Blog Post / Shownotes

Feel Your Feelings, But Then Get Up and Grow

You know that person you deeply respect? The one whose opinion actually matters to you? Think about the thing they said about you that made you stand a little taller.

Now ask yourself: Are you living up to that?

In this episode, Belah gets personal about processing pain, the power of public accountability, and why godly sorrow is the doorway to real change, not a room to live in.

Over 1,000 Coached Directly

We recently tallied it up: Belah has personally coached over a thousand people through DYM’s programs. That’s not counting the academy, the podcast listeners, or the ripple effect in families. We don’t usually track this carefully because we delete data to protect privacy, but it was pretty cool to count.

The Academy: A $100 Life Change

If you love DYM’s material and want to bring it to your church, Bible study, or community, the academy makes that possible for about $100 per person. One woman was quoted $50,000 for a divorce, was about to spend $5,000 on a retreat as a last hope, and then someone invited her to the academy. A 12-week workbook study. No hope it would work.

Everything changed. Her husband said it transformed their lives. Even her son noticed the difference.

Introducing Proactive: A New Way to Stay on Track

For those who’ve felt the higher-tier coaching was out of reach, or graduates who fell off the wagon, we’re launching Proactive, a brand new accountability cohort.

It’s far less time-intensive than our three-month intensives but gives you the structure to actually implement. Because we all know: good information doesn’t change your life. Implementation does.

What DYM focuses on: Heart and habits. Your heart affects your habits. Your habits affect your heart. They feed each other. That’s the secret sauce. But you’ve got to actually do the habits and submit your heart to God’s way.

Cart closes September 10th. Whether you’re a graduate or brand new, get on a clarity call to explore: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

The Power of Being Known

Belah shares that she has four women in her life who know her deeply. They see her at her worst. They let her cry. They don’t hold it against her. And they don’t just flatter her.

“Are you sure I’m not looking at this the wrong way?” she asks them. “I’m trusting you to help me with my blind spots.”

And sometimes they say: “Belah, I wouldn’t do that.” Or: “Do you remember that scripture?”

John Maxwell says: The people who know you the best should respect you the most. That’s the goal. Not that strangers admire your highlight reel, but that the people who’ve seen your dust bunnies still respect your character.

Give Them a Reputation to Defend

Another Maxwell principle: compliment people in the direction you want them to grow. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They believe it about themselves and live into it.

Do this for others. But also do it for yourself. If you’re doing the right thing in the quiet, in the private, in the small, own it. That’s not pride. Pretending you’re not doing the right thing is not humility.

Godly Sorrow vs. Wallowing

2 Corinthians 7: Paul wrote a harsh letter. The Corinthians were hurt. But they changed. And Paul writes back essentially saying: “I was sorry I sent it at first. But now I see that godly sorrow led to repentance. It’s not worldly sorrow that leads to death, but godly sorrow that leads to repentance.”

It’s okay to feel bad about your sin. That’s how it should work. But don’t live there. That sorrow is meant to move you toward change, not chain you to shame.

And repentance isn’t just a God-and-you thing. It’s a you-and-others thing. 1 Corinthians 13: love is patient, love is kind, it doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. If we’re not living that, we should feel godly sorrow about it, apologize, and do better.

Jesus Felt His Feelings

He cried. He was moved to compassion by the widow whose son died. He wasn’t afraid of emotion. But He didn’t let feelings dictate His choices.

“Get angry, but don’t sin.” Process the anger, ideally with a friend. “He who isolates himself is not wise.” “In the presence of many counselors there is wisdom.”

But what kind of counselors? The ones who make hard choices because they want truth above their wallets. Not the ones you’re paying just to agree with you.

When People Disappoint You

Belah shares about a significant broken promise and the pain of trusting someone who didn’t follow through. Her takeaway:

• Process the pain with people who care
• Let yourself cry, let yourself be held
• But then dust yourself off, forgive, and get back out there
• “Forgive them, for they know not what they do” may need to become your mantra

For the married man whose wife disrespects him, avoids him, says hurtful things: that’s real pain. But he who isolates himself is not wise. Get guys in your corner. People you don’t have to be perfect in front of.

We are only accountable to the extent that we share who we really are.

Track the Hard Things

Don’t track habits that are already on autopilot. Those are the 40% of your life that runs without thinking. Track the ones that are hard. Because we manage what we measure.

If you’re not measuring it, you’re not paying attention. If you’re not paying attention, you’re not managing it.

Track whether you take your wife on a date every other week. Not to prove you’re a great husband, but because before God Almighty, you want to love your wife well.

Put the hard habits on your refrigerator. Let your family see you push yourself. Your kids need a role model. They see more than you think.

The Secret of Contentment

Philippians 4: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” In context, Paul is saying he’s learned contentment in riches and poverty alike. He can endure the awesome and the hard because Christ strengthens him.

Your marriage might be in a painful place. Feel those feelings. It might be a very reasonable, agreed-upon expectation that was broken. That’s painful.

Now what are you going to do?

Get up and grow. Use the encouragement others have spoken over you. Let it be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Walk in it.

Your Assignment

1. Think of someone you respect and what they said about you. Live into that.
2. Find friends who will see you and correct you. Pursue vulnerability.
3. Write out the habits that are hard for you. Put them somewhere visible.
4. Track them. Measure them. Manage them.
5. Feel your feelings, then get up and grow. You’re a gangster.

Or as the Bible puts it: You are more than a victor in Christ.

If you’re ready to get into the growth zone with accountability and community, Proactive is launching now. Cart closes September 10th.