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Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Julie Sibert of intimacyinmarriage.com. Julie talks more about how to nurture your sexual intimacy by intentional habits and letting your spouse know exactly what you want in the bedroom. Hear her speak about how it’s okay to let your guard down and drown the insecurities brought by your past. Listen to her tips on how to be proactive in the bedroom and shares the three chief things that are central to marital success.

Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/27

Scripture/Quote:

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Hebrews 4:13

You’ll Discover:

• The three chief things that is central to her and her husband’s marital success
• How building healthy patterns NOW is essential to nurturing your marriage
• How the residual effects of making love equips you to feel more connected
• How sexual insecurities are very normal
• How being proactive in the bedroom can come off as HOT to your spouse
• How your sexual power should and should not be used
• How to overcome your insecurities from the past
• How to react to a situation that might put your marriage in jeopardy
• Her tips on how to overcome frustrations along the way

Books & Resources Mentioned:

• The Sexually Confident Wife by Shannon Ethridge
• For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
• Hot, Holy & Humorous (http://hotholyhumorous.com/)
• Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage by Jeffrey Murphy, Glynis Murphy, Julie Sibert, and Randall Sibert
• When Two Become One: Enhancing Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Christopher and Rachel McCluskey

Tweetables:

• When sex is nurtured in a marriage, it is such a profound thing.
• Three chief things central to marriage success: friendship, sexual intimacy, and healthy patterns.
• Willingness to be vulnerable is hot.
• Don’t assume that he knows what he’s doing.
• God wants married couples to enjoy their sexual intimacy.
• Some of the best sex happens when you’ve been married to each other for a while, after you’ve known each other well.
• Don’t underestimate your sexual power in a good way.
• You have got to discern what battles are worth fighting for. You can’t die on the side of every mountain.
• If you become consumed with small frustrations, you are going to miss the extraordinary in the ordinary.
• You can have some pretty awesome sex in 20 minutes!
• What kids need most is a momma and daddy who are in love.

Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!

Love,

Belah

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Transcript

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to let your marriage up so 28

0:03
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah rose. Hey,

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it’s belah I want to just thank you for tuning in today. No matter where you are, or what you’re in the middle of, maybe you’re washing dishes or in the car, head into work or on your lunch break, I just thank you so much for letting me and, and Julie into your ears today, she’s got some really awesome insights to share. And I believe that it’s really going to be a blessing for you. So I want to go ahead and dive in and let you hear the rest of this awesome interview.

0:58
I want to move to how things are within your marriage. Now with Randy, I know we talked a little bit about some struggles and some past past things. But what does it look like now? Between the two of you? Um, we’re in a good place right now. You know, I mean, I would think what what it looks like now is the we very much feel like we’re on the same page. I mean, that. I would say that we definitely feel like we’re on the same page. And we’re not afraid to express our frustration about anything that still does come up. I mean, does that make sense? Yeah, not being afraid to express it is really good. It’s just brilliant. And I want to I’m going to shift gears just a little bit. But I want to go back to something you said a little earlier about how you interact with your ex husband quite a bit now. And it’s something that and I think a lot of women that especially have had sexual experience prior to marriage, how do you keep your mind in check, even when you’re around a person that you know, have had intimate experience? Yeah. Does that make sense? It does. You know, I think for me, it’s not that huge of a challenge, just mostly because, you know, my current has been I Randy and I’ve been married 12 years. So we’ve been married longer than my first husband, I were married. And it I just feel like we’ve Randy and I have done so much life together that sometimes, you know, it’s it feels like when I look back on that life with my ex husband, that that was just like a whole, it’s hard to realize, you know, that was part of my journey at times. But I it, it’s not hard for me to keep that all in check. I think he and I both have pretty much moved on from that, that time in our life. I mean, I have realized, and maybe it’s just I’m more at peace with this, I have realized that some of the pain of my divorce and the scars of that are never going to completely go away. And I know for some people that makes them very uncomfortable, but it doesn’t really for me, I just am more at peace with the pain, that that’s always going to be part of me to a degree. As far as the intimacy, you know, it’s probably at times harder for for Randy, than it is for me. And he does sometimes say that he’s like, he’s like, gosh, I remember one time he heard Eric and I talking about a dog that we had. And it wasn’t a bad conversation. We were just talking, you know, y’all remember this now that and he even said to me, he said, Randy said to me later, he said, Yeah, he’s like, sometimes I forget that you had this whole other life. You know, like this whole like, this was a man you had sex with and you had a baby with and so sometimes I think it’s harder. For Randy and at times, honestly, we’ve, you know, we’ve the parenting together has been, that’s not always easy, you know, trying to have to coordinate parenting. Mitch spends a couple nights a week at his dad’s house and stuff like that. Yeah. Well, I thank you so much for being so open about that. Because I think a couple things we can pull out of that is for someone that has had the same experience, maybe a divorce, maybe promiscuity before marriage, it can get to a place where you don’t even think about it anymore. You don’t even realize it happened, like you said, and I think that’s a lot of that’s that’s really gives a lot of hope for people that are kind of in the midst of feeling really bad and having struggles in these areas. It can get to a place where yes, the pain is still part of the scars are still there, but you have a piece about it, which is really wonderful. Yeah. The other thing I wanted to just pull out is that you and Randy have such an open communication that he’s willing to share with you. What what happened what what happened to his heart when you talked about this stuff. with Kiera,

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we we really? I don’t know. I mean, I think Randy and I are just really open. And here’s the thing is, he realizes, I mean, he has me. I mean, I think Randy kind of feels like, you know, Eric doesn’t have me anymore. I’m, I’m Randy’s wife now. And so even though at times it’s awkward for him, or the parenting together issue when we’re parenting with my ex husband, that that’s, that that’s a hard thing. He he is real honest. I mean, he is real, real open. And we realize too, honestly, Bella, this kind of gives us good perspective, too, is my older son is 16, almost 17 years old. He is a sophomore in high school. This is, this is not somebody that, you know, Eric, my ex husband is not someone we’re going to have to be doing a lot of day to day parenting with for very much. Very, so once my son is raised. I mean, it’s not that we won’t see error. I mean, we realize we’ll still see Eric at times, or have to communicate with him even once Mitch goes to college, but honestly, for the most part, you know, we, we know that it’s a limited amount of more time that we have to parent with him. So that helps us to, you know, we’re through the bolt war through the bulk of our parenting when Randy and I got married, Mitchell was our my son was almost five. So we still had a lot of parenting ahead of us, with my ex husband, and we don’t really anymore, you know, and now our older son, I mean, he’s driving and he’s got his own life. And truth be told, he just assumed be with his friends and with any of his parents. Yeah, he’s a typical teenager, you know, and he’s, he’s doing his own thing. And he’s, he’s, he doesn’t need so much of the day to day parenting. But we, we used to have to coordinate with the Eric and I used to have to spend a lot of time coordinating with getting him to him from school and all that stuff. So. So yeah, we have we see a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Well, and that’s cool, because I think there’s a lot of co parenting families out there that may be listening that need to hear that they need to hear that it’s not going to be forever. And, you know, and it is a certain time where you do have to, you know, do the hard work of communicating about things that you know, are uncomfortable, and you wish you just, you know, never have to talk about again, but the cool thing is, it’s it’s not going to be a forever kind of interaction, which is nice. Yeah, absolutely. Now, I want to ask a little bit about getting to the level of that openness that you have with Randy, I’m sure it was not an easy road in terms of, you know, talking about past experiences. And I say that kind of with, you know, my husband and I have struggled with that area as well, sometimes where something will be brought up, and he’ll just notice that that came from my past marriage. And, you know, how have you guys gotten to a place where he’s willing to share with you the pain and at the same time? You you aren’t? Okay, you’re okay with going there? Because, you know, there’s a good thing at the end of it. Does that make sense? It does. Yeah, I mean, like, I would go back to the thing of practice, you know, being vulnerable with each other. It takes practice, and have we tripped at times on that? Have we not always been graceful in the ways we’ve expressed what’s making us feel sad or hurt or angry? Well, sure, because we’re human. And we, but for the most part, I think, the more we get good about practicing being real with each other and transparent with each other. I just think the better off the easier it comes. You know, the more reassured you are that it’s safe, you know, that you’re safe with this person. Does that make sense? Yep. Yep. And, and I want to ask you, if you can kind of dumb it down to the three chief things you think have been central to your marital success, and you might have touched on them already, but

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kind of clarifying those. So I would say you know, obviously friendship is a key thing sexual intimacy nurtured sexual intimacy. And then the third thing I would say, healthy patterns are intentional. You know, we talked about that before but that just too many people think that they can get around to their nurturing their marriage someday that elusive someday, you know, will will take care of this and that just doesn’t really work. You know, you have to you have to be intentional about building those healthy patterns. Now, even if it doesn’t look perfect, and even if it looks cumbersome, and even if it you kind of have some a few near misses, that sort of thing. You still more You walk in the direction of health, the better off you’ll be. So that makes sense. Yeah, it does. And I want to circle back to the sex part that you mentioned. Okay, I love I love the part that you said, you know, basically, if mommy and daddy aren’t in sync, you know, the whole relationship is not in sync. Yeah, absolutely. And I think sex is just a huge part of, you know, sex, I always tell people sex is never just about sex. It really is, much as our society makes it out to be that way or the hookup culture, friends with benefits, or whatever. But you know, sex is never just about sex. And God designed it that way. Which is why, when it’s nurtured within an marriage, it’s such a profound thing. And it’s, it’s not just about what happens in those moments when you’re making love, but it’s also about the residual effects of that. And how it equips you to feel more connected and how it relieves stress and how it helps you extend grace to each other and realize that you’re are you’re on the same page, that sort of thing. So that’s, I guess, one thing I would add about that, hmm. Can I ask how, you know, someone might be listening to this, and they hear you, you’ve got a blog, you’ve got a website? And not just what you’ve got a book? Yeah. I mean, you just are a bonafide expert in this area. Your sweet. Only Randy knows. Yeah. No, but but I think it’s easy to maybe look at your, you know, what you bring to the table in or bring to the bedroom? And, and, and kind of think, well, she’s got it all figured out? How, how am I as someone who doesn’t have all that understanding and that wisdom about sex? How can I have a fulfilling sex life? And what would you say to that person that’s just feeling insecure about that? Well, I think sexual insecurities or performance insecurities, or will I know how to do stuff, right? Or will I know how to turn him on that sort of thing, I think those are very normal. And for women, the other big thing that usually gets in there is they feel self conscious about their body, you know, women much more than men struggle with body image issues. But every all the research kind of shows us that in general, you know, husbands want their wives. You know, we we sometimes as women think that the husband has this idealized supermodel idea about what sex should be, which really, if you pull most husbands what they want is they want the woman they married in the woman that they do life with, and the woman they have babies with, and, you know, they want the person that they’re committed to, and they want that person to want to be there. And so I think a key thing, in kind of building some of that sexual confidence, and even though obviously, I was married before and had had sex before, is I, you know, I hadn’t had sex with Randy before, you know, we I had to learn what he enjoyed and what turned him on. And I truly think that when we come to bed with an enthusiasm and a willingness to learn, and a willingness to

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be vulnerable, I think that that’s just so hot. I think that most, I think that most husbands think that too. And truth be told, I think husbands feel some insecurities. I mean, as far as like how they’re doing and what they should do to make it a good experience for her. And I always tell women, don’t put that on him to assume that he knows what he’s doing. Because a woman’s body is just oh my god, let’s face it. I mean, like, on any given day, we don’t even understand our bodies very well. So to think that your husband is going to know what it’s going to take to turn you on or to help you climax or whatever you need to you guys need to learn some of that stuff together and help him understand what feels good. And, you know, do you need more foreplay? Do you need firmer touch? Do you need, you know, there’s just many ways that you can communicate. So I would say don’t let those insecurities stop you in your tracks, or cause you to just be totally inhibited in bed because obviously, that’s not going to be a good experience for you or for or for your spouse. And the other thing I would say too, is I’m always paying attention to the spiritual dynamics of it all and here’s the thing God wants you and your husband you know, God wants married people enjoying their sexual intimacy. And the enemy Satan does not want that because Satan knows how powerful sex is. So if a couple enjoys their intimacy is intentional about it. is enthusiastic about figuring out what turns each other on that sort of thing. You know, if they enjoy that sacred exclusive time together? Well, Satan knows that that’s a force to be reckoned with. He knows that that binds the marriage together in such a way that it’s hard for him to penetrate, and to cause division. So I always tell couples, that God, one of the best things you can do for your marriage is make love, because it is just it’s a God thing going on to. And in the exclusivity of your marriage, this is the other thing I say to women is, no one knows what’s going on in your bedroom. So sometimes women think, oh, my gosh, I’m this Christian woman, you know, I can’t get all wild and crazy in bed, or you can’t try to different position or whatever, that just a good Christian woman wouldn’t do that. And that is just the craziest thing. Because here’s the thing within the exclusivity and the privacy of your merch bed, right, that is just about the two of you. I mean, that’s not about, you know, the ladies at Bunco. And what would they think are the, you know, so it’s really important, I think, for couples to try to be willing to ask each other, you know, does this feel good? Does it feel good when I do this, or to be proactive and say, Hey, I really like it. When you do such and such. I just think that the more comfortable couples get in doing that, the the better their sexual encounters are going to be? Yeah, it’s something you’ve outlined a couple of times, in the interview is how it takes practice. Yeah, it does. Yeah. You know, that whole thing about you know, sometimes you’ll hear people say, like, oh, honeymoon, like, can’t wait for the honeymoon. And I gotta tell you, I think for a lot of couples, I think, especially if they didn’t have sex beforehand, I think honeymoon sex sucks, you know, it’s like you don’t even you are not even really quite comfortable with being naked with each other. And I remember that being just kind of an odd experience for my husband, I, you know, we’d been dating and engaged and all that for a couple years by then and, and I just, I think it was very awkward for us. So I always say that practice. Yeah, I just think some of the best sex happens after you’ve been married a while after you’ve learned, you know, what sends a person over the edge, you know, it’s like, gosh, well, you’re not going to know that in the first week or two weeks or two months of marriage. That’s a learned. That’s a learned thing, for sure. Oh, that’s so good. That’s so good. Well, I mean, we’ve talked about it quite a bit already. But if you could give one specific tip that maybe a wife could implement in her marriage tonight, what what would you tell her about sex? What would I tell her about sex? Um, gosh, is narrowed down to one, um, I would say, the don’t underestimate

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your sexual power. In a good way. Don’t underestimate your sexual power in a good way. Some women use their sexual power to manipulate or to bargain, or to hold it over his head like, he’ll get sacks when he does this, for me are all rewarded this way, or I’ll punish him this way. You know, he didn’t do such and such. And so I’m going to withhold that sort of thing. But I would encourage the optimist in me and the positive encourager and me says, Don’t underestimate that you are the one with the privilege to speak love to your man in a way that no one else can. And so your sexual power is very influential over him. And so if you can learn to bless each other in this way, and to be intentional in this way, I just think, you know, I just think it’s gonna do wonders for your marriage. I really do. And if that’s a new thing for you, a new thing to initiate or to express to your husband. Hey, I want to make love to you tonight. I know it takes courage to put yourself out there but most husbands are going to respond more than gastic Lee to that and feel grateful and feel affirmed. So yeah, don’t underestimate your sexual power. I love that I love I love thinking about it as power as this is an opportunity for you to encourage and love your man like no one else can. So good. Absolutely. You know, I want to we’re almost about to wrap up. I want to ask you about something you mentioned a little earlier also, but do too. A specific marriage that you’ve had, what opportunities you’ve had to serve God and get to know him? Well, I think certainly in this area since I’ve been through a failed marriage, and now I’m in a healthy remarriage, I think that I have had just, and I’m humbled by this, but you know, I am most encouraged when I get an email from somebody who says that something they read on my blog, helped them, save their marriage, or help them make a positive change in their marriage. That is, like just the best affirmation ever. And then the other opportunities I’ve had to serve as sometimes people in my circle of influence, or within the Omaha area, will contact me and will say, hey, you know, I have a, I have a friend who’s getting married soon, would you be willing to talk to her about sexual intimacy, and I love those one on one opportunities. And even when strangers you know, I had a couple from California, contact me and they said, Hey, we just were were young couple been married, I think about four or five years, they had their first baby, and they were just really struggling. And they’re like, Hey, would you would you talk with us, would you? And they were just, it takes courage. And they did. They just reached out. And I was encouraged by that and humbled by that. So yeah, I’ve gotten opportunities. And I, I love it if my blog or my anything I’ve spoken, or any thing in the book that I co wrote, if that helps people grasp a better idea of what sex can be in their marriage, then that is sweet, sweet, heavenly reward for me. I mean, that just is affirms me greatly. So yeah, definitely. And Julie’s question just came to mind that I think I’m going to try to, if you’re comfortable answering it, I’d love to maybe insert kind of back into the interview a little bit farther. But well, I wanted to ask you, someone that is in, let’s say, the same situation that you were in with your ex, there’s a third party involved. It sounds like a horrific experience. Really? What would you say to a woman that has just found out something along those lines? And would you kind of encourage her to walk a similar course? Or what would you ask her to? Do? You mean, like if she has found out that there’s a third party and party? Okay, well, my situation was I found out the third party was involved after my husband left. So my situation was a little different. You know, I think each situation is a horribly, sometimes horribly unique. And I would encourage that, I think the first thing I would encourage if a woman suspects that there’s a third party involved, I mean, I think she should go to her husband first and ask him,

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you know, I’m kind of a trust your gut person, but you have to keep that in check with not being paranoid, as well. So more open communication. And then if it’s a situation that like after the fact, like the husband has already decided to leave, and you find out a third party party is involved. I mean, I certainly, I think you need safe, mature people around you so that you don’t do anything rash. I’m not really big on the whole revenge thing. I just don’t, I don’t think it accomplishes anything. I think ultimately, I hold tight to that verse in Hebrews that we all have to give an account for how we lived. Man, if a cheating spouse has chosen adultery, well, eventually they’re going to have to give an account for that. And it’s not that there’s not forgiveness if they repent, and I know of marriages that have been saved, that have faced adultery, and have em porn addiction and strip clubs and all that I know, marriages that when there’s repentance, and there’s a willingness on both parties to heal, so I wouldn’t rule that out. I mean, a person in that situation has to discern the whole can this marriage be saved? That’s kind of a long winded answer. I’m sorry. I just think each situation is so unique. You know, sometimes the person committing adultery, doesn’t want to repent and that’s a whole different ballgame. You know, it’s true. Yeah, no, I just thank you for going into that a little bit because I know that you know, now being on the other side of divorce and in a marriage that’s just wonderfully fulfilling, thank God. I would hope I would want women to to work through it and stick it out and work as much as they can to make it a better thing not to kind of walk in my shoes necessarily in that? Yeah. So I kind of wanted to just kind of go into that and just hear your thoughts on it. And I appreciate that so much. You bet. Well, this, I appreciate that. You want to talk to me about all this stuff. I mean, I just am so encouraged by people like yourself and others who are willing to put themselves out there and really try to encourage marriages, because I guarantee you there’s a lot of marriages that are hungry for it that are hungry for truth, and encouragement, and hope to be spoken into, into their marriage. Oh, that’s awesome. Well, and and maybe that’ll kind of move into one of the last questions I want to ask about a book or program that you’d specifically recommend. And I’d love for you to go into your book a little bit more as well. Okay, a book or a program? Oh, my gosh. You know, I think in this isn’t specifically on sex. Well, it depends. I really like Shannon Etheridge, his book, The sexually confident wife. And Shannon Etheridge was one of the first people and Shannon and I have emailed and communicate. I mean, I really have a lot of respect for Shannon, but she was one of the first people to in the Christian realm, to really say to wives, sex is a good thing in your marriage. And this is why. So I still have a heart for that book, the sexually confident wife. Shannon’s very vulnerable in it. And so I like it a lot. I often also think Shaunti Feldhahn has done good work with Nam, I forget the names of her books, you know, the ones were, what do women really think? What do men really think? What you need to know about men what you need to know about women. I mean, she and she’s very Shaunti Feldhahn is very researched base. I mean, she just she really has done a lot of tremendous work. So if you just search Shaunti Feldhahn it’s Effie LDHHN. Great resource out there. And then the last resource I recommend is I have a lot of respect for J of hot, holy and humorous, you know, her blog.

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She and I have gotten to know each other and she’s another person who’s just doing her best to live it, you know, to live her marriage and to speak truth about sex and marriage. So I really respect her. Ask for my book, I think my book pursuit of passion Discovering True intimacy in your marriage, it’s available both as ebook and audiobook. We didn’t do hardcopy because everything so much of what we’re learning is that you know, ebook is really the way people are reading things, but tried. Yeah, saves trees. Yeah, I’m still so I’m an old soul, though. I still love. I don’t know, I love. I love books around me. But anyway, I think it would be a great book, I always say I think it would be a great book, not only for couples for starting out, you know, so if you have a young engaged or recently married couple, I think this book really covers a lot and helps them have those set in place those good tapes in their head of what sex should be in marriage. And so that’s one thing I would say. But I also think the book is beneficial even for somebody who’s been married a while, because let’s face it, one of the things honestly, belah that’s so sabotages sexual intimacy in marriage, is we come into it with all these screwed up tapes in our head about what sex is. And I think about so many, particularly Christian women who all they heard growing up was sex was wrong. Sex was gross sex was bad and to say no to sex. No, no, no. And I get why we tell teenagers that the the thing sadly, that hasn’t been balanced with helping young people understand why sex in marriage is a good thing. And why orgasm is a good thing in marriage, you know. So I think that my book and other resources out there can help couples overcome some of those skewed and false tapes that are rolling around in their head. You know, another one that rolls around in a lot of women’s heads is if they had sex before they were marriage married and if they were promiscuous or whatever. They I hear from women who genuine Lee think they don’t deserve good sexual intimacy in their marriage because they believe they are being punished for their past promiscuity and that is a lie from the pit of hell. Because it almost says that Jesus’s blood can’t overcome that sin. And that’s just the truth we know is God’s redemptive God your past does not define you. So I do think this book, another book helps couples, it put in place those those truth tapes rather than the false tapes. Hmm. I just so appreciate that. And, you know, our listeners know that I really love sharing resources with them. Because, you know, that’s been a huge, huge help in my marriage and my sexuality in there. If I didn’t have specific books that I could point to and say this helped me. So I’m so glad that you that you share that. Yeah. And I do want to say one other book that I would recommend if a couple wants to do a book together if they didn’t want to our book. I mean, obviously, I’d love it if they would do my book, but is another book when to become one enhancing sexual intimacy and marriage by Christopher and Rachel McCluskey. The reason I like this book as well is because it, it’s meant for a couple to go through together, and it has questions at the end of each chapter. So it’s meant to be a book that really helps a couple, dig in, to how to make their intimacy healthy, and how to overcome some of the struggles they’ve had. So that’s another one I would recommend. I appreciate that. Yeah, that’s just so good. Now, our listeners also know that you can get all of these resources at delight your marriage.com in the show notes, I’m going to have them all linked up. So it’ll be very easy for you to Oh, good. Okay, awesome. Yeah, yeah, as well as some of the books that we didn’t have the names for. So I’ll have that in there. So cool. Well, now now finishing up, I want to ask you, kind of my final question is about if you could go back to your one of your marriage? What would you sit yourself down and say to yourself,

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if you could, what would I sit myself down to and say to myself, you know, I would sit myself down? And I would say, This is what I would say, I would say, the extraordinary lives in the ordinary? That’s, that’s what I would say. I would say, I said that, I would say the extraordinary lives in the ordinary. Be patient. You know, don’t don’t, you can’t die on the side of every mountain. You know, I mean, you got it, you got to discern what battles are worth fighting. And I will say the vast majority of the little nitpicky stuff in your marriage, don’t die on the sides of those mountains. You know, it just is not worth it. Because if you do if you become consumed with some of those, those small slights and frustrations and stuff like that, if you become consumed, you are going to miss the extraordinary in the ordinary. And so that’s what I would say to a younger made 12 years ago. I love it. I love it. And, you know, throughout this whole interview, it’s just been wonderful to hear how intentional again, you are, in that the little the little moments and you know, just a funny insight that just came to me recently, you know, when you practice being in the present, and recognizing that right here right now is an important part of your life and important part of your calling an important part of your destiny. Yeah, right. If you want to say it that every single moment, honestly, as women, that’s a huge help in the bedroom, too. If you train your mind to be here now. Oh, yeah. The day to day, you know, it gets you orgasm a lot quicker. Yeah, it does. You know, and it’s funny too, because, you know, you know, you all hear women say this kind of a funny thing too. You know, people be like, Oh, I’m, I’m too tired, or I don’t have time for sex. And I’m always like, what I’m like, what, how long does it really take? I mean, you know, even in my husband and I even in like our best lovemaking sessions, you know, we It wasn’t lasting hours, you know, you can have you can have some pretty incredible sex in 20 minutes. You really you can you know, if you have the right heart attitude and stuff like that, and as far as the whole being too tired and you know, I think that sometimes it’s just a matter of re aligning our priorities. And I know I know stuff is busy with kids. You know, my older son, he plays baseball and so we’re heading into baseball season and we live eat breathe baseball. Yeah, life gets messy and dinner at eight o’clock is a you know hot dog at the ball field and stuff like that. So I get that but here’s the thing is that when all is said and done, what your kids most need? Is they need a mama and daddy and love. That’s what they most need. Yeah, they don’t need super clean floors and laundry that is always organized and they don’t perfectly homemade treats for their party at school and they don’t you know, store bought treats would be fine. and they don’t always need, you know, a birthday party that took you months to plan. And, you know, so you have to really when you see them back and look at it, it’s like, gosh, you know, what, what does my spouse need? And what do my kids need? And you know what they need they need. They need a mama who’s not completely freaked out. That’s Amen to that. So I’m just like, probably the people who are most stressed out are the ones who need sex the most, you know, it’s like, gosh, good orgasm go a long way to put things in perspective. So true. Thank you. Gosh, I wish we could just continue because this is just so good. And but but but see, this is the thing, you can continue the conversation at intimacy and marriage calm. So absolutely. Amazing articles there that you can dive into and hear more about extraordinary in the ordinary. That’s just brilliant. So to follow up, can you share with us how we can connect with you online in all the different ways? Absolutely. Well, you can connect with me obviously, at my blog, which is intimacy in marriage calm. And there’s links to my social media stuff. But I will say my Twitter handle, which I do tweet, you know, not only my own posts, but lots of other posts, too. My Twitter handle is at intimacy, and then the number four, and then the word life. So intimacy for life is my Twitter handle. And then my Facebook page is intimacy and marriage, so that you can find all that if you just go to intimacy in marriage, calm.

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That’s, that’s where you’ll find it all. Awesome, awesome. And again, we’ll have that linked up in the show notes as well, if you are driving or something, can’t write it down. But, Julie, this has just been brilliant. Thank you so much for being so open. And thank you, I feel humbled and privileged that anybody would ever want to talk to me about, about these things. So so whenever I have the opportunity, and I just want to tell people, you know, I’m just a normal person. I am I’m as real as real gets. And, and I just have a heart for this area of marriage. I love it. I love it. And you can tell because of that heart, she just has such great insights. Great, Julie. Well, we’ll talk to you soon. Thanks, again. Thank you. Wow, I’m just so grateful for how much she was willing to give and the insights that she clearly has just overflowing. And go check out her website and check out our book and the other resources, it’s all going to be linked up on the show notes. And while you’re at delight your marriage.com I would love for you to also to click over to delight your marriage.com/webinar. And again, that is happening very, very soon. It’s going to be on Tuesday, May 12 at 8pm. Eastern Standard Time, again, you’re not going to want to miss it. It is totally anonymous. It’s free. And it’s not recorded. So a number of people have reached out to me to find out if it will be recorded. And I and I don’t for the reason that it’s private. You and I are having a private conversation about our intimacy in marriage. And it’s so I just, it’s a great event. Again, I’ve had so much awesome feedback. And every single time it’s a little different. So I’ve had people that have been on each webinar and they’re like, I just love it. So praise God for that. Again, we’re diving into the Bible. It’s not scary. I promise you. We’re not getting scary on there. But it’s a great presentation. I really believe that God can use it to affect you in your marital intimacy. It’s called How to love Him most and go ahead to delight your marriage.com/webinar it is coming up very soon. You also can get a free guide that you can find out more if you go to that website. Okay. God bless you and I will talk to you soon.

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Thanks for listening. Stop by delight your marriage.com to check out all the show notes as well as many more resources and articles. Until next time, live with love, wisdom impassion