Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

I get so many emails from husbands. I want to send a message to their wives…the wife I used to be. I was a wife who saw sex as…

  • Dirty
  • Wrong
  • Ungodly
  • Scary
  • He was sinning for wanting it
  • Too much work
  • I didn’t like it / it hurt / I didn’t know what to do
  • I don’t have time
  • I don’t have energy
  • What’s in it for me?
  • He’s way too interested in sex

And so I avoided it and got resentful that the things I was doing wasn’t appreciated. He kept asking me to learn more… and I got angrier.

Well God has changed my heart on this. I have discovered that God made my husband’s member, and I am his wife. It is my privilege to be a part of intimacy with him. I am his only means of receiving this vital fulfillment righteously.

I believe this podcast will bring you closer to God. If you’re anything like I was, I wish I had known this even before I got married. If I could only understand what sex meant to him. If I could only understand God’s purposes for it.

I pray this would be something husbands can give to their wives (when she’s ready—listen and practice these 3 episodes: Encourage Your Wife’s Sexuality (How A Husband Can Help His Wife Be More Into Sex) 156, 156/157, 157 first).

 

Podcasts I mention:

Praying for you and your marriage,

Belah

 

transcript

0:00
Hi there, and welcome, I hope that you are doing well. I just want to be just so grateful that you took a moment to allow me to be part of your day today, I’m sure you’re busy doing different things. And I know you have lots of priorities. But I am so grateful that you chose to be with me. I will say that by God’s grace, this podcast was actually awarded one of the top 30 relationship podcasts on the net. So you are well, there’s you’re in, you’re in good company, if you’re listening, though, you might be by yourself. By God’s grace, there are a lot of others that are also listening, I will share that I am, you know, doing delight your marriage full time now, again, thank God. But it means that, you know, I’m working with a lot of women coaching them one on one. And that’s where I get to do the real deep work of helping women transform their marriages, their lives, their kids, what ultimately, you know, affects ministries, and their workplaces and their communities and society as a whole. So that’s really so so so deeply important to me. And so that means, you know, sometimes I’m not able to get out the podcast on the right day that I try to do Tuesdays, so please forgive me for being a little bit off on my timing there. As well as this podcast episode is actually something that I recorded previously. And it was already posted under another name. But the content is so valuable. And I’ve gotten such great feedback from others that I think it’s worth posting it again, and allowing you all to listen to it again. So I hope that you enjoy and it blesses you, and it encourages you today. Thank you so much for listening, I’ll have a fresh new episode. I’ve already recorded it. It’ll be out on time. Next week, God bless you. And we’ll talk soon.

2:05
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast, this show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah rose.

2:22
Hey, there, and welcome. Thank you so much for joining. I’m belah rose, nice to meet you. I’m trying to imagine who’s on the other side of this microphone. I wonder if you’re a wife, who was asked by your husband to listen to this podcast. And if that’s the case, I would just love to smile at you and welcome you and let you know this is a safe place. Ultimately, if I knew you, I would love to have coffee. And you and I could sit down together and you could tell me what’s going on in your heart and your background, your past even the difficulties in your marriage now and how you’re feeling about intimacy and why it’s where it is. And I know there’s so much beneath what’s going on for you. And you probably think I have no clue how your marriage is or why it got there, or the difficulty you’re in right now. And the truth is I don’t there’s no way for me to know. But here’s some questions I might have in case you are at a place where I have been. You might be feeling if you are anything like I was that you’re frankly annoyed, that he’s asking you, again, to read something to listen to something to change the way you are sexually. You might be just flat out frustrated, you know, hands on your hips, or crossing your arms and being like, come on. This lady has no idea what’s going on in our marriage. And this husband of mine over and over and over again. tries to tell me about sex and it’s just so frustrating. I want this to stop. Another thing you might be going through is you might be hurt because it feels like he doesn’t think you’re good enough in bed. Once again, he’s hurting your feelings by giving you another resource to look into. Another one is you might just be angry and upset that you do so much every single day. Maybe you take care of the kids full time, which is hard work. Maybe you are working outside of the home For a paycheck, but it’s just as hard or, you know, you come home, you clean, you do the dishes, you work with the kids. I mean, it’s a constant work in your life. And then when you’re completely exhausted by the end of the day, your husband like rolls over and wants to get frisky. You’re like, Are you kidding me? And then, you know, here you are trying to be good wife. And he’s asking you to listen to another thing to give you another item on your to do list, which is pages long as it is. Another thing is, you might be asking, What the heck is he doing for me? When was the last time we had a date? When was the last time he picked up flowers? Just to surprise me? You know, how was he loving me if I’m supposed to do all this sex stuff for him. Another thing you might be thinking is, as a Christian man, he should not be thinking about sex as much as he is. However much we’re having sex, he should be grateful. Because look at Jesus, look at Paul, John the Baptist, those guys didn’t have sex and look how much they were able to do for the Kingdom. You might be like, my husband has got to get it together. Isn’t he supposed to be dying to the flesh. And you could quote a million Bible verses at him to let him know that he’s sinful for wanting you to do those things. So I don’t know where you are. In that you might I think, finally, probably I would say you might also just be struggling with the whole idea that this act, sexuality in your marriage is just dirty. It’s wrong. It’s sinful. It has never been talked about in a good way. How in the world, you don’t even have good language to speak about it with every time you try to talk about different parts. It either sounds like you’re reading a medical dictionary, or you’re on Uh, excuse me, but pornography site? I mean, this seems like a horrible thing. How in the world? Is this supposed to be positive and holy and godly?

7:19
So I kind of wanted to just give you just a little bit, maybe, hopefully, insight of where I have been, as a wife, as a woman. I have been in each of those spots. I want to address each of those. But before I do, I want to tell you that I hear you. I have been there each of those items I understand completely. I have been in those spots. That’s why I can describe them. Because I have been there I am a woman I felt those things. Another thing I could say is what about I have low libido. I don’t want to have sex. Why is his drive more important than mine? How about this one? He is selfish in sex. I don’t want to do all the things he wants me to do. Or what about this one? I do have sex with him. But he never stopped. He just always wants intimacy with Me. It’s too much. There’s all the excuses. But I would say reasons. Those are all reasons that you’re like, This is not what I am going to do all of the time. I am not going to do all this. I’m not okay with it. I don’t think it’s the way God wants me. It’s not what he’s asking me to do as, as a wife as a person it it’s not, honey, it doesn’t matter that much. Stop asking me to do this all the time. So if you any of those things, identify with you. That’s what this conversation is about. I hope you’ll listen in with an open heart to see if God wants to speak to you through this podcast through this episode. If there’s some truth in here that he wants to show you

9:16
so I wonder if you can agree with me that God made the universe that God designed everything carefully. With deep detail. Every single molecule. Every cell in your body is designed and created by the master himself. Your body, my dear, is a masterpiece. Whether you like it or not. God designed all of it. He designs Your beautiful eyes. He designs your glorious fingers He designed your heart. He designed your insides, he designed your brain. And he designed your intimate, womanly parts. He designed all of that. He also designed your husband, his broad shoulders, his however your husband looks, maybe he’s got a beard, or maybe he’s got whatever it is, I rouse all this stuff he designed. But he also designed your husband’s penis. So just a quick note about language, I recognize that there is hard language to figure out how to say things in a good way. And I’m sorry if the wording that I’m using is not the best for your particular experience. But I’m going to try as hard as I can to make it neutral, say words that don’t evoke things. So I’m hoping that you’ll give me grace and just kind of keep your heart open to what I might say, beneath the wording, what’s the message behind it. So let’s try that again. He also designed your husband, his broad shoulders, his however your husband looks, maybe he’s got a beard, or maybe he’s got whatever it is eyebrows, all this stuff he designed. But he also designed your husband’s penis. He designed everything about your husband’s penis. Just take that in, recognize that is true. God made his member, every part of your husband’s member is God designed. God made your husband’s penis to become erect. He made your husband’s penis exactly the shape exactly the way every part of it, God designed. So let me tell you a little bit about what that means. Your husband’s penis is an appendage from his body. It’s right between his legs. Every appendage of our bodies has blood pumping through it 24 hours a day, seven days a week, the blood is constantly pumping, because it’s bringing oxygen and nutrients. And it’s also carrying out metabolic waste. It’s doing all these processes all of these things. And honestly, I don’t really understand most of it. But I will say that blood is constantly flowing. Your husband’s penis is not like anything else. The only time blood flows in there and flows out is when it’s wrecked. Which means for a healthy appendage, it has to have blood flowing. So if you were to cut off circulation from your hand, long enough, your hand would not be functional. And that’s the same way. So God designed your husband’s penis to become erect very often very frequently. For this reason to stay healthy. So your husband’s penis actually has four different reasons to become a wrecked. One, you probably are very familiar with the morning erection. Very natural, happens every day. Every single day he has this morning and wet rection that he wakes up with. Another one is called a reflexive erection. Which means if something or someone touches his penis, it becomes erect. Blood starts flowing, it’s very natural.

14:14
But when I say something, he literally could bump up against a trash can. And suddenly blood is starting to flow and it’s becoming erect. Another one is the mind erection right? That is when he’s thinking about sex or he sees something sexual. It comes through his mind. That’s when it actually becomes erect that way. And then the last one right is the random erections. Literally because to keep your butt near husband’s body healthy, the bloods going in the blood just going out. There’s no actual stimuli. There’s no reason aside from his body’s got to clean that thing out or get oxygen to or whatever there Reasons. So. So that’s, that’s the piece I want to just be clear about the way God designed your husband’s penis is to have erections. Now, shockingly, there, you’re an average husband has 11 erections every single day. 11. That’s shocking to us, isn’t it? Women, shocking, 11 erections. And regardless of the cause, he wants to use it. Because the blood flowing into his penis, as the blood is flowing, it’s very pleasurable, every type of erection he has is very pleasurable, every type of touch is pleasurable to him. Now, us as women, we don’t have to really touch ourselves very often, it just, it’s not part of the way we go to the bathroom and things like that. But for husbands, they always have to touch their penis to use the restroom, just to make sure it doesn’t spill onto the floor, they’ve got to touch it. And that’s pleasure, that even if they’re not grasping it to orgasm, just touching it is pleasure. It’s, that’s the way it was designed. It’s not a normal appendage. It’s not anything like that. So God made your husband’s penis very specifically, very uniquely. So talking about what your husband’s penis means to him. Let’s discuss that. His penis is what makes him a man. Think about it, it’s his whole manhood is in between his legs. If you didn’t have that, he would not be considered a man, he would be called a unike. And I just wonder, would you be would you want to marry a husband that doesn’t have a penis? Is that Is that what would that be attractive to you? I don’t think so. I think you want a man, I think you want him? Because you know, it’s important. You know, it’s the thing that makes him a man. It’s what makes him special. It’s what makes him unique. From women. It’s different. It’s, it’s that thing, it’s that part of him that’s a man. Every day your husband walks out into this world. And the question he asks of life is, do I have what it takes? Am I good enough? Do I have what it takes to take on this world to do this job to be there for my family to make enough money so that we can survive to to give to my my wife what she needs to serve my children to be what God wants me to be in this world? Do I have what it takes? Am I enough? Those are the questions that essence is who your husband is his heart. And his penis is the thing that makes him that man that’s asking those questions. So when his penis is not being respected in your home, he feels like he’s not enough. He feels like he doesn’t have what it takes to make it in this world.

18:38
And every erection that he has, every time he sees his penis, every time he touches that it’s a reminder of the intimacy or lack of an intimacy that he has in his marriage. It’s a reminder, regardless of all the, you know, advertisements, all the, you know, nonsense that is so rampant in our world of all this sexual imagery, regardless of that, just the way he’s built, just the way the erections happen all the time. reminds him that he’s not making love that he’s not enjoying his manhood is not respected in his home. So when you ignore when you reject and sadly when you criticize or accuse or anger really respond to his meager attempts at seduction or, or desire for you. You’re rejecting his manhood. You’re saying you’re not enough for me, babe. You’re not enough for this world. You don’t have what it takes. And you may be thinking Why in the world would I have the ability to make this great man feels so terrible about himself. You know, if he was so great, he would be able to do that all by himself. It’s not up to me to make him feel that way. And I hear what you’re saying. Because certainly there’s an element of him having to rely on God to for his self worth. But you, as a woman have the privilege of making him feel like a man of honoring his manhood in your marriage, you are the only one who’s allowed to touch that to interact to, to enjoy, to caress to cherish his member, he is a man because of what’s in between his legs, and you are the only one that’s able to love and appreciate that. He’s sitting if he gets that any other way. That is your responsibility, and your privilege that you can make him feel alive and excited about life. I need to tell you that when a man doesn’t make love to his wife, he feels lonely. He feels depressed, he feels stressed, literally, that is when oxytocin is released is at the point of orgasm. He has a much lower oxytocin load in his bloodstream than women, women, you know, seeing a baby or being cuddled or a hug. Those are things that release oxytocin in our bodies. But for a man, it’s very, very low, until the point of orgasm, where this big surge of oxytocin is released. And it’s this amazing feeling in his body where he feels loved. He feels appreciated, he feels excited about life, he feels alive. That’s what you give him when you give him the opportunity of loving you, through lovemaking. He feels your love through the act of sex. And large part is the way you feel about his member. When you treasure that and appreciate what God has made in him as a man, you’re appreciating what God has made in him, you’re appreciating his member, those are one and the same. Believe it or not. It’s funny, I was just talking to you. It’s actually it’s amazing. I was just talking to a new friend. And she was telling me that she just got back from Iraq. And she was telling me about what’s going on over there. And literally, she was in a town an hour outside of I think the town is Mosul were like the hub of ISIS, that they captured this city. She is literally she was staying with a missionary family who’s their long term missionary to the Iraqi people, right next to a refugee camp. Like she was one hour away from ISIS, and staying with these missionaries. And, you know, in my heart, in my mind, I’m like, I want so desperately to help. I want to help this world that’s so a need that so is broken and suffering, you know.

23:23
But the best gift I can give people that are doing the hardest work in the world. That family I just imagine that family is giving them a strong marriage, a unified marriage, where they recognize and understand each other and the love and and what it means to connect as as marital partner so they can fully focus on the work that God wants them to focus on. So you don’t know who God wants your husband to be, until you’re loving him and serving him respecting him the way that you get to as a wife. You don’t know the kind of man he’s supposed to be the kind of unified couple that you’re supposed to be until you have this. This revelation to live this is in your marriage that you honor his manhood to you respect him. As a man, you don’t know what God is going to do through you through your love, through your love. This is not something the world made up the world took God’s design, God’s creation, and they twisted it and they turned it into what it is sin plastered all over our culture. That is sin. But in your marriage, in the garden, there was man, there was woman they were naked and they were on ashamed. Adam was made first God said it is not good for man to be alone and he made Eve It’s right there. Together they are to be doing this work together. They are to making love. Jesus specifically said, He made man and woman, so they could be one flesh. I mean, Jesus, who never married, said it was important for man and woman to become one flesh, she’s talking about the connection, the sex that you are supposed to be having in your marriage, that union, that bonding, it’s a design of God. And your husband knows it. He knows it. And I think one of the reasons is so vital to a husband is because for us, as women to feel loved, to feel cherished, the things we really want to experience so that we actually get turned on and want to make love are really the fruits of the Spirit, we want to experience a man who’s patient, and gentle and kind, and loving, and generous, it turns us on, who’s trustworthy and faithful, who’s loyal. Those are all things that we want in a man. And if you think about it, those things go together, the woman wanting a man who embodies the gifts of the Spirit, and the man wanting to enjoy sexual love from his wife and it together, they have to serve each other in in that way. And it becomes that we’re more like Christ doing those things. So one thing you might be asking, and it kind of touched on it, in the beginning, is a man of God should be dying to his flesh, right, Jesus was able to go his whole life without making love Paul, John the Baptist, I mean, there’s a lot of monks and great saints and people that that went their whole lives without it. And you know, Jesus specifically says, I don’t have the verse in front of me, but I believe it’s Matthew 19, that he says, if they can do that, they should. Basically, if they can not be connected in marital intimacy, then they should, if they cannot be married, they should, but otherwise, they should be married. Paul even talks about don’t burn with passion, get married, so you can get on with the work that God has you to do. If you’re married, you should not be burning with passion any longer, because that passion should be satiated by each other, you should be making love. God designed it that way. One note I wanted to make about how these other men were able to, you know, sustain a celibate life is

27:58
this is just something that may be helpful to think about is that when we make love the first time when we are a virgin, and then the first sexual experience, it literally changes brain chemistry, there are brain connections that were not there beforehand. That’s why it makes it’s so significant. When someone’s a virgin, it’s so significant, because literally they don’t have brain connections that are there after it happens. And so, I wonder, it’s just a question. I don’t have a whole lot of, you know, I don’t have a whole lot to back this up. But I just wonder if people like Paul, Jesus that never sinned, you know, John the Baptist, these these great, great men who were able to do so much I wonder if God didn’t give them the grace to not have the constant distraction of sex, because they never had it in the first place. So that’s kind of a wonder for me. But aside from that, if you just think about our culture, right, we’ve got scantily clad women on every advertisement, even if you don’t watch movies, aside from G rated films, you would still see it all over the place constantly. There’s sexual imagery, objectification of women’s bodies, all the time, everywhere. It’s the normal style of clothes. Now, Jesus time in, you know, the Saints didn’t live with that kind of input. You know, there wasn’t the temptation of pornography all the time. It was very different. And when that happens, that distraction, when he gets an erection very, very naturally just happens when he you know, begins to notice his body and just so you know, it’s his body. He notices it every single time it happens. And when he like it happens, and he’s thinking, Oh, I’d love to be making love if he automatic was thinking about his wife, why then that’s a holy, that’s a holy response to this natural reaction. But if he’s burning with passion, he’s like, I need something to satiate me. That’s awful. That’s distracting. That’s not allowing him to do the work that God wants them to do. It’s completely distracting. I just again, think of what God might be wanting to do through your husband, but because he’s so desperate to be loved in his marriage, it’s just not happening. I mean, we’re we’re desperate to be loved. And we have a husband or we have a wife. I mean, can you imagine, think if it were you, and I’m sure, you know, there’s tension in your marriage, if there’s not generous intimacy, in the marriage bed, there’s, there’s significant tension, I am sure of it. So the way you feel when you don’t feel loved, it’s just a constant thing. So I do want to talk about one thing that might be on your heart as a wife. And this happens, it really does a lot, is maybe you have been in an intimate situation, and your husband has not had an erection. And now because I’m talking about how natural it is, and how it happens all the time, and every day, you’re wondering, well, why did it happen, when we were going to make love was he not attracted to me, you know, what was going on. And I just want to, you know, kind of calm and, you know, be kind to your heart for a minute, because it’s actually probably has nothing to do with you. Sometimes there are just things that get in the way of him actually being able to perform. And some of those things are stress. Some of it is health things, medication is a big one.

32:05
And like I said he’ll, he’s probably having, you know, blood flowing through having these directions and different circumstances. But it’s not because he’s not attracted to you. It’s simply because of these other elements. However, I will say once it happens once, and more than likely would happen again, because he begins to get anxious. Or maybe he’s anxious the first time and it just kind of continues on as a self fulfilling prophecy. So as a wife, the best thing you can do is whatever happens, accept it with love, and cherish his member in every way. And remember that it’s pleasurable, when his member is filling with blood. So even if it’s soft, and there’s nothing that you can tell happening, you just being kind and generous with your touch and kiss and all the different wonderful aspects of loving his member, you can actually cause him to feel loved. Even if the act of love making doesn’t happen, because he doesn’t have an erection, it’s going to make it much more likely that he’ll have it the next time. And either way, ultimately, he’s going to feel respected and loved and treasured as a man. Just because he doesn’t have a full on erection. It doesn’t mean that it’s not pleasurable, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel that depth of love that you’re giving to him. So whatever happens in any circumstance, give him that respect, given that honor of the man and honor his manhood in the midst. Maybe you had been thinking, you know, how is it that a man is so sensitive? The truth is, God made him so sensitive in his heart, about his manhood, what’s in between his legs, on purpose, in the same way that you are sensitive about the way he speaks to you or the way he desires you. That’s your heart. You know, if he listens to you, if he loves the way you think, and the way your body is, and all these things, you’re very sensitive to that he’s the one that can hurt you the most because he is closest to you. That romantic relationship is unlike any other relationship and it should be. He is sensitive to this. It is very, very much a part of who he is. So what I want you to do, my dream for you is to get to a place of loving his member. This that might sound completely silly and ridiculous right now and that’s okay. But this is what I want. I want you to To understand that it’s not just about doing your duty, or, or, you know, giving him what he wants or whatever, it’s literally about loving his soul. In your intimacy, you are loving this man. And that God made in his member, you want to know why I think that so significantly is because God knew this when he made Adam. Okay, when Abraham was given the promise that all his descendants would be blessed through Abraham. And at some point, he required them to be circumcised all of the men to be circumcised. Now God could have said, You are my people. So I’m going to more mark you. So all you need to do is you know, you need to mark your forehead with a big dot, you know, maybe a big scar, that would probably be, you know, very painful, but circumcision is very painful. So something where it’s on their face, like, everyone knew this is God’s person, because they have a big mark, and they can see it. That is not what God required of his people. He required them to mark the thing that matters most to them. The thing that matters most to your husband, is his member. That’s what God asked of his people to say, I know you. And I know, this is most important, and I require for you to be my people and to consecrate the thing that matters most to you as a man, to me, that that is the commitment that is the value or making to me, that. So that’s a little bit about his heart. Why is member means so much? And why the intimacy

37:08
that he’s having in his marriage, if he is having it, or the frequency? Why it affects him so very much, because it is because it is that important. So you might be thinking in the back of your mind, well, you know, great, so now I understand how vital it is to him. But when am I going to have time to do anything? I mean, already, I feel stressed. And you know, the intimacy we do? Have I? I can barely get that together. How am I supposed to do more than this? And one, I think that you can either ask him to listen to this. And you can say, is this true? And if it is, you can say well, I’ve noticed that I have X, Y and Z to do every week. And I would like you to take on X, Y and Z. And those phrases, I’ve noticed dot dot dot, I’d like dot, dot dot, are actually very, very good phrases for you to use. And that gives him the understanding of I would love to make love to you. But I have got a lot on my plate. And I would like some help. So if you start thinking about what would you need to happen in your life to be able to prioritize this? And you might be thinking, well, how much do I need to be making love so that he feels satisfied and loved and all that stuff? Absolutely ask him he might say twice a day. So that might not be reasonable. However, get to a place where he is feeling loved. And if you’re not doing once a week, get at least two once a week. If you’re getting two once a week, try for two times a week and from there, you know, see what’s sustainable, then for you. I mean, I don’t want you to feel force. I don’t. That’s not That’s not the point you should not feel forced to be making love to your husband. But it is what I do believe you need to do is reprioritize your life so that your marriage is just after your relationship with God. There’s there’s your relationship with God. And then there’s your marriage, the very next rung. Okay. And then there’s your family, your kids. And from there it goes out to your ministry and your work and the other areas of your life but your marriage has got to go before soccer practice. Okay. Your marriage has got to go before you know, craft DIY, DIY projects in your home. I don’t know what’s keeping you from doing that, but cut it out, cut that piece out. So that you can have what you need to be able to make love. And it’s not just, you know, you need an extra hour so that you guys can get together. It’s more than that, especially for women, we need peace in our lives, we need to have less stress. We need to feel good about our bodies, all of those things are required for us to enjoy intimacy. So how do you do that? How do you turn into a woman that likes to make love? While you need to value peace, you need to reprioritize cut the things out, they’re stressing you out. Really reassess your life and figure out what needs to be cut so I can love and value and cherish my husband. And if a husband’s listening, which I imagine you would be, think about how you can approach your wife in, in loving her so that she can love you. Someone’s got to break this cycle, someone has got to break this cycle. So taking her out to dinner, you know, loving on her the way that she receives love. I talked about that in Episode 156 156, slash 157 and 157. That’s actually three episodes, though it might sound very confusing. Listen to those, get some insights there.

41:34
But figure out how you can offload her plate, what can you do? How can you make your lives less stressful, maybe it means downgrading your home. Maybe it means buying less stuff, maybe it means budgeting so you don’t have to have two jobs, maybe one job and a part time job. I don’t know. But this is really important. If you want to have a God centered life, you have got to value your intimacy. You can not have your husband addicted to pornography or, or going on every distraction that there is in the world because he cannot get the intimacy at his own home. It’s not okay and it has to change. It has to change. And you my dear wife have the ability to change it. You just don’t know what God might want. For your marriage for your life. I have got to tell you, I am so much happier. When I am making generous love to my husband. That’s when he does the dishes. That’s when he takes care of the kids. And with a good heart. That’s when he buys me flowers. That’s when he takes me out on dates. When I am generous in lovemaking, I feel loved in every other area of my life. So if you have a low libido like I do, you still serve you still are generous, you still love his member in intimacy, there’s a lot of ways to do it. It does not have to be intercourse if you are not physically able, or if you are lacking energy at the end of the day, or if you whatever, there’s a lot of other ways to do it. But make sure that his intimacy, that connection between the two of you is made. And I say love making again there is a lot of ways you can make love that do not have to be specific penetration, intercourse there’s, there’s so many other ways just understand how very vital it is. All right. So we have come a long way. You have recognized that God designed your husband’s member, it was not the world’s idea. It was God’s. It’s very, very vital to his heart. his manhood is in between his legs, who he is as essential man. And you as a wife determine if he feels like he has enough in this world. Yes, he should rely on God for that. But you are. You are that one person that can affirm him as a man. And that is through however you desire in intimacy with your husband. You affirm him as a man. He feels loved. He feels revitalized, he’s feels rejuvenated. He feels excited about life. It releases stress from his life and makes him more hopeful. God made it this way. We are important. Women you are vital to your husband’s life. Adam needed Eve your husband married to you because he needed intimacy in his life. He wasn’t able to be celibate his whole life, he wasn’t able to be like Paul. And Paul said, If you can’t stand it fine, get married, but then keep doing God’s work. That’s what the whole point of it is. So you can do the work that God has to do fully unified, fully loving each other, that’s going to make you better parents, that’s going to make you better church members, that’s going to make you better ministry leaders, that’s going to make you better missionaries, that’s going to make you hear from God better, because when he gets an erection, when he’s there praying, it’s not going to distract him into thinking, oh my gosh, I wish I could, could could, could release this, somehow, he’s going to be like, Oh, I love my wife so much. And then he’s gonna get back to praying. Again, it’s an erection just because of a random erection or some kind of molecular, you know, blood flow process or whatever. But it happens constantly. This is his body, this is your husband, this is the way God designed him. It is holy, it is good. Intimacy with this man with your man is good and holy. If this is something you struggle with, I really encourage you to listen to episode 132. It says, it’s called the most important piece to amazing intimacy. It really goes into why the world says it’s x and what it really is in God’s kingdom in the way that God sees sex the way that he designed sex. So

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next steps for you. Write down? Why you’re not doing this. Why is this not part of your life? What are the blocks? What are the barriers? What is the baggage? What is the pain? Write it down? And journal about it? What are the things you’re not forgiving your husband of that’s preventing you from moving forward? What are the areas that you’ve been ignorant of that now? Maybe I hope and prayerfully you’re beginning to have your eyes opened to what are the things you need to understand before you can move into a greater depth of intimacy, journal these things pray about these things. Get to an understanding that this is what needs to be happening in your marriage. This is what glues you two together for peace, for purpose for unity. I have a ton of other resources. Again, if this is your first time listening to the podcast, I I really hope that you would prayerfully under just just seek this seek God on? Is this true? Is it real that you design my husband this way? Is it true? Is it true that this is what you care about? Is it true that you want me to love my husband’s member? The way that belah rose described it? Is that really dirty? Is it really sin? Or did I just get tainted by what the world and what this Satan wants me to misunderstand it or misrepresented as, because I want you to know do your wife my whole life. I’m talking Bella, I thought it was gross. I thought it was disgusting. I thought it was sin. I thought it was wrong. I thought all those other women are sinning by doing such nasty things to even their husband, like it just is wrong. It’s the worst. And it was a long process. But by God’s grace, my eyes are open. And this is the way God made it. Their culture was very different. I think the women in their culture understood the man’s genitalia very, very, very differently. And we’ve lost that for various reasons. But in this society, in this culture, men see sexual images all the time. It’s really, really hard for them to resist the temptation of thought, the temptation of pornography, that those temptations are real. And really, really, really, I mean, I cannot even imagine women wear scantily clothed, closed, scantily clothed things all the time around your husband. And if he is not receiving intimacy in his marriage, it’s really hard for him to turn his eyes away or not be tempted or all these things he should be doing. But you as a wife, you’re his opportunity to feel loved in these ways. You’re his only opportunity to, to in a holy way to receive that. Those desires, those needs that God put in him. So you too, could be unified for the glory of God. Because you have things that he doesn’t have. He has things that you don’t have. And so when you unify for God’s work, that’s the biggest that’s the most powerful thing. All right, so next steps action step is to journal Journal through this process, why do you think this things? Why are you not moving forward? What are your next steps journal through how to reprioritize your life? And then have some honest conversations with your husband? Honey, are these things true? Is this how you feel? Is this your heart? Right, sorry, it was journaled, then pray, then ask your husband about it. And figure out how you guys can reprioritize your life so that intimacy is a priority. So that you do your wife have energy for it after the end of the day, that you can change your life around. So that sex becomes something that happens, you are not a victim of this world or of this life, you have ability to make choices. So that intimacy is a priority, make the choices, they’re hard choices, but make those choices. I’d love for you to listen to episode 144, if it’s really hard for you to know how to prioritize your life according to God’s will. And again, in the context of making intimacy a priority.

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If there are husbands listening, who want to invite their wives to listen to this podcast, I really did record this podcast for you. There are so many husbands that reach out to me, in absolute such suffering and pain, they have just been through. I just can’t imagine what they’ve been through for years and years and years of redacted rejection, and loneliness and sadness and suffering, because their own wife who committed to cherish and honor and serve him till she died. She is not even close. She’s completely non understanding who he is as a man. So these, these husbands right into me, and I don’t know how to help them. I don’t know, I do this podcast because I’m trying to get the word out. So I hope, I hope this is a gift for wives that a husband can give to his wife, when she’s ready, that he can give this to her and say, Honey, I love you. I want to live a happy future with you. I want what we are together to increase and get better and better. And I believe this is something that would really help me to feel loved when I’m with you. Together, I would love to grow in our marriage. And the reason I say when she’s ready is because I asked you dear husband, I this may be the time to share this with her, but it may not be. And I asked you to just be prayerful about when and how to present this material to her. And, you know, listen to those episodes, I mentioned 156 through 157. See how you can implement the things that you can implement as a man that you can do what you can do as a husband to make her feel safer and more cherished and more attractive to you. And then maybe it’s going to be two months from now maybe six months from now, maybe a year from now when she’s going to be ready to receive this particular episode. Because it’s more important that it’s the right time than it is that it’s immediate. I know that you’re impatient. I know it’s been a long time. But what’s six more months when it’s been, however many years of loneliness and pain. So I encourage you to your husband on that and think about how you can help think about how you can give her like do her chores and take things off of her plate. How can you do that? How can you be active in your part there? Let’s just pray. Father, I just asked for the wife listening on the other end of my voice God I thank you that she’s listened all the way to the end. I pray God that you would soften her heart God, I pray that you would open her eyes in the way that you desire to God. If there’s anything that I’ve said that’s been off point, I pray God that you would show her God I pray that you would heal her heart there’s so many things, so many reasons. She has to feel the way she does. So many experiences. It could be abuse, it could be resentment that’s built up over the hurt and pain that she’s received from her husband. It could be ignorance that that came from her her family and and the different you know sin that’s that’s been put on her and I just ask that you would heal her heart. I pray God that you would heal their marriage Lord, you want so much more for their relationship and not just happiness. But holiness and productivity in your will in this life God, that we’re living for eternity God and what they do as husband and wife in the privacy of their own bedroom matters. God give them the Insight give her the insight to understand that God and I pray that she would be she would want to understand more that she would want to seek out more and give her the grace and the time and the motivation the energy to do that Lord. In Jesus name we thank You that You are the one that changes hearts God. I pray that you would encourage the husband listening. Give him wisdom and endurance Lord, we love you. Amen.

 

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