Podcast: Play in new window | Download

I don't love you anymoreAmanda sat at the table in disbelief as her husband said the words she never thought she’d hear. He shared that he was no longer in love with her. “This is the man I had trusted with everything. I never once doubted his loyalty.” But through this horror, God surprised her and changed her and her marriage in ways she never would have expected.

Guest: Amanda Taylor of mendourmarriage.com

Scripture/Quote:

  • Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20
  • Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I never expected

You’ll Discover:

  • How Amanda was shocked when her husband shared with her that he was not the man she thought he was.
  • What God told her when she finally got the strength to ask Him…and listen.
  • The process Amanda went through to not just accept it, but to stand for her marriage.
  • How Amanda realized her identity had been lost in her husband’s opinion of her and she had to seek out who she is in Christ.
  • How her husband’s actions didn’t have much to do with his afterall.
  • How she walked step by step to have a faithful stand for her marriage.

Books Recommended:

Instead of yelling

Tweetables:

  • I finally got up enough nerve to come before God and listen.
  • The process was not perfect, I had ups and downs, but God taught me step by step.
  • When bad things happen in our life, there’s always a way in that situation to draw closer to Him.
  • Who he created to me be was lost in pleasing my husband.
  • Maintaining your identity in Christ has to be your foundation.
  • If you don’t know who you are, you can’t give of yourself.
  • My husband’s word started to speak louder than God’s word of who I was.
  • I had to trust God because He was using me as His vessel to minister to my husband.
  • God said “Allow me to fill you, allow me to be your nourishment in this season”.
  • You need to create your own love story.
  • Instead of yelling and crying to him, I took it to God and let Him handle it.
  • I asked God to open my eyes to see the small victories so I could rejoice in those things.
  • When we stop doing the things that we love doing in marriage, we end up depending on our husbands for our joy.
  • There’s usually something deeper going on that may not have anything to do with you.

 

Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!

Love,

Belah

—

 

Episodes come out Tuesday mornings. But, in case you forget…I love to subscribe with my phone so I never miss an episode. You can too:  

 

iPhone: Podcast App is on updated iPhones. Open DYM & subscribe! Android: Download Podbay.fm App. Open DYM & subscribe!

 

If you enjoyed this episode, would you add your review to iTunes (via your phone or computer)? It will encourage me & it will help others find the podcast easier. Find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes Thank you!

 

Transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah. Rose.

0:19
Hi there, and welcome. Thank you so much for joining me. My name is belah rose, and I’m your host on The delight your marriage podcast. If you have not yet checked out our website, there’s so many more resources and articles and freebies, I’ve got quite a bit of free stuff for you over there. So go to delight your marriage.com and check those resources out. I have a fantastic show for you today. I’m really excited to share it with you. Amanda has just an amazing story about her marriage, if you can imagine the disbelief she felt when sitting across the table from her husband. And he says he is no longer in love with her. It’s shocking. It’s sad, it’s hard. But Amanda gives some amazing hope, what God taught her through this season and what’s happened as a result. Alright, let’s go ahead and dive in. And I’ll talk to you on the other side

1:19
All right, welcome back. delight your marriage listeners. I am really excited to have you. Thank you for joining the delight your marriage podcast today. I have Mrs. Amanda Taylor with mend our marriage. And Amanda, welcome. Thank you for being here.

1:34
Thank you. I’m so excited for being on the podcast.

1:38
Yeah, absolutely. I think this is gonna be a great conversation. Yeah. And I just the the whole theme of your website and your ministry to help marriages mend is just very cool. So I want to definitely dive into that. Before we do. Can you go ahead and introduce yourself, your family and a little bit about your day to day life? Sure.

1:58
So again, my name is Amanda Taylor, and I’m with them in our marriage. And basically our mission is breaking the back of divorce. And, you know, if you ever listen to our podcast, we always say Snap, Crackle pop, breaking the back of divorce. So we’re really passionate about that. I’m also the author of motivated to love, basically teaching spouses to stand for their marriages, and how to stand strong and love strong through difficult seasons. And see right now my family consists of myself and my husband, David, and our two dogs. We have dusty, who has a Shih Tzu and then had ginger was a boxer. So those are our babies. Right now. We are currently trying for children trying to have a baby. So definitely ladies band prayer with us for

2:46
that. Oh, that’s awesome. Yeah, very cool.

2:49
Um, and see, right now I do work full time with a state college in Florida. I’m doing project management. But by night and on the weekends. At this point, I’ll work and enjoy coaching and counseling, married couples engaged couples, those standing again, and the rough seasons for their marriages through our program overflow. And we do that via Skype and via phone, my husband and I, and my husband’s name is David David Taylor. That’s my Bay moku. And, and let’s see, as far as the parabolas, I guess a little bit about us, I mean, I’m more of the behind the scene person on your writing, and just encouraging others really, behind the scenes behind the camera. Um, I really enjoy dancing, exercising, lifting weights, and just spending a lot of time with family. Um, David is more of the front runner, you know, it’s more of the vocal one between the two of us. He’s definitely the CEO. He’s a mental health counselor. And you know, he likes to do public speaking, he loves superheroes, and I do anything motivational, you know, he loves to grow up and find different ways to help people. And so I’m just really blessed to have them as

4:07
well. I love that you share a little bit about your view and your husband’s personalities. Now, this podcast is really about inspiring, and encouraging wives to live wholeheartedly in their marriage in their intimacy. And I’d love for you to share maybe a scripture or quote that’s meant a lot to you over the years. Okay,

4:22
um, I have a couple. I know one that’s really close to my heart. Ephesians 320. God, God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we could ask or think according to the power that works in us. And to me, that is a very vital concept for us to grab on to. Because I think so many times you know, we don’t really totally depend on God like we should we don’t depend on God for our livelihood. Yeah, and it’s actually his Holy Spirit within us that works through us to achieve the impossible. And so I like to keep that in front of my mind and And I’d like to make sure that I’m looking at that on a regular basis encourage myself that my foundation my real foundational passages come from of course the loves the love passages First Corinthians 13 four through eight. Of course, love is patient love is kind it is it does not envy it does not boast it is not proud. It does not dishonor others not so seeking is not easily angered it keeps no record of wrongs Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It’s all It always protects, always trusts always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. Um, and you know, those passages have have just been a cornerstone for me, especially during the difficult season of my marriage. Literally, I recorded it on a voice recorder on my phone, and I would listen to it over and over again and just just feel my spirit with it in my mind. So when negative negativity tried to come in, it couldn’t stay long, because the word the word of God would pierce it. And that’s how important it was to me.

6:04
That’s amazing. I love that. That’s a wonderful tip for anyone that’s going through a tough time in their marriage. Yeah. Voice Recorder on your phone. Absolutely. Pick it up every single day. Listen to that. Absolutely. That’s fantastic. And I love I’m sure this is going to be important to your story. But I just love how intentional you you shared how you were about, about keeping positive verses in your heart and mind. And clearly these mean a lot to you and you’ve relied upon. So I just I just think you know, the word of God is so powerful, it’s living, it’s active. It’s something that we need to be using on a consistent basis using the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God or not. Don’t have the Spirit in your in your whole closet. You need to be using that. That’s right. Yeah. So that’s good. Okay, well, I want to jump into your story because I’m sure it’s amazing. So, I mean, tell us about a season of struggling your marriage and how you work through it. Yeah, take us there.

6:59
Okay, well, actually, the the most dramatic, I guess struggle in our marriage is what mend our marriage kinda was birthed out of and what my, my book was birthed out of so, um, so I’ll just take you back in the first couple of years of our marriage. It was it was a stormy time for us. You know, we have we had trouble, you know, just kind of getting started just it’s been a married couple. And I remember, just like, like I said, in the first couple years of marriage, I waking up one Sunday morning, and my husband looked over to me, you know, very seriously. And he said, Babe, you know, we’re not going to go to church today, I want to sit down and talk to you about something. And of course, you know, I didn’t know what to expect. I was nervous, kind of panicked, but I’m like, Okay, let’s sit down and talk. So he sat me down at the dining room table. And he pretty much said to me, I’m no longer in love with you. I don’t feel like I’m in love with you anymore. Oh my gosh. And of course, it felt like somebody literally punched me in the chest. And so, you know, I wasn’t gonna know what to say right then. So I kind of, you know, took it in, in my mind, I’m thinking, okay, we can get through this. You know, I’m thinking we can get through this, even though I was like, literally, like, like, in pain inside. And so, later that evening, as we were getting ready for bed, you know, something inside of me was like, there’s more to this. And I asked him before we went to bed. I said, Babe, I said, Is there somebody else? I said, is there someone else? And in my, you know, in my mind, I’m thinking, surely there’s not. This is the man who I’ve trusted with everything. I’ve never, ever questioned his loyalty to me ever. Yeah. And, you know, he didn’t say anything. And then I asked him again, he was like, well, well, actually, yes, he was like, there’s been nothing physical. But I do feel like I’m in love with another woman. And so that was the straw. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. And I remember feeling this this screen come from my stomach. I was like, Oh, my God, you know? And I remember screaming out No, no, no. And then he you know, and the tears just coming down. And I remember getting up and going to the bathroom and being on the floor crying and saying, you know, all this is my house started to blame myself. I’m like, you know, what did I do? You know, and I was screaming and crying. And I was just so upset. And so really over the next couple of weeks, I’m really sad. And then I routed over that and I said, I really was going through, you know, I, I was feeling really depressed. I even have suicidal thoughts. Oh, my gosh, you know, I, I was talking to God, you know, and I was like, I don’t understand why, you know, because I prayed and I fasted before I even you know, was in a relationship with this man, and you gave me you gave me peace. You know, we didn’t have sex, you know, before we got married because we wanted to enter into this marriage with purity and integrity. And we did that and lower so why am I here? We haven’t even had we haven’t even had kids yet. You know, what about my babies? I was saying only And so finally, after a couple of weeks of just being in that space, you know, I got up enough nerve to actually get before give before God and lay before him and listen to his response, you know, to his response and whatever he was going to say to this. And, you know, God spoke to my heart is clear as day. He said to me, before you can become loved to others, I want you to become love to your husband. So I want you to stand and fight for your marriage. And so, you know, I sat there for a minute, and I’m thinking to myself, this has to be God, because I was in such a dark space, there was no way I could have. I could have, I could have, you know, created that in my mind. And then I knew it wasn’t the enemy, because I know the enemy wasn’t going to tell me to love my husband and trust God. And so I’m like, God, I know, this has to be you. And then there was this sense of peace that came over my body. And all I could think of was a peace, that passeth all understanding. And I said, You know what, that I said, I don’t know how this is gonna work, what it is that you’re wanting to do, but I’m going to trust you. And in that moment, I felt empowered. And I’m like, we got literally every moment, every hour, every day of this, I’m gonna have to, you know, seek you out. Because I have no idea what this looks like.

11:22
Yeah, yeah. So Wow. Well, I want to just point out a couple things that I think easily. We can find ourselves in when we’re in the midst of this horrible situation in our marriage, to point to God and be like, God, I did the right thing. I did this right. I did just what you’re supposed to do. As a Christian woman, I get this right. What I deserve a happy marriage. What happened? Yeah, you know, isn’t that what we were promised? If you do the right thing, you’ll get the right reward or something. And I think that must have been really hard to fight through. I mean, how were you? How were you not offended by God? When here You did all the things that were right. And then here, you went before him and still, you know, honored God in in this season.

12:11
You know, what, why before this happened, which is it’s kind of interesting. I was actually studying and asking God, how to love like him. I was actually in a study about that. And I will say, Okay, God, teach me what it means to a God, they love somebody. What does it mean to unconditionally love somebody? What does that really look like? Void of offence and void of expecting something, you know, loving someone, just to get something in return? You know, what does that look like? Just love and no matter what you get in return, and so I had been seeking God about that, and they literally, boom, this happens. And so it almost like connected for me. And I think that’s why like, the spirit of offense really didn’t rise up. Because it was, I could see the connection. But I guess, for me, I don’t know, I just didn’t get offended. I was deeply I was more hurt than anything. You know, more I felt I felt more deceived, I guess, than anything. I felt like God, you know, okay. Did I not hear you? Right? You know, what was this not you know, what you said, even though I felt like it was clear as day. So, like I said, I didn’t do as an offense, I was just hurt. But I said, Okay, you know, God, I don’t know what this gonna look like, the process was not perfect. I had ups and downs. But God showed me and taught me step by step how to how to stand strong, and what standing strong for your marriage looks like, in the face of something like that. And that, that journey is what my book is about, actually.

13:50
Well, I want to mention, you know, it sounds a lot like Hosea, you know, when God tells Hosea go and love a woman that’s going to be unfaithful to you, because I want you to know what it’s like to love the people of Israel. And isn’t that I mean, I just can’t wait to hear more about your story. But isn’t that amazing that God was, you know, wanted you to let you in on how to love like, he really does love us, incredibly unfaithful as we are. And then it seems that God prepared you to be given this revelation or this, you know, negative revelation, but from your husband like he prepared you he had you in a spot where you were seeking Him in a way of learning how to love like him. That’s as as as challenging as that is. I mean, if you’re listening to this podcast today, maybe God wants you to see this in a different light to see what Grace has given you in the midst of the struggle in the midst of the pain. Yeah, there’s still a grace there.

14:47
And I truly believe that, you know, um, I don’t believe that God, like causes turmoil in our life, but I think that he does prepare us because he’s does see what’s going to happen and if we trust Him, He will take us through those things and and there’s a lesson there to be learned. If he if we trust him in those things, you know, he’s powerful, you know, he gives us the choice, he gives us, you know, the opportunity to make choices in our life. But then when we make wrong choices, or when bad things happen, there’s always a way in that situation for us to draw closer to Him and learn more about who he is, so that he can heal us and bring us through that situation.

15:30
That’s so good. I love that. And now I want to know, so this happened. So God gave you some insight into what he wants from you, which is amazing, and standing and fighting for your marriage. So what did it look like? What what happened?

15:46
Okay, well, for me, one of the one of the first things that I that God revealed to me was that I lost myself in my marriage, I lost I lost Mandy, I lost Amanda. He created me to be was totally lost, you know, I’m so caught up and pleasing my husband and making sure all my eyes were dotted and T’s were crossed with, with David to where I lost sight of Jesus of God. You know, and so I just want to speak to to the ladies, the wives out there, you know that maintaining your identity, and Christ has to be number one, he has to remain the foundation. Because when you lose yourself, you know, then there’s no way that you can give in a relationship because you don’t have anything to give up. If you don’t know who you are. You can’t give up yourself, you can’t give up God, you know, because you have no idea who you are. And I think for me to read my plummeted so hard, um, you know, during the season was because, and this is another revelation that God gave me that my husband’s word has started to speak louder than God’s word in my life about who I was. Yeah, you know, so I had to, I had to regain the knowledge. And we’re really, I thought I had a relationship with God before this situation. But I really, really, honestly, I did not have a tangible relationship where I depended on God for my life for my very breath. I did not, and I think a lot of us, you know, if we’re honest, we don’t. And a lot of times we get to a place, like, when there’s a season of darkness or season of struggle, that’s the best place that we really find God. And, for me, you know, during the season, there were days, literally, I was minute by minute, sometimes I couldn’t breathe. In the beginning, I felt like I was having a panic attack, but it was literally minute by minute. And there were times where I had to declare the joy of the Lord is my strength and you’re the Lord is my strength out, you will never leave me or forsake me even into the end of the other. You know, all those different things. Yeah, in every moment, every moment that I had, I was declaring the word and I was depending on him to strength, strength, in me be my joy. Um, and yeah, it’s powerful. And then that process showed me what it meant to really give my life to God and really have a relationship with him and depend on him with, you know, with my life.

18:09
Mm hmm. I’ve heard it said that God risks offending us to, in order to draw us closer, like, the whole purpose is at risk of offending us of risk of, you know, causing us to run away, the whole purpose is to draw us closer to him. Which, you know, you see that grace in the midst of the pain and you know, and I love I love that you quoted Scripture. And that was your that was really a foundational piece of your journey here. And I just encourage a man is actually set a lot of scriptures already that that if you’re not too familiar with scripture, I’d encourage you to just type in Google the phrase and it’ll show you exactly where it is in the Bible. So if you’re new to Scripture, start memorizing these key verses. Because that’s, that’s what you need to just draw out when the enemy wants to taunt you with despair and depression and this give up feelings if you need to pull those out. But so Okay, so then so you were relying on God, you’re trusting God? No. That’s kind of funny to me. That seems so strange that you lost yourself in your marriage of doing all the right things for your husband and then he straight anyway like that just seems that seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it?

19:20
Yeah, I can, I can definitely see, see your point in that. But basically, we have to think of think of it like this, when we get into a relationship. What happens at the beginning of the relationship, you know, we are, you know, confident we are you know, doing our own thing, pursuing our own goals. We’re developing ourselves, we’re, yeah, we’re, you know, we’re finding new experiences and we’re sharing those experiences with our spouse, you know, it’s you know, it’s just, it’s you’re having new experiences together. There’s excitement, that type of thing, but I think sometimes we get comfortable in the relationship and it becomes routine and mundane. And definitely is not a routine wasn’t for anyone to go astray or anything like that. But what we did find on the other side of that season of our marriages, with David, it had nothing to do with me personally, that’s what we ended up finding out that there was an empty spot. And David from his father not being in his life early on, that there was an emptiness that he was trying to feel that only God can feel. And so, you know, hindsight, looking back, I asked me to trust Him, and and trust his process and time me because there was something spiritually that I was dealing with David on, and God wanted to use me as his as his vessel to love them, David unconditionally, even though he failed. Wow. And so like I said, all of that didn’t come out until later, you know. And of course, I battled with feeling like it was unfair, why do I have to stand? You know, and I did everything I was supposed to do. And right, but like I said, I rebuild it in the end, because I trusted him. You know, and I know some of the people I work with, you know, especially in the beginning of them standing for their marriages, you know, they like this, I really feel dumb. And this, you know, this is stupid. And why would I do this? And why would I do that. But we have to remember that God uses the weak things of the world to confound the wise. That’s what the word tells us. And then you look also at the story of Jesus, you look at how these Jesus loved us and died for us, and how he was fit on, he would be all these different things. He was hated, literally. But he said, Forgive them, Father, because they know not what they do. They don’t know. They don’t know who they are inside. They don’t know who I am. So therefore, they can’t possibly know how to treat me or how to love me, because they’re lost spiritually. Yeah, you know, those were a lot of things that, you know, God revealed to me, you know, through the sand and after the sand, and I’m so glad that that I did go through the sand now looking at it looking back, because we’ve literally been able to help and impact 1000s of lives, you know, through the book and through mend our marriage.

22:07
Yeah, yeah. Praise God. Yeah. So when you were standing for your marriage, I mean, did your husband end up having, you know, a resolve that he wanted to work through this? Or how did that work?

22:21
Okay, so in the beginning of the sound, when I pretty much told him my position. He said, All I can, you know, I’m here, but that’s all I can offer. I can’t promise you anything. I have no idea. You know what’s going to happen, but I’m here. We literally live in like roommates. I think the total amount of time, I guess, the stand from beginning to end, I guess you can say was my year, year and a half. You know, so I mean, literally live like roommates and I still did everything that I did before. Before. He told me, I still cook, I still cook dinner, I still wash clothes, I still fixes lunch and tea in the morning, all those things. And God told me to just be consistent, you know, and stay, stay doing those things, say showing love, even though you’re not necessarily getting it from him in return. And God said, allow me to feel you allow me to be your nourishment and to fill you in the season. And I did that.

23:18
Wow. And and then what was the turning point? How did things change?

23:22
Well, I mean, honestly, I just stay consistent. And I can go over, you know, in some more detail, is to kind of tell you some of the things. Yeah, throughout the fan. Like I said, David got, you know, built to me, you know, just kind of step by step, you know, things to put in place so that I kept my mind in the right in the right place. And I kept a spiritual perspective about where David was, you know, the first thing I had to do, of course, was to forgive him to literally forgive him and give him totally over to God. And trust me, and trust God, that no matter what happened, in the end, I was going to stand into thee and and trust God for it for the outcome. And that’s, that’s the, that’s the place that I got to. Um, and then, honestly, I mean, no pun intended, we have a program called overflow, but that’s pretty much what I did. You know, there were scriptures that had to do with various different, you know, emotions and feelings I was dealing with, I had a playlist of worship and praying songs that are rotated, I have messages that were encouraging and speaking about, you know, love and who God is and, and so I was literally rotating those things and filling myself with all those things on a regular basis. It was like, you know, literally, I was guarding myself so I wasn’t letting all that negativity in I mean, God even was showing me okay, you need to watch what you’re letting in your ear and you’re on gate. So you need to watch what TV shows you’re watching what movies what books, being on social media, you know, all those different things. You know, I know as women we love these loves Stories, but a lot of times it gives us you know, these, these false images of what love and intimacy looks like. Now I’m not right. I’m not saying that you can’t have a hot and steamy marriage and relationship, but what that looks like has to be between you and your husband, you need to create your own love story. And a lot of times we see these snapshots in these movies. And then we start comparing our love life to the movies. And then we get resentful, like, well, we want this, you know, right. And so I stopped, I stopped watching all those things. And and I changed, I just changed what I watched and what I listened to, and all those things. And then as far as who I had around me, you know, those who were pessimistic about my sin and about what God was leading me through, I had to cut them out of my life for a little while. And God surrounded me with, you know, brought people into my life that were, you know, optimistic and praying for me and trusting God with me. So live, yeah, I had to hit all of those corners. Um, and then lastly, going back to my first point, how I lost myself in the marriage. You know, like I mentioned to you before, I love to exercise, I love to dance, I love to do all of these things. But somehow, I just stopped doing all of that. I looked around, and I’m like, Oh, don’t do anything for me anymore. So I started taking dance classes again, I started doing Insanity and working out and feeling good about myself, you know, taking a little bit more time on myself to look good for Mandy, for me. Yeah. And, you know, and and then David started to notice that he started to notice that, you know, if he was rude, or he ignored me, or if he wasn’t paying attention to me, I was still okay, I still had joy. And, and that turned his head because he was like, Wait a minute. So what I said didn’t affect her. You know, usually, she goes and cries about it, or hopes about it or whatever. But that no, that wasn’t the case. I’m not saying I was perfect. But what was happening was I was taking those things to God, and I’m like, Okay, God, this is what I’m wrestling with. I’m giving this off to you, I’m gonna pray about it. This is the issue that we have, I’m gonna take it to you know that you handle it. Instead of crying and wailing in front of him. You know, I took it to God in prayer, and God dealt with it. So I, you know, the way I dealt with things changed, you know. And so that really started to convict this heart. And you know, and to show him that I was getting getting back to being myself for me, not just to get him back, not just to fix the marriage, I was literally changing before his eyes and becoming a better version of myself for me.

27:39
Yeah, that’s really good. I love that. I think that’s really inspiring for women to take hold of and say, regardless of what’s going on in your marriage, to trust God, and remember what God’s put in you, the gifts, the talents, the passions, the desires, the interests, I mean, God has put all those things in you for a reason to enjoy that and to and to run to that and because that’s a gift from God, that’s a that’s a way that he wants you to experience Him and His love and His fullness and, and to rely on that instead of relying and depending on your husband, for your self esteem for your self worth for your identity. Yeah, I think that’s, that’s wonderful. And this is all happening in the context of a really challenging situation of him maybe being rude of maybe him insulting or maybe being apathetic and you just want to scream at him. But But instead, you’re forgiving him and giving it to God, and letting God convict because the Holy Spirit’s the one that convicts not us wives, right. I think that’s powerful. That’s, um, yeah, so, okay, so this happened. I mean, this was a process for a year, a year and a half. And then when did you start to see things start changing?

28:49
Honestly, I started to see little victories here and there, you know, I’m, I can’t pinpoint the exact month or that point. But like, literally, I saw, I asked God to open my eyes to be optimistic and to notice and see the small victory so that I can rejoice in those things. Because even when we ate dinner, you know, at night, we still would sit down literally on the same couch with our little fold out tables and watch, you know, shows that we both liked, we maybe didn’t say much, but then we started, you know, we started laughing a little bit more together, you know, then joking a little bit more, and then having conversation a little bit more about, you know, what was going on, and then I started to see him notice me a little bit more, you know, in my lingerie when I would go to bed and you know, you know, kind of sneak me a little bit or you know, and just kind of play him off like whatever, you know, you don’t wanna whatever, you know, so and so, you know, just just progressively you know, I would see a little bit here and there, and even when I would see progression, there will be times regression. So there were times where he pulled me close and seemed like he was warming up. And there are times where he kind of pushed away where he seemed like, I don’t know about this. But one thing we ended up also finding out that he shared with me was a lot of that back and forth was in his mind, he was thinking, what if I do decide to stay? Well, things go back as they were before? Yeah, you know, and so, I was like, you know, that that was a valid thought that he was. Yeah. And, you know, the other thought is, is she just being this way, just so that I will, you know, come back to you don’t want to be back married to her or want to say, I want to say marry. And so I guess, again, because I stay consistent. Yeah. And even Of course, you know, now, I’m a different person. I mean, I’m not the same person I was before that process, things are a lot better. You know, and we get through that season, you know, and now again, we have mend our marriage and the books and the programs. No,

31:01
no, that’s really good. And anyone in that situation, I think, should certainly invest in these resources. Because it’s clear. I mean, Amanda has practical steps for how you can work towards this. And I want to ask, kind of stepping back, trying to kind of summarize, maybe the way you were before and maybe, you know, something to kind of avoid in marriages that maybe aren’t in that spot, but you want to make sure they don’t get in that spot. I mean, was there almost, I want to say, almost like a desperation, almost like this, you know, depending on your husband for who you were, like in a almost like a desperate way. Is that? Is that something that maybe you stumbled into?

31:44
Um, I think for me, I mean, I don’t know if I would say desperate, because I’m asleep, is, with most wives, if you step back and look at it, it probably doesn’t look like you are dependent on them for everything. But yeah, I think a lot of times, again, when we stop doing the things that we did, even before we got married, we stopped doing the things that we enjoy doing. We depend we end up depending on our husbands for our happiness, and for our joy. And so yeah, when they do make a mistake, then we’re crushed. But we have to understand that God, God is the only one who never makes a mistake, our husbands and just like we are, we are going to make mistakes. And we have to allow for each other to make those mistakes, and whether they’re big or small, and be able to, you know, talk about them, figure out what the root causes, you know, not get offended and just totally cast each other down and away. But see what is the root of this, because again, like I said, a lot of times, it has nothing to do with the spouse, it’s usually something deeper going on some type of insecurity, some type of, you know, mold from the past that maybe was triggered by something, and it may not even was it may not have been something that was triggered by your spouse, but maybe something that’s a job, maybe your spouse lost a job or lost a parent, or, you know, something just traumatic went on. And they you’re getting the brunt of that because you’re the closest thing to them, you know, so just, you know, being willing to step back in the moments where you want to get offended, and you know, take it to God before you lash out and say, Okay, God, what is this about before I lash out, give me some understanding, prepare me for a conversation with my spouse, reveal what’s going on, so that we can receive the deep healing, we need to move forward in our marriage.

33:32
Yeah, I love that. And, and I love you know, that thinking about marriage as a tool that God uses to make us holy, to make us more like Jesus. And when you look at this situation of like, God wanted you to be all that you were Amanda and he wanted David to be all that he is created to be. And so though this season was was so painful, and so brutal, God use that to make both of you the kind of people he wants you to be for His glory. Exactly, exactly. That’s powerful.

34:04
That created you individually for a purpose. And of course, when you join with your spouse, with your husband, you know, then he has a purpose also for your marriage. But But again, do not lose sight that there are gifts and talents that he’s giving you as an individual that he still wants you to live out as well. And I always like to ask this question, if something happened, God forbid that your spouse passed away tomorrow. Where would that leave you? Yeah, what would you do with that? Would you just be depressed and not live life at all anymore? Or would you pick up the mantle when you go to would you start living life and living and poured out to serve the Lord and to impact the world? The way he the way he wants you to with the gifts and talents that he’s giving you?

34:51
Mm hmm. Yeah, that’s really good. I mean, it’s a terrible place to be in losing a spouse but it gives you a little bit of perspective of well, what would you Do who would I be without my spouse? Wow. Well, that’s just a powerful story. And Amanda shares in the next episode coming out next Tuesday about what happened and where her marriage is now. And it’s a really amazing transformation what God has done. And so I just want to encourage you, if these things resonated with you, if you’re struggling in any area, maybe you’re finding your identity and your spouse more than Christ, or maybe you’re trusting in your spouse to give you happiness, or relying on them to give you happiness when God wants you to explore the areas that he’s already gifted and, and shared with you maybe earlier in your life of what makes you happy, and what fulfills you and what gives you joy. And maybe this is the time to explore those areas and dive in there and transform yourself for the benefit of God’s kingdom. Because it does say in the Bible, Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you. That’s first and foremost, I think Amanda has a powerful, powerful story that she shares again the next half, next week. So thank you so much for joining me. And thank you for investing your heart and your thoughts. Just this last half hour in in what God wants for your marriage. God bless you. I hope that this has given you some hope, and encourage you today. I hope you have a wonderful week. God bless you. I’m praying for you, praying for your marriage and most importantly your relationship with the Lord. We’ll talk soon bye.

36:38
Thanks for joining. If you’ve been inspired by the show, would you help spread the word? If you take a moment to review and subscribe others can find us more easily. Find out how to delight your marriage.com Ford slash iTunes. Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion

 

Subscribe On Itunes
Listen On Spotify