Podcast: Play in new window | Download

0:00

Hey there, welcome. I’m so glad you’re joining me. I’m belah rose, this is the delight your husband Podcast. I’m not sure if this is your first time here, but we are just finishing up this summer where I’ve actually taken off and spent time in the ways that I feel like God wanted me to spend time, we’re about to restart the typical show, where I’ll be interviewing wives and intimacy experts on how to have an amazing marriage, and how to strengthen your walk with God in the midst of that. So I, for this time, I am reading excerpts from my books so that I can can encourage you throughout the time that I’m taking off. So today, I wanted to focus on helping a husband enjoy sex. So I get this a lot this question a lot from from wives that are like, Well, I feel like I’m doing all the right things. But what, why isn’t my husband responding? Why does he have a low sex drive. So that’s the section of the book I’m gonna read from low sex drive. If this is true of your husband, you will know all too well how painful reality this is. many wives wish their husbands would have headaches every once in a while, quote, unquote. But there are many other women who can’t understand why their husband is consistently turning them down. The pain and insecurity this causes and a wife is heart wrenching. If this is your story, I’m so sorry for the pain you have felt in this area. I hear you. And I want you to know that you’re not alone. There are many reasons this may be happening. And I want to go through many of the common problems and suggest solutions. As these solutions are focused mainly on your partner, make sure you approach him about it. A solution with grace, love and prayer. This is a difficult reality for your husband too. And you want your words and your actions to move you both closer together, not pull you apart because you didn’t think and pray through how to talk about something with him. So just to lay some groundwork, some kind of framework for how I want to talk about this. First of all, just answering the question. Should I wanted more than he does? Is it okay for me to do that? So I’m answering that question. It says the Bible is clear that husbands and wives should not withhold sex from each other. Your husband’s body is not his own, it belongs also to you. I’ve seen husbands withhold sex from their wives as a power move. This may not be the case in your marriage, but getting a biblical understanding of a sex act is helpful. God made sure this passage was in the Bible to correct either husband or wife that may be withholding. In first Corinthians seven three through five, it reads, Let the husband render to his wife the affection do her and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again, so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control. It is important for you to realize God’s plan for your marriage is regular sex. He designed you to have very consistent and fulfilling intimacy in marriage. If your husband is not allowing this to happen, he is going against God’s word. This is an area of your husband needs to deal with before God and you can be a kind, loving and generous support. However, you cannot make him do anything and attempting to do anything may undermine any progress. So now that you know it does not mean you need to shove this verse in his face and demand sex. Those loving feelings will run away, far, far away and your husband might follow suit. Instead, you should pray for him and pray for your marriage. Anyone outside of God’s Will feels that emptiness. Be patient employ the solutions below. Pray for wisdom and carefully plan how to approach the topic. Write out what you want to say. The solutions below will give many suggestions of what he may be dealing with and what you can do to help. So first of all body in a world where we are constantly barraged by images of shirtless men with toned biceps and checkerboard abs. Our husbands are very

 

4:55

much affected to we may not feel he may not feel confident in his body, and he doesn’t want you to see him in a less than sexy way. Instead of pushing through the discomfort as I would advise him, he instead may be hiding. This is something that may be deep in his psyche solutions. Number one you can support through preying on your own for his self image to improve. Number two, you can also provide generous and consistent touch and complements, you can come up behind him and kiss him and tell him how sexy he is. Give lots and lots of encouragement in this area. Let him know that you want his body, you’ll need to be consistent in your compliments because he will not trust you. If they only come out every once in a while. If he is overweight, he more than likely has low self, testosterone as well as low body image. So we’re going to check out that section in a little bit. Stress. financial woes are one of the most common reasons for men to be too stressed for sex. Sometimes when we have money pressures in our lives, we can feel helpless to know what to do or how to help. I shared briefly earlier that according to the following study, you may not need money to alleviate this pressure. In one study, researchers at Dartmouth College and the University of Warwick England measured levels of happiness and 16,000 men and women, the researchers even found that sex is so closely tied to happiness that they estimated increasing sexual intercourse from one month to once a week would have the same moods boosting effects as adding 50,000 a year in income. So what comes first, the chicken or the egg, more money or more sex? There are many other reasons for stress in your husband’s mind. Do you know what stressors are on your husband? Is he eternally frustrated for x? Are there solutions you can find to alleviate that pressure. So then I have some kind of solutions that just in terms of like some small changes you could make, to make things less stressful.

 

7:18

One thing that we do is try scheduling regular date nights or rest days. Our church has given great wisdom in the area of rest with their encouragement, my husband and I take a rest day where we don’t do or discuss anything stressful. We make sure we are having fun and relaxing together. This is also a great day to meditate, Reorient, and are intentional about growing in our relationship with God. It was also very helpful for our marriage relationship. Amidst the many stressors of life, we take time to have a play day of sorts, and it greatly increases our enjoyment of each other and our life together. Can you institute a rest day or date night in your household, maybe just start with a day every other week, where you decide to be stress free day as possible and not bring up anything that will hinder that. Alright, so I’m out of time for this reading. But the other potential things that they may be getting the ways is being depressed. And and then I have solutions and ideas for that medications, low testosterone, and ways to alleviate that even naturally. Food specific foods and weights. Overweight is a is a huge reason for for low sex drive and how to work through that. And then vitamins, that’s a big one, make sure your husband’s taking vitamins. Alright, so that is it for today. But I want to encourage you, if that’s what you’re going through again, it’s hard. That’s a hard one. But I want you to not give up hope. I want you to not give up hope. You know, one thing that’s interesting that I have in my book somewhere, but I’ll just tell you about it so that you can just get this insight. Sex begets sex so so the more sex you have, the more you want it. That’s especially true for men. And so, you know, there’s four different types of erections men have but I’m just going to focus on the morning erection, which I’m sure you’re familiar with. But you can use that just because it’s a natural part of his body. You know, it happens every day. You can use that for sex, you can make that your routine, and that will encourage more sex to happen. And so maybe he’s not one that likes to have sex, except like once every, you know, two weeks or something like that. Well, okay, so then you start to slowly make it work. Once a week, and then slowly once, you know once every four or five days and then you slowly just ramp it up. Because as your his body starts to get more used to having more sex, it grows that way. So, like I said, I have a lot more kind of solutions, concrete solutions that you can apply depending on your situation, but I want to just give you as much as I can in this short amount of time. Okay, my love, thank you for listening. Stay with hope. Don’t despair. I’m going to read you this verse. I think it’s Romans 1513. I’ve got it on my wall. It says May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope, by the power of the Holy Spirit. All right, God bless you. Thank you so much for listening. I will talk to you on Tuesday.