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Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Trista Laborn of A Purpose Driven Wife. On this episode, Trista talks about how she got pregnant at such a young age and feeling lost due to the mistakes she made. She tells us how she felt like her entire life was just ruined and that she no longer had a future. But she found God, and everything changed for the better. She got married, finished her degree, set up a business, and just got her life on track. Trista encourages women in the same ordeal to just hold on and tells them that everything IS going to be okay. She believes that God has a plan for all of us, and His plans are made regardless of our past mistakes. This episode is just so uplifting, so listen in and be inspired!

Scripture/Quote:

• I glorified you on earth By completing down to the last detail What you assigned me to do. John 17:4 MSG
• A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Proverbs 31:10
• For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

You’ll Discover:

• How Trista felt so lost when she found out she was pregnant while still in college
• How she believed that her future was ruined because of the mistake she made
• How she was led to God and how she found Him to be her guiding light
• The sign her husband was asking from God that ultimately led him to marrying Trista
• How God turned her life around in the most amazing and powerful way

Tweetables:

• From where I grew up, to God leading me where I should be…it was a process.
• Throughout that whole thing, God was with me…whether I knew it or not.
• God sees exactly every single detail you’re going through and understands completely.
• The mistakes I’ve made doesn’t stop the fact that He has a plan for me.
• The future He has for me is not to harm me, but to give me hope.
• The pain and the hurt I went through had purpose.

Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!

Love,

Belah

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Transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah. Rose.

0:19
Hi there, welcome. How are you today? I hope all as well with you and your heart and your life. And maybe that this webinar, pardon me, I’m just getting excited about the webinar. This is a podcast episode is going to just really encourage you. I’ve got an awesome guest today, Trista Bourne, who has got just such a beautiful heart. And you can tell she’s doing a lot for the Lord in her ministry of her family. But then also, her ministry online. Before we dive in there, I just wanted to mention that the webinar is tonight. And if you’re with me live tonight, it is free. But it is the first time ever that this webinar will be recorded. And it will be available for your purchase later in the month. If you don’t get a chance to see it. So hopefully you’ll be able to get it free. Otherwise, it’ll be for purchase later in the month. Okay, well, once again, Trista is going to talk to us about what it means to be a wife. Well, actually to be a mother before your wife and how her story really played out. She did not have an easy road to get there. But I I think you’re going to be able to hear maybe your own struggle, and hope in it, as well. Let’s listen in and I hope that many of you, I’ll be talking to tonight if you’re not yet signed up to light your marriage.com/webinar.

1:55
Hi, and welcome. This is the delight your marriage podcast. And today I have Trista Laborde with me. Hi, Trista.

2:02
Nolan. Good, I’m

2:04
doing great. I’m really excited to chat with you and dive into your story. Because I think it’s going to be really, really good. So could you just start off by introducing yourself, your family and what your day to day life kind of looks like? Okay.

2:19
Oh, thank you so much for having me. So, um, my name is just just like he said, I have a blog. I’m a writer, behind a purpose driven wife, and I am married to a Marine. And I have three beautiful children. twins that are 10. And my youngest is turning two. And my daily life is basically just trying to get my kids off to school and just keep in my two year old busy. And yes. And then I basically just, whatever, whatever assignment that I have to do when it comes to

2:59
talk about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you also have a podcast, right? Yes.

3:03
Yeah, also called a purpose of the wife podcast.

3:08
Yeah. And I love the name. I just, I love the name. I love the idea of being purpose driven. And no matter what stage in life, whether you’re a mom, or whether you’re a wife, or whether, you know, whatever kind of hat you’re having being purpose driven in the midst, I just think is really beautiful. And I hear your little two year old I think in the background. Yes. I have a little two year old to actually it’s a little boy and I know the battles. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We, we seem to practice our nose as often as we can here and Oh, that’s good. Well, okay. So and your husband’s and marine. So that means that, you know, there’s, you know, seasons of time where you all are not even able to see each other. Is that right? Oh, yes.

3:58
month. Month. Wow. And, and then but sometimes, you know, it has been a good thing, because, you know, when he gets back, we’re both grown, you know, okay, grown, not just spiritually, but you know, just individually. People have grown as adults and just come together and continue going together.

4:24
Wow, that’s a beautiful way to look at it. Really? Well, can you tell us a little bit about his personality and your personality? So

4:33
his personality is these very laid back. If you were to meet him, he’s very funny, charming. Very smart, and is very passionate about God and wow, me on the other hand, I’m very funny as well as outgoing. You You wouldn’t know that. My husband just by meeting him. He’s very good. no outgoing when you meet Yeah, really? He just loves he’s basically a homebody. Oh, me. I’m just all about traveling and meeting people and just getting lost in new places and things like that. He just like, yeah, stay home relax. Oh,

5:19
yeah, yeah. Okay, well, this podcast is really all about encouraging wives in their intimacy, their walk with the Lord as well. Could you share a scripture or a quote that’s meant a lot to you over the years, or even recently?

5:32
Oh, man. So recently, yeah, I’m scripted that has really propelled me to do just a lot of what I’m doing right now with a purpose of a wife. My blog and podcast is the Scripture, John 17. Four. And it says, The Message version, it says, I glorify God on Earth by completing down to the last detail what you assigned me to do. And I absolutely love just that scripture, because it just speaks to what I’m doing right now.

6:06
Wow. Wow. You know, it’s That’s brilliant. I’m so glad you brought that up. No, it was John 17. Four. Yes. I got to go back and really look, meditate on that one. Thank you for sharing it. But um, because it, it, that’s something God has been teaching me I think also of like, why do we think, you know, there’s, there’s more than one of us on this world, we’re not all called to help the same thing or fix the same problem? Yeah. So sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Like, there’s so many issues in this world, Lord, how, you know, how am I supposed to fix all of them? And it’s like, Well, Jesus didn’t do that. Jesus, you know, did what the Father assigned him to do?

6:47
And what I love that it says, Yeah, down to the last detail, you know, so the plan in the plans and the purpose that God has given us, if it is specific for us, in that chapter, Jesus is actually praying for not only himself, but the disciples and the believers and others. Wow. Right before he gets arrested to ultimately getting crucified on a cross. Yeah, I love that. Just that whole chapter, you know,

7:18
wow. Thank you for that trust. I think that’s gonna be our homework. Do you I am listener, Let’s meditate on John 17. This week. That’s so good. Okay, well, awesome. Well, can you share? I mean, a huge reason that I do this podcast is because I don’t know. Well, you’re a business lady. You you do the entrepreneurial stuff. So you probably have heard this before. But you are the five people that you spend the most time with, you kind of become like them. Have you heard that before?

7:51
A little bit. I’ve heard of this.

7:53
Okay about it. Yeah. Well, it’s basically just that it’s kind of telling you to kind of surround yourself with the people that you kind of want to become because without even realizing it, you’re spending time with the people that you’re hanging out with. And, and so I like I like thinking about this show, kind of like that. Because we’re you’re hanging out with someone like Trista you’re hanging out with, you know, some of the other guest. And that’ll help you to think about marriage in a way that’s actually where you can start having a marriage the way that they have a marriage because you’re starting to think about it that way. So anyway, that’s that’s how I like to think about do I am so you know, it really helps to hear stories that helps to hear struggles, very clear stories of like, what happened in your marriage? And how were you able to, you know, get through it, what God taught you in it, and then, so would you share with us a difficult season or struggle in your marriage? That, yeah, would you go ahead and dive into?

8:54
Um, so basically, um, when my husband I met it, it wasn’t like on good footing advances. And what when I say that is, when my husband I met we were sleeping buddy, I’m just gonna put it bluntly.

9:13
Yeah, I hear that. I hear that. I hear that. Similar to my story, too. So thanks for sharing that. Yeah.

9:20
So um, I say that because, um, you know, this was before I knew the Lord, this was before I even. I’m just gonna say it that I even had any type of morals. And I really liked him. And we both just started sleeping together. And then eventually I got pregnant. And during that time that I got, I found out I was pregnant. He was actually leaving to go on deployment for six months. Oh, my goodness. So um, during that time, I just moved back. I was in college and I moved back to my mom’s house and just try to set up life there and my husband I just began to really just try to be will try and discuss, you know, how are we going to do things if we even want to work it out? And but during that time, I really just started getting to know that and that’s when it got really just started drawing me to him. I started watching a lot of different preachers on on on on the TV and things like Yeah. So during that time, my husband and my husband and I were really discussing on just trying to work it out and really just try to get to know each other. And so my husband at the time, I didn’t know this. But yeah, but somebody didn’t notice. But he was actually getting to know the Lord Himself doughnuts. Oh, wow. So while he was away, he was learning more about God. And he was actually ready to get married. So he prayed. So he prayed and asked God, okay, you know, God, I have some choices now. And, you know, I want you to show me who am I to marry? Wow. And he ain’t got and God said to him, and this is, you know, after years, telling me. He said to him, I said to him, and, you know, God, you know, that me and just are not on good terms right now. Right? Because me, and we’ll talk on the phone, and I will try to tell him like updates and things like that, we will always argue we will always butt heads. And it seemed like it just didn’t work out. Like it wouldn’t work. You know, like I said to him if you want to be happy, right, you know, to married marriages. Okay, so he said, Okay, if you are telling me two marriages that then just have to talk to me about power. 31. And then I know that this is a sign that you have that two marriages. Right.

12:06
Proverbs 21. You said, Proverbs 3110. Oh, Proverbs 31.

12:10
Okay. 31. And so the next time we spoke, he, the next time he spoke, I started talking to him about proverbs 31.

12:22
And, which is the, which is the one about who can find a virtual virtuous wife, her Okay, very cool about

12:29
the virtuous woman. And, but during that time, you know, of course, I didn’t know that, um, you know, that, you know, that he was wanting me to push that. Right. Right. I, I just, I just remember myself just being drawn to the the person that the preacher that was talking about it, I was just so in all of this, Proverbs 21 woman, you know, and I wanted to be, I wanted to be like this woman, you know. And so when, when my husband says that, you know, as I was talking to him about it, he said, his mouth just dropped his last job. And then, you know, we just started just just trying to work things out. Just from that point on, you know, we eventually got back from deployment, I moved, I moved down to where he was, we got a house together, we went and got a church, we went and got involved into a church, a Bible based church, and we just grew from there. You know, Billy, God just really just built me up from the ground up. You know, I was such a baby having babies.

13:37
Oh, gosh, yeah. You know,

13:39
you know, so I was just, I just got literally in life, you know, like, yeah, you know, so, I mean, God just really walked me through and then just after receiving God, you know, receiving the Lord. During that time, the very first time I heard God, speak to me was, he said to me, it was Jeremiah 2911. I know the dose that I had to watch you. And then of course, at that time, I had no idea what that meant. You know, I knew that it was God speaking to me. And I knew that it was in the world, but I had no idea what that verse meant to me, man, like over over 10 years later, I, that Scripture speaks to me every single time, you know, and I am just completely lost. When I have no idea what God is doing in my life, and I’m just, you know, frustrated with the day to day things, you know, know that God has a plan of purpose for me. And my hope is in the future that he has for me.

14:39
Yeah. Wow. I mean, that’s so powerful. Like I wanted to dive into some of the details if you don’t mind me. So okay, so when you met your husband, and you’re dating him at the time, was this something that like, had you been told by your parents that this is you should say sex till marriage or was that not like didn’t care? No,

15:00
um, you know, sex was just my humble it was. It was basically more of don’t don’t get pregnant. Oh, okay. Okay. That was basically it. Like, I got to church, there was no type of spiritual aspect in my growing up. So, um, you know, so that was really as far as sex was, you know, in my just growing up, it was basically protect myself and don’t

15:35
Why do you think they said don’t get pregnant was it just because?

15:40
Well, you know because my mom you know my mom had me at an early age she had been while she was in high school, and she basically struggled just taking care of us taking care of me and my three brothers. Me and my two brothers. It was three of us. And so my mom didn’t want that for me, you know? And so she would just letting me know that and plus, we were in like a POV ish area. You know, I love your sob. Oh,

16:13
you realize, okay, I’m in New York City. Yeah.

16:17
In the Bronx as Okay, yeah. Wow, it was it was in like a ghetto, basically. And yeah, so basically, that that was all around me, you know, getting pregnant at an early age. And, you know, my mom didn’t want that for me. And so yeah, it was basically understood. Don’t have sex at a young age, and they’ll get pregnant, you know, protect.

16:41
Wow. But that was that was the purpose was just because it’s too hard. If there was no like, because God wants something more for you. So then, okay, so, so you got pregnant in? No, at that time? That’s when you got pregnant with twins.

16:57
Yes. My first time getting pregnant ever in life. Wow. God said bam.

17:05
You. That’s right. Oh my gosh. Well, actually, there’s a there’s was a guest that I had not too long ago, one of my listeners actually. And she said that, you know, everyone says that God gives us more. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. And she her name is Karen. She’s like, that’s a bunch of baloney. God gives us more than we can handle so that we learn to trust him. Yeah. Isn’t that good? I love that. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, for your, my gosh, so how in the world did you go from, you know, being impoverished in the Bronx? little itty bitty babies. To then I mean, what made you turn to God in the first place in that scenario?

17:46
So, you know, I grew up in the Bronx, and then I eventually went off to college, in upstate New York, while you had two babies. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I’m

17:57
building. Okay. Sorry.

18:00
So I went to college. Right. Okay. So, um, in high school, a friend of mine, I graduated in high school, she joined the military. And so okay, I, oh, so she called me and she was like, hey, just, you know, let’s get you know, let’s hang out. You know, I’m here. I met my husband in South Carolina. Okay, so it was to her, it was to her that that I met my husband. And that’s how me and my husband, you know, we got hooked. And then I eventually, that’s when I had twins. So, um,

18:35
so you were in college? When the happened?

18:37
Yes. When the when I got pregnant. Gotcha. So, when my husband I made the choice to, you know, get together and, you know, work this out. You know, I was at a very low point in my life, you know, because, mentally I just wasn’t ready to have children, you know? Yeah, I didn’t know even how to even take care of children. You know, I didn’t grow up babysitting or doing anything like that, you know, so I was just completely lost. So I had no, I basically had no option, you know? Yeah, I was in an area where I didn’t know anybody. Yeah, taking care of two children. And, and, and by myself, I was taking care of two children. So during that time that I was pregnant, and God was basically telling me it was basically online, online, on the television. Okay. Wow. That began the drawing of what you do in my life. You know, these guys? Yeah. And so, um, you know, at the time, of course, I didn’t understand Basically, when I moved back with, with my husband and me and my husband started to get back together, that’s when I’m, you know, I just started really getting into God’s word and just really learning more about God, you know. So that’s really where it started. And then, just being from where I grew up to just the leading of where God was taking me, you know, it was definitely a process, you know, I’ve had to really learn that there was some selfishness that I had to deal with, there was some, just a lot of hurt and pain that I’ve had to deal with as well. You know, because even even during that time, you know, I was, I was extremely hurt, you know, when I was pregnant with with twins, I wanted to have an abortion, you know, you know, I was very, extremely hurt from the mentality mentality that I grew up with. Yeah, getting pregnant was awful. Like, that means my life is over, you know, right. You know, so I felt like, like, this can’t happen to me, because I’m in college. I have plans, you know, right. I have plans. So I, that’s basically what I tried to do. You know, when I was pregnant, there was a while he was away, during that time, I was trying to have an abortion, you know, course it didn’t work out. But God, he had his hand throughout that whole situation, you know, and I was so purpose driven, okay, to get to have him wish and like, nobody was even told I was so bold about it, that I told my mom, and that I even told, like, coworkers even because at the time we’re into, and so I was like, you know, this is not going to happen to me, you know? Wow. So, so I had to, you know, God literally had to peel back those layers and really get down to the, to the dirt, you know,

22:11
yeah. Can Do you mind sharing the story of how you did not happen, so that you did not yes, so.

22:17
So basically, um, I was working. And, you know, I was charged with basically trying to get my life together, pregnant while he was away, and try to basically have an abortion, and I was looking up, and I was looking up clinics in the area. And I went to the actual appointment, and it was like, one appointment first, they do like a consultation, they, you know, they look, they look at you and things like that extra questions. And then the next appointment is, you have to have somebody with you, you know, you get the procedure done. And then then that’s it. So the problem was for me was that I had the money and everything, but I didn’t have anybody to come with me. So I asked, my mom was like, I’m not gonna support you. And that is something that you have to do, or you have to make this decision for yourself, but I’m not gonna assume that, you know, and so I was like, okay, you know, if you’re not gonna do it, somebody else is gonna do it. You know, I didn’t say that. I didn’t say that to her. But this is my mentality. You know, I was thinking this. And so I started asking co workers, and I’m almost embarrassed to say that because I’ve been moved apart my coworkers, you know, working there for a couple of months, and then hear somebody saying, Can you call me to the abortion clinic? You know, just your, your state of mind at the time, you know, you’re so focused on just fixing a mistake, like how you feel like, you know, and you’re like, I didn’t even care what anybody else was thinking or anything like that. I didn’t take care of this, you know. And then they were looking at me like, what, what is your mother saying, you know, I’m like, well, she’s not gonna she’s not gonna do it. She’s my father. Come with me. You know, she’s not putting me. Yeah, you’re not gonna support you even. Hmm. Wow. Wow. No. So I was just like, Okay, well, somebody will and then I’m over here. Just fuming just in just, I mean, anger, just so angry, you know? Yeah. And then now it’s like, okay, well, I can’t do it since nobody’s not gonna come with me, you know. Wow. So that, wow, I didn’t I didn’t, I didn’t have them.

24:50
Well, and can you talk to just let’s say, if there’s a woman who’s listening who’s maybe considering that possibility, or even has had and abortion. I mean it, was there something that you could maybe share in retrospect, like, what you’ve learned through this, this whole thing? Oh,

25:08
throughout that whole thing. God was with me whether I knew it or not, you know, and when people say that you’re going to be okay. You know, I felt like that was almost like a slap in the face. Because, like, you might as well have just had spat in my face because I felt so lost. Okay, I’m almost fired, because I could just feel just how I felt back then, you know, I was so lost, you know, I mean, just mentally, and just, like, literally, like, I didn’t know what to do. Like, for me, I had no experience and having children and having twins. Like, at the time, I didn’t know the capacity of just what twins were was, was being like, like, you know, okay, I’m having twins. All right. You know, I didn’t know when I was like, you know, so, to say that, that you were going to be alright, was, it’s like, was like a third of my face. Because I felt like, I was gone. Like, like, I felt like, nobody can help me. You know, my boyfriend who got me pregnant, didn’t want to be with me, you know, he’s a way. Um, you know, my mom is doing the best that she could, you know, yeah. And my mom was with me, you know, she was with me, she, you know, she helped me, she helped me get on my feet.

26:25
Sounds like your dad was out of the picture as well, he was a part of

26:29
my father was not in the picture for a long time. But, you know, I want to do the other women that God sees exactly every single detail that you are going through and understand completely, and I can sit here and tell you that everything is going to be okay, you know, everything B is going to be okay. And that’s not the final say, like, you know, what, I felt like, this thing that was happening in the ghetto, like, that was my future. And so, what I want to tell women is that the idea that you have in your head that that, that your life is over God, God has a mental say, you know, in every aspect of your life, yes, you may have made some mistakes, but God is not gonna, you know, punish you or he’s not going to, okay, well, since you made this mistake, now, you’re gonna suffer forever. God is so merciful, and he’s so loving, okay, dreams that I’ve had since then. And has come to pass at the time. You know, I felt like when I was pregnant, and I had this ideal, and I had this idea of my future that I was going to be like those women in the ghetto, basically. But that God has a final say, you know, so, since then, I have finished my degree, I had money in the bank, I had an additional child. And, and this is because I had additional child because, you know, not not only did I want another one, but you know, God bless me, like, he blessed me with a beautiful, such beautiful children, then, you know, it doesn’t stop at the mistakes that I’ve made, you know, so when so when I talk, so when the Scripture, Jeremiah 2911, I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you. It’s not based on my mistakes, you know, even if it’s not on, you know, it my mistakes that I’ve made, it’s not, it doesn’t stop what he said, and the fact that he has a plan for me, okay, yes, I have, yes, I made mistakes. But in addition to that, he’s not only is he going to prosecute me, the future that he has, for me is not going to harm me. And is to give me hope. And so it doesn’t stop at my idea of what my future is, you know, because I made the mistake of having, you know, having kids out of wedlock, and then, you know, my idea of being in the ghetto forever, you know, no, you know, I live in such a beautiful area now in California, you know, besides me my degree, I’m an entrepreneur, and I’m walking in the purpose with such peace, you know, so it doesn’t, so what I want to say, bottom line, is that hold on to the fact that that’s not that, you know, yes, you may you made some mistakes, but your teacher is not conducive to that. Yeah, right. Right. God has

29:37
made for you. So, that’s just so powerful. That’s, you have an amazing journey. Trust your life. That’s incredible. Really,

29:47
you know, God gets the glory, you know, because, you know, at the time, I didn’t know that, that he was cultivating, you know, the image that he has for me, you know, he was he was calling meaning that you know, the image of Christ in me, you know? Yeah, you know, so the pain and the hurt that I was going through I was going through had purpose.

30:10
That’s awesome. Praise God. Yeah. I love that the pain and the hurt that you went through had purpose. So anyone listening, the pain in the heart that you’re going through it has purpose whether it whether you want it to or not there’s, it’s funny, there’s even a scientific statistic about that, that the people that are in hospitals, there’s like one common denominator for the people that get out faster than those that don’t, is that they just believe that there’s a purpose to what they’re going through. It’s just like, God uses that mindset in so many other ways, but I just powerful stuff. Trista thank you for sharing all that. Wow, powerful stuff. Praise God for Krista and her story and her willingness to share. Also, if you have yet to sign up to like your marriage.com/webinar I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight. God bless you, praying for you and your marriage that this was a support and hope don’t miss next episode because just to talk about what it means to have intimacy even when you’re in a long distance marriage like deployed for military or having to travel a lot for work. She gives some wonderful tips. And I don’t want you to miss that. God bless you. I love you. We’ll talk soon.

31:27
Thanks for listening. Stop by delight your marriage.com to check out all the show notes as well as many more resources and articles. Until next time, live with love, wisdom impassion