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Ginny Hannan, joyfromgrace.com, has been married for 11 years and have 2 adopted daughters from Colombia with special needs. She shares that she fell into a deep depression for almost two years following the adoption. She bravely shares how her new children and change of identity launched her into a bout of significant challenge that caused her to consider ending her life. But, God made some huge changes in her heart and life. Her story will challenge and inspire you.

Quote:

God’s timing is perfect.

You’ll Discover:

• After the adoption of her girls Ginny went through significant depression because of the significant changes in her life.
• Ginny shares bravely about the times she even day dreamed of her own death at times.
• She shares how her identity was completely reshaped after having her children.
• How she cried when submitting her resignation letter to her full-time job.
• How she came out of the depression slowly and little by little.
• That reaching out for help is vital to your health and getting better.

Resources Mentioned:

• The book of Psalms

Tweetables:

Through it all, I learned that I could trust him. Even when I was at my lowest, he fought for us.

I think the depression made me appreciate him even more than ever before.

If you can see your difficulty as a season, remember seasons aren’t forever.

If you stand with him and encourage him during the hard seasons it can only be a wonderful benefit to your marriage.

When you fill your mind with truth, then it overcomes all the lies that the sickness of depression put in your head.

 

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Transcript

0:00
delight your marriage episode 12.

0:03
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast, the show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah. Rose.

0:20
Hi there and welcome. This is belah rose. And thank you for being here at the delight your marriage podcast if this is your first time listening, welcome. And this is really a place where we get to chat with wives and intimacy experts on what it takes to have a wonderful and fulfilling marriage. Today, I have wonderful Ginni Hannon from joy from grace.com, who is so kind to share a struggle that she had in her marriage, that she actually went through a serious bout of depression. And, honestly, I can so relate to her story. And I know that so many have had such struggles, and she gives some real honest feelings and hurts and pains and regrets, but also the grace that God gave and how wonderful he was throughout and, and how she even slowly, little by little, came to a very different place in her mental health and also in her marriage. Honestly, Jenny’s so brave and kind to share this story, and I think you’re really gonna benefit from it. So without further ado, here’s Jenny. Right Welcome back, delight your marriage listeners. I’m belah rose. And I’m just so excited to be with Jenny Hannon from joy from grace. With me today, Jenny. Hi, and welcome.

1:56
Hi, thank you so much for having me on today.

2:00
Oh, I’m really excited, I think this is gonna be really great. Would you go ahead and introduce yourself to the listeners and say hi, and tell us a little bit about your family in your day to day life, if you would.

2:13
My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years now. And he’s always quick to say, but we’ve been together for 14, because he always loves to mention those other three years in there. We adopted our two sweet little girls from Colombia about four years ago, their sisters, and they have definitely made life exciting. Both have special needs. So I would just say that life is not ever boring in our home. And they love to talk all the time. So we just we have a blast. So yeah, I used to be a teacher for almost 10 years. And then when the girls came along, we decided that it would probably be best for me to be a stay at home mom, which is quite a transition from a full time job to another completely different full time job. So

3:07
that is so true. Yes, I completely agree. Well, can you tell us a little bit also about your husband and your personalities and kind of how your dynamic of your relationship looks like?

3:21
Yeah, we we are definitely planners. And so we always like to be in control of our lives. Although parenting, anyone who’s a parent would know that that’s pretty much impossible. But, you know, we both we both are, I don’t know, we’re just, we really love each other, but we also love loving up on others together. And that’s something that I really enjoy about us is that we are able to, to be givers and to give to others not just monetarily, but through our, our lives together. And yeah, my husband is is very analytical. And I’m pretty much the opposite, which is a very funny mix. Although we always say that we would be very good at a business together if we were ever sort of business because I would be the dreamer and he would say okay, this is how we would actually do it. So it’s you know, we I think we make a really good mix, but we are definitely opposites in many ways.

4:20
I love that I love that that sounds a lot like me and my husband are much we basically I like to say we complement each other so my gap shrinks and I love that

4:32
Exactly, exactly. Thank goodness I have him because my house would be a disaster. He keeps me in line with all the you know he’s a little bit more on the OCD side of animal a little bit more free flowing type of side so he keeps me in check.

4:46
Yes, that’s awesome. I completely agree with you go ahead and share with us I know you’ve got a scripture or a quote that has meant a lot to you over the years.

4:58
Instantly. The quote Oh, God’s timing is perfect came to my mind, we actually have that hanging on our kitchen door. And that actually has hung on every kitchen door that we’ve had in our relationship. And it really has come true with us that it’s been a, it’s been difficult to learn that we’ve had a lot of different times where we’ve kind of had to relearn that his timing is perfect, because we like to plan everything. So of course, when we got married, we had this five year plan, we would have kids within five years. And we would do this by this time and that time, and God said, Let me just, you know, back up here a little bit, and laugh at your plans, and then here are going to be my plans. And so we hung that up as a reminder all the time, because whenever we tried to over plan or try to control life, we always have to look at that sign and say, You know what, we are not in control he is and things will happen when they happen. And during our adoption, that really became perfect for us because we had to wait over three years for our girls. And there were times where I was like, God, why are we not getting our girls yet? Our kids? Yeah, and I want to be a mom now. And why can’t I be that, and then I’d look at the sign. And I’d realize his timing is perfect. And the children that he has in mind for us will be there at the perfect time. And that was so true.

6:32
That’s amazing. And it’s hard to give up your own will and your own plans into Gods because it’s it’s just this kind of scary thing that we don’t know. It’s God trustworthy with our plans and with what we want and and then play. Yeah. And then the question is, you know, what it was a say about our heart, and what does that what God wants to kind of transform in us. So that we do recognize, in retrospect, wow, God really has been in control. And he is working all things together for our good, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

7:06
Exactly. And giving up control is so important. And I know that that has been a huge lesson we’ve had to learn. And it’s getting easier, because the more that we try to control the more he says, No, I’m in control. And each time we have to relearn that, but I think that it’s now starting to sink in with us. And we’re a lot more relaxed about that and saying, Okay, well, we know what’s gonna happen with us too. And it’s gonna happen the way he wants it to happen. So, yeah,

7:36
I love that. And I’m really excited to dive a little more into your stories. And I’d like to ask you about a difficult season. I mean, there’s a lot of listeners that are going through some challenges in their marriages. And it sounds like you all have really been through some amazing experiences that people can learn from. So I’d love for you to dive in on a challenge that you all have done. Definitely,

7:59
this, the one that I’m thinking of is right after we adopted the girls, I went through about two years of what I call post adoption, depression, and giving up my job bringing on two girls with more severe special needs than we were expecting. And all the intricacies of dealing with their trauma also, I think brought out something in me that I wasn’t expecting. And so I fell into a really deep depression for almost two years. And that was a really hard time for us and our marriage. Because Tim, he took our paths so seriously as he should. And he remembered through sickness and health. And I was very sick in my mind at that time. So he, he sat there, and he had a fight for our marriage. And there were times where it was just him fighting for it. And I was giving up. And that was really hard on him. And it was really taxing on him to have to constantly be the one who was fighting. We were bickering with each other a lot. It was really hard to be a team and a united front with the girls. And you know, our intimacy was affected. And it was really difficult. And there were times where I really questioned whether I was the right person for him. And for my girls. And I would I actually was so severely depressed that I often dreamed of taking my own life and saying what this is better off for all of them. And he had to fight through every one of those episodes and say no, no, you are the man that you’re supposed to be and you are my wife and I love you the way you are. And thank goodness he did that. Yeah, it was it was a very tough season. And, you know, now that I look back, it was a growing season however, it was definitely a struggle.

9:55
Yeah, wow. I’m interested how old were the girls when When when you adopted them?

10:03
My oldest is she was two and a half. And my youngest was one. She just turned one while we were down there in Colombia.

10:11
Oh, so you went to Colombia to cook to get the the girls or did you live there for a while, or

10:17
we actually lived there for about five weeks in a hotel room with two little ones. In a in a area where we were the only ones who spoke English, no one spoke English at all. So in our Spanish was, you know, toddler Spanish, so, but we squeaked by and God was good. It was definitely not easy. But oh my goodness, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Because we have these two wonderful little girls that now I know, now that I’m out of that depressive state, I totally get that they were supposed to be ours.

10:52
Wow, wow. And in the midst of this time, that was so so so hard for you. I’m I mean, I know there’s so many listeners, and I’ve gone through similar bouts of depression myself. But I know there’s so many that struggle in this way, specifically, and being a mom and taking care of kids, regardless of the age, but then also being that you had special needs. In addition to that a one and a one year old and a two and a half year old. That’s the age as you said. I mean, those are not easy ages. No. Especially getting used to different culture, I’m sure it was a huge transition for them. The whole the whole, next I’m interested, like day to day, what did it look like, with you being home with them? You know, when when people say they were depressed during this time? You I mean, when you’re a mom, you still have a lot to do. You can’t just, you know, hide under the covers like you want to I mean, what was that like for you?

11:48
I was in survival mode, I was doing whatever I had to do to get through the day, my husband oftentimes had to come home early from work. Because I would get into such a state that I’d say I can’t do this today. I just can’t. And he would have to come home early from work to take care of them because I just wasn’t able to. I was very impatient. I didn’t, I didn’t enjoy being a mom. And that saddens me because there are there were so many good things going on that I didn’t recognize at the time. And so many people around us that I didn’t, I could have asked for support from and I didn’t. And I just tried to do it all on my own. And there were days where they would just be playing in the room and I would just sit there staring at the wall, praying the day would go over quickly. And watching the clock for my husband to get home because he couldn’t get home soon enough. And that that was just It breaks my heart that that was how they came to what kind of mom they came home to for two years. But I know now that that was a lot of out of my control type of stuff. And I was sick. But but you know now, now I look back and I’m like, Oh, I just wish I did enjoy that time a little more. And I couldn’t feel at the time, which was really sad.

13:07
Yeah, no, I mean, I actually have little ones now. And I definitely know that not only temptation of myself, just get checking out, you know, and to hear that, as a mom, I think we can all learn from you and to think about how precious these moments are. Because, excuse me, they really don’t last for very long. Yeah, I love I love that you call it post post adoption, depression, because I think it’s very, very similar to postpartum depression, in that I was actually went through postpartum depression for my first son, at least for six months, if not longer. And it was a very, very challenging time, because you are also in the midst of reforming your identity about what you do in your day. And can you go through that a little bit also from being, you know, professional woman that, you know, worked for 10 years and then now has kids what was that like for you?

14:11
My identity before becoming a mom was as a teacher, I was a sixth grade English teacher and I loved it. I absolutely enjoyed it. That was my identity. If someone asked me, Who are you, I’m a teacher. And for the longest time, my husband knew that I wanted to be a career mom. And I was going I was planning on actually when we first adopted our children, I was planning on going back to work. And I think that was one of the hardest things was when we got the girls. I realized I don’t think I’m going to be able to go back to work. And there are way too many therapies we need to go through. I have way too many meetings now because of this and I can’t go back to work and that was really hard, because my identity had to completely change from being this worker. This teacher that loved her kids and Lena and just what that was where I was I was great curriculum and was really good at it to becoming a mom as toddlers, and I was a middle school English teacher going to little kids, that was not my story. And so I’m watching all these other moms doing it well, like they were posting on Facebook, oh, we just did this project today. And here’s what we did during our day. And I’m like, I got out of bed and got them dressed. And that’s about as far as we got. And so I was like, I don’t know how cute this. So I went from something that I was really good at to something that I really struggled at. And I don’t like to struggle. And so that was hard for me. I remember when I had to give my resignation letter to my school district to say I was officially resigning, and I cried for like a week over that. Because I felt like I was giving up a part of myself. That was who I was. And I was turning into something that I was not good at. And I was like, I don’t think that I can do this. Oh, yeah.

16:12
Yeah, I mean, it’s just such. It’s just amazing that you’re being so open with this story, because it’s something that women, so many go through and, and we’ve got this culture on Facebook, and Pinterest, and all these things where it’s like, no one, I mean, looking at a medium like that you would think no one struggles with being a mom, my goodness, they’re

16:36
kids, they’re perfect.

16:38
They’re always cute. They’re always smiling. Wonderful projects, just like you said, I love that. Well, what was the process of getting out of this stage?

16:50
Really, for me, it really had to do with letting go of my pride, and letting myself accept help. And so I saw a counselor, I was I accepted more help from my husband’s and I also went more to the Bible. During that time, I was really struggling with my relationship with the Lord. So I just kind of pushed him aside and said, Fine, if you’re not going to be here for me, I’m not going to do anything with you. And then one day, I picked up my Bible, and I started to read. And each day I read a little more, and I started to pay more attention to church instead of phasing out. And as my relationship regrew. And with him, I felt like I didn’t have to rely on myself anymore, and that he could be my strengths. And that was huge. That was really huge. And so I think, for me, it was accepting help. And also growing in my relationship with the Lord. And it wasn’t overnight. But I did recognize when I was starting to exit the depression, all of a sudden, my girls I was I was having a better relationship with my girls. They were even recognizing it and coming to me more and, and wanting to play with me more and like they can I can recognize within them the change that was happening in me. So that was really nice. Wow.

18:21
I love that in the midst of this really dark time, you were able to recognize and even seek out help. Because I feel important. That’s not Yeah, that’s not an automatic thing. You know, and it sounds like it took a process to get to there. But something like therapy is is is a huge, huge support that you know that anyone who’s struggling with anything similar, really should think about doing some some either professional therapy or maybe working with your church. I’m thinking about getting a counselor that way. But I’ve definitely done it different times in my life. And it’s been a huge help every single time.

19:03
It really does. I feel like a lot of people see it as a weakness to go to a therapist. But in reality, I almost think all of us should we see a therapist at some point, you know, just to talk things through with somebody. But, but I think that that’s so important. I think for me, I was also worried what if, what if she hears what I think about about my children was what she contacts Cys and hasn’t taken, you know, my children away. And I had a fear there of being open with somebody because what if what if they saw that I was unfit to be a mom, and they took my kids away? And that was a huge fear for me, but I really wish I hadn’t let that fear kick over me because instead of getting that when I started opening up to people, instead I receive love and I got support. So I could be the mom that my kids needed me to be. And if I hadn’t opened up the Navy still be in that we’d still be in that state. But thank goodness, I got the help I needed. And I really would encourage anyone listening, if you are in this depression, please get help. If you can’t, it’s not going to hurt you. It’s, it can only help you. So that’s that’s what I would encourage people to do.

20:20
That’s awesome. And I just completely agree because it’s really something that people don’t talk about. And it’s, it’s hurt that that really affects your family. And I’m so grateful that you also shared about how it was affecting your marriage. Because yes, somehow we sometimes think those are separated, but they’re very connected. And so how did your marriage kind of change as, as you started to open up and receive help?

20:49
I think my husband appreciated the fact that I was receiving his health more, I was starting to recognize what he was doing for me and appreciating that more. And I think that actually encouraged him to keep going, you know, and our relationship just grew closer. I think it’s strange, but I think for at all, I learned that I could trust him. Because even when I was at my lowest, he fought for us. He didn’t leave me he didn’t turn to anything else, or anyone else. He stayed with me. And for me, that was huge, because I’ve always had trust issues. And he pretty much proved to me that I’m gonna stick with this no matter what happens. And so for us, I felt like we grew closer in that aspect emotionally, intimately, I was finally able to receive his love in that way more. And as a couple, we were finally since we’re coming out of that we finally looked at it and said, Okay, how can God use us as a couple to help other couples who are going through that? And so we’re able to help others through through that as well. So it’s been a really neat transition for us. I feel like we’re closer than we’ve ever been. Even though we were in such a valley. Now we’re, I feel like an amount up, which is so neat. You know, that

22:11
brings us to the next question I wanted to ask you about is just a wonderful time in your marriage, what what is kind of come out of some of this hardship.

22:20
But definitely the trust aspect. We also now are able to talk to others about our marriage. So we are actually doing a year ministering together through something called a great Valentine’s Day gifts. And so we’re encouraging others to give on Valentine’s Day to others. And then we’re also doing a marriage panel later this next month. So we’re actually able to do things and serve together now because I’m able to. And I think for my husband, he’s always dreamed of serving together. And so now we’re finally able to do that. It’s beautiful. And there’s nothing like serving with her husband. Like we each have our own ministries, I have my choice from Grayson deliberate women ministry, but he and he has his ministry for men who are addicted to pornography. But now for us both we have a ministry together to be able to speak about our marriage and to encourage others to give, which is so neat for us. And yeah, I would say that that has come out and just yeah, just I feel like we’re more in love than ever. Does that make any sense? I feel like when you’re doing things together, you just kind of grow in your love. And I get like giggles when I see him sometimes. And I’m just, I don’t know, it’s funny, I feel like we’re still in our first year of marriage.

23:40
Saw off my hand and he opens doors for me. And again, things I did not appreciate when there was in the middle of all that depression. Or even before that, I don’t think I think now that depression actually made me appreciate him even more than it did before I even had depression. So I don’t know, I think I just everyday I just I want to get to him. And just, he wants to get to me, it’s just neat. I feel so blessed.

24:04
I love that so much. And it’s a beautiful picture of, of a marriage that’s gone through something that’s really challenging. And now it’s come to the other side of it. And I love that your husband was the kind of the, he really needed to carry you during these times. And I think I think a lot of times through marriage if flip flops, you know, sometimes one spouse really needs a lot more support than the other and then a couple years later it flip flops, you know, and sometimes that’s emotional support, sometimes that financial support, sometimes it’s, you know, one is in school, the other needs to you know, make sure the mortgage gets paid. It flips in many many ways. But I’ve noticed in my marriage as well that the thing I don’t want people to think that if you’re in a season right now where you’re carrying a lot of the weight, let’s say it is emotional support, and that’s that’s hard. That is a hard thing to be the straight and narrow for your spouse. But I mean, the thing is, it’s not a forever thing, it really could not be a forever thing, this might not be the way your husband is, it might be the way he is right now. And you need to kind of pray him through this season.

25:15
And that’s exactly what it is, it’s a season. And if you can see it as that it doesn’t feel it’s hopeless. And just know that whatever the season is, if you stay there, and you stick with them, and encourage them, it can only bring out wonderful things in your marriage.

25:36
I love that. I love that. So I want to ask you, just kind of a follow up. And I just so appreciate Jenny, how how open you’ve been. And because this is this is just a very important topic. And I wonder, in terms of practical ways that someone’s struggling with depression, let’s say, what are some maybe habits that she can implement today and tomorrow in this week, that’s going to help her to kind of move into a better space.

26:11
Number one, free reach out for help. I think people are always worried that people are going to think that they’re less of a person because they reached out for help. But that is huge. And you need that support. And people will be there for you. And if someone isn’t there for you, then they really weren’t probably the greatest friend to begin with. So reach out to your church, if you don’t feel comfortable saying anything to a friend, that your church should be the next step is still reach out for help. The next thing I would say is get in the Word of God. And I know that might sound redundant, but it’s so true. Because when you fill your mind with truth, then it overcomes all the lies, that the sickness of depression, put in your head. You know, I had lies, and you’re not a good mom, you don’t deserve to be their mother, your husband deserves a better wife. Those are lies. And when I started filling my mind with the truth of God, then those truths started to overcome the lies. So that’s so important is to get into the Word of God, whether it’s through personal study. And if he can join a Bible study, that’s even better. And so those are two major things I would definitely do. Because you need support, and you need God. And without those two things, it’s so difficult to come out of depression.

27:36
I love that. I love that. I completely agree. And and I guess my last follow up question would be, Jenny, are there times where you feel maybe a temptation to go back into a zone that you have in the past? And I just wonder how do you kind of combat those?

27:53
Oh, yeah, I mean, I’ve definitely I mean, I haven’t been completely 100% Depression free over the last few years. But I have, but I’ve had moments where I’ve gone back there. And now because of the first experience I can recognize when I’m going there. And I instantly tell my husband, I say, Honey, I feel down. And I’ve been down for days. So can you please pray for me? And can we pray together? And you know, and I’ll reach out to some of my friends that I know from previous experience have been encouragers for me, and they Oh, my goodness, they took me all the time. To the point where I’m like, Come on, I’m fine. But But I appreciate that, because they want to make sure that I don’t go back to where I was before. And they love me enough to to be annoying to me at the time when I need when I need them to be. So

28:44
yes, I love that. I love that so much. And that that relationship, it sounds like those relationships. And those really great support systems really started by you reaching out and being vulnerable and letting people know what’s really going on. I love that.

28:57
Well, when I told people that I had depression, they were surprised because I put on a really good face. I would go to church and I would smile. And I would ask my Facebook, you would never know from my Facebook page that things were wrong. Because, you know, because when I first started saying things were wrong, people would actually criticize me. So I stopped. And I said, Fine, I’m going to criticize, but I’m going to post all about how wonderful life is. And so nobody knew. And I remember when I came out and said I have depression and here’s what’s going on. That was a really big surprise to a lot of people. But thank goodness, they didn’t just say I’m surprised. Are you going to be okay? And then just backed off? They said no. Okay, now that we know that you have this, we’re going to sit here and support you. And some of them didn’t know how to support me. So I had to tell them. Here’s what I need. Can you please take my kids when I’m having a day where I just can’t do this? And they did. You know and they were there and sometimes we had meals made for us because I just couldn’t do it. But you know, they were awesome throughout the whole stage.

30:07
So good, that is so good. And I want to ask, if someone doesn’t know how to start reading the Bible, what would you suggest either first steps or resources they could go to?

30:19
Oh, that’s a really good question. And sometimes just reading through the book of Psalms, especially if you’ve never read it, there are so many different emotional high peaks at highs and lows in Psalms that I think anyone can relate to those songs. And so that’s a really great place to start. Any Bible study for church, he usually that’s a great way to get started, because he can be around other women, you can kind of guide you through that. There’s also some online Bible studies as well, that you can go on through online if you don’t have a specific church that you’re associated with at the time. So those are some really good resources to go to. But yeah, I love the book of Psalms, especially for me with my life history. I feel like there’s always a psalm that can relate to no matter where I am. So

31:13
I love that I love that. And it’s also easy to find it’s pretty much in the middle of the

31:18
the biggest book in the Bible. So there you

31:22
know, I completely agree, I think that that’s a great one. And even sometimes if let’s say you feel like you’re you’re very, you’re just way too stressed to sit down and read a full chapter, something, even one verse, you know, just tidy His Word in your heart so that later when, when these thoughts might come, you can just pull out that that one verse that really can speak truth to yourself, I think,

31:49
in memorization of that, like you said, hiding in your heart is memorizing it. And taking that just take a few minutes to do that. Or if he can’t sit down for 10 minutes and memorize it and carry it throughout the day with you. But then on a note card and carry it and just read it whenever you’re feeling stressed. And eventually it will just sink in and just become a part of you. I love that. I love that. And how do you

32:12
when you think about your marriage and reading the Word of God, do you Did you see a difference in when you when you’re in the word and when you’re not? And how that relates to your marriage? Oh,

32:22
my patience level is so much better. What’s the word of God? I think my family can probably tell when I’m reading God’s word. And when I’m not. I’m a lot more snippy. But when I start my day, with, you know, my journal, and my word is the word of God. And then I feel like having God’s word in my heart makes it harder to be angry or to yell. And I’m a much better mom. And then also, there’s so many verses that I can relate to my marriage that I you know, I read and I’m like, Oh, I I need to be more patient with my husband today. Or I need to watch my phone today because I can be very, you know, I can I can. I’m pretty bold, and I am not afraid to speak my mind. But there are times when that’s not appropriate. And God’s word reminds me of that. So

33:08
yes, I love that. That’s so true. Wow, how good is that? When you fill your mind with truth, then it overcomes all the lives that the sickness of depression put in your head. Such a great quote from Jenny that you just heard. But yes, so agree. And Ginny goes on in the next part of this interview, to share what the three things that kept her marriage together even in those dark, dark times. And how how she even gives a tip of on intimacy. That’s what I was trying to say. But anyway, the other thing I’m going to share on the next part of this interview is a little bit more about my story on the next show, so don’t miss it on Thursday coming out. Thank you so much for being here. I hope that you’re encouraged and inspired to fill your mind with truth today. Just pick a verse. I’ll pick one for you right now that you can just hide in your heart today. Here’s one. This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Take a moment to just be glad that this is the day that God made for you to enjoy. God bless you, loving you and praying for you. Bye.

34:28
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion

46:38
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion