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DYM Ep50: 10 Ways Sex Teaches Us About God with Belah Rose - Delight Your Marriage

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Hi there! Belah here. Today is a solo show I made because I felt it was time that I share a piece of my mind about how sex relates to God. On this episode, I give out 10 points on how sex actually teaches us about God and what he tells us through scripture. I believe that sex is a metaphor to marriage, and it is vital between husbands and wives. Join me and open your minds so you may see and understand clearly how sex can teach us a lot about God. Have a blessed day!

Want to deepen intimacy? Looking to move past your barriers getting in the way? Sign up now for a FREE Strategy Session with Belah to see if you’re a good fit for 1:1 Coaching directly with Belah! Email belah@delightyourmarriage.com before July 31, 2015!

Scripture/Quote:

When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, “Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the LORD.” Hosea 1:2
And the LORD said to Moses: “You are going to rest with your ancestors, and these people will soon prostitute themselves to the foreign gods of the land they are entering. They will forsake me and break the covenant I made with them. Deuteronomy 31:16
Yet they would not listen to their judges but prostituted themselves to other gods and worshiped them. They quickly turned from the ways of their ancestors, who had been obedient to the LORD’s commands. Judges 2:17
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:4-6
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Corinthians 7:9
An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels. Proverbs 18:1
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

You’ll Discover:

The 10 ways sex teaches us about God—point by point!
Some amazing scriptures from the Bible and how it translates to the essence of sex in every marriage
How we should accept our spouses for who and what they are
How sex should be a lifelong commitment

Tweetables:

God made sex. It was his before the world’s.
We have the choice to say, “I chose you. And I am not giving up on you.”
We are not perfect. We cannot be. But God does not give up on us.
God’s love encompasses sexual love.
The best sex is without fear—no fear of judgment, rejection, condemnation, criticism.

Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!

Love,

Belah

—

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Transcript:

Does your intimate relationship seem utterly and necessarily separate from your relationship with God?
Maybe you have gotten to a place where you’re ok with that understanding, but you wouldn’t say it out loud?
Wherever you’re starting, my goal for you to come away with intrigue.
- I’d like you to desire deeper revelation for God’s holy design for sex.
- I want to whet your appetite to the glory and holiness of sexual intimacy.
1. It’s the Bible’s metaphor not mine!
- When approaching the topic of sex through God’s lens, its so easy to feel our thoughts are unenlightened and immature on this vital theme running throughout our lives.
- I’m sure you and I both realize the world’s infatuation on this topic. But let us not forget that God made sex. It was His first. So we need His help in allowing us to understand sex from His perspective.
- Here are just the beginning of the many ways the Bible speaks about marital sex as a metaphor for God’s relationship with His people
  - When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, “Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the LORD.” Hosea 1:2
  - And the LORD said to Moses: “You are going to rest with your ancestors, and these people will soon prostitute themselves to the foreign gods of the land they are entering. They will forsake me and break the covenant I made with them. Deut 31:16
  - And yet they would not hearken unto their judges, but they went a whoring after other gods, and bowed themselves unto them: they turned quickly out of the way which their fathers walked in, obeying the commandments of the LORD; but they did not so. Judges 2:17
2. Jesus says sex is vital.
- Lets look at what Jesus says about sex: “And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh’? “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Matt 19:4-6
- Firstly, wow. Did you read what I just did? Jesus said God made them male and female for this reason they should wed and become one flesh. What!? So, Jesus said: God made two different kinds of humans: male and female. And because He made them different they should: 1) leave all their family/past/comfort zone, 2) get married, and 3) have sex.
- Why would he say this? Another place this phrase comes up, when Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her…‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh’” Ephesians 5:25 & 31 This shows a bit more of God’s heart for sex. There is a sanctification that goes on in the process of lovemaking.
3. Marriage Teaches God’s Love
- If you’ve ever been married you know that the day after the fantastical wedding celebration, real life sets in. And it’s not always a fairytale. You begin to understand that person you fell in love with leaves dishes in the sink for you to clean. He has weaknesses that annoy you. He may even have selfishness that rears it’s ugly head at the moment of your desperate need.
- Because marriage is intimate. You become the closest person to your husband. The longer you are together, the more you find out who they really are. And you love them anyway. You choose to love even when you don’t like them. And if you choose to do that, you may have the opportunity to see more. He may trust you enough to let you closer. A lot of that “more” you see, however is dark and bad. He might let you in on sin that shreds your innocent, doe-eyes and little-girl ideals. It’s unfair and wrong and hurtful. But, you have a great opportunity: to forgive and say “I chose you and I am not giving up on you.”
- Tears are welling in my eyes as I see God’s heart for us in that that picture of marriage. We are not perfect. We cannot be. In marriage or elsewhere. But God does not give up on us. He knows us. And He loves us so much, even when what we are actively doing pierces his heart.
- In marriage we see what God does for us everyday. And His love is deeper than ours. His love is truer than ours. His love is more vulnerable than ours. And we get an opportunity to love the way He loves us in our marriage, every single day.
4. Why does God want us to be totally intimate with our mate?
- Honesty is the best policy. Yes it is. And sex in marriage is honest. Sex is such a metaphor for marriage in general. When we strip down the layers that cover who we really are, our spouse sees it. He sees it all. In marriage you really can’t hide who you are. To be blunt, in a single night or short-lived relationships, you can hide. But not in marriage. You can only pretend for so long until either you A) open up (which is what I’m rooting for!) or B) you allow fear to swallow you and force you to run away (the real reason for divorce and sexless marriages, I think).
- When you’re regularly making love, you’re exposed to who this person really is. Your own flaws are exposed (and I’m not talking about your belly giggle). You and I both know everything follows us into the bedroom: our impatience, our selfishness, our habit of distraction, our insecurities…even our thoughts and food choices that day.
- When we have someone who we trust that loves us that much, ask us to make a different choice in our thoughts and actions, then we feel empowered and encouraged. But when we (or they) are hiding, and keeping themselves from us, that needed trust is eroded. The platform that should be used to give loving help and support in making each other more holy, is instead a platform that induces great hurt and sorrow.
5. God’s love encompasses sexual love
- Though our society says differently, sexual love is not necessary. You are complete even if you don’t have and never have sexual love in your life. How do I know? Paul was fully satisfied in God’s love and was able to do amazing things to which we are still marveling thousands of years later. (Not to mention Jesus…) The truth is, God’s love encompasses every kind of love. God’s love is enough for the single person to not sin and still feel fully content.
- But, Paul advises us not to burn with passion. If you can’t feel fulfilled without physical sexual love, then get married (1 Cor 7:9). Which is a sign to those who are married: your husband chose not to live without sexual love (keep that in mind!). Paul is very aware marrieds need to be making love consistently. Interesting that he doesn’t say “since I can be sinless and chaste, you should be too”. No. He says “know yourself. If you cannot live this life without sex, get married so it can be a great part of your life and support your work for the kingdom!”
6. Sex needs to be in a lifelong commitment, aka marriage.
- Our society says you can have great love and sex without commitment, but I disagree. Maybe you can have a seemingly healthy relationship with all the perks of marriage, but none of the commitment. But the issue is fear. There is either fear of being known, a calloused heart unwilling to be known, or an unconfirmed trust that the other person will be forever faithful.
- A partnership without a lifelong vow doesn’t have the safety to let down the guards and be known. The guards stay up and your heart becomes hard and isolated. The Bible says, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment” (Proverbs 18:1). Being known is God’s plan for us. Letting the light in, confessing our sins to one another, iron sharpening iron…all is a process of becoming more like God.
7. Communing regularly is vital.
- You can’t have sex once and decide that you know everything about your mate. It’s a process. It’s a gradual unveiling of that person’s heart and body. Sex is not the same every time. There are new ideas, ways of expressing sensuality, positions, ways of touch to make your husband feel deeply loved. In the same way, we cannot expect a healthy vibrant relationship with the Lord unless we are intentional to seek out an encounter with Him. I mean: go to church, read the Word, journal prayers to Him, pray while you’re walking to work, enjoy His beauty reflected in nature… Have a full relationship with your Father in heaven.
8. Understanding is important.
- You need to seek out some God-given truths. It is important to understand your mate. No matter how in love you two are, there are some very real differences that you should understand. Men think about sex differently than women. Obviously, bodies are different. And the particularities of pleasure is unique to men and women. This is my passion, to teach women the particularities of their husband that is honored and enjoyed in marital intimacy. We also need to be taught about the truths of God. If you love Him, you’ll seek out what He is like. You’ll read what is God’s character all about. You’ll be taught how He wants to be worshipped and deserves our honor and love. How God cannot look at sin. How He is jealous for His bride.
9. Sex shows us God’s Love.
- Sex is best in marriage. Because the best sex is without fear. No fear of judgment, rejection, condemnation, and criticism. Perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18). Making love is best when both parties want to make the other person most delighted, most honored, most desired, and feel most loved.
- As you become more and more loved and trusting of your mate (something I continue to learn through every intimate experience), you begin to tap into the greatness of love God has for them. When you tap into that, you begin to tap into the greatness of love He has for you. God cares that much and more for your mate, therefore He loves you that much and more.
10. Sex is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.
- This article may not make much sense intellectually; the good news is, we’re not alone. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. Eph 5:31-32
- At least we’re not alone. I believe we can see a part and believe God will show us more. We haven’t arrived.
- But, just because we can’t understand it intellectually, we can trust that God created sex, that He wants it in your marriage, and that it’s a beautiful, true, holy example of God’s love towards us.

Transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah rose.

0:18
Hey there, and welcome back. This is belah rose. And I want to just welcome you to the delight your marriage podcast. If you have tuned in before, you know that a show comes out every Tuesday and Thursday, where I talked to wives and intimacy experts on what it takes to have a fulfilling and wonderful marriage. So if you would like to deepen your intimacy, or work through those pesky reservations that are keeping you from feeling free and confident, I have something very exciting to tell you about. I am announcing my intimacy coaching program, I have just a few spots left open to any wife interested. So please email me at belah at delight your marriage.com in order to have a 20 minute free strategy session to see if we’re a good fit. Again, that’s Bella spelled B E L A H at delight your marriage.com email me as soon as possible because this offer is closing July 31. I’m looking forward to walking this journey with you. Okay, now let’s dive into the topic. 10 ways sex teaches us about God. Now my whole goal is to get you interested and intrigued and just kind of start a conversation between you and God about what this whole sex thing is about. Because I think he’s got so much to teach us about sex, and what it means in our marriage and what it means in our life. So I give, you know, rapidfire 10 things, but there is just so much more I could say there’s so much more that God has packed in to this wonderful gift of sex. But let’s dive in to the 10 things that I believe God teaches us through the act of sex.

2:24
Does your intimate relationship seem utterly unnecessarily separate from your relationship with God? Maybe you’ve gotten to a place where you’re okay with that understanding, but you wouldn’t say it out loud. Or maybe you’re just completely not able to even wrap your head around it. And I want to talk to each of you listening, wherever you’re coming from. Basically, my goal for you is to come away with intrigue. See, I’d like you to desire deeper revelation for God’s holy design for sex. And I want to whet your appetite to the glory and the holiness of sexual intimacy. Now, number one, it’s the Bible’s metaphor, not mine. Okay? I mean, when approaching the topic of sex through God’s lens. For all of us, it’s so easy to feel that our thoughts are unenlightened, and even immature, on this vital theme running through our lives. I’m sure that you and I both realize the world is infatuated. On the topic of sex, right? It’s constant. It’s the thing you know, Sex sells, and you’ve got all this other garbage out there because sex is so important in the way God set up this world. And so I want to understand that a little bit more, because we need to not forget that God made sex. It was his before it was the world’s right. He’s the one that designed it. He’s the one that made Adam and Eve exactly how we made them with all the genitalia that he made, and said it was very good. Okay. So in order to understand sex, the way that God made it, we need his help to help us understand sex from his perspective. And here’s just the beginning of the many ways the Bible speaks about marital sex as a metaphor for God’s relationship with his people. I’m just going to kind of read through a couple, just three examples. But in Hosea one, two, this is basically the whole point of Hosea is this verse it says, When the Lord began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to him, Go marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her. For like an adulterous wife. This land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the Lord. Wow. Okay, let’s look at Deuteronomy 3116. And the Lord said to Moses, you are going to rest with your ancestors. And these people will soon prostitute themselves to the foreign gods in the land layer entering, and they will forsake me and break the covenant I made with them. It’s powerful. And the last one I want to just touch on is judges to 17. And yet they would not hearken unto the judges, but they went away, whoring after other gods and bowed themselves unto them, they turn quickly out of the way, which their fathers walked in obeying the commandments of the Lord, but they did not do so. So yeah, you can tell that God is really serious about our relationship with Him. And though, I think is just amazing to think about, you know, the sexual bond between a husband and wife is so fiery, it’s so passionate. And it’s supposed to be that way, we’re supposed to be incredibly jealous, if, you know, infidelity happens, and because that’s what God shows us about sex just a little bit. So let’s talk about number two. what Jesus says about sex. Number two, he says, sex is vital. And that’s so interesting, because Jesus, of course, was not married. Right? He did not have that experience to say how important sex is he chose to be celibate, for the glory of God. He talks about that in Matthew 19, in another area, but I want to specifically talk about what he says.

6:36
Matthew 19, four through six, he says, Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh? What therefore, God has joined together, let no man separate. So firstly, wow. I mean, if you just listen to what I read, I mean, it’s bizarre, isn’t it? Jesus said, God made them male and female. And he specifically says, For this reason, they should wed, they should get married, and become one flesh. So Jesus is saying, God made two different kinds of humans, male and female. And because he made them different, they should, number one, leave all of their family, their past their comfort zone. Number two, get married. And number three, have sex. It’s just an kind of unimaginable statement that that is what Jesus said. Now, I want to ask you to think through why would he say this? Why would he say sex is so vital that it’s, it’s in our very core as humans? Well, another phrase that another time that this phrase comes up in the Bible is when Paul talks about it, he talks about in Ephesians five, verse 25. And also I’m going to read through verse 31. It says, Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her. And then looking again at verse 34, or 31 says, For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So to me, this shows a bit more of what God’s heart is for sex. That sanctification process that goes on in the process of lovemaking. We’re going to talk more about this, but let me go to point three I wanted to make, marriage teaches us God’s love. Okay, so if you have ever married, you know that the day after the fantastical wedding celebration, real life sets in. And it’s not a fairy tale, you begin to understand that the person you fell in love with leaves dishes in the sink that just for you to clean them, you know, he lives on purpose. And he has weaknesses that may annoy you and probably do. He may even have selfishness that rears its ugly head at the moment of your desperate need. Because marriage is intimate, you become the closest person to your husband. The longer you’re together, the more you find out who they really are. And you love them anyway. You choose to love even when you don’t like them. And if you choose to do that, you may have the opportunity to see more of who they are. He may trust you enough to let you closer A lot of the more that you see, however, is dark and bad. He might let you in on sin that shreds your innocent doe eyes and little girl ideals. It’s unfair and wrong and hurtful. But you and I have the great opportunity to forgive our spouse and say, I chose you. And I am not giving up on you. When I wrote this, the first time, tears literally were welling up in my eyes. As I began to see God’s heart for us in that picture of marriage, we are not perfect, we cannot be in marriage or in any other place. But God does not give up on us. He knows us. He loves us, even when what we are actively doing pierces his heart. So in marriage, we see what God does for us every day. And his love is deeper than ours. And his love is truer than ours. His love is more vulnerable than ours. And we get an opportunity to love the way that he loves us in our marriage every single day. So let’s move to point four I want to make is, why does God want us to be totally intimate with our mates? Let’s dive into that.

11:30
See, honesty is the best policy. And it is in marriage as well. And sex is honest. Sex is such a metaphor for marriage in general. You know, when we strip down the layers that cover who we really are, our spouse sees it. He sees it all. In marriage, you really can’t hide who you are to be blunt. In a single night, or a short lived relationships, you can hide. But not in marriage, you can’t hide. You can only pretend for so long until either a you open up, which is what I’m rooting for. Or be you allow fear to swallow you and force you to run away, which I think is the real reason for divorce and sexless marriages actually. But when you’re regularly making love, you’re exposed to who this person really is. Your own flaws are exposed. And I’m not talking about your belly jiggle. Alright, you and I both know that everything follows us into the bedroom, our impatience, our selfishness, our habit of distraction, our insecurities, even our thoughts and food choices that day, follow us into the bedroom. So when you are son, so in we have someone who we trust that loves us that much. And then that person asks us to make a different choice in our thoughts and our actions. That is the opportunity we have to feel empowered and encouraged that when we are there are they are hiding and keeping themselves from us. That trust that’s supposed to help us get better, is actually eroded. And the platform of marriage that should be used to give loving help and support in making each other more holy. It’s instead of platform that creates great hurt and sorrow. So my fifth point is, God’s love encompasses sexual love. Now, you may have heard me talk about this before, but our society says sexual love is necessary. But the truth is you are a complete person, even if you don’t have that sexual love. How do I know Paul, he was fully satisfied in God’s love, as and he was able to do amazing things which were still marveling about 1000s of years later, not to mention Jesus, John the Baptist, many of the disciples many of the saints throughout the centuries. And even now, the truth is God’s love encompasses every kind of love. God’s love is enough for the single person to be single and not sin and still feel fully content. But Paul advises us not to burn with passion. He basically says if you can’t feel fulfilled without sexual love, then get married. That’s in First Corinthians seven nine, which is a sign to those who are married, your husband chose not to live without sexual love. This is important. Paul is very aware that married people need to be making love consistently. And it’s interesting that he does not say, you know, since I can be sinless and chaste, you should be too. He doesn’t say that he says Know yourself. If you cannot live this life without sex, go ahead and get married and hurry up about it. Because this is supposed to be a great support for your work for the kingdom. And that’s basically what I believe that that Paul’s saying he’s all about the kingdom work. And so if if burning with passion is getting in the way, get married, right? Okay, so let’s, let’s get to point six. Sex needs to be in a lot lifelong commitment, also known as marriage. So our society says that you can have great love and sex without commitment. But I and of course the Bible disagrees. Maybe you can have a seemingly healthy relationship with all the perks of marriage, but none of the commitment. But here’s the issue, I think is the issue is fear. There is either fear of being known a calloused heart, unwilling to be known, or an unconfirmed trust that the other person will be forever faithful.

16:08
See, a partnership without a lifelong vow doesn’t have the safety, to let down the guards and be truly fully known. And when you get to the place of being truly fully known, then you have that opportunity to do the iron sharpening iron. When you really let down your guards and be vulnerable insects and in every part of your marriage when you’re truly intimate, then, then gently and kindly iron can sharpen iron, and you can make each other better for the glory of God. But you got to let yourself be known. If the guards stay up, your heart becomes isolated and hard. And the Bible says whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire. He breaks out against all sound judgment, Proverbs 18. One being known is God’s plan for us, letting the light in confessing our sins to one another iron, sharpening iron, all of this is a process of being more like God. And you can see how that mirrors our relationship with the Lord does it not? Number seven, communing regularly is vital. You can’t have sex one time and decide that you know everything about your spouse. It’s a process. It’s a gradual unveiling of the person’s heart and body. Sex is not the same every time. There are new ideas, new ways of expressing sensuality positions, ways of touch, to make your husband feel deeply loved, to make yourself feel deeply loved. I mean, there’s so many variety in the sexual experience. And in the same way, we cannot expect a healthy, vibrant relationship with the Lord unless we are intentional to seek out and encounter with him. So that means going to church reading the Bible journaling, prayers to him, praying while you’re at work, enjoying his beauty reflected in nature. I mean, there’s just so many ways of experiencing the love of God. So have a full relationship with your father in heaven. That’s how I think sex teaches us about God in that way. Alright, number eight. You need to seek out some god given truths, it is important to understand your mate. No matter how in love you too are, there are some real differences that you should understand. Men think about sex differently than women. Obviously bodies are different. The particularities of pleasure is unique to men and women. And this is my passion to teach women, the particularities of their husband that is honored and enjoyed in marital intimacy. We also need to be taught about the truth of God. If you love him, you’ll seek out what he’s like. You’ll read what God’s character is all about. He’ll be taught how he wants to be worshipped and deserves our honor and love how God cannot look at sin. How he is jealous for his bride. You’ll discover this if you commit to being on a path of discovering what God wants. Understanding is very important. And then number nine I want to talk about sex shows us God’s love. So sex is best in marriage because the best sex is without fear. No fear of judgment, rejection, condemnation, criticism. Perfect love casts out all fear. It says in First John 419 So making love is best when both parties want to make the other person most delighted, most honored, most desired and most loved. As you become more and more loved and trusting of your mate Something I continue to learn through every intimate experience, as we all should be, you begin to tap into the greatness of God’s love that He has for them. And when you tap into the greatness that God has for them, you also tap into the greatness that God has for you. Because God cares that much, and so much more for your mate. And therefore he cares about you that much, and so much more. My last point is number 10. Sex is a profound mystery. But I’m talking about Christ and the church. And that’s Paul’s, that’s, that’s Paul’s verbiage there but, right Ephesians 531 says, For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery. But I’m talking about Christ and the church.

21:00
I believe that we can see a part. And I believe that God will show us more. We haven’t arrived yet. But just because we can’t understand it totally intellectually, we can trust that God created sex, and that he wants it in your marriage, and that it’s a beautiful, true Holy example of God’s love towards us. So I wonder if I gave you a little bit of intrigue gave you a little bit of something to pique your interest? I hope so. It’s just awesome. How God teaches us through everything about who he is, and especially how important sex is. Yeah, it’s just amazing. So if you have not yet emailed me for the free strategy session, go to your email and type in belah, B E L A H at delight your marriage.com and I will get back to you as soon as I can. I’m so excited to begin working directly with you on your intimacy goals. So this is going to be fun and challenging. But it could be one of the best things that you’ve ever done by God’s grace. Okay, well, God bless you. Thank you so much for tuning in today. And may God just bless your intimacy. Bless what is going on in your heart in your life today. Amen. God bless you. We’ll talk soon. Bye.

22:30
Thanks for joining. If you’ve been inspired by the show, would you help spread the word? If you take a moment to review and subscribe others can find us more easily. Find out how to delight your marriage.com forward slash iTunes. Until next time, live with love, wisdom impassion

DYM Ep50: 10 Ways Sex Teaches Us About God with Belah Rose

Transcript:

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