10:58
yes, you learn how to do it with. Yeah, exactly.
11:02
Yes. So I just want to encourage if there’s anyone out there, that hasn’t ever experienced an orgasm, that might be a segue into the experience. And I think that’s a wonderful, wonderful resource, Leo. So anyway, so can you share a little bit more about how the how the process of you know being okay with sex toys, when you started out with this very suppressive kind of mentality on it,
11:28
I’d have to thank my husband for that. He was not raised Christian at all, and had a very different background than I did. So when he became a Christian. And then we got married about two years after he was saved, he could not understand a lot of my the things that I was unsure about what was okay or, you know, what we should do or not be doing. He’s, we went through the scriptures together, and basically, came to the conclusion that if nobody’s being hurt, it only involves the two of you and both are willing participants. The Bible doesn’t have a lot of restrictions on what a husband and wife can do.
12:07
Together. Yep, yep. Yeah, I even say sometimes that, you know, we have all these different words for different types of sex, you know, oral sex, anal, I mean, all these things. But in the Bible, it just says, Get to know your wife, he knew his wife. And then they had this baby.
12:24
Right, exactly. Like
12:27
we did, I don’t think they had those kinds of words or specifications. They were just like, they were in their own bedroom. And, and a baby came out of it at some point. And I mean, that was the point. Exactly why we have all these rules at this at this stage is, I don’t think that’s the way God intended us to have intimacy has all these rules and concerns and worries and fears when Adam and Eve he just said, fruitful, multiply. That’s it. I mean,
12:53
he put the Song of Solomon in the Bible, which you couldn’t have a more erotic story and lines, and you know, so Yes,
13:01
yep. I love that. I completely agree that I mean, there’s so many it’s a beautiful poetry, I don’t think I could talk about sex as beautifully as they do. But it’s very, very clear what’s going on. I love that. Very cool. Okay, so I, I was met with something similar in that my husband was very much able to kind of disassociate sin with the marriage bed. And that was something that was really hard for me, I, I saw porn when I was young, and just saw that sin and, and then associated that with the marriage bed. And I’m interested in how you were able to kind of, you know, not assume that your husband who wasn’t raised a Christian wasn’t sinning when he was telling you, you can be free in this area.
13:47
I think, I think because we went through all the scriptures on the subject. And the only commands were not to withhold yourself from each other. I mean, they’re, you know, except for a short time for fasting and prayer, and to make sure you’re not defrauding each other by not giving yourself to each other, it was just encouragement to be open and sexual and to meet the needs and, you know, draw water from your own well, and be with the wife of your you know, it was all pro everything. There was no, you know, other than keep it to the two of you inside your own marriage, there was no prohibitions, you know, so I think, you know, turning to the, to the Bible, and to Christian resources and websites and in books.
14:33
Yeah. Yeah. And I’m going to ask you more specifically about which books you enjoyed. But how long was the process that you that this took to this take a couple of years, or when did you kind of feel more free? I think during
14:50
the first year, yeah. Great. Yeah. And then, you know, it’s a growing process. So more and more each year. But during the first year, I think was a major, just breakthrough and to stop worrying about it and just to relax.
15:11
I think that’s a huge thing is that would you would kind of encourage wives that were in your shoes, what, what they could do.
15:18
You know, I get a lot of emails from wives and a lot of emails from husbands. And the husbands are just like, Please tell my wife, they’re just so they’re just dying for intimacy. And for an involved partner, and somebody who’s excited to be a part of the relationship, and not somebody who’s just laying back and thinking of England, you know, not just somebody who’s willing, but somebody who’s eager, and you know, and I think when our husbands make that commitment to be faithful, while we both do you know, but to one person forever, then that’s a huge responsibility on the spouses part, to be that eager sexual participant, and to be there for them and, you know, keep things new and exciting and fresh. And I forgot the question.
16:10
Oh, no, yeah, exactly. Just the
16:14
Oh, and the wives are asking for basically permission, you know, like, Is this okay? I feel like I’m, I don’t know if I should be doing this. Or even my husband has ordered from something from you, I got this package. I don’t know how I feel about this. And then there’s so many great, you know, I don’t really consider myself an expert. In general on the subject, I tend to refer people to the marriage bed or different resources online that, you know, they can just really dig in and get some great information. Yeah, I
16:45
love that. Just giving wives permission to enjoy themselves, I think is is brilliant. And I think that’s something I definitely struggled with for a long time. And and yeah, it’s interesting that you shared that you had to really go to some resources to really learn. Yeah. And, you know, I think I was talking to a girlfriend of mine recently, she said, she has never read a book on sex. And honestly, that kind of shocked me, because I my library of sex books is pretty extensive. And, I mean, I just wonder if our culture assumes that sex is natural, and so we don’t need to read about it. I mean, what are your thoughts on that?
17:27
I don’t know if maybe, maybe Christians come with a few more hang up sometimes. Yeah, into the relationship, and we have more that we need to get over. So that could be I mean, you know, I don’t know. But yeah, we started out with Christian sex manual when we first got married the celebration of sex and, and had step one, step two. And, and then just lots of lots of books since then. But I think it’s a great idea. And I think that, you know, there’s counselors, there’s so many resources that you could just, you know, any question there’s an answer to?
18:13
Yeah. Yeah, I love that. So, so as things were kind of getting better, and you started to see this, this need, what kind of gave you the idea to open a store online?
18:27
Well, I was in a playgroup, and one of the girls hosted a, a home party by one of the companies that offers that, and our whole playgroup went to it, and we had the time of our lives. We had so much fun, we brought home all these products. We talked about it for weeks afterwards. But we also felt kind of dirty and very uncomfortable. Because the person who presented it, some of the jokes were just not exactly clean, you know, and some of the packaging on the products. It wasn’t horrible, but we just felt like, yeah, no, I told my husband after the night after the party, I’m like, I wish some Christian would start a business like that. So there’d be options to get these kinds of products and fun things. But you wouldn’t have to be in that kind of atmosphere. And then I turned and looked at him. And I’m like, you know, I could be that Christian. That does that. And that started took me about a year after that to get covenant spice going. But that was my motivation. That’s awesome. Well, had you ever done something like that before an online business? Or were you a business woman prior? No, I wasn’t. No, I actually was a missionary before I was. I barely know how to use a computer when I got married. But my husband is a computer engineer, so I have a good support. Yeah,
19:51
that’s awesome. Well, what it what a great, what a great thing, and it’s interesting that you didn’t say, Honey, why don’t you start this What’s
20:00
I’m actually quite good with computers. Now. I can build a website. I can do just about anything but yeah.
20:05
Wow. That’s awesome. I love that. And did you have kids at the time?
20:10
We we did we had my son my oldest, Michael. Yeah.
20:16
Wow. So you’ve been doing this as a mom the whole time?
20:21
Yes. Yes, I started off having things in office at my home. And then when my kids got old enough to be more aware, I moved it to a away from the house.
20:35
That’s very good. So do you? Do you not share it with them at this point?
20:39
Um, they know, generally, what I do they know mommy and daddy, because we tell them, you know, both together, but they sell fun things for married couples. Oh, really? No.
20:51
That’s right. We don’t need to go into I know, for sure. That’s very good. So how do you? Well, actually, that’s kind of a good question about how you talk to your kids. So that they start out with kind of a positive view around sex. I mean, since you, you know, started off so I start off the same way, so completely ignorant. But how do you kind of make it positive for your kids?
21:17
We’re very open with our children. They know that mommy and daddy love to have special times and they know exactly what that means. No, no, I mean, not exactly. You know, but when we’re like, Okay, you guys, go watch movie, Mommy, I want to spend some time together, like, Uh huh, we know what you’re doing. They know, we started talking about intimacy and sex and everything, while they were very small in very general and clean terms, but just so that it’d be always just a natural conversation to have with them. And instead of saying, ever, that, you know, this, it’s bad to have sex outside of marriage is bad, bad, bad, we just say, sex is fun, and awesome and wonderful. And it’s gonna be so exciting when you get married. And you can experience this, you know, and just keep it in always a positive, a positive bent. And you know, another thing that I love about my husband is I am such an average looking person, and I’m a little bit overweight. And I just love that my husband is crazy about me exactly how I am, I don’t feel any insecurity with my looks, or you know, my way or anything. And I love that my children see that, you know, that we love each other. The normal, old fallen humans that we are, you know, and just, it’s not based on just physical appearance, or, you know, anything like that. So,
22:47
I love that. I love that. And thanks, thanks for being so open, I would say the same about my physique as well. But how do you how do you make yourself feel comfortable in in the bedroom? I asked that because I think a lot of women struggle with, if I don’t have the perfect body wise, he’s not going to even appreciate the way I look. I mean, what what would you say to them,
23:07
I can tell you from emails that I received from many, many husbands, that they couldn’t care less. Now, there may be a few exceptions to that rule. But that’s what they’re saying is, you know, like, their wife is self conscious, that are all this and like, I don’t care, I just want her to be, you know, coming out and being excited and what you know, they just don’t care. They just want a somebody who’s eager and excited to be with them. And you know, just go and get some plus size lingerie, go do whatever, and just be free and be eager to be with them. And they will be beside themselves.
23:45
Yes, yes. That’s right. I mean, and if we flip it the other way, I mean, just imagine when you were in, you know, high school or something when you went to that dance, and there was that really handsome boy in the corner that was so insecure and, and nervous, and he would never come up and talk to you. But then there was that guy that was average looking that came up and just said, you’re amazing. I want to dance with you. I mean, imagine who would you pick? You would pick the one that was eager and excited. You wouldn’t pick the cute boy that was so nervous and insecure. He couldn’t even hold your hand.
24:12
Exactly. Yeah, there’s something about oh my gosh, you want to dance? You want to be with me? Basically, it’s the same thing. You know, you’re eager to be with me. So yeah.
24:21
Yes. And, and, and, and I love that, you know, the wife can love their husband in that way. You know, it’s when you get kind of out of your own like, this is about me and my body, my insecurity. And, you know, he doesn’t like the way I look and all that but if you get out of it and be like, How can I love him and make him feel good? And it’s I guess, and I wonder if I bet you would agree with this layout. But I guess it’s not a like you. You don’t want to get into the mind frame. It’s all about him in the bedroom. You don’t want to get into Yes,
24:51
I was actually while you’re saying that again, and there should be the companion message to the husband’s saying, You darn well better You better be talking in approaching your wife. And her, you know, because if you’re, you know, if a husband is critical or condescending, or any of those things, then there also needs to be some help and reading and counseling on the other end, you know, I mean, because then you can’t expect a joyful response to that.
25:20
Yes, that I mean, so, so true. And a lot of times, because I talked to wives, specifically, my tactic is be proactive, you know, do what you can to turn the tide in the relationship, but because I know also husbands do listen to this, you know, be that positive force, give her a really great, comfortable experience, every time you’re around her touch her body make her feel like you want her in an intimate way, but also in a just a general way, because that that makes her feel like she can be freed with you. So I think it’s like both and right.
25:54
Yes. And in fact, when wives email me about what I recommend purchasing, I generally recommend very the more erotic things on my site, for their husbands. And when husbands email, I definitely recommend that they go and buy the more romantic things on my site. So that it’s not all about, here’s a present for myself to you. Yes, like, here’s so that the husbands are investing in their wives emotional well being, you know, and feeling the need for connection and communication and romance. And so since that’s where they can tend to fall short, that’s where I’m like, don’t go and try to get a toy that’s going to make your wife be what you want, do what her needs are, and then for the y’s, and like, it’s something that’s going to make it more, you know, just exciting and new and fresh. So, yeah,
26:43
I love that. And I, and I almost think like, whichever whatever, spouse, your husband or wife, I mean, if you model the behavior of I’m trying to meet your needs, I’m trying to meet what you were, were you why then I mean, that that modeling often really spurs on some, some motivation for them to, you know, on the flip side, do the same, though, that shouldn’t really be your, that shouldn’t be your motivation, your motivation is to love them as Christ loves them, you know, and that same, that same love. Okay, so when someone is nervous about toys, specifically, how do you kind of help them to feel comfortable with specifically sex toys? Well,
27:24
first off, I always recommend something small and tiny and unobtrusive, and which is one of our main sellers are under a category of eggs and bullets, which is just something very small that you use during intercourse. And can many people have had their very first orgasms with that? And also just tell them, you know, what, there’s been like, people have been using cans of whipped cream and cherries, and I mean, now it’s called a sex toy. But people have been adding things to their relationship for fun forever. You know? I mean, it’s not. Yeah, it’s not that new. And it’s just just getting over the taboo in your own mind.
28:08
Yeah, I love that thinking about just how normal it is to include other things to just make it more fun or just kind of enjoy new things. I mean, just like you would, you know, move from the bed to the couch. I mean, it’s a new experience on the couch, right? So why not incorporate something else that’s kind of kind of helped to get some variety and cause it to be a new new sensation? Is that is that kind of what you think? Yes, exactly. Yeah, I love that. And here’s a question that I think might be on some people’s hearts. Is it as I say, I guess I asked this question, because I guess it’s probably something that’s on my heart is, I could think people have kind of an idea about orgasms. Like there’s the the natural orgasm, and then there’s the, you add something in order to have an orgasm, if that makes sense. And I think some men really feel like a women should only have an orgasm, you know, just with his member, and that’s enough, that should be enough. Or he’s not doing a good job, or she’s not doing it something is wrong. If you’re not having orgasm, just with penetration. And I wonder if you could kind of speak to that question.
29:15
You know, yes. In fact, I think my husband felt that for a while, like, you know, maybe he’s doing something wrong, or am I not turned on enough by him or what is the problem, but then we just realized it was, for me, it was stuff in my background that made it difficult. It was, you know, it was my own issue. It wasn’t anything that he was doing. And then when I was able to have orgasms and be more excited about sex and everything, yeah, he just got over it because he was like, Well, this is so much better. So he’ll be like, you know, it’s not like we use something all the time I did. I was able to use that to, for my body to learn how to have an orgasm and how to respond to it felt like to be Very aware and awake, you know, and turned on. And but you know, he’s often the one Hey, you want me to grab that or this for you, you know, because he enjoys the experience that it elicit. So I would just say that is, that is definitely an insecurity, that guys will feel that if they can look past that, and just to the, to the end result. Yeah, um, you know, another question a lot of people have is, are they you know, addictive? Do they make it harder to have a natural orgasm? And studies have shown that they are not? They don’t make it. You know, they don’t make it more difficult to have an orgasm without one. And there has actually been several research studies on that. And it has not been shown to do that at all.
30:48
Okay, cool, cool. Well, you know, it’s almost, I kind of want to equate it to like, like, going to an amusement park, having, you know, all these really cool adrenaline rushes and just kind of a fun, lots of interesting experiences there. Versus having just kind of a good day at the park or something. You know, like, why why not have both enjoy both types of intimacy. The other thing that is kind of cool about the women’s body is the clitoris is enables a woman to have multiple orgasms. Yes. You know, and, and a man can experience that. I mean, it’s possible if he, there’s like different, you know, kind of interesting things that he has to kind of withhold in order to have another kind of, you know, it’s not something that was like a very easy and enjoyable thing that women, they can just couple
31:38
of things. Because, yeah, I think it’s God’s way of making up for that we have to work so much harder for her.
31:45
It might take 30 minutes, but after that,
31:48
yes, and you know, there’s so many, there’s guys, and with disabilities, I have a lot of people who they’ve had different surgeries, or even just dysfunctions, and it makes them so happy to be able to, because sex wise are not just for women, there’s sleeves, there’s but there’s stuff for men too. And just to have alternate ways to pleasure each other can be such a blessing. I mean, if a woman’s had a C section or some surgery, you know, to be able to, yes, there’s good old fashioned handjob things, you know, yeah, be able to do something fun for him. And it can be a real blessing. And if a man is learning to, you know, to last longer, or to be able to stay active long enough to actually pleasure his wife, sometimes when he’s still working on that he can at least make sure that she ends up with a pleasurable experience as well. If you’re not able to, yes, can maintain that long.
32:52
Yep, no, that’s wonderful. And I think the other kind of cool aspect is there’s a couple of scientists that agree that many women cannot have an orgasm with just penetration. And so a man should really get it out of his head that a woman is supposed to orgasm, just by the natural in and out kind of thing that’s not actually physically able for many, many women. And so if you’re listening, and you’ve just never had either the orgasm, you know, through penetration or whatever, don’t feel like you’re broken, or, or you’re just not good enough, or there’s something you need to get in your mind to literally your your physicality might not allow that. And that’s totally okay. And I think labels ministry really helps couples enjoy this physical release, without, without the pressure or feeling like I need to figure out how to move my hand in a certain way in order to to make it happen. I mean, really, it might be, you know, just kind of a little a gift for your your intimacy that allows you both to enjoy it in a really, really great way. So,
33:59
and there’s actually a huge percentage of women, that percentage varies much, so much, I don’t quote a number but that have never had an orgasm period. And that’s not just Christian women, that’s just women in general. And so, you know, and, yeah, a lot of people will think, Well, there’s an issue, you should get counseling, and I’m all for that. But sometimes you can just kickstart a problem, you know, I mean, in your body, you can just, there’s a shortcut, and your body can learn to a lot quicker than, you know, years of counseling. So I for the counseling to but I’m saying this is a great tool.
34:37
Yes. And I would even say that, you know, a lot of times Well, from my experience was I didn’t have an orgasm until I felt really fulfilled in my marriage, which is interesting, just kind of how related the female mind is to her body. And it was just, it was a great experience. But there were things that even emotionally needed to get worked out. out in my marriage kind of before that was able to happen. So and actually, I go into my story a little bit on some other podcast, but it was actually before I got married, but it was to my husband. So. So anyway, so that was Yeah, I think that is a great key that will really help women kind of feel a little more free in those areas. And, you know, if a toy is gonna kind of enjoy, you know, enhance the experience together, you know, I just, I just think the variety is going to be a helpful thing.
35:33
And you know, the toys are actually just one part of it. Like we have scenario books. And they just give you all the way from a ring the doorbell your spouse opens the door, and there’s rose petals, leading to a box of chocolates to the chocolates, it says go up into your you know, I mean, there’s like, it’s just romantic, and sexual scenarios, things to give you ideas, we have things that give you a text message ideas, you know, for fun things to text your spouse to have look forward to the evening, we have things for games, some of them have nothing to do with sex. They’re all about intimacy. Like an enchanted evening, they’re all about getting to know each other, there’s massages and love, you know, just all kinds of things that are all about romance and relationship as well.
36:21
I’m really glad you brought that up. Because I think sometimes we just I’m really glad you brought that up. Because I think as women, we really want those romantic evenings. And we need some help with ideas and our hobbies need some help with ideas. So having that those resources is a really great, a great thing to share. Well, there you have it, I mean, sex toys are not as scary as you might think. And if you haven’t been able to enjoy some of the perks of intimacy, aka orgasm, I want to encourage you, you know, the sky’s the limit. And a simple vibrator or something along those lines might be the first step in that direction. So I’ve got an affiliate link actually, which means that it’s the same price to you, but you will get free shipping if you go to delight your marriage.com/ 25 and you’ll get all the information there. Also, if you get a chance to come back on Thursday, I’ll be sharing with you how to discover my recommendations in this steamy topic. But I do believe that we need a little bit of guidance in this area because it’s not easy to you know, figure out the Muddy Waters is this okay? Is it not? You know what, what’s tasteful blah, blah, blah, I get it, I get it. So I would encourage you to check it out, though. Go to the light your marriage.com/ 25 you’ll have the link, you can go straight to her site and see it’s beautiful. I mean, it’s tasteful. There’s nothing that looks scary. Like, you know, like you’re probably used to it’s really a nice, nicely done. So yeah, and I guess my homework for you is to explore a little bit. Get outside of your comfort, your comfort zone a little bit and be willing to try something new maybe tonight. Okay, God bless you. And I love you and I’m looking forward to chatting with you again on Thursday. Bye.
38:30
Thanks for listening. Stop by delight your marriage.com to check out all the show notes as well as many more resources and articles. Until next time, live with love, wisdom impassion