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Hi there! Belah here. It’s just me talking about the biggest issue I see in marriages, in husbands, and in wives. We gravely misunderstand each other. With my background in philosophy, feminist epistemology, sociology, anthropology, feminism, and as a wife who suffered many kinds of abuse in her first marriage… I believe I bring a unique perspective to this topic.
Find out why he keeps asking and what it really means. Also find out why she isn’t as generous as you think she “should.” It’s a grave misunderstanding, and it’s time to clear this up.
Resources Mentioned:
- Sign up for my free, live online training: “Make Him WILD For You!”
- The 5 Secrets to Receive Love & Passion In God’s Plan delightyourmarriage.com/webinar
(My husband was on the last webinar and said: “You have to let husbands listen in too, you think like a man but with a woman’s voice”. So, husbands are now welcome to listen in!)
Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!
Love,
Belah
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Episodes come out Tuesday & Thursday mornings. But, in case you forget…I love to subscribe with my phone so I never miss an episode. You can too:
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Transcript
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delight your marriage episode 34.
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Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast, the show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah. Rose.
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Hey, there, this is belah rose. And thank you so much for joining me at the delight your marriage podcast. I am thrilled to bring you this topic. I think it is one of the biggest misunderstandings between men and women. And honestly, here’s the deal. I am treated like a queen in my household. Okay. And that is exactly why I have a webinar coming up called make him wild for you. Okay, that’s coming up on June 9 at 8pm, Eastern Standard Time. And you can hear my son in the background, but my husband is actually taking him out of the room because it’s not your turn to talk, mister. But at 8pm, I’d love to have you listen in because my husband specifically told me why I have to let husbands listen to the webinar as well. So now men are also invited I have in the past not allowed men to come. And even people that have reached out to me, I said, No, it’s just for wives. But so put it on your calendar market, and make sure that you’re able to be with me on that day. But here’s the deal i i want to share with you why your husband wants it all the time, and what he should do to get it. I start out with an understanding about the culture of our world today and understand why it’s important that he has a very specific attitude towards the act of sex, so that his wife will feel comfortable and confident and able to make changes. And the second piece, I’m talking about his desire, and what it is why it’s so strong. And number three, why it’s even God’s plan. And I talk a little bit about that as well. And finally, I end the episode I want to tell you about my favorite date that my husband and I went on just the other day. It was amazing. It’s the way we celebrated Mother’s Day. And I think it’ll be pretty fun for you to stay tuned till the end to listen to that. Alright, God bless you. And we’ll talk more in a minute.
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I see it all the time. I see it in the habits of couples heading for divorce. I see it in friends marriages, I see it in the attitudes of husbands towards their wives, and the attitudes of wives towards their husbands. We don’t understand each other. Men have significant needs, and so do women. And these are different as an educated woman, with a background in philosophy in feminist epistemology, in anthropology, sociology, and feminism in general. As also a female who has worked in the professional world, literally two blocks off of Wall Street in New York City. I’ve climbed the corporate ladder as it were. I’ve also spent time in India, in parts of Africa, which has given me understanding of the inequalities that are still very present between men and women. Also in the corporate world, there’s still a very present inequalities between men and women. I am a feminist. I am incredibly grateful for the women who have gone before us to carry the call of dignity and respect and honor for women. Though you and I both know, as I mentioned, there are still places in our society, even in our country, that are a far cry from that ideal. As it says in Genesis one, verse 27, that God made mankind in his own image, in the image of God, He created them male and female. So when we are defending the freedom and the rights of women, we’re defending a bearer of the image of God. Now, with my background, I am very aware that academics, feminists, secular people, now because they have this view of men and women, they completely misunderstand the man and completely misunderstand the woman. And first of all, it it needs to be an attitude that makes a space for a woman to feel Free in the area of sex, even to have a conversation about anything around this topic, the husband needs to check his attitude. Because regardless of how pure your motives and how wonderful your intentions dear husband listening, your wife is, and you are living in a context of oppression, of abuse of inequalities. And she likely could have been abused, or at the very least knows of abuse and very easily can internalize that, as we all have, because we, we hear it and see it all over the world. Okay, but I want to just tell you a little story that illustrates my point here. So I was getting the kids ready for some adventure outside we were going to do and my husband had already taken my older boy, the two year old, outside because he had taken the trash down through the basement and whatnot. So I was coming down just the first floor of our apartment building, and I had just the little baby with me. And there was a man that was coming shortly after me, he had his son that was maybe seven or eight. So I held the door for him, you know, just being a nice neighbor. And he came through and thanked me. And then I opened the outside door and came over to my husband and give him a kiss. Even though I saw him just a couple minutes before we always like to embrace. That’s something I enjoyed quite a bit. But anyway, we basically had to walk by our neighbor again. And because we were walking in the other direction, and I glimpsed his shirt. And I asked my husband if he saw what the guy was wearing. And my husband’s like, no, what was it? And I was like, you know, what, do you mind if I just run back and talk to him about it? And my husband is a very calm, kind of man. And when I feel this gumption in me, he it’s just better that he, you know, lets me at it. So he did. He was like, Sure, go ahead. So my husband kept walking. And I, I went back to the man now the man at this point was on the cell phone. I first of all, I just went and waited till he was off the phone. And finally he got off. And he said, Hey, how is everything? Okay, and I said, um I just, I just wondered what your shirt means. And let me just describe to you listener, what was on his shirt. It was a black and white picture of a woman who was embracing something towards the middle of her body. That was huge. But you could tell that her entire body was naked, but she was embracing this, whatever it was, and you couldn’t see her privates, right. But you could tell it was very seductive. It seemed as though she was enjoying it. As I looked closer. What I didn’t see at first was what that object was that she was embracing. But when I got closer to Him, you could see it was a giant bug, this huge bug that she’s embracing in a very sexual pleasure, obol way.
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And he stammered, he didn’t know what to say, to my question. He’s like, Well, I mean, I don’t know. It’s just a shirt. I just kind of liked it. I just liked it. And I mean, I feel the sensation, my body again, right now, as I responded to this image on a shirt, said, sir, that it makes me want to throw up. I mean, what, what is it that you’re trying to say here? Is the value of a woman’s body, the same as a bug? Is that what you’re saying? Yeah, he could tell that it was really upsetting to me. And I also could tell that he didn’t want me to feel that way. And he said, you know, most women like the shirt, they say it’s interesting. And I said, because most women have ever seen pornography. It teaches a woman that her value is in meeting a man’s sexual desire. And that’s it. And I want to tell you, that’s not it. And I motioned to his son, is that what you’re teaching your son? Do you want him to disrespect women like this? Because he’s watching and imitating everything that you’re doing? And you could tell he became cheapest. Jen asked his son to, to walk over away from what we’re talking about. And I gestured over to my husband I said, My husband is a satisfied man, but it is because he respects me. Not because he values me like a, like an animal to meet his needs. I said, I respect you as a man, I held the door for you. But listen, this is not okay. He apologized, he apologized. I said a couple other things. And we finished up our conversations and, and he stayed there. Because apparently, you know, he was going to be leaving somewhere with his son. And I’m hoping he went up to change. But listen, this is the deal. I understand the cultural climate, I understand that women are abused, I understand that men have treated women horribly. And so here’s my encouragement to men. Your wife has lived in a society all her life, where her sexuality has been disrespected, maybe even abused or taken advantage of. If you’ve ever walked down the street, you get cat calls. I dressed modestly. But I have had so many instances of sexual Keling. From people.
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It’s just just horrible to think about it, I don’t want to realize where she’s coming from. If she has given you a negative response to your
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advances, recognize where she’s coming from. So here’s the deal. I’m obviously going to be talking about the male desire in just a moment. But if you check your attitude, you will have so much more. You will create a space for her to be able to consider her own attitude. But if you have this entitlement, attitude, this, you should do this for me because you’re my wife, or if this is your job, or any of these kinds of things, it really is not helping your case. It’s the opposite of helping. Okay. The attitude you should be putting on is the attitude of utmost honor and respect. Err on the side of incredible sensitivity, especially if you know that she has abuse in her past err on the side of incredible sensitivity and understanding and gentleness. Okay, Proverbs 31 says, who can find a wife of noble character, her value is far more than rubies. God wants you to honor and respect your wife. Later in that passage, it says a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. Another verse in Proverbs 31 says, and her husband shall also praise her. Think about that. When was the last time you praised her? When was the last time you gave her generous affection and kind compliments? When was the last time you gave her your undivided attention? That is what she is craving from you. So if a husband accepts this attitude of honoring and respecting his wife, she feels free to change her own attitude. Okay. So that was a quick note to husbands and an understanding that wives, you deserve respect and honor in your marriage. And with that, let’s now talk about his desire. Okay, why he wants it all the time. Again, in the academic space, I’ve heard women say, you know, men want sex just as much as women do. Men and women aren’t different. They’re the same. You know, and in some ways and feminism that’s been a helpful understanding because it’s given us an understanding that okay, inequality is not, right. It’s not helpful. It’s not okay. That’s helpful, in some ways, but in some ways, it’s been completely unhelpful in terms of marriages. Because the truth is, a woman sex drive is not the same as a man’s sex drive. As we heard on Tuesday, if you’ve listened to the last episode that was specifically about sexual abuse, and giving hope for those that have encountered it, and understanding about what’s really going on in your past, so definitely check that out if you haven’t yet. But what Dr. Nina talked about is that at least 92% of sexual abusers are men nine 2% If they had the same drive, it would be closer to 5050, wouldn’t it? Okay. What about the sex industry almost in, in almost completely serving men, men sexual desire, sometimes it’s men serving men even. But it’s all about the man’s drive, isn’t it? And if you’ve, you know, gotten a chance to understand the sex industry and the sex slavery, sex trafficking worldwide, again, it’s all about the man’s desire. And then we can look at, you know, we can’t look at but think about pornography is also all about the man’s desire almost exclusively, not exclusively, but almost. These, of course, are sinful ways to responding to a man’s sexual desire. But it does make the point very clearly that men and women’s desire are not on the same level.
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Some women may protest that, you know, yes, of course, the heathens will pursue sex, and have that strong desire, but my husband is a Christian. And he doesn’t have these desires, he follows Jesus. And Jesus was tempted in every way, but never sinned. Why can’t he? And this is if this is the way that you thought about your husband. I want to just, I want to talk about that very clearly. But Jesus spoke about this in Matthew 19. So basically, the Pharisees asked him what he thought about divorce. And mind you this is in the time where women had no rights, no ability to own their own property, they honestly weren’t allowed to speak in public. And then we’re not supposed to, to speak to women that were not in their family. So Jesus, basically was crushing so many rules of the day, when he spoke directly to women, when he said it was okay for Mary to sit and listen, when he taught. I mean, there’s so many things that Jesus did, that helped the cause of women. And when he talked about marriage, he was also helping the cause of women. Basically, he set the bar bar really high, and said, unless there’s adultery, you’re marrying her for life. Because, you know, then the Pharisees were like, Well, what about Moses, he said, that we could just give her a certificate of divorce, and we’d be fine. And Jesus said, Listen, let’s look back to the very beginning. Let me just pull that up right now. That in the beginning, the Creator made them male and female, and said, For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. And Jesus replied, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives, because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way. From the beginning, I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery. So the disciples said to Him, if this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry. Interesting again, that Jesus is putting the standard so high to say that your wife should be cared for for your entire life. Okay. And also, if you didn’t notice, he specifically says that the Creator made them male and female. And for this reason, a man should leave everything he knows his father and mother, and be united to his wife, the two becoming one flesh. So Jesus is saying there is a purpose. There is an absolute purpose for the marital union and sexual intimacy within that becoming one flesh. Now, we could talk so much more about this, and I’m going to save that conversation a little bit later, we’re going to touch on it again, but just recognize that Jesus says sex is vital. Okay. And I also want to mention that when the disciples heard this, they were so offended, and they decided they really shouldn’t marry at all. And one commentator says, marriage without any possibility, essential release seems to be to them to the disciples, a severe and unbearable connection. The disciples are saying, Well, if you’ve got to be united to a woman for the rest of your life, you’ve you just have got to not marry. And Jesus raises the bar for these men to and he says, Listen, Some men are born Unix. Now unic means that a man that’s lacking testicles, right? And we know that’s true. We know that some people are born without them. He also says some are made Unix by others. And now in that day and age, the the royalty, the the wives of royalty were protected by Unix because basically, the king couldn’t trust anyone with genitalia to be around his wives. Of course, you know why. But Jesus said it was talking about he’s talking about some were made Unix by others. And some for the kingdom of God choose to live like UNIX. Now this is Matthew 1911. The last part of that verse, he says, The one who can accept this should accept it. Okay, so I think there’s two things we can take from this. First of all, if a man is using his penis in a sexual way, it has to be in marriage. That’s what he says, basically, because when the disciples are like, well, we shouldn’t get married, then Jesus is like, Well, okay, if you’re not married, you have to live like a unike. Okay?
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So the second piece for women, is that even Jesus says, If a man is not using his penis for sex, he’s essentially the same as someone who doesn’t even have genitalia. I think that’s powerful. I think both of us can understand something very significant here, that Jesus is saying, first of all men, if you’re having sex, it’s got to be in marriage. And secondly, for women, if he’s not having sex, he feels and Jesus even says he’s living like someone who doesn’t even have the equipment. Now, let’s also realize that our society says this differently, right? But sexual love is not necessary. You are a complete person, even if you don’t have and never have sexual love in your life. And how do I know? Jesus, John the Baptist, Paul, were fully satisfying God’s love. And we’re able to do amazing things to which we’re still marveling 1000s of years later. Now, the truth is, God’s love encompasses every kind of love. God’s love is enough for the single person to remain single and not sin. But listen, Paul says in first Corinthians seven, it’s a great passage about this. Verse nine, it says, but if they cannot control themselves, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. And here’s the deal, Paul advises us not to burn with passion. He says, If you can’t feel fulfilled without sexual love, then get married. It’s basically a sign to anyone who is married, your husband chose not to live without sexual love. Alright, so keep that in mind. It’s interesting that Paul doesn’t say, since I can be sinless and chaste, right, not have sex, you should be to know he doesn’t say that. He says, Know yourself. If you cannot live this life without sex, get married. So it can be a great and consistent part of your life. And most importantly, support your work for the kingdom. That’s what Paul’s concerned about here. Thinking that your drive is this is to the same degree as your husband’s is a mistake. And there are godly and helpful reasons that your husband seeks sex. See, the truth is your husband’s need for sex is strong, probably much stronger than you will ever realize. And I agree with other researchers and experts who say that if your husband does not have a strong sex drive, there’s generally a problem. Now, this is not a complete list. And truthfully, honest, gentle and honoring communication needs to be had if the strong drive is not happening, but I’ve seen it time and time again. If the husband is not all over his wife with desire, these are the common issues he could be struggling with. Number one, severe insecurities. Severe insecurities include performance anxiety, now a wife can do a lot to help cure and actually cure this concern. The other thing is concerns with physicality. There’s lots of things we’ll go into that much, much more I have lots of resources for that specifically my video course that we’re going to talk about on this webinar coming up soon, but concerns with physicality. And, and that runs the gamut of size of the way that he feels Is he is he being perceived by his wife. And also the other thing that number two I want to just make mentioned his health issues, he could actually be suffering with low testosterone, depression. And also overweight and actual belly fat is a big indication of his sex drive. Believe it or not, that is a huge inhibitor for his drive. The third thing is it’s it’s possible he’s receiving sexual fulfillment in some other way. Whether you know about it or not, whether that’s pornography, lusting in private ways or in more, you know, overt ways prostitution affairs, that kind of thing. I don’t want to say that, you know, if your husband’s suffering with low, low drive for you, automatically, these are the things but these are very, very common ones. And it deserves prayerful consideration, honest and gentle and honoring communication. To get to the bottom of this, I don’t want you to respond to this message by going and saying, Listen, this is what belah said, and blah, blah, blah, don’t do that. But
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you know, a last piece of this also could be a misunderstanding of sex biblically, he might think that his desire is wrong, or unholy. And, you know, church, fathers, you know, saints in the faith have misunderstand, even the passage that we talked about, and literally have castrated themselves for the kingdom of God. I don’t believe that’s what this passage is actually telling us. I believe that. The truth is, his desire is very holy, and very good, and very biblical. And we’re going to touch on just the tip of the iceberg on that in just a minute. But let me also mention the vulnerability of his desire. This is key. If you have ever met a man or even just heard about them, it’d be kind of strange if you’ve never met one. But just in case, I bet the word vulnerability has never been joined with the word man. If it has, it’s because that man is extremely mature. Based basically, the point of a man’s deepest need is sex. And it’s the spot of his deepest vulnerability. So let me just clarify this with a little illustration. There was a time and due to health issues, we weren’t able to make love. And I remember gently asking my husband, how he was feeling about it. And he said, it wasn’t a problem, because he understood the reason. But when I inquired more about his feelings, he tenderly shared, I just don’t feel like I can love you as deeply without making love to you. Wow. But here’s the thing we hear men say, innocently. vulnerably, things like this, and it gives us a glimpse into their souls. His desire for sex should be considered a way of meeting his emotional need for love. A need that is just as vital is our need. And just as valid is rd to share and be treasured in the depths of our hearts. Sex is a vital way that your husband loves you, and feels loved by you. Now husband’s reached out to me periodically, and I have some boundaries in place I do you know, just a single email follow up and potentially maybe a single phone call, but I really don’t engage much with them. But here’s the deal, the mature ones, they speak vulnerably. And honestly, the immature ones speak bitterly and angrily. But it’s the same desire that’s not being met. When one man in particular shared his heart with me, over email, he said that he loves his he, and he loves his family. And he’s a good husband and father and provider. And he cares about his wife. But she consistently refuses to meet with him in this physical way. With tears in his eyes, he wrote that he scared he will have to leave the mother of his children because she cannot move past her hurt from the past to connect with him. He even mentioned some of the things she has struggled with and they’re significant. They’re significant hurt and pain. But why is she allowing that pain to affect the marriage that she’s in today? The man she said she was going to love and honor till death do us part. Another husband confided in me that the pain he felt about his wife’s rejection. There was a It hurt him to have his wife nearby. But she would not engage with him physically. It was the same pain I hear and have felt in the past from women friends who are starved for their husbands affection. I don’t know about you, but when I have felt starved for my husband’s affection, all the sudden every person, every couple that’s displaying affection, I hate them. I hate that they’re doing that, because that is so desperately what I needed.
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Sex for your husband is a vital desire and a necessity for his fulfillment in marriage. For him to feel fulfilled in your marriage, sex is so important. husbands have reached out to me hoping their wives will start listening to the podcast. And just yesterday, a husband reached out to me and said he was praying that his wife would take my video course, but knows that she’s not ready yet. And let me just say very clearly to women listening, when you are sexual and generous in the bedroom of your husband, with your husband, you are not lesser. You are in fact, acknowledging your husband’s weakness and helping him in that you are recognizing he chose to get married because he admitted that he was too weak to do this life without this need met consistently. And when I wrote this the first time and made me cry, because we so misunderstand our husbands. I am not saying that you should be generous to the world and serve society as a whole or abusers or anything else. No, this is your husband. This is your best friend. This is the lover of your heart, the father of your children, the provider of your lifestyle, everything about this, whomever you’re married to, this is a holy, godly union. When I asked you to be generous in the bedroom, I am not saying that you need to bow your knee to society’s oppression of women. No. That is the wrong context. That’s the wrong that’s sinful. That’s a perversion of God’s holy design. But get this that God made your husband’s need. Because he has got a lot to teach us through the journey of intimacy. If this is something that is new to you, or to the degree that I’m talking about it, there’s a journey you need to go on my dear wife, but it starts with your heart. It starts with bringing it before Jesus and asking him for his understanding for truth in understanding what your husband’s desire means. Now, I want to reference even secular researchers and experts agree. Dr. Aner. Ian Kerner says that for men, the sex act is the primary conduit for expressing their feelings. In other words, well, women generally deem closeness as a prerequisite for engaging in sex. For a man, having sex is probably the best and sometimes only path to achieving a true sense of intimacy with a romantic partner. Now, that’s a again, a sec, a secular expert talking here. Now, let me kind of dial it down a little bit more that, you know, you and I see sexual images all the time. It because marketers are smart. They know it’s going to grab men’s attention. And of course, our society has taken the act of sex out of the environment, God designed it. And that imagery plastered all over the place is supposed to be the intimate excitement enjoyed in the bedroom, between a husband and wife, and that is what should be happening. But obviously it’s not what’s happening. And your husband is a Christian. Yes. But that does not mean he is devoid of sexual desire and impulses. He is one of quote unquote, those men. He is attracted to all that sexual imagery. God made him and every man with these inclinations as wise wives, we need to understand how our man thinks when your husband sees female curves that is naturally interesting to him. Of course in pursuit of holiness, He should turn his eyes away and guard his thoughts so he doesn’t lust after another A woman in sin.
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And I don’t as you know, wives, I don’t want you to be unhealthily preoccupied with his temptations. But you must be aware that his temptation is something that he deals with every single day, many, many times, and has his wife, you are his only holy source of sexual pleasure, visually, and physically. That’s it. That’s all. That’s all he’s got. And I think that might be why the disciples were like, well, let’s not get married then. Because there’s no way we can get married for life. And you can see that in our society. But Jesus said, no, no, this is my plan. I, God created the men, male and female, for this reason that they shall be joined together, leave what they know, become one flesh. God designed it this way. So that your passion could burn brightly in marriage and uphold you and your husband, it could, he could uphold you, and you could uphold your husband tightly bound to one another, pursuing the work that God has laid out for you to do. And here is the kicker, of course, as we’ve been talking about, God made him this way, physically wired to make love a lot, consistently. So my third, my third point is, what his sex drive has to do with God. And again, we’re going to do this briefly. Because there’s just so much more I want to talk about and we’ll talk about soon. But why would God give men such a drive, a drive that’s so strong that men have abused and taken advantage of and and horrifically treated women over the ages. I think that it’s so strong, because God made men with this great need this great vulnerability and I, I do call it vulnerability, because if you think about that first story, why would a man who so desperately needs sexual love from a woman? Why would he disrespect her? So clearly, on his shirt, for example, or, you know, the abuse that we’ve been talking about? Why would he do that? If he’s so? Well, here’s the answer is because it’s vulnerable. He hates feeling vulnerable. He hates not feeling powerful. He hates that. That is the opposite of what he wants, he wants to feel respected. He wants to feel honored and powerful, that’s his deepest need, and when sex is, is rejected, he doesn’t feel that way at all. And because pornography is so easy to come by now, a man that feels rejected says, Oh, well, this need that I have this immense need is, I can take care of it. I can just, you know, go go watch pornography, use pornography for my needs. And then I don’t have to, you know, trouble my wife with it, because obviously, she doesn’t care. But that’s not at all what God’s plan is. God’s plan is that his only holy sexual fulfillment is through his relationship with you. And there’s very specific reasons for that. But I wanted to speak to the wife that’s allowed pornography in her marriage. It’s not okay. You’re robbing your husband of the true process, he needs to go on the journey he needs to fight, he needs to fight to keep his mind pure. He needs to fight this battle, day in and day out. And he needs to honor and serve you. Because the truth is, if you recognize that depth of need, and generously fill it, my goodness, he is endowed to you. He’s indebted to you. He wants to serve you and honor you and love you. You have made that release. You know, it wasn’t too long ago that it just so happens recently, for whatever reason.
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On my personal Facebook, people have been really kind to honor my husband and my husband’s a really calm, quiet kind of guy. But he serves on the setup team. And there’s just been some times with scheduling errors and whatever that he’s been one of the only people that’s been doing the setup and the setup team at our church is an intense commitment where you’re the first one there and your last one to leave and, and my husband not only does a setup team, but he goes straight to work almost directly after church. So so I’m just gonna say is that recently, people have been given him shout outs the other day Day, a man that’s been battling cancer actually shared on the Facebook page, which we honor and pray for this man constantly, he and his wife are just up against such a huge challenge. So we pray for them so much Facebook page, he took a picture of my husband with his son. And he said something about, I just am so grateful for this man who has such a commitment to his family, and works terribly hard. If I could be half the man that this man is, to his family and his and to God, I’d be happy or something along those lines. And I was so grateful to hear that and see that and, you know, and to be the the wife that gets to stand next to this man who is truly amazing. And God truly uses and, and I asked my husband about how how our sexual intimacy plays into his ability to serve God and his ability to work hard and stay focused and be committed to us and you know, be a good father. And he was like, just like, there’s no question. There’s no question. He said, Before, you I would punch walls, I would get so angry had punch walls. And literally, when we started dating, that was something and he said, I could share this on the podcast. It’s something he’s never been open with before. But he literally was that kind of guy, his family would make fun of him, or try to not just make fun of him, but try to also change his perspective on parenting, because he used to be the guy that that they thought he hated children, they thought he would never become a father because he hated children. And yet, this is the man that I’ve seen completely. You know, be one of the best fathers I’ve ever met, ever could know. And, and, and I was like, Honey, you know, what, if it’s, I even asked him, I was like what? You know, can’t we say that God changed you because he’s also become a Christian in that time. Since we got together since we were married, he actually became a Christian and, and he’s like, I think we could say that God used you to change me. And I was so grateful. I was so incredibly grateful and honored for that, but I guess my point on all of this is we have no idea how important sex is to our husbands. And that God has given such an incredible gift that we as wives have the power to bring such such rejuvenation, such change such such love such a healing to our husbands through the act of sex, that we just have no idea. So I want to kind of end on that piece. Here are the final takeaways as as that I can give two wives I gave men obviously the instructions in the beginning and kind of throughout but the takeaways for wives is number one. If this was really hard for you to understand and grapple with, I just asked you to become very curious. Okay, start to wonder why your husband’s desire is so significant, just begin the curiosity without judgment. But wonder why God gave him such a need for sex. Number two, ask God to change your heart in this area. And this may take knowledge and understanding and perspective shift and all these things I, I work so hard to do. And I’ve got a webinar coming up very soon called How to make him a wild for you. And I really specifically spell things out and this perspective shift that we need the five secrets, to feel love and receive that love in your marriage. But ask God to change your heart.
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Because your husband needs and craves your love, in a sexual way. And And number three, the takeaway is to actively seek understanding, God laid out so much more than you think in the Bible. And he said, Those who seek will find those who knock the door will be open, but you have to seek, my dear, it’s not automatic. It is not an automatic shift, you’ll will have to commit in your heart to make this a priority to change this in your marriages. Listen to me. When I see churches, all the time, empty with men and full of single women. I got a wonder if we’re missing something. If we are missing something. Get these things in perspective and priority. You don’t want to end your life without the marriage of your dreams. God wants that for you. You know, the statistics are horrifying. 50% of marriages end in divorce at least and 50% of the marriages that actually last are unhappy. So you’ve got a one in four, maybe even one in five chance of doing this right getting out with a happy healthy marriages and then plus that godly marriage. Okay, so So let’s do this right, let’s figure out exactly what the Bible says, and get a chance to hear God’s heart in this area. So please do join me, I look forward to it, it’s going to be an awesome time and delight your marriage.com/webinar it is limited in space. So sign up as soon as you can. Because I really want you to make sure that you get a seat. Okay, God bless you. I hope that this has helped you and encourage you today.
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Well, I hope that that has piqued your interest to understand your husband, and husbands to understand your wives and where she’s coming from. I believe that this is something that could change, completely transform marriages, and even lives and families and households, if we can get what God says about this stuff. Now, I wanted to tell you a story about how I celebrated Mother’s Day this year. Now, Mother’s Day, my husband actually had to work. And so we had planned to celebrate it the day that he was off on Wednesday. Again, my boys are young, I’ve got a almost two year old and a five month old. So it’s rare that I have a night to hang out with just my husband. So but we we booked the babysitter and I knocked on the door where my husband was with his with the two boys. And I said okay, I’m going to meet. I’m going to text you where I’m going. And I’ll see you soon. So I did I went downtown to this wonderful jazz cafe and I, I was all dolled up. So I felt really beautiful and confident. And I ordered a drink and sat outside listen to an audiobook. That’s one of my favorite things to do. I love audiobooks. I love just thinking about God and thinking about the life and writing. And I just was having a great time. But soon the jazz started up. So I went to sit at the bar where I could see the concert. And this incredibly handsome man asked to sit down next to me. So I thought oh, okay, sure. And we he introduced himself when we got to talking and turns out, you know, we have some similar interests. And I was telling him about the book I was reading and some of my favorite thoughts about it. And, and he was so encouraging and got a chance to really tell me what he thought about these topics. And it was just such an exciting conversation. And soon, you know, we started flirting a little bit, and he told me what he thought about me and gave me compliments on my eyes and my smile. And eventually, you know, after we were having just such a great time, he excused himself and went to the bathroom and, and I leaned over to the lady that was sitting next to me. And she and I had exchanged some glances throughout the evening. And I said, I have a secret for you. And she, you know, was kind of surprised that I was talking to her. And so she’s like, Oh, what, what’s going on? And I said, um, so the man that I’m sitting next to is actually my husband. And she was like, what, what do you mean? And so it wasn’t until I pulled out my phone and showed her pictures of us in the boys that she actually believed what I was saying. And she just laughed and laughed. And I felt so, so honored and treasured and cherished. And we had a conversation that we’ve never had since we were dating, and it was just so fun. And after that, you know, he invited me to dinner, and we just had the best time. So anyway, I wanted to share that. Because if you you know, wanted idea to get your wife to feel truly cherished and appreciated. That’s a great idea. And anyway, this is really the heart of what I’m talking about that both a husband and wife could honor and serve each other in the way that they feel most loved. And most valued. That’s really my message here. And I just hope and pray that you’ll you’ll make the time to come on the webinar with me how to make him wild for you. Okay. Um, I think that some wives could poopoo my suggestions off and say, well, she just picked the right man. And maybe that’s true. Maybe that is
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true. But I will say that if you had met my husband before we were married before we got together you might think a different story. You might think a very, very different story. I’m
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not going to go into that deeper but I do believe that God has a life saving possibility in your relationship in the sexual desires of your husband, so okay, God bless you. Thank you for sharing your your time with me and delight your marriage.com/webinar if you can make the webinar it’d be a real treat. Okay, God bless See you. I love you. We’ll talk soon.
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Thanks for listening. Stop by delight your marriage.com to check out all the show notes as well as many more resources and articles. Until next time, live with love, wisdom impassion