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Zack was frustrated. Confused. Married 22 years with four kids, no big crisis, no infidelity, no blowups. Just a slow, quiet drift that left him on his mower wondering, “Does my wife really love me?”
She kept saying, “I don’t feel emotionally connected to you.” He had no idea what that even meant. And she couldn’t really put words to it either. So it just sat there. This unnamed thing between them.
He started searching. Podcasts. Resources. Most weren’t Christian-based. Then he asked AI for the best Christian marriage shows and DYM came up top three. He started listening on the mower and something hit him: “How does this lady know what men want and what men are thinking? She’s in my brain.”
So naturally, he started sending episodes to Kim. Translation: “Hopefully this lady will fix you.”
He’ll tell you that himself. He signed up for the program thinking it would change his wife. But God had a very different plan.
Zack went from frustrated and confused to a man who knows how to love his wife well, lead spiritually, and stay connected. He’s staying in the graduate program because he found real brotherhood and he doesn’t want to go back to who he was.
Zach’s Christian marriage transformation began when he realized the biggest change his marriage needed might need to start with him.
If you’re on your mower right now (or some other place), feeling that disconnect and wondering if things can actually change: they can. But it starts with you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
At DYM we coach husbands and wives to transform their marriage even if only one does the work, but we encourage the husbands to go first.
Blessings,
Belah
PS – Want more insight into the health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to find out your Marital Health score.
PPS – Ready to start your healing journey? Schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our programs are the right fit for you.
PPPS – Here is what (another) recent Coaching Graduate had to say: [before coaching], “Feeling disconnected/lonely at times. Things were good in general but it felt like if we were on autopilot. There was emotional pain/hurt, feeling dissatisfied even though there is and was a lot to be grateful for.” [after coaching] “I’m more grateful, closer connected to God, less defensive and more tender with my lovely wife. On one hand the personal growth in becoming the man God wants me to be (as a husband and father). On the other hand the various delights that I gifted my wife (big and small, like parasailing in Italy, a night away together to celebrate our 12-year anniversary, lots of family activities). My wife expressing her gratitude.”
Here is an AI-generated summary of today’s episode:
From Being Frustrated & Confused to “She’s in My Brain.” How a Podcast Gave Real Answers
Frustrated. Confused. Wondering if his wife even loved him. That’s where Zack was: 22 years married, four kids, a good-on-paper marriage, and a growing distance he couldn’t name. Then he found DYM on his lawnmower, heard a voice that somehow knew exactly what he was thinking, and signed up for the program, thinking it would fix Kim. What he found instead was that God had a very different target: him. In this episode, Belah sits down with Zack right after his graduation to trace the journey from frustration and confusion to forgiveness, gratitude, real communication, and a marriage that’s sweeter than it’s ever been.
The Lawnmower and the Search
Zack owns a small lawn care company, which means hours of mowing and hours of thinking. He started searching for marriage resources because he felt a disconnect with Kim, even though things looked fine on the outside. “We didn’t argue a whole lot. There was no infidelity or pornography. I just felt like over 22 years, we were beginning to drift.”
He found several podcasts, but most weren’t Christian-based. Then he asked AI for the best Christian marriage shows, and DYM came up in the top three. “And then through hours of mowing grass and listening to DYM, here we are in the program.”
“She Knows Exactly What I’m Thinking”
Zack started with the earlier DYM episodes and was floored. “How does this lady know what men want and what men are thinking and what men are feeling? She’s in my brain.” So naturally, he started sending episodes to Kim, hoping she’d hear from a woman’s perspective what he couldn’t get her to hear from him.
“I’m a little ashamed to say it, but on the front end, I thought that by sending her a few shows and her hearing what you had to say to women, it would help her understand me better.” He’s honest about it: his initial motive was to change Kim so they could be intimate more.
The Marriage Assessment Wake-Up Call
When they did their marriage assessments, Zack scored a 5 and Kim scored a 7. She didn’t realize how much the intimacy gap was weighing on him. But when Zack told her, “I don’t think our marriage is bad, I just think it could be a lot better,” something clicked. Kim started listening to the podcast and warmed up to the idea of the program.
“I was gung ho to take the program, and she followed behind not too far.”
Week One: Forgiveness Hit Hard
Zack expected the program to work on Kim. Instead, the very first week knocked him sideways. “I just didn’t realize how much I was holding bitterness and resentment toward my wife.”
He described the old pattern: when Kim would decline intimacy, he’d give her the silent treatment. The cold shoulder. He’d make it obvious he was unhappy, and that wall built over years. On the flip side, when Kim would share her feelings, if he thought it was silly, he’d say so. “That’s really a dumb thing to think.” Over time, she just stopped opening up. She’d go to her friends instead.
“I realize it was me who was the problem. It wasn’t my wife. It was me who needed to change.”
Gratitudes Changed Everything
Week two focused on gratitude. Every morning: ten things he’s thankful for, five about Kim. The shift was immediate.
“Instead of me complaining about what she’s not and what she should be, you begin to be thankful for what she is. She’s beautiful, and she’s smart, and she’s an amazing mother. What you focus on grows.”
Zack connected it back to the gospel: “We don’t deserve anything good from God. My biggest problem, death, is taken care of in Jesus. I have a wonderful family.” The gratitude practice didn’t just change how he saw Kim. It changed how he responded to flat tires and broken equipment in his business, to everything.
SHORE Apologies and CIRQUE Listening
The program walked Zack through specific, humble apologies using SHORE. Going to Kim and naming what he’d done wrong, asking for her forgiveness. “I think that really touched her.”
Then CIRQUE listening, a framework for how to actually hear your spouse. Reflecting back what she says so she knows you’re paying attention. “You would think we would know how to communicate. I’m 45 years old. But apparently I’m a poor communicator and a poor listener to my wife.”
These tools finally gave language to what Kim had been asking for all along. “She was saying, ‘I don’t feel emotionally safe or known by you.’ And I now actually understand what that means.”
Spiritual Leadership and Emotional Safety
Zack started leading devotionals and prayer before bed. Not perfectly, not every single night, but consistently. He began learning Kim’s strengths and encouraging her in them. He focused on playfulness. On making her feel known and safe.
“All those things are super helpful in helping me to know my wife better, to make her feel known, to make her feel safe. And as my wife saw the shift in me, she began to shift too.”
The Brotherhood
Zack found something unexpected in the program: real friendship with other men. “I’ve never really talked a whole lot about my emotions and my marriage to other men. That’s just not typically something we talk about.”
His accountability group became a lifeline. “Being able to be open and honest with other men who all have the same goal, and no one is putting you down or making fun of you. Everyone’s encouraging you and wants what’s best for you.” One brother in his group started the program not even finding his wife attractive, and by the end was deeply in love with her again.
Zack is staying in the graduate program because he doesn’t want to lose that community or go back to who he was.
Advice for the Guy on the Mower
Zack’s counsel for any husband feeling the disconnect:
“If you’re a man struggling in your marriage, feeling like things are drifting in a direction that’s not God’s best, I would wholeheartedly encourage you to jump in. I jumped in thinking it would change my wife, and in reality it changed me.”
He also addressed the guy who says, “Yeah, I’ve tried that already”:
“God is not done with us. Perhaps you’ve tried some things and they didn’t work, but we’re not given the option by God to give up on our marriage. Maybe in the past you didn’t have anyone to come alongside and encourage you when things got tough. That’s the beauty of the community.”
And his words on why it matters beyond the marriage: “Strong marriages make strong families. Strong families make strong churches. Strong churches make strong communities. Strong communities make strong nations.”
The Gospel at the Center
Zack kept coming back to one thing throughout the conversation: the gospel changes everything. “How could I not forgive my wife? God sent His Son to die for me and to pay the penalty for my sin that I could never pay. How can I not forgive my wife for these little things?”
He closed the episode with a prayer for every man listening, asking God to give them wisdom, to help them pursue their marriage, and to know that in Jesus, there’s hope.
“DYM has changed the trajectory of my life and of my marriage. My walk with the Lord is so much sweeter. My time with my wife, so much sweeter. I’m so thankful for how biblically centered and Christ-centered the program is. We’re eternally grateful.”
If you’re ready to get aligned in your marriage and moving toward shared purpose, we’d love to walk with you. Book a clarity call and let’s talk.
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