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Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Sheila Wray Gregoire of tolovehonorandvacuum.com. On this episode, she shares quite a useful and life-changing tip in boosting the pleasure when engaging in sexual intimacy with your husband. It’s something you wouldn’t want to miss! She also shares about the top three things that have kept her marriage delightful and happy throughout the years. Sheila is a very inspiring speaker and on this interview, she shares how you can turn your marriage into something wonderful, if only you put your mind into it. Listen in and enjoy!

Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/46

Scripture/Quote:

For we live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

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You’ll Discover:

  • The amazing bedroom insider tip on how to maximize pleasure in your lovemaking!
  • The top three ingredients that have kept her marriage happy and healthy
  • How Sheila feels about spiritual pathways and praising God in your own ways
  • How you can embrace the beauty of sex and marriage, which God has given

Books & Resources Mentioned:

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Tweetables:

  • Sex is a way of checking in with each other.
  • Lift your hips. Engage those muscles!
  • If God created you for an amazing marriage, do something about it.
  • Even if you can’t see how right now, believe in God, and He will let you see the path before you.
  • Talk about the big things and small things. Find a new hobby to do together. Prioritize sex.

Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!

Love,

Belah

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TRanscript

 

0:00
Do you want your marriage episode 47

0:04
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast, the show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah rose.

0:21
Hello, and this is Bella, I want to thank you for joining today, it is the second half of this awesome interview with Sheila where she shares a very specific technique that females can implement to increase pleasure immediately in the bedroom. And I think not only that, there’s just so many other great questions I asked Sheila, actually a question that’s kind of been on my heart recently. And you’ll be interested in what her responses because it’s very thought through, you can tell she’s just really been steeped in the Scripture and in this literature about sexuality and about the history for a long time. And I love that she’s willing to share so much that she is okay, let’s dive in.

1:23
Well, I want to ask you how you’re married. We talked a little bit about your marriage before early on, but how what is your marriage look like now? And tell us a little bit about that, would you? Well, you know, we’re going through such transitions right now. So we’ve actually been Yeah, a lot about this in the last year. Because, you know, when you do go through the empty nest thing, because that’s coming, our younger daughters leaving home at the end of the summer, and so I’ve just been talking a lot about what we’re going to do to make sure that life is still exciting. Yeah, what we can do to just to get some new things in our lives, and to really enjoy being together, just the two of us. Because so often, the kids leave home and then life gets really boring. In especially for women, it can be a huge loss. Like I’m very emotional about my daughter leaving and it’s not because I want her to leave I do she’s we live in a small town and she is not meant to be in a small town. So, you know, she needs to leave just to come into herself. And I’m happy for her about that. But she’s she’s one of my best friends. I know. They say that parents are supposed to be the kids friends, but we go for walks every day we talk. I’m just playing gonna miss her. Yes, but yes, but that doesn’t. It’s I think for a lot of women, there’s a grieving process and for a lot of men too. And that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re unhealthy. Sure, sure. But there is a grieving process and just trying to find a new identity as you come to a new stage in your life. But I think this is an exciting stage because there’s no grandkids yet. The parents aren’t sick yet. So you know, we don’t have those needs. So we actually are free for the next few years. We’re free. Yeah, yeah. So we just talked about how to make that fun and some travel. Yeah, we’re gonna travel. We are you. We just bought an RV, actually. So I’m doing my husband’s cut back summit work. And we’re going to spend a lot of time on the road with speaking tours, and yay, good sex talk that I’d like to give in churches to women. So we’re gonna get on the road and do a lot of those in Texas and Florida and Arizona. Those are much better places to spend the winters and then Canada where I live, and, uh huh. Yo, and then do and then do everywhere else and like the fall in the spring, so yeah, we’re gonna have fun. Nice. Okay. Well, any church leaders listening, Sheila is she’s she’s heading on the road. So keep her in mind. Absolutely. That’s awesome. Well, okay, so then, would you share what the chief three things you feel has been central to your marital success? I think number one is we just talk a lot. Yeah, no, I once heard it say that, that when you lose the ability to talk about the little things, you stop being able to talk about the big things. Let’s say that there’s something really big in your marriage. You know, maybe it’s that you don’t agree on finances, maybe you don’t agree on a move that you need to make. Maybe you don’t agree on how we’re going to raise the kids. Maybe one of you is just feeling unloved. The problem is you can’t address those issues. Unless you can also just plain talk about little things. And often couples stop talking about the little things because all they talk about is logistics. You know who’s going to take mom to get the MRI, who’s gonna pick up Johnny from karate, who’s going to pick up milk because we’re out of milk. And the majority of your conversations are about that. And then you’d never talk about how was your day or You know, what are you doing today? What are you thinking today? And we need to keep talking about those little things. Because when we talk about the little things, just, you know, how are you what’s going on, tell me what the highlight of your day was. When I talk about those things, we build goodwill, you know, we build this idea that we like being together. And when you have that, then it’s much easier to address the big things in your marriage. So one thing Keith and I do almost every day, we take a walk after dinner. Or we put a hot tub in a couple of years ago. So in the winter, when it’s too cold, take a walk. We had a notch. Oh, that’s amazing. Yeah. Great idea. Okay, here’s the hot tub. Best parenting thing we ever did. Someone told me there are almost entering teenage should but they said if you want your kids to talk to you get a hot tub because they’ll sit in the hot tub with you and they will. And you can’t like bring your phone in the hot tub. That’s that’s a brilliant. Oh, yeah. So anyway, but you know, we just spend time talking together everyday. And I think that is a huge thing is to just carve out time to talk because a lot of couples just stop doing that. And they get too busy. So yeah, so okay, you asked for three things. Right? Okay, so number one.

6:17
To talk number two, we’ve really tried to keep one thing that we do together, like find a hobby that we do together. And a couple of years ago, we started birdwatching, my husband’s way more into it than I am, I mean, he can be guided by sounds, he can’t. Like he gets really, really into this. I’m not really that into it, but I like being out in nature. And I like going and I love hikes. So you know, why not? So we find this thing to do that he likes more than I do, but I still enjoy it. And we do get to spend time together. And it’s something we do without the kids. So, you know, just find something that you can do. That’s important. And then the other one, and I honestly think this is important is just prioritize sex, you know, really try to it doesn’t always have to be earth shattering. Okay, but don’t always need the earth to move or you know, it’s a way of checking in with each other and making sure that it’s that you’re both okay. And I think I think far too many people are finding that sex goes by the wayside. When I did the surveys for the Good Girls Guide to great sex. I think the number was 42.7%. I remember that correctly. of couples make love less than once a week. Almost half. Okay, almost half report making love Whoa, man. Yeah. You know, that’s the problem. Yeah. Yes. You know, so I know sometimes that shift work, or we’ve got babies or whatever, but just just prioritize it. Because we all need it. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it’s, it’s interesting because well, just to recap, I wanted to mention so So number one, it was talk about the little things and the big things extra credit, get a hot tub. Number two, get have a common activity that you do just you and your spouse together. I like that a lot. And then number three, prayer, prioritize sex. And I mean, I hear you. It’s it is needed to prioritize. And I think sometimes as women, well, you know, physiologically, we’re wired to basically put our mind in gear before our body gets in gear, generally. Even not the truth. Yeah. So we if we choose to have sex, that choice, and then our body starts kind of getting getting getting into it. So if so as I do talk, we’re talking to wives here. Yeah, just just for Sheila to say, prioritize it. That’s how wonderful 23 marriages 23 years of marriage is built on prioritizing this important part. It’s awesome. Super. Cool. Okay. Well, let me ask you, if you’re comfortable now, we’ve talked about this a lot so far, but specifically with sex, can you give us a tip that you wish someone let you in on earlier? I don’t know how explicit I’m allowed to be my lead. It’s actually wholly up to you because people share quite a lot here or, you know, so it’s really, I’d love for you to share if you can, okay, all right, here we go. Um, one of the things that women especially need to understand, okay, is that the reason that sex feels good, is not because of nerves in the vagina, it’s because of your clitoris. Alright, and when making love, yeah, that is not always engaged. Okay? So there’s a very, very simple thing that you can do. It’s really simple. To make it feel better and that’s just simply lift up your hips. Okay, I like it. Okay, and here. wouldn’t be standing up, you’re standing up and just bring your buttocks in, okay, bring your buttocks in, okay, that’s what that’s going to move, okay? Because when you do that, you’re actually putting pressure on the clitoris. Alright. And when you’re doing that, and he and you’re making left, he’s far more likely to get the right angle. Because what we do instead is we don’t engage those muscles. And then nothing really happens. And it’s such a simple change to make. We often I’ve often heard people say, we’ll just put a pillow under your butt and the angle will be better. Unless you’re engaging the muscles, the pillow will do nothing. Okay. Good. Yep, just make a point of just like engaging the muscle, just simply and it’s that simple. And that can make a difference for women. All right. Fantastic. Thank you for that. Simple, and sometimes, you know, a lot of women find that it’s much easier if they’re on top to for that, too.

10:56
Yeah. And just experiment. And one thing that I have found as a woman and other women have told me the same thing, too, is like this idea of trying 19 different positions doesn’t really turn them on much. Because once you found a position that actually works, you want to stick to that position. Okay. Right, so hard to find the one that works like I do, you know. So what I often say is, like, use the others for foreplay, but then finish in the one that works for you. Okay. Awesome. Okay. Yay. That’s awesome. That’s a that’s actually really, really helpful. Thank you. That’s great. Well, okay, so then, in talking about your specific marriage, what opportunities have you had to serve and get to know God? Now, FYI, you serve God, right, just a moment ago by helping his daughters feel better in sex. So that was great. But also, just in terms of your your marriage and your relationship with God, I’m interested in, in how how you’ve gotten to know him better through your marriage. Yeah, you know, I, this is a really hard one for a lot of couples, because so many of us have this idea that, you know, the guy has to be the big spiritual leader. We want him to lead us in devotions. And then he doesn’t do that. And then we feel like marriage isn’t spiritual. And one of the best books I ever read, that made a huge difference in my own spiritual life was sacred pathways by Gary Thomas. Yes. Yes, Gary. Yeah, Gary tends to read a lot about marriage, like you’ve probably heard of sacred marriage, and his written sacred parenting and all this, but he wrote this one book that is so different from any of his other books, but he wrote about how there’s nine different ways that people relate to God or feel God the most. And only one of them, which would be more the academic intellectual way is really valued in most evangelical churches today know, the kind where you read the Bible with highlighters and, and multiple pens, and you journal and that is wonderful to do. And if that’s your spiritual pathway, more power to you. But many people don’t have that as their main way of feeling God many people feel God most when they’re out in nature, or when they’re serving, like, how many guys really get involved when there’s when the church throws? You know, give oil changes to all the single parents today, right and invite single parents neighborhood to come get an oil change, and all of a sudden, every guy in the church is out there. Yeah, because they really do want to serve, but they just don’t get that excited about sitting through a sermon. And it doesn’t mean they’re not a spiritual. Right. Right. And so that that book is really opened my eyes instantly. My husband and I both have the same two sacred pathways, which is really quite funny. And we what are they were both nature. So I like taking hikes. You know, that’s the most and we’re traditional, like the traditional, we love liturgy. Okay, one of the best trips we ever were at was an Anglican church. You know, we love those. And yet we can’t we go to a very Evangelical Church, so. But whenever the community has passed, I always say the blood of Christ shed for you, under my breasts of this person feels like, wow, you know, it feels better. And I have this insatiable urge to make the sign of the cross all the time, but like both my husband and I are real traditionalists, and we’re real nature people. And that means that we don’t always feel the most comfortable in the church that we go to, you know, and, and so we and we understand that about ourselves, and that’s okay, so we have this prayer book that we work through at home and, and things like that, but I think one of the best things that couples can do is try to figure out what is it that God has called you to as a couple, like let’s, because we all have our unique spiritual gifts as individuals, but what can I call you to as a couple and I I have a good friend coupled Steven Tammy. And Steve is life of the party. He’s energetic. He’s a jokester. And Tammy is very organized and very mature and calming. And so the two of them work amazing running youth programs. Because these can, can, you know, get everyone excited, and Tammy can make sure no one ends up in the emergency room. Right. So the two together were great for youth groups, but if only one of them was trying to run the youth group, it wouldn’t work.

15:33
Yeah, you know, like, like, look at the two. So they’ve always served with youth until well, more recently, God’s moving them into other ministries. But I mean that, you know, as a couple, they’ve always served together. And so look at you guys together and say, Where can we serve, because I truly believe that when couples are serving, and doing things together, you just get closer in your marriage, and God wants us to reach out. And the more we reach out, the less we are focused on our own issues. And unless we ruminate about our own problems, and the more invigorated we get, you know, so keep an eye out. We love teaching Sunday school. We’ve worked with the youth for years. We’re phasing out of that now, and but most of all, we speak together. So we’ve spoken at marriage conferences for the last 10 years and doing more of that. And that’s been really fun. Huh, that’s so great. I really am grateful that you talked about sacred pathways. It’s actually been on my list to read. And my my pastor recommended it, because my husband and I are very, very different. And we connect to God in different ways, too. And so yeah, I’m, I’m really glad. So it’ll be on the delight your marriage shownotes. So you can go there, it’ll be all linked up. So I love that encouragement. Now. Other Other than that, is there a book or program that you would specifically recommend it for your spiritual life? You mean, or for? Well, no, actually, for our entire program? You know, you said that you’ve got nine. So far. I mean, what would you like to chat about a specific book that you could recommend around the stuff that we’ve been talking about? Well, okay. I mean, my favorite book that I wrote was 31 days to great sex. Yeah, why was it your favorite? Well, maybe I’m being facetious. I think my favorite one actually, is the Good Girls Guide to great sex. But I think most men, Facebook is 31 days to great sex. Okay, I was like, I’m familiar with you. Some of the topic is to some of the books I’ve been waiting to not read them before I interview them. So everything’s fresh, and I can, but um, yeah, now Now it makes sense what you’re saying, okay, yes. It’s a challenge. But it’s really easy. It’s like you read three to five pages a night together, and then you just do what it says. And the important thing to remember is that 31 days to great sex, not 31 days of great sex. And that’s a huge Tim. So I am not saying you have to have sex every day for 31 days. Yeah, it’s just it’s a series of exercises, which helps you learn to communicate better to be more affectionate to figure out what each other likes. And certainly a lot of the days are racy. But a lot of the days are also just learning how to talk again, because most couples do not know how to talk about this. And having a book that takes you through very simple questions, very simple things to do everyday can can be a lot easier to open up some of those conversations that you’ve been scared to have. That’s awesome. Very cool. Okay. So it’s actually I, we had a guest, who was a listener on a couple episodes ago, Karen, and she recommended to me, she said, she’s been reading one of your books, so they’ve been reading it every night. And so it’s been a huge help. And not only that, actually a number of guests otherwise, J from hot, holy and humorous. She also recommended your bow. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So we’re, I’m excited to dive into these. This is really exciting. Okay, so my kind of final question to you is, if you could go back to year one, in your marriage and sit yourself down? What is one piece of advice that you would give to you? Okay, well, most of my problems were with sex. Okay, so my advice is gonna be about sex. But I think this is transferable to other problems. So if your problem, just listen to the principle behind it, but I started really wallowing and really ruminating on it on my problems. And I would say, you know, sex is awful. The world’s been lying to me. I’m the only one who really understands how awful this really is. Everyone else is just drank the Kool Aid. And yeah, and they don’t get it. And I’m the only one who sees the truth. And then one day I realized, okay, my experience is that sex is awful. But God created it to be good. And so can I believe God, even if I can’t see how that is possible. Or even if I haven’t experienced that yet, like how what I think about God is more important than what I think about sex. Because if I believe God, then it will be possible for sex to be better.

20:17
But if I’m just concentrating on sex, I’m not going to see it. And so I had to start believing God said, this was good. And so God says, This was good. And if God wants this for me, then why in the world would I let myself miss out on that? And so it became a research project that I was more energized to figure out about, because I started to believe that God wanted the best for me. And sometimes we need to get out of our own experience, and say, Okay, what what did God really create me for? And if God created you for a big life, don’t settle for something less. You know, if God created you for an amazing marriage, then do something about it believe that. That’s what God has for you. And even if you can’t see how right now, believe it about God, and I think that he will let you see the path before you. Oh, that’s so good. That’s so good. I mean, yeah, that’s that’s we walk by faith and not by sight. I mean, that’s exactly. It’s just beautiful advice. Thank you for that. Okay, so. So two things I want to ask you then is, where can our audience find and connect with you online? Yeah, well, every dad blog, it’s a love, honor and vacuum.com. And it’s quite an active community. I’m also on Facebook. I’ve been to love honor and vacuum. And so that’s really fun. I talk a lot about sex, but that’s not the only thing I talk about. So mostly, there’s a lot of fun. Um, so yeah, go there. And and then we’re gonna ask another thing. What was your Yeah, my last I was going to ask if you wanted to, if, if churches could contact you about speaking in the near future? Is that something that you’re open to? Absolutely. And it sounds we’re trying to nail specifically we’re looking for, let me think the Carolinas, and okay, Florida, Texas, Georgia, like sort of next next year, but we’re open to going in the Northeast like Vermont, Maine, those kind of all the way down because I’m driving all the way down. Yay. But that’s that’s specifically for the fall of 2015. But then we’re going to be in other places like California, other places plan as well for 2016. So yes, please just go to love, honor and vacuum calm and click on the Events tab at the top. And there’s ways that you can get in contact with me. They’re awesome. You know what we’ll do, we’ll also have that linked up in the show notes so people can click there. But this has been so fun. Sheila, thank you for all of your insight, advice, wisdom, it’s just it’s just you’re doing awesome stuff. And I’m excited to finally dive into your, your books. Yeah. Well, thank you very much. Wow, thank you so much, Sheila, this was such a blessing to be able to chat with you and get all of this insights, and things that are going to be helping our marriages even immediately. And wasn’t that tip, excellent. Okay, so if you have not yet listened to my webinar, that’s delight your marriage.com/webinar how to make him wild for you the five secrets of receiving love and passion in God’s plan, I want you to go to delight your marriage.com/webinar. And otherwise, definitely go to delight your marriage.com and get all of the show notes associated with today’s broadcast, because I’ve got all of it linked up, you can check out Sheila’s resources, and she’s got so much for free, as well as check out her books. You know, that’s definitely something that would be worth the $15 investment to, you know, hang out together for the evening, two to three pages and get better sex, and in that shorter time. So, anyway, I’ll talk to you next time on Tuesday and God bless you. praying for you and your marriage. Love you. Bye.

24:07
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion

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