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Heartache Transformed through uncomfortable honesty

Today, my guest is Jen Smith of The Unveiled Wife!

Scripture/Quote: Eph 4:12 “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Jen Smith of unveiledwife.com has been married for 8 years and has 1 son and another baby on the way! Her passion is motivating every post is to encourage other women in their role as a wife, focusing on the foundational principles about marriage revealed throughout the Bible.

Jen talks about the incredible struggle in sexual intimacy starting from their wedding night. But what began as an awkward and embarrassing first meeting turned into a marriage-saving experience.

marriage quote

You’ll Discover:

  • How Jen & her husband were not able to consummate their marriage for a long time.
  • How she had such a difficult marriage, that both of them were ready to end it.
  • How her willingness to be awkward and vulnerable in front of strangers helped.
  • How her struggles with initiating intimately with her husband was actually rooted in her childhood.
  • How so many relationships affect our marriage.
  • The specific step-by-step process of how their marriage changed.
  • How her expectations with God had to shift for her to be able to reunite with Him fully.
  • How to step-by-step have a perspective shift with God.

marriage quote

Tweetables:

    • “When you lack sexual intimacy in your marriage, it just amplifies every other issue that arises” tweet this
    • “God is glorified when we choose to stick together and stick it out even in the seasons of hardship and pain.” tweet this
    • “It’s me being transparent in hopes of inspiring another wife to be transparent.”tweet this
    • “He allowed it to happen to teach us who we are and bring us closer to Him. We are way closer to Him now than we ever would have been” tweet this
    • “If we had had a perfect life, we would have no need to get on our knees” tweet this

Jen Smith quote Links/Resources Mentioned:

Be sure to also check out Part II of Jen Smith’s interview: Episode 7!

Jen Smith quote

If you enjoyed this episode, would you leave us a review on iTunes? It will encourage me & it will help others find the podcast easier. Find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes

Transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast, the show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah rose.

0:19
Hello, and welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope all is going well with you and your life and your family and your marriage most of all. So I’m excited today, I just got an email Actually, I wanted to share with you. It’s someone that read my book, and he took the course online at to let your husband.com He and his wife read the book. And he said he read it in two days. And he said it’s fantastic. He wholeheartedly agrees with everything I wrote in there. And then he said, he’s actually a publisher and a bookstore owner in Germany. And so he’s wanting to see if I’d be interested in getting the book in German. So very cool. I’ll definitely let you know for any of our German listeners if and when the book is available in German. But anyway, I kind of wanted to share that with you. So I have on the show today, a really amazing lady. Her name is Jen Smith. And she is also an author. And her book is actually launching in just a couple of days. It’s called the unveiled wife. And Jen was so kind to let me read it before this show went live. And it is something special actually, I really think it’s going to help a lot of people. She’s so open and vulnerable. And I’m going to give a little bit of my thoughts on our next interview the next half of the interview. But yeah, you’d be surprised Jen hacks. Once you find her on online, she’s got a pretty significant following of women from all over the world. But you’ll listen, she’s a very humble and gracious lady. We talked even a little bit after the interview. And you can just sense her authenticity her. She’s so genuine. So anyway, I’m excited for you to hear her story. And she talks about the real challenge of sexual intimacy in her marriage from the get go. And I think that it’s going to be helpful for anyone out there who thinks that they might be all alone in this, figuring out what sex means in your marriage. Because no, there’s plenty of others who have been there you are definitely not by yourself on this one, honey. All right. Well, without further ado, here’s Jen. Welcome, delight your marriage listeners. I am so excited to be here with Jen Smith from unveiled wife. And welcome, Jen. I’m so glad

2:44
you’re here. Hi, thank you so much for having me. This is exciting.

2:48
Absolutely. It’s gonna be great. And Jen, would you go ahead and introduce yourself and share a little bit about your family and what your day to day life looks like?

2:59
Sure. So I just turned 29 years old. And right after that, me and my husband celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary. So he’s married for eight years, together for just over 10. And we have one little boy who is just my whole heart. He’s two years old. His name is Elliott. And we have another little on the way which we don’t know whether it’s a girl or boy yet, we’re gonna be surprised. And we’re so excited to you know, just be growing our family. And we’re just in that season of life. That’s kind of crazy and chaotic, but totally awesome. And yeah, that’s just a little bit about it.

3:40
That’s awesome. Was your first one a surprise. Also?

3:44
I know, I wanted to find out what we were having. And my husband didn’t. And so I, I won that. And I said, What’s with our next one, we will be surprised. And so he was patient enough to wait. And so when we found out we were pregnant again. We just decided that we weren’t going to find out. It’s pretty fun. I like having the two different experiences.

4:05
Yeah, yeah. Well, my husband, he and I had the same exact tug of war for our first son. And he one and then when it’s when I experienced the surprise, I was like, Oh, this is too good. So we did the second one a surprise too. So I love that you’re doing it a surprise. That’ll be fun.

4:23
Fun. That’s awesome. Yeah. Um,

4:26
so could you share with us a little bit about you and your husband’s personalities? how that looks?

4:31
Oh, I’m sure so I’m more reserved, quiet. He’s pulled me out of my shell a lot. But I I tend to be more of an introvert. He’s an extrovert. He is just very strong and his personality very opinionated, in a good way. And he loves to socialize. He loves to go out and do things where I tend to just want to stay home and relax. And but it’s good because we balance each other. So If we go out too often, I rein it in. And then if we’ve been in too much he pulls us out. So it’s exciting having the balance there with our personalities.

5:11
Mm hmm. Yeah, I love that. I love that. And this whole podcast is really about encouraging other wives in their marriages and their lives, and even in their walks with God. And so I’d be really interested in a scripture or a quote that has meant a lot to you over the years.

5:27
Oh, well, I mean, one of the ones that I have always claimed to you and my husband actually engraved it in my wedding band, is Ecclesiastes 412.

5:37
And I’m just going to break in here right quick and make sure the audience knows exactly the verse we’re talking about. So it says, though, one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Okay, Jen, so tell me what this means in the context of your marriage.

5:57
And it’s such a beautiful depiction of marriage, but also community and how we need people in our lives, we need, you know, we need, we just need to rely on one another in marriage, and then in friendships, you know, other married couples come alongside us and say, We need help. And when we do that, and we go before God, it makes it, it makes life so much better, and so much easier to handle. It’s kind of like sharing the weight, sharing the load and the burden of just the day to day battles that we face. And we all face them.

6:28
I love that. I love that. I think that is so true. And when you’re relying on God for your marriage, and you’re, you know, together in that it’s, it’s so true. It’s just a much stronger bond. Yeah, that’s awesome. Well, I mean, you are just incredible at unveiled wife.com. You just encourage and inspire so many around the world. And it’s just an incredible thing to watch and follow. And I know that through reading some of your stories, it’s clear that this came from this wonderful vision came from some difficulty and some struggle in your lives and in your marriage. And so I’m really interested if you’d be willing to share that with our audience, because I can really inspire people, even the hardships in our lives, we can really help them because they might be going through the exact same thing.

7:18
Yeah, absolutely. We have a little bit of a unique story in that we were both virgins, when we got married, very eager to express ourselves fully with love and, and starting out that first night, you know, being married as husband and wife, we just could not come together, we just could not consummate our marriage, we I experienced a lot of pain every time that we tried to initiate sexually. And it was one of those things where we didn’t really know what to expect. And we had expectations, but we also didn’t know what would come of it. And my husband kind of laughed it off and say, Don’t worry, you know, it’ll probably just take a couple of days to get used to. But weeks turned into months turned into yours. And for three and a half years of, you know, the beginning of our marriage, I could count on one hand, how many times that we kind of came together it was it was awful. And when you lack in sexual intimacy in your marriage, it just amplifies every other issue that arises. And that’s exactly what we experienced. And so we we just went from day to day struggling. And I started isolating myself from my husband, because I didn’t want to anticipate the pain. So I was held. And then that just affected so many, so many other areas of our of our marriage. And so about the three and a half year mark, we are both ready to give up. You know, and I know that there’s people listening right now. And they might be in that situation or season of marriage where you feel like you’re at the end of your rope, you feel like you have nothing left to give, and there’s just no hope. And yet God saved us. God stepped in and through an invitation from my husband, he invited us to a marriage community group at at the church. And he said, at the time I even withdrew from God. So I wasn’t going on Sundays or anything and, and he said just come to this if not like regular church, and let’s just see what what it’s like. And at this point, I realized if I kept saying no to him, I was saying an ultimate no to our marriage, and it would be the end. And so we went on a Wednesday night. And we walked in and it was so awkward because all these couples are saying hi to each other and, you know, kind of knew each other. And here we are just completely broken. We we didn’t even want to talk to each other at that point. And we have a man came up and you know, asked if we were new and sat us down at his table. And that was the first time I’ve ever experienced anyone openly talking about marriage issues in a real way. People being transparent. And I truly believe that it was their bravery that inspired change in our hearts. and it didn’t happen right away. But we went back the next one day, and then one day after that. And I, I truly believe that their ability to be really real with us and transparent about their issues helped us open up about ours. And I was the first time that we had ever done that in three years. And there was so much healing that God allowed to take place during that time of just speaking, forced to hurt and the offenses and the issues that we were dealing with, and trying to seek help, you know, people giving us advice, or walking us through with prayer, and just really pointing us back to God and saying that we could not continue on without him. So if anyone is in that situation where they’re at their, you know, last rope, no hope just wanting to give up, I just encourage you to hang on another day, and ask God, even if you’re not really talking to God, right now, just just ask him a short prayer of help me, help me in my marriage, and give me hope for another day. And it’s amazing how a little bit of encouragement will help you get through that next day. And then you need a little bit more to get through the following day, but But God’s glorified when we stick, you know, stick together and stick it out, even through the seasons of hardship, and of pain. And he teaches a lot he teach, during that time, he teach me a lot about who I am. And the things that I was wrestling with in my heart, and, and being able to confront those issues really helped me in my role as a wife, you know, and being able to communicate certain things to my husband. And so I hope that’s encouraging for someone to hear.

11:38
Yeah, I mean, I’m just so grateful for your vulnerability and your willingness to be open about this, because this is such a common concern and struggle that people are just not talking about. And it’s in its source. I mean, it’s something that I went through in my first marriage actually, very, very similarly, where I just wasn’t able to enjoy the experience at all. And it was very painful. And it’s very interesting how the female brain works, because our physicality is so connected to our mental, you know, our insecurities or fears are so connected. So I’m interested, you know, especially with how that works. So, if you wouldn’t mind just kind of walking through. So I mean, the other thing I want to point out and pull out from this is that it was, even in the midst of, you know, your personality of being a little bit more reserved a little bit more, you know, holding back from social situations, it sounds like you were willing to go through the awkwardness of not knowing anyone in this space and walking in this room with all these people that probably you felt like they were all staring at you. And you know, who are the new couple that don’t even talk to each other. I mean, and I agree, it’s just something that if you are in a situation that’s anywhere similar, that it’s a challenge in your marriage, it’s worth it to go through that awkwardness and that uncomfort to then get to the other side. So anyway, can you kind of walk us through what it was like, after that meeting, and after going starting to go to those meetings?

13:16
Yeah, so it was very awkward. And it was hard, because, you know, sometimes when, when the topic did revolve around sexual intimacy, or just being closed in communication with your spouse, I would clam up. And I would get very emotional and just, I just wanted to weep, because I knew that that was such a hard thing in my marriage to do and other people were kind of like laughing about it, or, you know, sometimes making jokes just to make it light hearted. And that was that was really painful for me to experience. But yet through that awkwardness, the Lord revealed, revealed things to me like that it was necessary that I talked to my husband or that it was necessary that I try and initiate you know, you mentioned how the female brain really impacts our ability to be in an intimate place with our husbands. I, I realized that after hearing other wives open up and share about that, and I realized that when I initiate sexual intimacy with my husband, we actually enjoy it better. It’s like, it changes something in my mind, instead of just going through it to do this, or, you know, I don’t want to do this right now or a million other things that go through women’s minds. It kind of shuts it off, because now my my intentionality is driven towards what am I doing for my husband right now. And so that really did impact me and influence the way that we came together. And so it was, even even though being in that community group was awkward at times, it was so healing and so good for me to recognize who I am by seeing the reflection in other people. And you don’t and I’m not sharing this to say that you need to go find the huge community group with a lot of a lot of married couples. Although that would be great, you could do it with just one of the girlfriends, you know, one of their married wife, or two, or three, you know, and just getting out for coffee and talking to them, it really does influence how we perceive ourselves and our husbands.

15:16
So you would suggest getting a chance to just open up about these really difficult things?

15:23
Yeah, I think that I think and that’s one thing that I promote on unveiled wife is, be transparent, be willing to open up and so many of my articles is just me opening up and me saying, you know, well, this is how I used to view by finances. And God showed me a revelation. And it’s, you know, they’re different topics, but it’s nice, being transparent, in hopes of inspiring another wife to be transparent. And, and like I said, it doesn’t have to be with a ton of people, it could just be with one other girlfriend who’s gonna keep you accountable, or, you know, bounce ideas back and forth. And I just have found that, so rewarding.

16:02
If it wasn’t, it sounds like it wasn’t something that was normal to initiate. Prior to this, how have you kind of been able to kind of change your thought process about it, and then get to a place where you can initiate.

16:15
So initiation, it’s always been a struggle for me and I, I’m coming out with a book called The unveiled wife, where it’s about my marriage, but I do go into a little bit of detail with my dad. And then my mom divorced when I was only four and the insecurities that arise, it doesn’t matter what age you are, when your parents divorced, but it affects you. And for me, it caused a lot of insecurity in my heart, and in my mind. And as a young girl, or even a young wife trying to navigate an intimate relationship with the burden of so many insecurities. It was a struggle, it was such a struggle. And so in the book, I kind of go back to this one moment where I realized that in my relationship with my dad, I would withhold for weeks, until I heard from him until he called me. And I didn’t realize that I was doing that I just felt like if he cared, he would call me, right. And so I was I would withhold, and then God showed me that I was doing the same thing with him with God. And with my husband, I would hold out and I would wait until they fulfilled something for me. And it was because I was too insecure and too fearful of stepping out of my comfort zone to make a phone call, or to say, hey, we need to talk or to go to God in prayer. And so I’m, I explained that in my book, but it was such a huge revelation for me that so many of our relationships really do affect our marriage. And if we are living life without being reconciled to our dads or to God, it’s really going to affect our ability to do things like initiate in marriage, and whether that’s initiating sexually or initiating a conversation or initiating a time of play or laughter. It really affects all of that. And so until God gave me that revelation, when he did, I picked up the phone, trembling, and called my dad, and I was in my early 20s. And there should be no reason why that would have been hard, except I just had never really attempted to initiate in our relationship before. And it was a short, beautiful conversation, just, you know, a hey, how are you? I love you, what are you up to, and then we got off the phone, and I felt so accomplished. And like, I achieved something great, because I was obedient to what God is asking me to do. And so me and my dad went through a period of reconciliation in our relationship. And I feel like that really influenced my ability as a wife to, to just be able to initiate in my relationship in marriage.

18:48
I love that. And I just, there’s just so many good insights that you give, and one that you shared a bit ago was that without the sexual intimacy, every other issue is amplified in your marriage. And so I’m interested, I think that’s brilliant, completely. Because it really does. Sex is such a wonderful part of marriage, that it really is supposed to unify you as a couple. And so I completely agree. So what was it like to, you know, go through this marriage class, and how did you start to, to piece things together with your husband?

19:27
It was, it was difficult. I mean, it took, you know, two and a half years going to this on a consistent, you know, every Wednesday night basis for me to realize that God was transforming me from the inside out because like I said, it didn’t happen overnight. It didn’t happen in one conversation that happened over many times of us being tested, challenged and inspired to work on our relationship. And so like one night, we during our, you know, discussion time at our table, you know, maybe Somebody would bring up a story of how one, you know, one wife would be struggling with an issue, and then her husband would chime in about his perspective. And seeing it firsthand, like that made me realize that, you know, I do the same thing. And it’s actually manipulation, you know, so then God would start working on my heart and saying, Jennifer, you, you have a problem with, with manipulation with your husband, when you feel hurt, you feel like he needs to hurt. And so you do things in a way that will, will stimulate, stimulate that hurt, and, and it’s not good. And so and that’s just one example. But it was my testimony, after testimony, after testimony of hearing a husband and wife talk about their perspectives on an issue that would cause me to look at our marriage. And then sometimes it was just a matter of, you know, eventually these people became our best friends. And they would challenge us knowing that we struggled with sexual intimacy, and they would challenge us with things that were very hard, like, you know, try and do it every day for this week, you know, and we were never able to fulfill every single challenge. But it was just a matter of looking at our marriage in a new perspective, despite our hurts, despite our bitterness, despite the resentment that had been building up. And as we started opening up and, and taking on those challenges, or, you know, asking God to help us in certain areas, that’s when healing really took place. And, and it was cool, because we got to encourage one another, and support one another, me my husband, you know, throughout that process.

21:32
Oh, wow. And I love that you share how long it took that it took two and a half years. Because I, you know, it took a while to get probably to Well, you said three years of marriage prior to so you were out of your broken place at that point. And then two and a half years of investing in your marriage to actually get it to a really beautiful and healthy place. And I wanted to ask you. So you mentioned that you were also at a bad place with God kind of grew at that point. How did that shift in this during this whole thing?

22:07
Yeah, I didn’t realize that I had grown up with a bunch of expectations on God, I, I, I, I really struggled. And I shared this in my book, also that I grew up doing all the right things. I considered myself, you know, a really good Christian. Throughout high school and everything, I didn’t party, I didn’t have sex, I didn’t drink alcohol, or smoke. And I thought that by doing all these things, God was going to guarantee me, a blessed life, a perfect life, one without pain, or struggle. And, and I didn’t, I didn’t go around saying this in my head, it was just over time, I had built up these expectations of a perfect life. And leading up to marriage, I was excited for it, I was so excited to jump in and be a bride and, you know, experience life with my best friend. And then as soon as we got married, like that first night, we experienced so much hardship. And it was the first time I actually questioned God on some of my beliefs. And, you know, over that period of three years of, of just strain it, it really tested my faith, and the things that I believed about God. And it wasn’t until, you know, being a part of this married couples group that some of those things were pulled out, like, you know, just having conversations with my husband like, Well, why do you? Why do you believe those things about God? Or, you know, what are you wrestling with him about this week, and so often, I didn’t even want to talk about it, because I didn’t know how to formulate my feelings in a conversation I didn’t. I just, it was just so hard for me. And I was so overwhelmed by not having a perfect life and feeling that discontentment from it. But I just wanted to avoid God altogether. And it was really, it was really hard on me and my relationship with God, it totally changed everything that I had viewed of him growing up. But then I realized God, God showed me that he cares more about my character than my comfort, which meant that he was he was allowing not that he wanted me and my husband. I don’t know, if you know, is his perfect role that me my husband struggled with intimacy in our marriage. But he allowed it to happen to teach us who we are, and to bring us closer to Him. Because ultimately, we are way more closer to God now than we ever would have been. And how do we ever had a perfect life, we would have no need to get on our knees and pray to God and ask Him for things that were very dear to our hearts. So sometimes I think that God allows hardship and pain to be a part of our lives because it reminds us that we need to rely on him daily. And so again, if someone’s listening right now, and they’re just questioning why God Why are you reading this happened to me, it’s too overwhelming. I can’t handle it. Remember that he’s allowing those things because he wants you to call out him like that. He wants you to ask him what his will is for your life and to pray for that. Because if our lives were perfect, we would have no need for him. Right? So that was kind of the revelation that really helped me in my relationship with God.

25:13
I love that. And I so agree, it’s just so true that often the hardest things in life really bring us to our knees. And that’s when we get back to God. I love Mike, because one thing he said he’s willing, God is willing to take the chance to offend you. So that you’ll come back to him, if that makes sense. Like you, you could have decided that you know what, God I’m done with you, you didn’t do what you your, you know, your end of the deal, you didn’t do what you should have I did everything right, you should have made me have a great marriage, and you could have been offended, you could have made that as a reason to rebel and go away from him. And that was actually that’s a big part of my story of the brokenness of my first marriage that I came out of that marriage completely wounded and completely hurt. And, and I was completely offended at God that I had sought him out from what I saw was, righteously, and I did all the right things, those expectations that that’s not actually the way God set this world up. You didn’t set it up that I’m going to give you a perfect life. If you do xy and z. I can imagine that that was a shift that maybe happened over time,

26:21
like, oh, yeah, it was just a shift in my perspective, and understanding that, instead of having expectations of what God’s supposed to fulfill in my life, he was calling me to align my heart to his and asking for his world to be done. And that filled me with so much more hope to for being able to endure and persevere through hard circumstances. And so it was it was really just a perspective shift.

26:47
I love that. And can you tell me how that came about? So for example, was it through journaling? Or so if I’m thinking about a wife, who’s sitting there, listening is like, Yes, I need to change my perspective. But how does she like, step

27:00
out? Practically speaking, I feel like it was a matter of going back to his word and seeing what it really said, because I had, you know, read His word growing up, and I had a consistent relationship by learning who he was through his word, but I was also looking through it through the lens of, you know, hurt from my childhood, or, you know, hurt from broken relationships, or whatever was covering, you know, my eyes. And so I just went to God and, and searched his word for what His truth actually said. And there’s plenty of verses that do share that you will experience trials and tribulations, but Consider it all joy, because it will help you, you know, become more mature and complete. And so it was just a, it was a matter of going to His Word. So first and foremost, go to his word, to receive truth. Don’t, don’t just accept what you want to hear and make up things that you want to believe about God, just go to his word, and start reciting verses and write them down, you know, whatever you need to do to, to understand and grasp what, what he is saying to you. And also, yeah, journaling helped me a lot. I’m not the best journaler. But, but I do have that I have kept one for quite a few years. And it’s just, I really just like to write out my prayers to God, I feel like it really helps me concentrate, and lets me know like, well, what am I going through right now that I can talk to him about, and I’ll write down you know, the verses that I’ve read for the day. And so just a daily journal to help organize your thoughts and kind of express for me writing is a way that I express my feelings, it’s so much easier than talking. And so. So that’s, that’s my intimate time with God is sitting down reading His word and journaling. And if some people don’t know where to start in His Word, there’s plenty of devotions out there that will help you do that. If you’re a wife, I actually wrote a devotional out of the longing that I had to draw closer to God, it’s called wife after God. And it has verses like specific verses that will walk you through each day’s topic, and it’s a 30 day kind of challenge. And so that’s available or even she reads truth, or she reads truth.com has some great resources for going through God’s word, and they even have like Bible plans that you can that you can follow along.

29:29
That’s awesome. Well, thank you for answering that question. Because that was gonna be one of my next was so that’s awesome. And I’m excited to also dive into your story a little bit more through your books. I’m really glad you mentioned that as well. I want to ask how the group was set up the marriage group that you talked about, because it’s funny, my brother seems to have a very similar, similar story, that they went to a couple’s group, this marriage group and it just seemed just so wonderful. So I’m just thinking about people that might be listening that either have an influence in a church, or might be a leader of a church, or could talk to people about starting a group like this, like, maybe walk us through how it’s set up, you know, and, and how it was, how it was led, as well.

30:15
Okay. Yeah, we absolutely love it. It’s been something that’s been a part of our lives for the last, I don’t know, four years, five years now. And we moved states and actually the church, we started going to, we just started and launched a marriage ministry, just like the one we were a part of. So it’s been so great. We’re on our third week, and such good feedback. So if I can set up the theme for you, basically, you walk in and there’s a bunch of roundtables. And each week, there’s a facilitator at each table. And they sit at the same table each week. And when couples come in, if their new facility, facilitator facilitator will come in, bring them to their table, or they have the freedom to just go sit where they would feel comfortable. And then at the beginning, there’s a about 15 to 20 minute talk, or sermon or speech, preach whatever you want to call it. And it’s basically just pulling out a marriage principle from God’s Word. And it can be as simple as one verse or section of verses, you know, or or sharing someone else’s testimony, that could be really powerful. But the idea is just to get God’s perspective and design of marriage out on the table for people to discuss. And so like last night, we had our marriage group, and the topic was about forgiveness, and grace. And so after the teaching, there is about an hour of discussion. And the church would provide questions for this. And basically, the facilitators would just ask a question, and then everybody takes turns answering it. And sometimes you only get through one question, sometimes you get through all eight, sometimes you don’t get to them at all, because there’s some serious things happening within the couples, and they’re opening up and you take the conversation where it needs to go. And of course, that’s always putting them back to God. And, really, so everyone that comes each week, they tend to sit at the same table, because you want to walk through life with these people, they become your family. And we’ve just, we’ve had some, some great feedback and positive things happening in marriages, because of kind of this format of doing life together and going through God’s Word with the perspective of marriage. And you know, what, how we can apply it in our relationship with our spouse. So that’s a little bit about how it works. Yeah. And then throughout the week, you know, just calling people from your table and saying, Hey, I’m praying for you, or, let’s do a barbecue. You know, it’s just, it’s that community aspect of, we’re the body of Christ, and we need to support each other in this.

32:49
Now, does the person that gives the preaching at the beginning, are they the ones that also come up with the questions?

32:56
Yes, well, typically, or you can have a group, you know, help you with that. So we had a marriage pastor, a part of our church that led and did the questions at our old church. And then, because me and my husband were so passionate about starting one here, where we live now, my husband’s actually the one that’s leading the teaching, and comes up with the questions. And he’s just overjoyed with that opportunity to do that. And we were actually talking about how can we, how can we build a resource that will allow other churches to, you know, have a group like this? And so we’re letting that soak in on our hearts right now? And just asking God, if that’s something that he wants us to do?

33:37
That’s awesome. That’s awesome. Well, yeah, I mean, please. Sounds like that would be an awesome resource. Because, yeah, I mean, I want it to start at my church. So whenever you, you just let me know. Okay. But yeah, I mean, it sounds like that’s something that really can be started at churches around so for those listening, that’s, that’s really great insight. So I want to hear about how your marriage is now and kind of what’s come out of this the struggle.

34:08
Okay, for for those listening, I just want to make this really well known. Our marriage is not perfect.

34:17
Well, I’m so sorry. I’m gonna have to stop the interview here. We ran out of time, but just so you know, Jen doesn’t say anything crazy about her marriage. She’s just a very humble lady. And the truth is, all of us are working on our marriages constantly. That’s the That’s the nature of our relationship. It’s its dynamic, its doesn’t stay the same. So she’s got some wonderful insights on the next interview that’s going live on Thursday. So I’m really excited. I hope that you tune back in for that. And she actually says something towards the end of the interview. That really is pretty phenomenal. I was shocked at it was one of the major reasons she had so much physical pain during sexual intimacy. So I I think that’s going to really be helpful. Also, I’m on Facebook at facebook.com/belah Rose. So that’s B E L, A H R O S E. So go ahead and add me as a friend and we can stay in touch that way. I’d love to hear your story and what’s going on in your heart and in your life. Otherwise, today, spend time really, in God’s presence and get a chance to thank him for everything that’s beautiful in your life. And remember what Jen said, even in the struggles, the times where it seems the hardest, that might be exactly when God wants to meet you there on your knees. Alright, God bless talk to you soon.

35:37
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion

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