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Have you been a victim of sexual sin? Porn, infidelity, or even past sin prior to marriage can put us into a whirlwind of hurt and pain. Kay understands that heartache when she happened upon her husband’s porn addition 6 years into it. How did she make it through? How could her marriage survive such betrayal? Kay, a trained counselor, gives amazing insights and suggestions for the wife who is hurt and how to move through that hurt into healing. This episode may be the hope you’ve been grasping for.

Find out more about Kay at kaybruner.com
You’ll Discover:

• What it feels like in the midst of betrayal and how PTSD is very common in response to this.
• How women are often left behind in the process of healing from a sexual sin.
  • There’s a temptation to think, once the behavior has stopped or marriage counseling has been had, everything’s fine. But what about the wife who still has trouble sleeping, can’t trust her husband and is so fearful it could happen again.
• What is the first step after a sex addiction revelation?
  • You can’t do this alone, my dear wife.
• How do you move past your fears and imaginations of what he might be thinking?
• How do you separate yourself and your own self worth in the midst of betrayal?
• How this work is excruciating and it’s okay and important to acknowledge that.
• The difference between building behavioral trust and building emotional trust.
• How to have healthy sexuality after such pain.

Resources:

• Debunking the Myth of Forgive & Forget, Kay’s book about forgiveness and learning to trust after betrayal
• Steve Arterburn’s books:
  • Every Man’s Battle, to understand the experience of your husband around sexual sin
  • Every Heart Restored, to go through healing for the wife when sexual sin is revealed
• Where to find Christian Counselors/Therapists:
  • American Association of Christian Counselors website
  • Psychology Today website (when searching, you can select for Christian counselors/therapists in your zip code)
• John Gottman’s book 7 Principles For Making Marriages Work, about building emotional trust in marriage
• Henri Nouwen’s book Turn My Mourning into Dancing about how God uses the pain in our lives

Scripture/Quote:

• Ephesians 3:17b-19 “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
• 1 Samuel 8:7b “It is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected Me as their king.”
• Ann Lambert “The difference between me and God, is God never thinks He’s me.”
• Richard Rohr, “When you’re out of control, that is suffering”

Tweetables:

• I thought we had a certain thing, and we didn’t.
• Until we hit a huge problem, we were not compelled to dig into the of our lives.
• There’s potential for goodness in the mess.
• When you are faced with the loss of your marriage, it’s traumatic.
• When you’re traumatized it’s so hard to make wise choices for yourself.
• I cannot trust someone unless they are trustworthy.
• Our sexuality is a deep, deep part of who we are.
• Women have been taught to be afraid of their sexuality.

Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!

Love,

Belah

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