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Have you had a desire or a dream that has been delayed? It’s amazing what God wants to do in the times when we’re waiting and the seasons that we don’t have what we’ve set out for. Heather shares the difficulty of her dreams being unattainable right now. The vision for her life is still in her heart but hasn’t happened yet. She shares about a trap we can all get in when we’re discontent and comparing our lives to others. And God wants us to be walking with purpose and contentment in the seasons where we aren’t “there” yet. Listen in and find out how.

You’ll Discover:

• How we all have dreams in our heart, but sometimes they don’t happen in the timing we desire.
• How Heather’s vision of her future is very different than it has happened.
• How dwelling on what we don’t have makes us miss what God is doing or how He wants to use us.
• Discover what lies you’re feeding your mind daily and how to dismantle them.
• Hear how starting your day with specific prayers allows you to withstand some of the most significant trials in life.
• How to uproot the fear of losing our dreams and goals.
• Sorting through the value of knowledge in response to our situation.

Tweetables:

• You’re putting this dream ahead of me, and I have other things for you.
• This life is short, but eternity is not.
• What we dwell on really affects our heart and our behaviors.
• Look at your situation through the eyes that God would be proud of.
• Get up each morning and say “God, how can I help someone else today?”
• “Honey, I’m so scared that my dream is crumbling”.
• Fear not. Without change there would be no butterflies.
• The power to overcome fear comes from the Lord.

Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!

Love,

Belah

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TRanscript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah. Rose.

0:19
haven there, you know, if you are in the midst of a season, where you’ve got these dreams, you’ve got these visions of your future the way you want your life to look or be. And you’re in the in between times, right, your dreams are delayed? Well, one, I just want to say you’re not alone. It’s a very difficult, difficult struggle, and it can be super isolating, and just feel like you’re the only one that feels so out of the place that you really want to be. So I just want to encourage you, number one, we’re with you in that. And that’s what this whole story today is about. I’ve got a wonderful guest, her name’s Heather Veatch, she has a website called pre engaged, calm. And you can imagine what that’s about. But she’s got a great ministry there. So I’d encourage you to check it out, go to delight your marriage.com/ 86 because I’ve got a specific link, that she’s got some free material for you actually a free course to go through. If you think you might have found the one it’s actually very cool. So check out that specific link. But yeah, I mean, our dreams are huge. God, I think gives us dreams, I think that’s a huge part of what gives us hope is when we think about what God has in store for our lives, and for maybe our families, maybe our marriages, maybe our careers, whatever, you know, helps you to get up in the morning and feel fulfilled and excited and vibrant. But what about those times when it just feels like it’s not happening, or, you know, maybe there’s a situation where it can’t happen anymore. And that dream has died. You know, those are really, really hard seasons. And our marriages can help us and teach us a lot in those seasons. But most importantly, it’s our relationship with God that gets us through them. And Heather has a really powerful story with wonderful insights that helps us to put our life in perspective. One thing she says is Life is short. Eternity is long. And I think I’m also going to link a video called the rope that I saw recently, and it’s all about this wonderful preacher named Francis Chan. And he’s talking about this very long, long, long rope. And the very tip of it is like, red. And he’s talking about this tiny part of the rope is our life. And the rest of this huge, long, long, long, forever and ever and ever is eternity. And so what we’re doing in this very tiny portion of our lives, matters for the rest of eternity. So I’m going to post that video. It’s amazing. So definitely go to delight your marriage.com/ 86 to find it. But I want to dive into today’s topic. I think Heather’s got some awesome insights for us. So let’s just jump in, dive in whatever you want to do get in this awesome interview.

3:35
Hi, there and welcome back. Thank you so much delight your marriage listener. My name is belah rose, as you know, and I’m so thrilled to have Heather ViZZ on from pre engaged calm. So Heather, how are you? Welcome.

3:48
I’m doing well. Thank you very much for having me.

3:51
Absolutely. I’m excited to hear your story. And I think it’s a very cool ministry that you and your husband have. And I know you’re going to talk a little bit more about that. But would you go ahead and introduce yourself, your family and a little bit about your day to day life? Sure. Well,

4:05
I’m well, I am working from home now. I’m pretty engaged. I’m married to a wonderful guy, Eric and we do not have children yet. But we do have a golden retriever who was five and she thinks she’s our baby. So she kind of takes a lot of a lot of attention. Like that our master’s degrees a few years ago, in 2009. And the next year, I was able to come home full time and and for pre engaged. So that’s such a blessing. Yeah, um, day to day life is pretty Eric still working full time. But um, you know, he comes, he comes home in the evening. It gives me a full day. I’m an introvert. So I kind of enjoy that time. Just do my schedule the way that that works for me, and then at night, we get to spend some time together and that’s wonderful.

4:56
Yeah, that really is. And can you tell a little bit about You know, you mentioned you’re an introvert but you and your personalities of your husband, how does that kind of work together?

5:05
Oh my, we could talk the whole hour just about my husband is an absolute go getter. He is an extrovert. I mean, not not an extreme extrovert, but he is he loves people, he loves helping people. He wants lots of social interaction. And I get very drained very easily by that. So that’s an interesting point in our marriage, but he is very, like he needs to accomplish, like, I could get up in the morning and say, You know what, today I’m just gonna relax, gonna have a day where I’m gonna read or, or watch TV or whatever, and just spend time with him. And he needs to get something done. Or he can relax. So they that’s been interesting. But um, I would definitely say he’s the accelerator like he’s on on go. And I’m usually the one that’s kind of like pulling back saying, wait a second, have you thought about this? Have you thought about that? So we balance each other. And at the same time, I think we call each other angst from?

6:04
Yes, and you and probably also you kind of stretch each other to get outside of your comfort zone and be a little bit more relaxed in his on his friend, he probably needs to be a little more relaxed. And you you know, that the same time both of you get stuff done, because he’s there kind of thing, right? Absolutely. The

6:20
Jake is like, I always thought I’d marry someone like my dad, but my dad is just like me. So my dad, nothing would get done. And if Eric was married to someone like him, they would probably be butting heads about what needed to get done. And so we really do as stressful as it has been at times, we really do balance each other out. And I’m thankful for that.

6:43
Yeah, that’s very cool. Well, I mean, I think it’s definitely a sign of you’ve come a long way from, you know, because I think a lot of times we can look at our marriages and say, you know, this is what’s wrong. And instead of looking at those things that could be called wrong and see blessings in them. Absolutely. That’s great. Well, I really want to hear a story, you know, a story about a struggle in a season a marriage. And I think the reason that I asked this question is because when we kind of understand how others handle difficult situations, it helps us to put ourselves in those shoes and be like, yeah, I could handle it that way, instead of the way that I haven’t handled it that might not be as healthy or, and also struggles really teach us about ourselves. They teach about God. I mean, there’s so many things that we get through struggles, even though they’re very difficult. So yeah, so I want to hear Yeah, how it happened for you all and how you kind of came through it?

7:33
Well, there are a couple things that come to mind. But one that I’ll I will talk about now, we have been married about 10 and a half years. And before we got married, we were planning to have just a house full of children. I mean, we flipped four, he wanted six, so we were hopefully going to have six at least. He was so sure we had names picked out everything. About six months, probably about six months into our marriage. I thought there was a good chance that I was pregnant. And um, you know, I thought, wow, that’s the sooner than we expected. But your mind starts going you start thinking about how it’s going to affect your family, how you’re going to tell your parents all these things come to mind. And then when I take a test, I it was negative. And I was really surprised at how disappointed I was. Because really wasn’t our plan. So I would have thought I would have been slightly relieved, but absolutely not. I was. I was, I wouldn’t say devastated. But I was concerned. So that actually was one of the few things that would have gotten me out the door to the doctor is the thought of, of something being wrong there. And when I went to the doctor, I found out that I was diabetic. And I didn’t didn’t realize. And from there, I think it’s one it occurred to me that this could really be a problem. But I don’t think I panic yet. But as the years went by, and co workers were getting pregnant and people at church were getting pregnant and my cousins who were younger than me, pregnant. And then eventually people babysat, you know, on down the line is when it really started to kind of weigh and the thought was, you know, this is the only thing I really ever thought this would be my great work, motherhood, great work. And I was just sure that, so when it it happened that that wasn’t coming, I felt very lost. And I think the struggle between Eric and me was I wanted him to be as devastated as I was I wanted him to show those signs that he was up nights or that you know that he was a little angry or frustrated. And he was so steady about it. And I think you know, I wanted him to put as much effort and feelings at least outwardly into this this area of our lives as he did our work. And I think I began to resent the fact that he was so focused on first graduate school and then you know, we had another business we did for a short time then now pre engaged and I didn’t understand like, How can something isn’t important as I was having children not not bother you, like pouring all this time into this. And it took, I think a lot of years and me really understanding him more to realize that no, he desperately wanted to be a parent. But he thought, in the meantime, while God has given us the season without children, we really should take that time to invest in people to invest in our future to build a business so that we have the funds so that we have, you know, some flexibility when the children come. And I don’t really think he’s lost his faith probably nearly as much as I have along the way. And by the grace of God, I’ve regained it, but I think I’ve been through a lot more hills and valleys. But it did take a while. But I did finally realize no, he’s not. He’s not neglecting this. He’s just handling it in a much different way.

10:49
Before you go on. Yeah, I just want to kind of a couple things. First of all, you talked about your dream of motherhood. It’s interesting, I’ve been grappling with this recently about sometimes our dreams and our goals are our guiding light, almost. And I know I have a tendency of letting those guide me more than God is guiding me. It’s more about my dream, you know? And then, you know, just this past year, we had a real difficulty that kind of threatened to totally disarm all that dream, and totally could, but but it really causes you to Yeah, like you said, feel lost feel like, you know, what, what am I doing here? What’s, what’s this life really about? If I’m not able to accomplish what I was most set on? I mean, how was that for you?

11:41
Well, early on, it was it’s almost hard to put into words, I just, yeah, it was kind of like, I’m nobody until I’m there. For, you know, I was actually resented the fact that I had to do other things, because I wasn’t doing that. Because I would see, you know, moms with their children knowing in my head not not fully understanding until, excuse me more recently, um, yeah, that mothers have such a burden that I could not man. So until up in it. But But resenting that I was doing an eight to five job resenting that, you know, that I was having to pour my energy into something when my heart was really somewhere else. And I think, through friends who have either been there, or at least friends for just very godly in tune with Holy Spirit, that kind of helped me, I guess, in a sense, understand that where I am now, is not a mistake. And the desire is not a mistake, but he really is sovereign. And if I don’t have children, right now, there’s something for him, I’m suppose whether that’s an eight to five job, whether that’s pouring my heart and soul into the business we’re in now, whether it’s ministering to the women around me, and I think at some point, it occurred to me that I was making an idol out of motherhood, that I’m pouring every ounce of who I was into wanting that, and then being angry, because I didn’t have that. And almost, you know, I never thought growing up, I would ever be angry with God about anything. And the thought of anyone being angry at God just seemed absolutely outlandish. I mean, he’s, could you possibly be angry with God? That I think I was, even if I didn’t want to admit it, I think I was like, God, are you punishing me? Like, did I do something to deserve this? I see all these people that don’t even want children and, and here they are with, with multiple children. Right? You know, I think once I came to the realization that no, you’re, you’re idolizing this, you’re putting this ahead of me. And I am in control of your life, I have something very specific I need for you to do that I do. And you need to trust me. And even if that means you’re never a mother, you need to trust life is short, eternity is not. And you need to set your eyes on eternity. That’s Yeah, hello. But once you get to that point, there really is a piece

14:13
that’s powerful. When you kind of realize that this was an idol for you. And I think all of us whoever’s listening, you can think about things in your life that you’re so strongly leaning towards that, you know, you might need to have that question. Is this an idol? And, you know, when you kind of came to that spot, how did you kind of earn unearth that?

14:36
Can you can you explain a little differently?

14:40
Yeah, I guess I’m thinking like, practically, if someone’s feeling that same way, like regardless of what it is, it might be motherhood for a lot of people listening because this is a very, very, very difficult and common struggle. I’ve got multiple friends that have had the same thing. And it’s just, it’s really heartbreaking in a lot of ways, but it’s Maybe that’s not your struggle, maybe that’s not the issue. Maybe it’s, you know, being able to give your family a well off lifestyle, but the you know, job prospects are just not there. Or maybe it’s a having a husband that does certain things for you, but he just isn’t that personality type, whatever that struggle is that you’re having. I guess my question is, when you identify that idol, how do you? How do you get out of it? How do you transform that idol into something? Because it’s still part of your life, you still want motherhood? But how do you make it not an idol?

15:36
Well, it takes Yeah, it’s really truly the grace of God. Um, and I think, I think when we dwell, what we dwell on really does affect where we go, and our thinking, and then our behaviors. And just like when I’m upset with my husband, for not seeing the world the way I do, because we are so different. When I focus on that, I find myself grumpy, I don’t really want to connect with him, I find myself thinking of all the negative things that he brings to the marriage. And then, I mean, that doesn’t do me any good doesn’t do us any good. But when I when I take that down, and try to look at him through through the eyes that I know would please the Lord, like look for strengths and whatnot, I emerge from that very thankful for him. And I think, in this season of my life with with the infertility, I think when I dwell on the infertility, when I really just bow down at that, you know, that author and just really think about that I am, you know, I’m discouraged. I’m almost just completely useless, in a sense to me, because I’m just very, it’s almost a selfishness, like, I’m very in myself very in what I want, and not wanting to open up my heart to the idea that there could be something else that, that the Lord really wants me to do for someone else. And that, and I think that’s the thing about idols and dwelling on them. It makes us selfish, it really, it makes us so so focused, that we miss all these opportunities around us to be a blessing. And one thing for me that has been huge is realizing how much I dwell on lies, and how they just play in my head over and over and whether it’s Heather, you shouldn’t have done that. Heather, you shouldn’t have said that. Why we’re just the tape are constantly playing. Oh, yeah. And when we obviously listen to something long enough, we believe it. And the the thing that I would suggest really to anybody going through anything, would be to just really take some time and pinpoint what what am I telling myself daily? What am I constantly feeding my mind, that isn’t true? And honestly, write it down, write with a pen and paper down? What is that, that you’re telling yourself, and then take that lie and find the truth? You know, like, for me to think God must be punishing me for something. That’s, it’s, it’s me, it’s something I’ve done. It’s something I’ve done that he’s not giving me children. Instead, reminding myself every good and perfect gift comes from God, and that parents want to give their children great gifts, why wouldn’t God also want to give me great gifts and repeating that every day like having a list and repeating it until we cleanse our minds with the truth. And I would also say probably if you’re not involved in a ministry, find one, pray for pray for the right one for you. And really focus your time and energy into that, and putting your your mind and behavior and energy on other people. And you have less time than to dwell.

18:43
Hmm, that’s so true. I love so much of what you said so far. And just to pinpoint a couple things. First of all, you talked about It’s the grace of God. So I love that because I think a lot of times I’m a self help guru. I love just spending hours in the aisle of self help improvement on you know, at bookstores and stuff, I just love it. But the truth is, I can work myself into the ground and still not get to the place where I want to go. But it’s you know that that’s kind of my my fleshly tendency, but if I recognize it’s by God’s grace that I’m anywhere in this life at all that I even know him that kind of gives me a better sense of peace and patience with myself and patience with others because I start to realize it’s not resting on my shoulders. I can’t do it all. So I love that you said is ultimately the grace of God. But but then you also got practical about what you focus on. Look at your life and your husband or whatever your situation is through the eyes that God would be pleased with. So recognizing all the blessings he’s put in those areas. And I also love that you said that it makes us selfish, you know, when we are so focused on our intentions, our aims, our desires, that’s all we can focus on. And then we’re, we’re totally out of it if we can’t get those things and the truth is, that’s the way life is we are barraged by the temptation to compare yourself constantly. I mean, with Facebook, with social media, it’s just a constant thing where you can easily say their life is better than mine. So I’m not satisfied with my life. And I think that’s, I think that’s also the sin of coveting, you know, where you’re where you’re not even, like you said, you’re not even doing what God wants you to do in your life now, because you’re so focused on the life that you don’t have, right, and then from there, very practical, writing down what you’re believing, and then the list of scriptures that totally dismiss that belief. That’s awesome. And with Google Now, you can just type in a phrase of scriptures about motherhood, are scriptures about contentment, or joy, or peace, you know, these are the things we need to be flooding over us. So and, and the thing is, I think when we’re self, like, when we’re self focused, the whole world seems miserable. We just seem so like, we can’t get out of this space of misery because we’re, we’re just so focused on ourselves. So I love the idea of getting in a project or an activity that’s helping others and helping you get out of yourself, which I think is key. So when you started kind of getting out of that spot, you know, what are some like, maybe daily disciplines or things that really helped you change or things that maybe even now you do that you that help you kind of stay on track?

21:38
Well, if you were to be interviewing my husband, and he might tell you that I am not the most disciplined person on the planet, I would love to work on my mother is as a discipline is like home. And I don’t know if I just completely just rebel, or if it’s just a personality, but two things come to mind. A couple of months ago, I was talking with Eric, I don’t know if I just said something about not feeling as happy or as joyful as I would like, I really can’t remember how the conversation came up. But he said, you know, especially because I’m home, and when you’re home when you work from home, and especially not having children, you know, aside from, from anything regarding infertility, I’ve heard other women say as well, the longer you don’t have children, you almost start to feel self centered, just because you don’t have that constant, somebody to take care of you to have your husband is different. And um, I think I was, I was feeling the weight of just focusing on myself. Surly meaning to but you know, I don’t know if you’ve ever visited someone, maybe in a nursing home or something where their whole world is just like that room. And the things that they bring up to talk about are, are just very, you know, they’re small world, and almost how I was feeling like, that’s interesting. Yeah, as big as my house, and it should be that way. And he just really challenged me. So I think if he would get up each morning and say, God, how can I help someone else today, and that was just the first thing that that you said in the morning, or that came, you know, that that you thought of? I think he said, I think he would be a lot happier. So I really, I can’t say that it’s been every day because it hasn’t. But I would really love to get to the point where I was waking up daily and thinking, Okay, today I’m going to either bless someone very much through my writing, or I’m going to contact that person that I’ve taught church that seems lonely, and I’m really going to try to invest in them or, or something to, to take the focus off of me and out of this house and you know, onto someone else. But then said, that really struck me and this could this could be for really anybody going through anything. My aunt was telling me the last time I visited my hometown that another sweet lady from a home church challenge. She’s been through a lot. So it’s not that she’s just had this easygoing life. But she told my aunt that every morning she woke up and the first thing she did was ask God to give her a sweet spirit today. Please give me a sweet spirit today. And I have to tell you, of every all the women I know, this is gonna be the sweetest woman I have ever met, no matter what’s going on. She just has just the, I don’t know, just this aroma. That’s you just want to be near her. And she lost a daughter last year. She’s had tons of tons of family issues over the years, but she’s always maintained just that very precious. You know, what you think of from First Peter three, I think 334 Where it talks about, you know, letting, letting your adorning be, you know the kindness and gentleness that that gentle spirit and that’s her to attain and it really got me thinking, you know, if I could every morning just say God, please give me that Spirit so that I can go out into the world and and be that person to others to my husband. Pick that focus out of here. You know, I think I would be so much more useful. And just, in general, happier myself as a Did that answer your question?

25:13
Yes, absolutely. Oh, it’s huge. It’s so huge. It convicts me. Absolutely. It’s just an amazing change of perspective. Because there’s so it’s just, the devil just wants us to focus on ourselves. We don’t have what we’re not doing that we wish we were I mean, and then we’re, we’re just kind of useless to the kingdom, we’re just not. We’re not where God wants us to be at all. And it’s funny because I’m more on the spectrum of your husband, where I’m kind of the go getter, got lots of dreams and goals, wants to, you know, get the to do list done. And my husband is way relaxed. I mean, I asked him new year’s resolutions this year, and it took like, a half an hour to get three things out of it. Whereas I’ve got three pages, right. Yeah, so but it’s a, it’s a huge blessing. Because when I get like, so anxious, because I’m not able to get what I think I need to get done. I’ve got a husband that kind of is like, Okay, well, let’s just sit down and relax a little bit. Let’s talk, you know what to shoot, which is huge. But yes, I mean, that tendency where we are, you know, feeling like we’re not where we want to be. And even as a mother, like I came into motherhood unexpectedly. And I know there’s a temptation, when it’s a hard day with the kids, or I’m not able to be patient or present with them. There’s a temptation to be like, Well, maybe if I were more prepared for this, I would have an easier time at motherhood, I’d be a better mother, you know. And that, and it’s just I mean, it really doesn’t matter where your life is, there’s always ways that we can be looking at it as it’s not good enough. And that’s an easy temptation to fall into, especially with our capitalistic society where it’s like, well, if you’re not happy, you need to get something to make you happy. Like that’s the answer. Yeah, instead of you said, is to actually ask the Lord to change you into a person that’s has a gentle spirit into someone who’s peaceful into someone who has a sweet spirit into someone who wants to help others. So I think that’s really powerful. So, in thinking about how this, this thing, that’s, that became an idol. How did that affect your your marriage? Like you said that there was resentment that was building but like, what was that like, between the two of you? Well,

27:33
since he is very much the go getter very much wants to accomplish. And you know, we we actually met in our psychology program at Liberty, and then we went on to get our master’s degrees in marriage and family therapy. And when we started dating, or actually, when just when we became friends, we became friends on the foundation that we both loved relationships, and we wanted to work with relationships. And so you know, at that time, I was very school minded. It was a life I was in. And I think, you know, we were just very excited about this idea of working together with couples. And then when I got married, it’s not that I quit caring about, about working with relationships. But I think my focus just went so domestic. And so I want children, I want them now. And in a sense, for a good long time, I think he felt like he’d lost that partner that you know that he’d married because he had this specific goal he’d had since the 10th grade. And furious with this woman who was supposed to be just exactly what he was looking for. And it’s like, I just completely changed went off the rails in this other direction. So that in and of itself caused a lot of friction. I remember asking God, I had a lot of relationships that weren’t, weren’t heading anywhere. When I was a teenager, I made a lot of mistakes there. And I remember coming to the Lord, I don’t know if I was just at wit’s end, or if I was sober minded, but I just said, Lord, please give me a husband who knows his calling, and is not willing to get back on it even for me. I don’t think I knew that, because I mean, I, I remember, a boyfriend asked me what I wanted to do with my life. And then he just kind of started to think, Oh, I could help you with that. And I hated that. I was just like, Nah, no, I don’t. I don’t, I don’t want you following me. That makes me very uncomfortable. And from that moment, it was like, No, this is a big deal to me. I want someone who’s who’s going to lead and has a clear vision. And God gave me just that and then so, you know, our marriage when I was so focused on children and so angry, really, I think it was more the anger and the, you know, the just hyper focus I had on it. That was more of a struggle than anything because in his mind, we, you know, yes, you want children but we don’t have them right now. So we need to be doing something you can’t wallow and wait, you have to work now. You have to serve God now. And I just, I think I was just like, why should I? Why should I have to do anything when this is this is what I’m supposed to be doing. And no one’s letting me do it. very immature. Um,

30:09
well, it’s, we’ve all been there. I mean, I feel like all of us are like, yes, nodding our head. Yes, I know just how that feels.

30:17
Somewhere somewhere between grief and a lack of maturity. And God probably just really like me not realizing he’s at work, but he was. And I remember one night, we were, you know, the way our office is set up, he has a corner, I have a corner, we have our computers, and I forget what happened. I just screamed at him about something, just let it all out. And he just quietly got up and left the room. And usually when that happens, I know I just need to let him have his space. shouldn’t have been so disrespectful, etc. But I for some reason, I didn’t wait. I just went straight downstairs and just said, Honey, I’m so sorry. But you have to understand. I’m so scared. And I don’t think I really even realized until I said that, how scared I was that my whole world, you know, this, this plan that I have this dream, this expectation was just crumbling. And you know, and he really he was very gracious. And he did say, Honey, you don’t know what it does to me. When you scream at me? You just you don’t know what that does to me. I guess it’s a man when you just when you let it out like that. But he did. He was very kind and understanding about about what was behind it. But um, I think, um, I’m reminded me again of the question, I feel like maybe I’m, oh, you’re

31:34
fine. I don’t even know. I just I’m grateful that you went where you did, because I think that’s powerful. But I appreciate I mean, I think I think a lot of times there’s fear underneath a lot of our emotions that we just don’t realize is there and, and it’s really I think that was really wise to be able to say that that’s that’s what was motivating it because who knows it’s funny because you’re like, I don’t even know what I screamed at him about but but thank God you realize that it was the fear and I think fear a lot of times the fear of failure and fear of not being enough and fear of, of everything, losing everything. I mean, there’s a lot of fears in this world. And I guess that’s probably where I want to go next is like that fear of losing that dream, the thing that you know, your heart most desired. As a wife that’s listening, how can she uproot that fear and move beyond that fear?

32:27
Hmm? Oh, well, at the risk of getting too I guess churchy or cliche. It really does. It begins with with God’s word, I can’t think of anything that has alleviated fears, more than just really diving in and, and, and seeing God’s heart and remembering that He is in control of every situation, that he’s good even even when the situation is not that he is good that he’s working on things for our good. And you know, this the old song Turn your eyes upon Jesus, I I go there often because I mean, I can remember as a child singing that, and, and really almost, almost literally feeling the world just push away and, and everything just being like this open line between the Lord and I. And I think when we get older, and we have so many responsibilities, and so many things vying for our time, we always lose that that childlike connection with the Lord. We get alone with him clear our heart of all the gunk and all the things that are trying to trying to distract us and just really focus on him. It’s like all of that burden just just lifts and there’s there’s just that quiet calm between you and the Savior. And you know, that he’s got this whatever this is, he’s got it. And I’m actually having necklace. So fear has been such an issue. I bought a necklace, it has a chain that says fear not on one side, and then there’s a butterfly on the other side. And it said without change, there’d be no butterflies. And it’s just sometimes I just I grab it like I’m in a situation I just hold on to it. Because it’s just that reminder, that physical reminder that I’m not alone, that that the things that I think I have control over I don’t know, and just knowing I don’t almost brings peace just yet, like you said earlier, just knowing that, that what I do is is not ultimately going to change the outcome that God has the outcome. And I think just practically speaking, you know, sometimes my fears are because I don’t I don’t seek out solutions or I don’t seek out seek to understand situations like my husband has to push me to go to the doctor if I think something’s wrong, he’ll just say Honey, just go stop worrying. And every time I go and they’re like, Oh, it’s nothing and I’m fine. But instead you know, I spent three weeks like Is this normal? And I think, I think when we really take the time to just really seek out the answer, you know, there’s knowledge does knowledge can bring can bring a lack of peace to when when there’s something in our lives that’s just really hanging over us. I think knowledge can be power, you know? Yes. I’m not having I’m not getting pregnant for some reason, but but really understanding things and studying more and looking at options and, and, you know, and praying about those options, I think brings more peace than just my my go to, which is crawl under the covers hide and hope that thing is better

35:32
and more. Right.

35:34
So I, I think there’s that. But ultimately, I think the the power to overcome the fears really is really, with the Lord and His love and love ever coming here. For sure.

35:48
Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yeah, I love that. And I think we all can learn from that, and recognize that when the enemy comes with a mutation, to fear, and fret and be concerned that I mean, God is the only one that doesn’t change. He’s the only one that’s here today, tomorrow, forever, the same. And he’s with you. So whatever it is that you’re going through, whatever the fears that are coming, He is the one that is with you in it, and you can trust him, he is trustworthy. And you may never understand why it’s happening until eternity, right. But our God is good, and he knows what’s going on. And it matters to him. And your heart matters to him. And so I just so appreciate that, getting that encouragement to get before God, get in his word. Because we we grow to understand God more through His Word. So getting in His Word, and being willing to kind of share your situation with him. And allow him to change your heart in it. I think that’s huge.

37:00
I think also pouring, you know, worship music, having a constant positive message flowing in your house, you know, if you’re working, you can have headphones, something like that, just the constant reminder that he’s good. Yeah, so much. So many other things that can get your focus, especially in our social media world. And if we spend too much time on Facebook, like he said, or, or just watching regular TV, there’s any negative messages that really want to push out, you know, push out the truth, push out God’s God’s presence in your life. And when you are constantly refilling that, even if you’re not actively in prayer, having that worship, music flow through you, or even the Bible, just having the Bible read aloud to you through your an app on your phone or something like that. It’s just, it’s amazing how much that can change your day. Absolutely.

37:56
I just am so grateful for Heather’s story and the insights we’ve all gained because of the challenges in her life. And we don’t know why God lets us wait. We don’t. But there’s beautiful fruit that comes from it that can come from it. If we remember that he’s got a plant purpose, he’s got a plan. He knows way more than we do. So I just encourage you, whatever it is that you’re waiting for, whatever, you know, seed of discontentment is there. I just encourage you to talk to God about it. To release that over to him because he can handle it. He can handle your frustration, your your discouragement, all of that he can handle it, but he’s got a bigger plan for your heart than you see right now. He really, really does. And again, it’s all about well, I guess I would rather say it’s about more than this life. This is just the very beginning. The very beginning doesn’t matter how old you are. There’s so much more God wants to do in you and through you. And I just encourage you to think about eternity, and why this season matters for that. God bless you. Thank you for listening. I hope to talk to you again next Tuesday. You can go to the light your marriage.com/ 86 to get all the show notes. Or you can join us on Facebook for a wonderful group of supportive women that are helping each other live wholehearted intimacy in their marriages in their lives and most importantly with their walk with Jesus. Okay, we’ll talk soon. Love you. God bless. Bye.

39:39
Thanks for joining. If you’ve been inspired by this show, would you help spread the word? If you take a moment to review and subscribe others can find us more easily. Find out how to delight your marriage.com forward slash iTunes. Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion