Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Hi there! Belah here. Today is Part II of my interview with Wanda Collins of Christian Marriage Today. Wanda takes us in to the brighter side of her marriage and shares with the us the chief ingredients that have made her marriage bloom and grow. Listen in as she gives encouraging advice to women who are in doubt and continue to entertain negative thoughts. This is for you! At the the end of the episode, Wanda delivers a powerful prayer that will definitely touch your hearts! I know it touched mine. Join us and be inspired.
Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/42
Scripture/Quote:
- “I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person. But I do know that if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. It is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person.” Zig Ziglar
- For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 1 Corinthians 7:14
- The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:4
You’ll Discover:
- How Wanda and her husband kept their marriage intact, even after the struggles they faced earlier on
- What she believes to the the chief ingredients that helped in keeping their marriage blossoming
- How forgiveness plays a big role in keeping a marriage whole
- Why Wanda perceives marriage to be a ministry
- Her amazing prayer to all wives who are struggling out there
Books & Resources Mentioned:
A Marriage 2 Die For by Wanda Collins
Tweetables:
- You can’t have a lasting marriage if there is unforgiveness.
- Every day I have the opportunity to please God by serving my husband.
- Our husbands are not perfect. He is not perfect, he does not know everything, so I have to be patient with him.
- Being married itself is a ministry to serve your husband.
- Stop stressing out and relax. God’s got your back.
Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!
Love,
Belah
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Transcript
0:00
delight your marriage episode 43.
0:04
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast, the show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah. Rose.
0:20
Hi, there, this is belah rose. And I want to thank you so much for spending your time with me today. If you are not aware, this is the delight your marriage podcast comes out Tuesdays and Thursdays. And it’s just so wonderful when I get a chance to hear what God is doing in your heart and in your life. By listening to the dy M podcast, people reach out to me and I just love that. So someone reached out just last night from totally across the world, which is just amazing to me. But she taught told me about how this podcast is blessing her marriage. And it was just very cool to hear from her directly. But one thing she did share is that she’s a little confused about the timing of the webinar, when I asked her if she was attending. So I wanted to just be very clear, delight your marriage.com/webinar it will be 8pm Eastern Standard Time. And if you cannot make it, you should still sign up because I will be emailing the recording to the people that are on that specific list. So again, it’s June 30. That is the Tuesday coming up at 8pm. Eastern Standard Time, I hope that you’ll be able to be there. I think it’s going to be a really great thing. And bless a lot of people in getting really excited about it. Okay, so I want to dive into the second half of Wanda Collins, interview all about how she and her husband, you know, really rebuilt their marriage after infidelity and what it looks like today and how God is just using them in their marriage in such a really cool way. So let’s go ahead and dive in so let’s move on to the next person how to tell us what your marriage looks like now what fast forward to however long and what are the things going on in Collins household
2:29
now? Oh my goodness, I am. So we are so happy now. You know, this morning when I was in my time of devotion. I was just thinking the Lord I was just like, God, thank you for my life. Thank you for my life and where you have me and and my husband, this man that you’ve given me. Thank you. We are so happy together. We’re sickening. Yeah. Wow. You’re so in love with each other? We really, really are. We are still you know, passionate about helping other couples in ministry. And Michael is he is just such a gentleman and so sweet and so concerned about me always, you know, and I just love him for that. I just absolutely adore him.
3:24
That’s so good. Well, and and what do you think are the chief three things? You know, that has been central to your marital success?
3:34
Cheap three things? Well, first, I don’t know if there are three things but I would say Yeah. Let me try to think of three number one. Not. Yeah. relationship with God, not religion relationship. So having an intimate relationship with God. Number one. Number two,
3:57
can I ask what that looks like in your marriage? Sure. Yeah. With us, we pray together. Okay. And is it like a consistent time? Or it’s just kind of when, when it happens, or how do you kind of make sure it happens?
4:13
It used to be consistently like we would be like, Okay, we got to pray today. That type of thing. Yeah, it’s not like that anymore. It is generally at night before we go to bed. Okay, sometimes it’s in the morning if I’m awake before he goes to work. But usually it’s at night before we go to bed. And then we also make a point of reading together so that we’re learning the same things together, which is to read the Bible together, but I don’t like doing that too much. I like I enjoy reading the Bible better alone. Okay, so what we do now is we take a book to read a Christian book, and like every three months or something like that, a couple times a year we’ll read this book and So at night before we go to bed, we read this book together and talk about, you know, talk about the book or what have you. And so we read together, we pray together, of course, we worship together, and we hold each other accountable spiritually, you know, when we see each other wavering in our faith, or, you know, behaving in a way that I’m becoming, and not Christ, like we keep each other accountable, and that’s important.
5:28
Yeah, yeah. Because I love that I just love thinking about iron, sharpening iron, you know, in terms of holding each other accountable, because you truly are one flesh. And what I have a question for you about that? When when, you know, let’s say, you know, a wife, and you kind of are getting a sense of her character? Do you think it’s a wise thing to accept or kind of assume that her character is also reflective of her husband’s character? Do you think that’s good or not? Or you shouldn’t kind of? They’re two different people. They’re not the same person, if she you know, does that make any sense?
6:07
Yeah, I think I understand what you’re saying. Are you asking, is it safe to assume that when you meet a woman, a married woman, that she’s a reflection of her husband? Kind of? Yeah, like, Yeah,
6:23
I think I think that would be the way it is. So her pace, basically, her level of, I think our characters, the best way to say it is something that you can indicative of also her husband’s character? Um,
6:38
I would say yes and no. Okay. I don’t think that you can, you know, say that across the board, every situation is different. For Ian’s, let me give you one. Let’s say a couple got married, and at the time, they were married, neither one of them were saved. And so they were both in the world and living simply. And since that time, the wife came to know Christ. Okay, fate, and character has changed. So now they’re unequally yoked. So when you meet her, and you don’t meet him, her character is not a reflection or Indic indicative of his character, because they’re unequally yoked she Christ and he doesn’t. So I don’t think you can say that across the board. I think sometimes you can.
7:29
If they are both Christians, do you think you could say that?
7:33
Um, no.
7:36
There’s still things Yeah. I cuz it’s something I’ve been kind of thinking through in my own head. Because I, I think marriage gives us the opportunity of iron sharpening iron, and like you said, if one is growing in their relationship with the Lord, and they see something that’s unbecoming with their, their husband, my husband, I mean, checks me all the time. Like some, I’ll say something and he’ll be like, um, I don’t think that’s really what you should have said. You know, it was I yeah, I did, like a judgment or something. And he was like, um,
8:09
have you ever? Yeah, he just, yeah, he he does that all the time, too. So I like that mentioned, but I think you could say
8:16
belah, that they have similar characters. Because if you didn’t have similar characters, you know, outside of the fact that the unequally yoked people well, even with them, when you came together, you wouldn’t have been attracted to each other from the beginning. Unless you’ve had similar characters. Yeah, I think that all married couples are similar in character. Yeah, I don’t think we’re all the same character.
8:44
Yeah, I think that’s a good way of saying it. Yeah. Just that just a tangent, just a tangent. But I know you were also going to be sharing with us the other two chief things that you that are primary in your success. Oh, yeah, I forgot. My keep interrupting you
9:05
down a different road. Alright, so I said, the first thing was God, the second thing is definitely forgiveness. Yeah, because bottom line is you can’t have a marriage if there’s unforgiveness, you simply can not. And the example that I give goes back to our relationship with Christ, in order for us to be reconciled with the Father, Jesus had to die on the cross and forgive us of our sins. After that forgiveness, then there could be reconciliation. So if there’s no forgiveness in the relationship, there can be no relationship. So you have to forgive. You have to have to have to if you are not going to forgive, then you’re not going to have a long happy marriage or your marriage is going to end because your marriage can’t be built on unforgiveness. So Forgiveness would be second.
10:02
Wow, that’s good. Yeah, your marriage will not continue if you do not have forgiveness. That’s powerful.
10:10
Yeah, it won’t that that’s just the bottom line. I remember one time, our pastor was preaching something in the pulpit from concern concerning couples, husbands and wives. And, you know, he says something to the effect concerning infidelity. That look, you’re either gonna forgive not saying that the infidelity was was right, because it wasn’t right. They’re wrong, right. But either you’re going to forgive them or you’re not. And if you’re not going to forgive, then you need to release them and let them go. I mean, because you can’t stay in a marriage with unforgiveness, the marriage is not going to go forward. It’s like you’re just in bondage, and you’re stuck, going nowhere. The marriage can’t exist. So you have to forgive if you want a long happy marriage, and you want to grow all together and sit on the porch and rocking chair. Grandchildren, yeah, me being you’re gonna forgive, you’re gonna have to over and over and over and over again, forgiveness. Yeah.
11:20
That’s really good. I love that picture, too. That’s almost verbatim the way I talk about how I want to end up with my grant. Grandkids in the in the yard. And it’s important, I think it’s important, I think, to have a picture of your future together with your husband, because that motivates you
11:39
getting through. And I think you don’t if you can’t picture that young things wrong, because like not to go off on a tangent, but go for it girl marriage, I can honestly say, I could never imagine myself growing old with my husband. Never I had no vision of the future, even when I tried to think of what it’s going to be like, being old with this person. I could never even conjure up an image in my mind. So I think if I think it’s important, like you said, to have that vision, and if you don’t have that vision of the future, there’s a problem.
12:18
Mm hmm. Yep. Yep. And almost Oh, and also kind of like, from what you said in the earlier whether or not you you chose the right person or not, I think, I think you might tell me if you agree with this or not, but essentially, you need to just draw a line in the sand and say, I decided already, this is my hug. Is my Yeah, well, I mean, this is the person I vowed to be with you vowed to God. And before your friends and family, or even just one witness or whatever. You already made the decision. So stop acting like you you didn’t you did you decide
13:03
a done deal now. Yeah, quote by Zig Ziglar. He’s, Oh, good. Yes, I love him. It’s called Did you marry the right person. I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person. But I do know what I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage, and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person, like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you. Ooh, I like that. Love that quote. Like you said, it’s a done deal. You may have married the wrong person, but you’re married now. So now you need to concentrate on becoming the right person yourself and treating that person the right way.
14:21
Yes, exactly. Exactly. And I can just, I mean, one important thing is because I was so hurt from my first marriage when my husband that I have now I call him D on the podcast, but when D was able to love me the way he loved me, and God healed me through his love. And then I was then overflowing for love for him. I mean, someone’s got to break the cycle of hurt. And so someone’s got to forgive someone’s got to start pushing in. To make let’s just call the right marriage honestly, is what you’re trying to do it eventually. So any other thoughts you wanted to share on that one, Wanda?
15:02
No, that is it. I just encourage every woman who’s struggling with that thought of I married the wrong person to move on. Yes, baby. It’s a done deal now. That’s right. It’s water under the bridge. Yeah. And so you have no other option. That is if you want to honor the Word of God. So if your desire is to please the Father, you’ve got to move your mind, shift your mind from I married the wrong person to concentrating on becoming the right person. And the Word of God even tells us that an unbelieving husband can be won over by a believing y. So that tells us that even in our behavior, if you think you married the wrong person, even if he’s a believer, but your behavior and how you treat him can turn things around and cause him to change.
15:53
Yeah, yep, yep. Yep. It’s true. You know, so my husband wasn’t a Christian before we got married. He wasn’t a Christian. He is now and he’s one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met. So yeah, it happens in my life. And the other thing is, my pastor told me something one time, it was early on in our marriage, and my pastor said, becoming a Christian should be the best thing that ever happened to your husband. Like you’re becoming a Christian, because if you think about it, how much more extra love? Are you overflowing with when you’re receiving it from Jesus? You know, when you’re sharing Jesus love for your husband, when you’re being generous, or, you know, I know their husbands that are listening to when you’re, you know, being generous to your, to your wife, and all the ways that she craves and desires. My goodness, like, why wouldn’t that then, you know, move her closer to a decision or move him closer to the decision to follow Christ. Cool. Okay, so a third, what do you think of the third thing? Is that’s been important to your success?
17:01
Patients? Hmm. Okay. Yeah, patients, and all of the things that I’m naming are like, they sound like simple things. But they’re really so hard. Yeah, that’s right. Forgiveness Sounds easy, you know, keeping God in the marriage. Yeah, yeah, you know, we’ve heard it all before. But these things are really difficult. But patience, being patient with my husband, and, you know, being long suffering, and not being quick to get angry, you know, when he makes a mistake, or fall short, because, like we said, 100 times already, our husbands are not perfect. And so he’s not perfect. He doesn’t know everything. And I’ve got to be patient with Him as God creates in him, you know, doesn’t work in him just like he’s doing in me. So the third thing would definitely have to be patient.
17:58
That’s awesome. Yeah. And then, if you’re comfortable, would you be able to share a tip specifically about marital intimacy that a wife could maybe implement tonight? Or a tip that you just wish someone told you earlier on in your in your marriage?
18:15
A tip about intimacy? Yeah. Well, let’s see. Um, well, I think two things. The first thing is reiterating the Word of God where it says that our bodies do not belong to us. But basically, my body belongs to my husband and, and, and his body to me. And so I don’t have the right to to use my body against him as a weapon. When I’m angry, and hold my body from him. I don’t have the right to do that. And then the other thing, I would say, is about being on different schedules, because he and I are. I’m older than he is, which is what I said earlier. And so you had our effects clock, if you will. Yeah, a little differently. And so one piece of advice that I think can benefit everybody who anybody who is dealing with being on a different page with their husband sexually, is to create a sex schedule. Yeah, it’s prudish, like, Oh, my God affects gifts. You know, when I first told my husband about it, you know, he really was like, looking at me, like really affects schedule. I know, you know. Yeah. But it really helps. It really works. If the two of you sit down together and say, okay, just be real with each other. Hey, babe, how often do you need sex in order to feel Yeah, Yeah, I’ve been may say, Well, if I can get it at least three times a week, I’m good. And you’ll be fine. You may say, Well, I made it four times a week. Yeah. And you come to an agreement and say, okay, four times a week, we’re gonna have sex. Okay, babe, what days are good for you? And then the two of you will sit down. And you’ll think, well, you know, Wednesday night is not good, because we’ve got Bible study. And every night, you know, you’ll have a conversation going on in your life. And then you’ll pick the best days that are good for you. And then when those days come around, you’ll be excited and anticipating what’s going to happen that night. Yeah. And you could spend the whole day ladies getting ready mentally, because you know, gotta be ready mentally, before we can even go there physically. Oh, we can spend the whole day getting our minds right and texting our urine and flirting with him. And by the time he gets home, we’re getting ready. Yeah, yeah, that would be my second is to implement effect schedule, if the two of you are on different pages when it comes to making love.
21:08
Yeah, no, that’s wonderful. I think that’s, I’m, yeah, all about all about the SEC schedule. I appreciate you made it very practical and very actionable, how you can really do that. That’s awesome. Now, due to the specific marriage that you’ve had, what are the opportunities that you’ve had to serve or get to know God?
21:26
To serve or get to know, God? Um, you know, belah, I really don’t know how to answer that. I think that I think that marriage itself is a ministry. Yeah. And the word ministry means to serve. And so I think that being married itself is it’s a ministry to serve your husband, your your Yes. So every day, I have an opportunity to serve to please God by serving my husband.
22:00
I love that. Yep. Yeah. No, I love that. I think I think that’s really wonderful to hear. Because I think sometimes, when the doors are closed, we act like our husbands. Honestly, a lot of times we treat our husbands the way we treat ourselves. And if we’re hard on ourselves, if we feel guilty, or you know, the houses a mess, and we’re running around screaming, trying to get it cleaned up before the people get, you know, come over or whatever, or we’re mad about whatever it is, we act like our husband deserves to receive all that stress, don’t we? Yeah. You know, and and it’s not true. And so I love that you say one to that your own marriage is the ministry because as you’re serving and loving your husband the way he ought to be loved. You’re also learning how Jesus loves you’re you’re becoming more like Jesus, you’re being less selfish, in all of those areas. So yeah, that’s a beautiful insight. Thank you.
23:01
You’re welcome.
23:03
So then, is there a book or a program that you would specifically recommend to the listeners?
23:09
Well, you know, initially, when I introduced myself, I did tell you guys that I just finished a counseling program. Uh huh. Yeah, 21 day counseling program called a marriage to die for. And so I would definitely recommend that to any couples out there who is struggling, who wants to either do marriage maintenance or, you know, needs to do some healing and some repairing in their marriage. And the reason I created it belah, I will tell you is that because there are so many couples, and I know because I’ve been there, who number one can afford to pay $100 per session, to a marriage counselor. And a lot of couples, me included. I’ve been there too, who don’t like the alternative of sitting down with their pastor or another ministry leader, to talk about their marriage problems. And so that leaves them with nowhere to go, which is where Michael and I were. And so a marriage to die for is a 21 day counseling program. That is definitely affordable. And it’s something that the two of you can complete in the privacy of your home. So
24:21
Oh, that’s very cool. I love that. How much time does this take in terms of commitment? For 21 days? What, how does that work?
24:30
Well, the thing about it is you can complete it at your own pace. Okay? So you may complete a day in two weeks. You may it’s really up to you the pace that you go through because nobody’s monitoring you. It’s up to you. The only thing that’s required from you is commitment to complete it, you know, and so, at the minimum is going to take 21 days, but if you go through It’s slower than it’s going to take longer than that.
25:03
Okay, okay. Very cool. Cool. Well, great. Well, and so lastly, if you could go back to year one in your marriage, the first year of your marriage, and sit yourself down, what’s one piece of advice that you would give to you?
25:21
I would tell myself, to be patient with him. Don’t be so hard on him. See him through the eyes of the Father. And love him like Christ loves you. Stop stressing out and relax. It’s all gonna work out for your good. God’s got you. He’s got your back and it’s not gonna let anything happen to you. He has a future for you. Plans for you hope to prosper you. It’s going to be okay. Trust God. And continue to love your husband and be patient with him. That’s what I would tell myself.
26:00
Yeah, I love it. I feel like that little clip. Anyone who’s listening that is having a difficult time in their marriage. Just that little 30 seconds that wanted just gave us just rewind and listen to that over and over. It’s powerful. It’s the truth. And that’s what the that’s the way God sees and cares about you, your marriage, your future. Such good stuff. Okay. Well, you know, as sad as it is, we are wrapping things up. But where can our audience connect with you?
26:35
Christian mares today.com. They will find us there. There are lots of resources and freebies on the website, and I post weekly and then we also have a weekly newsletter slash marriage devotional that goes out. And we’re on Facebook as well. facebook.com for slash Christian marriage. We’re on Pinterest and Instagram too. Awesome. Yeah. But the main way is through our website, Christian marriage. today.com. Come visit us.
27:07
Oh, fantastic. Wanda, and could you do me one favor? Before we wrap up? Would you be willing to pray for any wife that is struggling with maybe finding out that her husband is has had some infidelity or trying to heal from this particular struggle? Maybe even from the husband side? Could you pray for our listeners?
27:30
Sure. Thank you, Lord. Thank You, Father, God, you are so awesome. You are such a great God. You are so mighty, so powerful, still strong and we adore you. We love you, God, we lift you up and we give you praise. we magnify you God because there is none like you in heaven, or on the earth. If we searched all over God, we would find that there isn’t unlike you. And Father, we are so thankful that you call us your daughters. And we are so thankful that we can come to you, daddy, just like little girls bother and just sit on your lap. And just tell you what concerns us. And God, we are so thankful that those things that are on our hearts, those things that concern us, they also concern you that you are a father who feels are hurt and who’s concerned about those things that concern us. And so Father right now we pray, and we lift up any Fifth Sister of ours on under the sound of my voice God who is struggling and dealing with the pain of infidelity. God, God she heard everything that I said about your word. She heard everything about unfaithful Israel, she heard everything that we said about Hosea God, but she’s still struggling. And so God, I just pray right now that you would just wrap your arms around for God. And allow her to feel your love, Lord God, remind her God that her expectation must not be of Maine, but that her expectation must be of you and you alone, and that you will never leave her and you will never ever forsake her. That you are the one constant thing in her life that will never change. And she can rely on you 120% With every area of your life of her life, Lord God, and God right now, I just pray that she would begin to release the pain that she wouldn’t begin to release the bitterness and cast it at your feet as your word says to cast every care upon you because you care for us. So right now God we just pray that she would begin to cast her worries cast that resentment, that bitterness that unforgiveness, lay it down and release it, never to be held in bondage by it again, in Jesus’s name. I pray right now Lord God and decree in the name of Jesus that she would begin to walk in freedom and liberty that she would put on her robe or Britishness worker, and that she would be able to understand who she is and you are a child of God who was fearfully and wonderfully, May, Lord God, that the infidelity is not a scar on her that is not a blemish that is not a reflection of her, that you have cleansed her and made her whole Lorca. Father, teach her how to love again, teach her how to love a new way, God with your love, agave love, the love that never changes. The love that forgive, help her father, to forgive and to come to you, Lord God daily, and to cry out to you, Lord God knowing that her health and her strength comes from you. Look, God, God, we thank you for hearing our prayer. We thank you for renewing her spirit for renewing her mind for helping her to take her thoughts into captivity for giving her new eyes for her husband, and helping her to forgive and to love as Christ. Even Christ loves us. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
31:08
Amen. Thank you so much for that one to praise God. And okay, well, thank you. I hate to I hate to end but we have to thank you for everything. And God bless you and your ministry. One.
31:21
Oh, thank you. God bless you, too. Bella, thank you for having me.
31:25
Absolutely. We’ll talk more soon. Okay. One of my favorite things that Wanda brought up is that our marriage is ministry. It is learning to serve like Jesus asks us to serve. And it is true. In your marriage, you have an opportunity every single day, to love like Jesus loves to give to serve, to be the hands and feet of Jesus in your marriage. God changes our hearts, in our marriage and in our ability to serve, the way that they receive love the way that they want to be served. And that’s really the heart of what I go into more in depth. And with practicalities. And specifically just for married couples in the webinar coming up how to make him wild for you. The Five Secrets of receiving love and passion in your marriage. In God’s plan. No, it is for women wives. But I did allow husbands to sign up as well. Because my husband said that I had to so you’re only welcome because my husband said I had to but at least it’ll provoke some conversation in your marriage is coming up really quickly on the 30th Tuesday, so make sure you sign up. It is only free for a limited amount of time. Soon, it’s going to cost actually $47 to view so if you sign up if you actually even can’t make it on Tuesday sign up so at least you’ll get the link before it expires and then it’ll it’ll be more expensive for you. I want you to get it free if you can. Okay, well, thank you. God bless you. I believe really good things are happening in your marriage in your hearts. We’ll talk soon. Bye.
33:13
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion.