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Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah. Rose.

0:18

Hello there, and welcome. Thank you so much for joining me if this is your first time, I want to say welcome to the podcast. Here we talk about sex, we talk about intimacy in marriage, and today is no different. We are talking about how to make love to your wife. So we have been going almost two years, which is really exciting. But in that time, I’ve just heard from so many men that listen to the podcast, and I’m really grateful for that. But it is a podcast that I generally talk to women because I think we need the truth there. But today’s is specifically for men. However, I think that women listening will actually get a lot of insight, as I did from my guest today as well. So yeah, we’re talking about how to make love to your wife how to make her enjoy sex even more how to make love to her how to woo her. It’s really good stuff. So let’s go ahead and dive into it. Hi, there, and welcome back to let your marriage listener I’m so excited that you’re joining me. I have Ruth muses here. Well, Ruth has been on the show before, I would encourage you to go back and listen to her first episode. But she runs a website called awaken dash love dotnet. And yeah, she’s here to talk about a lot of things that we’ll go into. But first, let me just say welcome, Ruth, thanks for being on the show.

1:54

Thanks for having me.

1:55

Absolutely, absolutely. Well, I typically talk to women, but it’s I have so many male listeners that have just reached out to me over and over and over again, that I think it’s time to have a topic just for them. So that’s what this talk is about. And Ruth, you know, you actually do a class specifically for what for men? And so I guess, could I start off just by asking you about your class and, and what you kind of dive into in

2:27

that? Sure. So the class kind of got started because I had been teaching classes to women for about a year and a half and, and just started thinking in my head. So where to do men get information about sex, good information about sex, and realizing that, you know, the church has a lot of studies about purity, and getting them to this place of health in purity, but, but really has nothing that that helps equip them and learn how to have a great sex life with their wife. Oh, yeah. And so kind of came out of that. And so the the curriculum has developed over the last three years and and so now it’s a four week class. And we have three goals in the class, the first thing is to help men understand the difference between just having sex and intimately connecting with her wife. Because I think that they’ve had so many bad messages about sex, just like we have. And so things have gotten twisted for them maybe a little different than they have for us. The second goal is to help them be great lovers, lovers to their wife. And that means that they need to be able to understand their wives struggles, with head issues lies that she’s believed or baggage or whatever that is. And then also to be able to just literally understand how their wife’s body works. Because if you think about, you know, men probably know a lot less about sex than we do, honestly, because women, most women, a lot of us will pick up a book and read it. Yeah. And a lot of men won’t. And the information that they’ve gotten is opposite to what works for women’s body. Yeah, as far as what things are portrayed in, in movies or pornography. That’s right. The third goal is to equip men to start talking about sex, because whether it’s the women’s class, or whether it’s the men’s class, I feel like part of these classes is a mission beyond just the people in the class is to equip them to speak truth into other people’s lives. And so it’s to get men to comfortable talking about sex so they can talk to their kids about sex, so they can talk to their wife about sex, so they can talk to other men about sex. And so it just part of taking back sex from the world. So those are kind of the three goals. And honestly, the curriculum is the full gamut from, you know, God’s designed to lies women believed to how men have been impacted by the world to how women’s bodies worked, how men’s bodies work. And everything in between. It’s, I’ve discovered the men are not big readers. Yeah. Love application homework. So the application homework is a big part of the class. And I have been so impressed with the men that have taken the class, and then have actually done so much of the homework. Every week, they have four assignments. The first assignment is just a short passage of scripture to read out loud to their wife. And, and with a conversation starter. The second homework assignment is something to do with communication. For instance, one of them is to sit down with her wife and brainstorm all the words for his body parts, all the verb body parts, and all the words for sex, and then cross out all the ones that are turned off. Hmm. and circle the ones that are turned on and talk about when are they turn on? Or when are they not. And then, third, the third homework is to get them to do something every day. Because we’ve got to get out of this habit of thinking, you know, we go about life, and then oh, we better have sex, right? It’s supposed to be this all day love affair. So for instance, the first week, I have the men every day, they’re supposed to hug their wife until they both relax. Just so simple, and yet can have such a profound impact. And then the fourth homework assignment is kind of a big homework assignment. It’s a big, big application sometimes having to do sex, but not always. The first week actually, I have them. You know, Matthew, Jesus takes off his clothes and wraps a towel around his waist, and washes his disciples feet. Yeah. And, and I think it’s saying, You know what, in order to serve somebody, you need to get naked. And so I have the men literally take off their clothes, or grab a towel around their white, their waist, read to their wife, wash their wife’s feet and talk to their wife about what does this represent? What does this mean? Yeah,

7:18

that’s powerful. That’s powerful. You know. It reminds me of when I was dating my husband, and we were going to the store, he wanted to buy me boots, or I wanted boots. And so he was going to buy me boots. And when I, when we got there, I was so thrown by the fact that he got down on his knees, and, like, automatically just helped me with these boots got these boots on, and I had this flash of like, what is it gonna be like being married to this man and having children with this man. And we weren’t even we had not been dating, but like a month at that point. And suddenly there was this this powerful moment. And it’s just like, that service that really being there with her. I mean, that that speaks volumes to your wife. So I think that’s huge. What a beautiful. What a beautiful picture. So. So I want to kind of go back to the first thing that you said, and kind of dive into this a little bit. So the difference between sex and truly connecting through your wife or truly connecting with your wife through sex, as God intended it? What what are you kind of getting out there?

8:34

Well, I think there are a lot of things. I think, one thing is being present. Yeah. And we and we talk about that a lot. You know, I think that men can spend a lot of time trying not to feel too much, because if they feel too much, they’re worried they’re gonna come too early. And so they can almost an essence try to disconnect, right? You hear about guys, you know, they tell each other if you want to last longer, well think of your grammar think of like, like, like, what a shame, right? And so it’s getting them to be present. It’s realizing that hard things in sex, like having to talk about hard things, that creates intimacy, right. And so seeing those struggles as opportunity for growth in intimacy, it’s about bringing God into your marriage bed, where it’s not just a physical act, but it is a spiritual connection. Yeah, I and, and I think it’s about, you know, being present. Part of that is speaking words to each other during sex, sometimes sometimes it’s seeing each other. It’s slowing down enough to actually feel each other. i And so, it kind of changes in how you have sex a little bit.

9:58

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Lately, um, you know, when the men kind of start this course, where do you think their heads are in terms of like, what are some of the the things that you’ve heard that you’re like? Well, you know, this is generally how men think. And this is just not the case. What are some of the maybe Biggest Myths you’ve had to unearth for them?

10:21

I, you know, one of the common questions that men ask when they get in the class is, they’ll say, we just want to know what to do. And so this myth that that men just want to have sex and that they don’t really care about their wife. And that we shouldn’t talk about sex. These guys just honestly want to know. And so, so I think that’s one of them.

10:52

I love that. That is so true. That is so true. And I, I love that you said from the beginning, you know, with, you know, the pornography, pornography that’s just so entrenched in our culture, it teaches men, you know, absolutely the wrong way of going about sex. And it teaches men about women’s bodies that are just not true. And I guess, you know, maybe we can talk about that. What are some of the things that are wrong in terms of differences from pornography in the real world? Or, you know, how your wife actually is?

11:28

Sure. I mean, if you wanted to just even just break it down to talk about intercourse. Yeah. The movement that has shown during pornography or during movies, is very different typically than what works for a woman. It’s works really well for a man, but it doesn’t necessarily work for woman, as far as the speed as far as the alignment of the bodies. And I even think, you know, like connection during intercourse isn’t just about movement. And I think pornography is just about movement. Yeah. I think that there’s huge arousal that happens through connection during intercourse. And so to actually slow down and make connections, I don’t think they realize how powerful that can be as far as arousing a wife and, and getting her to where she needs to be.

12:28

So can we talk about that even more specifically, so how, how, what is the what do you mean by speed when you said that? That’s, that’s different.

12:40

So So for men in and out thrusting works really well, right? Because the vagina is just hugging the penis is pulling across the ridge, like it works great. For women. Typically, it takes either stimulating the clitoris by somehow grinding his body against hers. Yeah. Or it takes the slow pressing into the g spot, right, which is on the front wall of vagina, which is a totally different position. Or maybe hitting a deep spot but, but this this friction of vagina, to the skin of the to the skin of the penis really doesn’t do a lot for most women. Yeah, right. Yeah. So you have to figure out positions, I in order to either kind of grind against the clitoris to move or, or depressant and the G spot. I mean, those are the typical positions that work. I even think, you know, if you think about, you know, men struggle, young men especially maybe struggle with lasting as long as they want to, because if they just keep going along enough, she’s going to get there. Right? Right. Right, right. Not necessarily the case, like it might just be caught become more and more friction and more and more irritation and more and more soreness, actually, for her. Right. And, and, and I think one of the best pieces of advice that one of the women in the class shared was, somebody told us, when we first get married, that when we first started having intercourse for my husband, just to get inside of me and to just be still and to take time to pause for my body to feel his body. For his body, to feel my body. Right there can be connection, even just through stillness. And when a husband doesn’t do that when he young husband enters a woman and and it’s all about movement, it’s like this horse running back that back to the bar and he can’t even stop and pulling the reins. things back to slow down, right? Mm hmm. And so I just think what a simple thing that might really be helpful for couples to just stop I’m just getting side. Just one. And just to feel each other. Yeah.

15:08

Yeah, I love that. I love that. Wow. Well, this is great. Um, what else? I mean, what other advice have you have you picked up and Todd and that kind of thing. This is great.

15:20

One of the things that I’ve taught since the very first class and it’s actually David snark thing, and I, I don’t know if you’ve read any of his books, but but he talks about feeling versus rubbing. And so I’ll have the men in the class, I’ll say, now I just want you to take your hand, I want you to just rub your wrist, right, and they’re just like rubbing away, like just going at it. And then they’ll say, Okay, now I want you to stop. And I want you to take your hand and this time, I want you to feel your wrist. And I have them think about, okay, I want you to feel the surface of the skin of your wrist. Then I want you to feel underneath the surface, basically, because you can feel tendons and veins and muscles underneath the surface. And sometimes, you can even feel better by eliminating friction, right. And so your hand is not patting across the skin of the wrist. But your fingers of staying connected to the skin on the wrist and moving the skin to feel things underneath. Hmm. And sometimes you can even feel something different, just through stillness. Like you might pick up a pulse through stillness, just holding your hand still on the wrist that you wouldn’t feel any other way. And then we talk about what was the difference between Robin and feeling? Huh? Now, if you look around the room, the the change in speed between Robin and feeling his dramatic knee, right? dramatic change in speed. That’s the first thing. The second thing is that instead of just mindlessly robbing something, you’re actually taking the information from the nerve endings in your fingers. And you’re bringing it up into your mind, in essence, to get to know what you’re feeling. And I would say that as we do that, like we make a map in our mind of what we’re feeling. And God says that sex is about getting to know each other. Yeah. Okay. And so if we’re gonna have sex, like God wants us to, yeah, we need to getting to know each other. We need to be mapping each other’s bodies, we need to, like if we have this map in our mind of, of this, these places that we felt so many times, when they’re tense, we’ll know what because they feel different. When they’re enjoying something, we’ll know it because it feels different. And, and I would say that women are very intuitive about this, like women know if their husbands are just robbing them trying to get them from point A to B point B, like it kind of drives us nuts. Yeah. Like don’t just run me, okay. And it’s a total turnoff to us. Yeah. But if we sense that our husband is actually feeling us actually trying just trying to get to know us. And just loving thing, everything about that, right? Just enjoying this journey of getting to know us. Like it’s a whole different ballgame. And that’s such a simple concept. That really can be a it can relate to touching anywhere in the body. It can relate to a manual stimulation of the clitoris, it can relate to oral stimulation, it can relate to intercourse, like can you feel each other during intercourse? Or does it just feel like a bunch of movement that just feels dizzy? Can you get in sync with each other where you’re actually moving together? Or you’re or you’re creating tension by the given pool? Right? Instead of just moving? Yeah. So that’s one of the I think that’s, I think that’s one of the most important concepts I teach. The other thing that I think is really helpful for the guys. Yeah. Is I try to relate our bodies to their bodies. Because honestly, our bodies can be kind of confusing, and I think that husbands can feel like it’s just a bunch of flaps of skin and crevices and I don’t really know what’s what, mm, it’s hard to even know where to start. And so what I do is I try to relate our bodies to their bodies. So for instance, the head of our clitoris, yeah, very similar to the head of their penis, right like it gets it can get very ultra sensitive after orgasm. It can be not necessarily a place where you want to just start just focus there the whole time, just like our husband wouldn’t want us just on On the head of his penis the whole time right from the very beginning, right, right.

20:04

And, but as it becomes highly aroused, can handle more and more stimulation, more direct stimulation typically. And really, for men, a lot of times the sweet spot is that rich right? Between the shaft of the penis and the head of the penis, it’s kind of the same for us, like we have, we kind of had this hood the skin around the head of the clitoris. And it’s seen that that skin around the hood, around the head of the clitoris, that’s kind of the sweet spot as far as really kind of ramping things up. Yeah. And then I think, you know, the, the shaft of the penis, a very similar, I would say to like our inner lips. And not honestly not not a ton of nerve endings. But it’s this nice counterbalance of movement and gliding and motion and connectedness, when maybe we need to back off from ramping up. And so it’s this counterbalance between ramping up around, you know, the very sensitive areas, and the not so sensitive areas. That kind of makes sense.

21:10

Yeah, it totally does. And I, you know, it might be helpful for a husband to rewind that part. And either, you know, visualize your wife or you know, get a, get a scientific picture of, you know, things labeled, so you can kind of get that clarified, but

21:29

really, there’s so many things similar even just like if you think about when a man masturbates, or maybe his wife does manual stimulation on him is really common that a man would kind of kind of hold the base of his penis, right kind of grounded, maybe even kind of stretch that skin back to kind of just kind of create some tension in that area. It’s not usual that that women kind of do a similar thing on on their mount or maybe on their outer lips to kind of just kind of ground things in and kind of create some tension. And so yeah, the, the two bodies are very similar. I think it helps men to understand what all those parts are, what almost flaps his skin are when he can relate it to his own body. Then he goes, Oh, okay, so, so this is what I like. Yeah, this might be what my wife likes. Yeah, I

22:17

love that. I love that very much. Yeah. So alright, so maybe we can back up a little bit and think about, you know, maybe we can give a little soup to nuts, you know, how is a husband to connect to his wife? So let’s say he’s planning this wonderful evening. What? What does he need to do to get 100%? What is? What is it from sunrise to sunset that he needs to do for his wife?

22:50

Well, I guess the first thing I would say if he’s doing any of this to get her to have sex? Yeah, I’m Shubo. Smell it a mile away.

23:00

Let’s say it’s on her plan to let’s say,

23:03

okay, okay, that because like, that’s one of the things I tell the guys right at the beginning of class, like, if you’re taking this class, to figure out how to get your wife to have more sex with you. Yeah, don’t bother. If you want to take this class and learn how to love her better, then that’s great. But But none of this will necessarily make her want to have more sex with you. And if you’re doing it for that reason, she’ll know. Mm hmm. Right. And so, um, I, you know, we talk about, we talk about all day love affair. Yeah. And why that sure cannot be just on days when you want to have sex. Yeah. Like, it needs to be a constant connection. constantly thinking about each other. texting each other. All of that. I, you know, you, you talked earlier about this wound your wife section? Yeah. Let’s let’s talk about that a little bit, I think because I think one of the things I hear from women over and over is what a turn on it is when their husband leads spiritually. Yeah, yeah. And, and so that’s like, that’s part of the homework, right? To get these guys to realize just reading is simple, short verses of the Bible to my wife. And for us to have a just a simple conversation about what that means is a powerful thing for a wife to see. I think integrating God and sex and equipping guys to understand how they talk about sex. Sometimes I wonder if maybe men understand the importance of sex more than we do. And they understand, like how connected they are to their wife afterwards. Yeah, but they don’t know how to work. verbalize it. And so they will say things like, I need sex. That’s not really what they mean. What they really mean is, like, I feel so disconnected from you. I want to love you, I want to connect with you. And so equipping men with ways to talk about sex, so their wife doesn’t just think it’s a physical thing for them. I’m certainly, you know, building trust through communication, respecting her asking her questions. Leading in bed, like I think most of us want our husbands to lead in bed and not be wishy washy. We don’t want a husband that comes to bed that says you wanna and even in during the act of sex, like we don’t want a husband that’s, that’s hesitant or worried about, Am I doing the wrong thing? Or if we ask that move their hand the other way is getting their feelings for right? Because, because maybe they’re worried they’re doing something wrong. They’re not doing anything wrong. We’re just finicky. Yeah. For a husband to be to learn how to use his words in bed, to arouse his wife to create excitement to make her feel loved to make her feel cherished.

26:24

Yeah, let’s talk about that a little bit more. How can? How can you do that? How can you use his words in bed?

26:34

Well, you know, you know how big the erotica industry is. Right? Right. So you realize how important words are to women. They are very arousing. Yeah, um, I think that sometimes women need to take the lead on this a little bit as far as teaching their husbands how to do this. And so I think that women maybe are a little better with their words, typically than men. And so women, if they’ll like, like, just take opportunities to like in the morning, like, like, explicitly whisper in your husband’s ear, what you want him to do to you that night? Like explicitly, yeah. Right. Because husbands and wife can talk to each other like that. Yeah. And then let him just sit on that all day and see what it does to him and see what it does to you and see how ready you are to go that night? Yeah. I’ve had other times where, where I’ve told my husband, you know, like, like, I need your words, even more than touch tonight, in order to get into the right place. And, and sometimes with his words, he’ll take me to another place. Yeah. Like, like, as far as just creating a scenario in our heads, instead of fantasizing separately. We’re sharing it with each other. Okay, and so we’re creating this, this fantasy together. In our marriage bed, we’re speaking it out loud, taking turns, maybe kind of with, with different ideas of what would happen next, and what would happen next? And then it can just roll right into acting it out. Mm hmm. That makes sense.

28:18

Yeah, I like that idea. So sharing a fantasy together, talking it through getting excited about something about you did this and then I did this, is that kind of what you’re talking about? Exactly. Oh, that’s cool. Yeah, that’s really cool. Um, so some of the things I just want to recap some of the things you talked about wooing your wife. What a turn on it is to be the spiritual leader, to be that man that she desires. I just think that’s so so true. In every way, and it’s really, first and foremost, you know, I keep thinking about this. It’s just been on my heart so much just to think about, you know, marriage. Like, I think it’s a what is it sacred marriage, the book that says, marriage is to make us holy, not happy. You know, and if you think about that, as your your, your marriage is to equip you to be the person that God wants you to be, and it’s just amazing how Yes, women get turned on when their husbands are the spiritual leaders when they are committed to God and God’s word. So that’s powerful.

29:26

And I and I think praying over our sex lives, like we don’t do that. And, and we ought to, we ought to be praying over our sex lives like it’s, it’s hard. It’s hard work. Sex is hard. It’s the most vulnerable thing we do. And And when we’re having trouble or we’re challenged man, to have a husband praying over us, or we’re praying over a husband or praising God afterwards. We need to be praying about sex.

29:54

So cool. I love that. Yeah. You said you said For a husband to learn how to talk about sex as well, to, to communicate with his wife, how it how the connection is, what the connection is like afterwards, what it, what it means to him how he’s wired that way, which is powerful. And then building trust with his wife through communication, which is powerful. And then learning becoming confident in bed becoming a man that knows what to do and can operate his waist, operate his waist, but that’s a terrible way to say it, but knows how to knows how things work.

30:35

Yeah, and I don’t know if they’ll ever completely know how we work, honestly. Yeah. Because we are always changing. And I think that one of the main things that comes out of this class for men is that at some point, this light bulb comes on that goes, Oh, it’s not my just my wife. All women are crazy. Yeah. It like that’s a huge deal, because all of a sudden, it takes the pressure off of them of oh, I’m not necessarily doing anything wrong at all. Yeah, like because she, my hand doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong. Yeah, that’s it just means she needs my hand a different place tonight. And for a husband to not take things personally. And to always just wanted to learn something new, because, honestly, they’re never gonna figure us out.

31:23

Yeah. You know, I listened to the book. Venus, Men Are From Venus, you know, Venus and Mars in the bedroom. I think that’s what it was called. And he said, Men are like the sun. It’s either up or down. And women are like the moon, where there’s a half moon and a quarter moon and a full moon. And there, I mean, it’s just, it’s all over the place where you just don’t know it. And she doesn’t even know necessarily if she’s going to have an orgasm that night, or if she wants it or not. Or maybe she needs to be wooed. Or maybe it’s just never gonna happen. And, and it’s true. Yeah, absolutely. A man has to take that pressure off of himself to say that, that, you know, things have to go a certain way for him to be doing the right thing.

32:08

Right. And even to you know, at one point, when we’re talking about physical stuff in the class, I asked them in. So can you make your wife have an orgasm? Hmm. I can you?

32:22

Well, I would say that you can lead her to it. Mm hmm.

32:28

But you can’t? Yeah, yeah. You can’t make her. Like, she has to choose to allow it to happen. Mm hmm. And, and, and for so to just to help them understand, okay, this is your role? Yeah. Like your role is to, to spend a lifetime getting to know her and how she works and her desires and, and to love her, and all of that. But to let go of, of what is not the responsibility?

33:00

Yeah, that’s good. That’s really good. What, what else do you think? You know, were some light bulb moments for your, for the men in your class that you were like, they just didn’t realize this.

33:15

You know, I’ll never forget, in my very first class, one of the guys had the guts to raise his hand and, and say, so. Does my wife need to have an orgasm every time? And I got, I was a little stunned. I’m like, What do I say? Mm hmm. And finally, I said, Well, do you? Huh? And all the guys kind of went, Oh, because honestly, you know, they’re like, their ton of books. It was a woman doesn’t have to have an orgasm every time and I realized, like, a woman does not have to have an orgasm every single time. Right? Right. Right. Um, but if a woman had a choice between having an orgasm or not having an orgasm, wouldn’t she choose the orgasm? You know, you’re gonna fight me on it.

34:16

I know. Because for me, it’s one of those things that

34:20

I’m not saying like, every single time like, like, it’s wonderful to serve a husband. But But imagine having an orgasm 10% of the time or 25% of time, or 30% of the time. And that’s not unusual,

34:35

right? Yeah, you’re right. And for a lot of women,

34:39

a lot women would say that because because they think well, it’s not even possible or I don’t want my husband to feel bad or you can say whatever you want. But you know, women that masturbate in the share height report women that masturbated they can have an orgasm 96% of the time. Yeah, like this amazing, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So, so believe that tells me that it’s possible. Right, right. Absolutely. But you have to be willing to redefine what sex looks like. In order to have an orgasm as often as you want. Yeah. You can’t expect sex to always look one way and you need to it. Yeah, yeah. Like, it’s not that it’s easy. I’m not saying that it’s easy. I’m not saying it’s like this automatic thing that happens. But I think most husbands would say, Yeah, we want our wife to enjoy sex as much as we do. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And, and, yeah, I just think we need to be really careful of saying, yeah, no, like, I don’t need to have an orgasm. Every time. I challenged women. I’m like, if that’s what you really mean, like, that’s great. But But think about, like, is that really what you mean? Or are you deciding it’s too much work for yourself? Yes. For your husband, or it’s too hard a conversation to have? Or you decided sex should only look a certain way?

36:15

What did you mean by that? Section only look a certain way. What do you mean by that?

36:21

Well, like some women would say that, that sex should always be intercourse. Right.

36:25

Right. And so you mean, like if she has,

36:30

or that the husband is supposed to always do? Give the wife that orgasm like, right. Like she should never touch herself during intercourse or during sex? Right. Right. And, um, yeah, I think more than anything, absolutely. Or that you should never ever incorporate a vibrator. And I’m a huge proponent on vibrators. But, but I think there are certainly cases where I don’t know I think God wants a husband and wife to enjoy each other. And if that’s the only way they can get there, or or maybe just creates a different situation. I mean, if I, what if they don’t have all the time and yeah, I, I’m an empty nester, I have lots of time, people with little kids like sometimes like you’re short on time, and, and yet, you want to connect, so why shouldn’t she enjoy that too? Yep,

37:22

yep. Yep. I agree. I totally agree with you. And women

37:27

that are they’re more flexible in ways that they connect with their husband and allow themselves to enjoy it without feeling guilty about it, man. Um, they Yeah.

37:40

And then they probably have more sex too, because they they do enjoy it. They’re ready to there. They want to write? Yeah, I agree with you. But I really liked the point that you brought up that can you make your wife orgasm, right? It’s no,

37:57

no. And, and, you know, I tell the wives in the women’s class, like during intercourse, when a husband wants to have an orgasm. He moves exactly like he needs to move in order to get himself there. Mm hmm. He does. Yep. Like, he ramps up, he, he moves his hips, whatever he needs to do. He moves. He rubs himself on her to get himself there. And yet, we have this idea because we’re women, that we’re supposed to just lay there. And our husbands are supposed to make it happen. Mm hmm. Yeah. Like, we need to have the freedom to move our bodies like we need to move to get there. Yeah. Whether it’s using our hands or using our hips or whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah. And, like culture has told us all this husband, your husband is supposed to do this for you. You’re not supposed to. You’re not supposed to be too involved. Yeah. And, and so me, like I still struggle with this, like, feeling guilty. Like, Oh, dang, I’m doing it wrong again. Right. Right. You know, right. But yeah, and it’s a little give and take, right? Because, because certainly you want your husband to continue to really strive to be able to, to love you Well, right. And if you always just jumped in there. Then maybe he went and stretched as much as he needed to to love you. Well, yeah, yeah. Right. Like if you always grab the vibrator, right. Well then that makes it easy for husband. Yeah. And once you after a while maybe you become resentful because well how come he’s not even trying to get to know me? Yeah. That’s so it there’s this give and take it’s back and forth. No doubt about Yeah,

39:45

right. And it’s not static. I mean, lovemaking is is a constant. It shouldn’t really part of the the beauty about it is there’s variety. There’s all sorts of new things you can do and different things and right, you get different So yeah, that’s all

40:00

And I think, and I think that’s kind of a journey to I think, as women. Yeah, I think it’s a journey of learning how to let go of control, learning how to surrender, learning how to stop worrying how to learn and how to stop our head. I and I’m not saying that it’s easy, but I think that we can get better at it if we want to if we work at it. Yep. Yep. Yeah. And that’s a lifelong journey. Like, none of this is easy. Don’t Don’t think that I think this is easy. Okay.

40:33

I appreciate that. And, and part of this whole process. So, so so when you talk about your course, being just four weeks, it feels like, feels like it needs to be a lot longer than that. But by the end, what I mean, what is your kind of goal for the men by the end of the of the course? And where do you see them kind of being at that point?

40:56

Well, hopefully, most of the men that take this class, take it after their wives have taking taken the six week class, okay. And a lot of times, it’s, you know, maybe a couple months later, two, three months later, maybe a year later. And it’s this great refresher of bringing up the conversation of sex again. And this time, right, their wife is already in a healthy enough place, then when the husband brings it up, it’s a really positive experience. And the husband can like to have a husband bringing up sex, that’s like such a cool thing, because because, in essence, he’s kind of taking the lead. As far as bringing up the topic, generally, we need to bring it up, right? Yeah, that’s just kind of how it works. And so to have a husband bringing up the topic, is a great thing, to kind of get them on board and have all those conversations and renew those conversations. As far as the reasons that God created sex or even like, I have the guys asked the women. So what lies about sex do battle, right? Because we battle all kinds of lies, to bring up that conversation. I think a lot of men don’t know that women actually would like to talk about this stuff that’s really hard. That’s really vulnerable, to talk about their struggles, because men don’t typically like to talk about their struggles. Yeah. And so it’s a great thing for the husbands just to realize, oh, like she wants to talk about this stuff. Yeah, absolutely. And so that’s a big part of it. Definitely bringing God into sex into the marriage bed into conversations with kids about sex, praying for sex, all of that. Just just helping the husbands get comfortable with their wife’s body so that they understand them a little better. Helping them understand that, that this is a journey, it’s about connection is not about orgasm at all. It’s about connection, and, and we connect all different ways during sex and yeah, so just to get the husband Steven just stretched a little bit that direction, I think is a big, big deal. Mm hmm.

43:03

I love that. I love that. Well, I’ve got to ask, you know, how can husbands be a part of your class? I’m sure they’re gonna be fighting down the door.

43:13

Um, you know, this is this class is a work in progress. Yeah. And, and I wish I had something for the guys right now, but I don’t. Okay. And so I’m teaching it locally. My husband and I are going to teach it here in Minneapolis in January. And this time, we’re going to video recorded just for practice. Okay, my hope is to eventually have a video class of this but we don’t have that now. And and I wish we did. Okay, but we just we just finished a women’s class and so we’re getting that launched. And and we’re gonna see what God does with this one. I don’t know.

43:53

Oh, cool. Well, I mean, your heart is so right on target. It’s just amazing to this is absolutely a spot in the church that we need. I mean, we need this we need this so much. So I love it. Okay, well Ruth, how can people find you and connect with you online?

44:12

So our website is awakened dash love dotnet. And we blog a couple times a week there’s a there’s a category called husbands guide that has a lot of good physical information, as well as some hair knowledge and there’s a lot of other stuff there that might be helpful to. someday maybe we’ll have video classes, but we’re just not there yet.

44:34

Okay, well, I’ll hold you to that. I bet you well. Well, Ruth, thank you so much for this this has been awesome. Okay Well, wasn’t that a gift? I hope that you got a chance to really just get a little bit inside your wife’s head and body and understand some new things from Ruth. I think the conversation just went in really great ways. And I just love her for doing this class. And I hope that she does continue to make these resources available. So I would encourage you to go to her website and and find out more about, you know, some of the free resources that she has already available for you. All right. Well, God bless you. I’m praying for you and that you’d have a good week and come back and listen next Tuesday, and we’ll have a solo show just me talking with you about the most important part of sex to have an exciting sex life. You cannot not have this in place. So I’m going to talk about how to get it and why it’s important. So join me back next Tuesday. All right. We will talk then. Bye.

45:49

Thanks for listening. Stop by delight your marriage.com to check out all the show notes as well as many more resources and articles. Until next time, live with love, wisdom impassion