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Surrender Your Masculinity to Jesus: Interview with Aaron Smith

Consider this question:

If your marriage never changed…

Would Jesus still be enough?

That question is at the heart of this week’s conversation with Aaron Smith.

For four long years, he and his wife struggled with painful intimacy issues that nearly ended their marriage.

Like many couples, they kept praying for God to change their circumstances.

Instead, God began changing their hearts.

One of the most powerful moments in our conversation comes when Aaron realizes that Jesus didn’t wait for His Bride to become perfect before giving Himself for her.

He loved first.
Sacrificially.
Completely.

That’s the invitation for every one of us.

Not because it’s easy.

But because it’s the way of Christ.

To love first.

Let this conversation encourage you to remember:
God cares about your marriage.
He is worthy of your surrender.
And He is still working.

With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
(Shownotes written with AI assistance)

PS – Are you ready to take the leap and become the person God created you to be in your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our programs are the right next step for you.

PPS – Here is what (another) recent Coaching Graduate had to say:

For years, I felt so dissatisfied, frustrated, and angry toward my wife.  I was living in a repeating cycle of expecting sex, not being fulfilled by it because of her lack of desire for me, being angry at her for not trying to connect with me in the relationship, holding it in for as long as possible, then trying to “fix it” by talking to her about it or lashing out at her, then back to the expectations.

My wife, kids, and myself, all felt unsafe and dissatisfied with life and who I was…

This program has helped me so much to learn how to handle not only my emotions, but hers as well. She is truly seeing me as a safe place and I want to protect that at all costs…I have also learned how to speak to my wife’s heart and to truly listen to her…I am now living in God’s purpose and design and the pieces around me are falling into place.

Here is an AI-generated summary of today’s episode:

In this encouraging conversation, Belah sits down with Aaron Smith, co-founder of Marriage After God, to discuss one of the hardest realities many Christian couples face: what do you do when your marriage isn’t changing, despite your prayers?

Aaron shares the deeply personal story of the first four years of his marriage—a season marked by painful intimacy struggles, growing bitterness, and moments where divorce seemed inevitable. But rather than allowing suffering to pull them away from God, both Aaron and Jennifer eventually discovered that God was using those very struggles to transform their hearts.

Together, Belah and Aaron explore why surrender often comes before breakthrough, how Christ’s love becomes the model for marriage, and why God’s greatest work is often the work He accomplishes within us before He changes our circumstances.

Surrender Comes Before Marriage Breakthrough

One of the central themes of the episode is that lasting change in marriage begins with surrender to God—not with changing your spouse.

Aaron explains that for years he prayed for his circumstances to improve. He wanted greater intimacy. He wanted less conflict. He wanted his marriage to feel different.

But God gently revealed that the deeper invitation wasn’t simply to experience a better marriage.

It was to become more like Christ.

Everything changed when Aaron realized that Jesus willingly gave Himself for His bride before she deserved it. Instead of waiting for his wife to change first, Aaron chose to love sacrificially regardless of the outcome.

That decision marked a turning point—not because it manipulated circumstances, but because it aligned his heart with God’s.

God Often Uses Suffering to Produce Spiritual Growth

Throughout the conversation, Belah and Aaron remind listeners that suffering is never meaningless in the hands of God.

The difficult years they endured ultimately became the foundation for a ministry that has now encouraged thousands of marriages around the world.

Looking back, Aaron recognizes that God was exposing bitterness, selfishness, misplaced expectations, and hidden sin long before He changed the physical circumstances of their marriage.

Rather than viewing hardship as evidence that God had abandoned them, they came to see it as evidence that He was actively shaping them into the image of Christ.

Sometimes God’s greatest miracle isn’t removing the trial.

It’s transforming the people walking through it.

Christ’s Love Is the Blueprint for Every Husband and Wife

A major focus of the conversation is the example Jesus gives every married couple.

Aaron reflects on Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane and willingly choosing the cross for the sake of His bride.

That picture completely reframed Aaron’s understanding of marriage.

Rather than asking what his wife could do for him, he began asking how he could love her as Christ loved the Church.

Belah emphasizes that this same principle applies to both husbands and wives.

Marriage flourishes when both spouses stop demanding to be served and instead choose to become servants themselves.

The goal is no longer getting our needs met first.

The goal becomes reflecting Christ.

Marriage Is Your First Ministry

Aaron also shares one of the core messages behind Marriage After God:

Your marriage is your first ministry.

Many believers pour tremendous energy into careers, churches, ministries, and serving others while unintentionally neglecting the people God has entrusted to them first.

Aaron challenges listeners to remember that no one should experience more of Christ through us than our spouse and our children.

Healthy ministry should flow from a healthy home—not replace it.

When we prioritize our closest relationships, every other area of ministry becomes more authentic and fruitful.

Abiding in Christ Is the Source of Every Healthy Marriage

Another significant theme throughout the episode is the importance of a personal relationship with God.

Aaron warns against what he calls “fast-food Christianity”—trying to sustain spiritual health solely through church services, podcasts, or Christian content without spending personal time with the Lord.

Jesus taught that apart from Him we can do nothing.

If we want to love patiently…

Lead wisely…

Forgive freely…

And serve joyfully…

We must first remain connected to Christ through His Word and prayer.

Belah echoes this encouragement, urging listeners to begin each day with Scripture before allowing the distractions and responsibilities of life to take over.

Kindness Begins with Self-Awareness

Belah and Aaron also have an honest conversation about irritability, stress, and the subtle ways we unintentionally wound those closest to us.

Aaron explains that what often appears as “meanness” is actually the fruit of walking in the flesh rather than the Spirit.

Instead of allowing frustration to dictate our words, believers are called to recognize their own emotional state, communicate honestly, and quickly repent when they fail.

Belah points out that a husband’s emotional posture often shapes the atmosphere of the entire home.

Growing in self-awareness, humility, and kindness creates greater peace not only in marriage but throughout the family.

What You Worship Is Often Revealed by What You Fear Losing

Toward the end of the episode, Aaron shares one of the most memorable insights from the conversation:

“We discover what we worship by what we lament.”

Our deepest fears, frustrations, disappointments, and unmet longings often reveal the places where our hearts have quietly elevated something above God.

Whether it’s marriage…

Health…

Success…

Approval…

Or comfort…

God invites us to place Him above every earthly desire.

Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, believers are called to trust God even if circumstances never change.

Faith isn’t built on God giving us everything we want.

Faith rests in knowing that Christ Himself is enough.

Final Encouragement: Trust God with Both the Process and the Outcome

As the episode concludes, Belah reminds listeners that every marriage journey is ultimately an invitation to know Christ more deeply.

While we naturally long for healing, restored intimacy, and changed circumstances, God is often accomplishing something even greater—forming Christ within us.

When we surrender outcomes, release our idols, and trust God’s goodness regardless of our circumstances, we discover a deeper peace that no marriage alone can provide.

Whether your marriage feels healthy today or you’re walking through one of the hardest seasons of your life, this conversation offers a hopeful reminder:

God is still working.

He is still faithful.

And when we place Him first, He is able to accomplish far more than we could ever ask or imagine.