Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Now that you know the value of your sexuality (from Part 1), what does it mean to share that with your spouse?

I was a woman so insecure and unaware of the beauty of my body that it shocked me to realize the attraction my husband felt towards me. It took a while to actually come to accept it was true. But from there, to become fierce in the bedroom, that was another process. That’s what we’re going into today.

What does it mean to captivate your man? How do you “embody your sexuality” with your husband?

What we cover:

• Why seduction matters to the heart of your man.
• Why seduction indicates the value you feel about your own sexuality.
• What if seduction/sexiness just isn’t part of your personality?
• How do you become one that loves what you might have grown up thinking was gross?
• Practical things you can do (today!) that will go a long way to becoming fierce in the bedroom

Interested in going further? Become a woman who has the intimacy you (and he) crave. Sign up for coaching with Belah.

Transcipt

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah rose.

0:18
Hey there and welcome. This is part two, of embodying your sexuality. This is a show for wives, to empower wives in their physical intimacy, specifically, especially on this show. Now I do intimacy coaching. So I would love to work with you, if you are having a challenge on how to embody your sexuality with your spouse. I mean, my goodness, have you truly understood what it means to have intimacy in your marriage Do you Do you truly get it, because this is the glue that holds your marriage together, this is the thing that keeps you unified. So if that, if there’s an issue there, it’s going to, it’s going to affect every other part of your marriage, it’s going to make more arguments, it’s going to make more disagreements, it’s going to make things just less comfortable, it’s going to be harder to serve your husband, it’s going to be much harder for your husband to serve you, if the marriage bed is not really unifying. So I really encourage you so frequently, you know, the wives that I work with, they don’t have anyone to talk to about these things, much less someone that can give you them real strategies, real advice, someone that’s really going to help them to move forward to move out of the pain, the suffering, the anxiety, the insecurity, whatever you’re going through, whatever the issue, I encourage you, let’s work together, let’s move through this so you can move to the other side of freedom. So I encourage you go to delight your marriage.com Click on Resources, click on coaching with Bella. And do it as soon as you can. Because I have very limited amount of time to work with wives. And so get in there, get your spot and and we can schedule as soon as we can. All right, well, let’s dive into today’s episode. So you remember on last week’s episode, we really talked about fully understanding that your body is a divine creation that God made you do it you are his masterpiece. To really get that now, did you do your homework? Did you look in that mirror and every single time look for beauty. Look for the ways that you could compliment God on you His creation? Well, if you didn’t you better start Alright, that is key to understand that this body is God’s he made this and so when you’re doubting your own body, you are doubting his own creation. There is no standard of beauty. Just so you know, the way that the US or depending on what country you’re tuning in from. I know we’ve got listeners from all over the world, but wherever you’re coming from whatever standard of beauty is normal in your society. That is not what God set up. No, God made your body beautiful. The other you know the societal norm expectation, whatever. The way that plastic surgeons you know are making all their money with people wanting to look a certain way. That’s not what God says. It’s beautiful. You are the standard of beauty. You are gorgeous. You are the one that is beautiful. In your marriage, there’s no one to compare yourself to. So don’t you are the captivating one. So in this episode, you know, the yesterday’s or sorry, last week’s episode was really focused in on getting you to a place of a fully recognizing the value of your body and have your ReSSA and if you remember ReSSA is a new term to start to rebrand if you will your vagina, your vulva whatever, you know these these really clinical names that sound like you know, we’re talking in lab coats and you’re in the hospital. I’m talking about your labia majora Majora, you know, your ReSSA right. It’s your womanhood. It’s the beauty between your legs. It’s

4:41
this gorgeous flower. It’s, it’s its beauty. And I say rebrand and a you know, kind of weird way of saying it but ultimately, you need to identify your ReSSA as son something gorgeous, as something lovely as something glorious that God has given giving you, you know, your clitoris that’s in your ReSSA your clitoris actually has 8000 nerve endings, all devoted to pleasure 8000 The male penis 4000 nerve endings and the penis is also used for other things, not just pleasure. So, ultimately, it’s really amazing to see how God has truly, truly set apart your ReSSA as pleasure as beauty. And regardless of how we came into this, you know where we’re coming from. It’s our responsibility now to re understand and realign with the way God set us up as women. Because that is our womanhood. We’re women, because we have a Reza, he’s a man because he has a penis. Okay, so the thing I wanted to say in this particular episode, especially I want to really focus in on why does seduction matter in talking about this, no seduction is key in your marriage. See what you can do to, to visualize what I’m going to tell you about. So imagine, as though you were watching yourself, walk into the room with your husband there. And let’s say you walk in naked, and you have kind of a insecure face on and you kind of give them this silly look like, Okay, I’m here, aren’t you excited, and you just kind of, you know, just walk in and maybe sit down and kind of expect him to get all over you. Because here you are naked. And you know, that’s, that’s what those men are supposed to do. If I was pretty enough, I bet he would do it. And she’s just insecure about the whole thing. And I you know, I’ve so been there. Okay, so let’s say that was the first situation where you’re just kind of just walking in naked. And you know, given him this look like you’re melting into jello, and he’s got to figure out how to make you feel better. Alright, so that’s the first option. The second option is, let’s say you come in, freshly showered, you are feeling good. You’ve got your towel on. And you walk in, and you give them this look. And it’s one of those looks like, come get me baby, and you just lock eyes with him. And you

7:54
are so confident. And you give them kind of an open mouth like I’m so ready to eat you up. And then you kind of move your shoulders a little bit and you kind of turn around so he can see as you move down the towel a little bit so he can see your shoulder blades and he’s imagining what’s going on in front. And then you turn around and he’s surprised because you’re still teasing him because he can’t see your rest yet. And then you kind of bend down a little bit so he can see your cleavage. And then as you kind of move things, okay, you get the picture. You see how different those two are. The first one insecurity he is having to mop up you. He’s so he wants to enjoy it, he wants to get aroused and turned on. But he’s having to access this whole different, compassionate and sensitive and kind and caring part that you know has to help you not cry when you’re trying to seduce him and and that’s that’s not what he wants, what he wants us to be seduced. He wants that fantasy that that confident wife that’s going to just rock his world because she knows she is exactly what he wants. And now we are not talking about different women here we are talking about you do your wife, we’re talking about your body. The way you are in option A is very different than the way you are in option B. And I’m saying you should be option B, get out of the insecurity and the you know neediness of it and instead get into a place of power and progress and excitement and fantasy for your husband’s pleasure. And honestly, I say for your husband’s pleasure. But as you get really acquainted with this, it’s gonna you’re gonna feel silly look silly for a while just accept it, it’s not, you’re not going to automatically turn into a tigress overnight. But once you go into that uncomfortable zone, and it becomes comfortable, and you keep going until you get to a really strong place, it’s going to be so fun. It’s going to be so fun. Because every single time you make love, you are this tiger, you are spontaneous, your fears, you’re excited, you’re free. You’re passionate, you are a sexy woman. Now I’ve coached wives who have just felt it’s just not my personality. And the thing is, it has nothing to do with your personality. Oh my gosh, I would never act the way I do with my husband. with other people. Never. None of us should. Because that’s not our spouse, we should not be acting like that to anyone else. So get over whether or not it’s part of your personality. No, it’s not. Okay. This is part of embodying your sexuality. This is part of being a sexual woman, being the wife that captivates her husband, and being a woman that’s captivating. That’s what you will be walking out as you embody your sexuality. What’s more desirable? Obviously, it’s option B. I mean, all of Hollywood can tell you this. It’s all about the fantasy. It’s all about the TVs. It’s all about I know what you want, baby. And I’ve got it, right, because it’s so men know how men think. And I’ll tell you the biggest media companies, the biggest ones, in fact, I’ve got a check. But the last documentary I saw on this a few years ago, said that every single media company at the very top were men, every single one. And so the way they depict women is very degrading, and very sexualized, very objectified. But it’s because they know how men think. And if they sell to men, they’re also selling to women, because men will watch it. And women will think this is what men want. And so they’ll buy the products and they’ll go get the, you know, the, the outfits and on and on and on. So men know how men think. And that’s what men want. They want the tees they want the seduction. It’s, it’s honestly the way God set men up is to desire and it’s the way God set women up. We want to captivate our man, and he wants to be captivated by us.

12:52
And we can do that. That’s what seduction is all about. That’s what it’s all about. And so we are the beauty we are that jewel, you know, if we know we are that jewel. And then the slow reveal. Makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? It makes a lot of sense. So here’s what I want for you is that again, your recipe you might be thinking, Well how does your body have to do with your recipe your recipe truly does. I mean, how you feel about your recipe, it it, it affects every other area of your sexuality, like how can you seduce your husband? If you don’t think that your rest is beautiful? How do you you know want the lights on when you’re making love if you don’t think your ReSSA is beautiful and worthwhile and deserves appreciation attention. How do you enjoy your sexuality if it’s not about your ReSSA so it truly is about your essence. So I want to give you practical advice and insight on how to change your perspective of your own ReSSA how to love it, how to appreciate what God has given you in it, how to enjoy it more. So one thing I encourage you is to change the way that you have been dealing with it probably for a long time you have just ignored your recipe you have just again just dealt with periods dealt with whatever you know nonsense you had to with it, but you generally have ignored it and I want you to change that. Generally enjoy it generally be one that does have something to do with your ReSSA every day, you know be affectionate and be kind and be you know just don’t treat it like this nasty negative thing. So one way to do that is changed the kind of underwear you’re wearing. Some of us have just lazily gone into default mode of You don’t very nasty type underwear that you wouldn’t want anyone else to see. But your husband sees it every day. And so how about you go take a little time to go to Walmart or Target or whatever and, and get a few panties that are actually worthy of your ReSSA. And, and and start just slowly changing out your underwear so that you’re actually wearing something that makes you feel like a woman that makes you feel feminine and beautiful. Rather than, you know, kind of like you should be in a hospital bed because you’ve got stained stuff that’s been around for 15 years. So do that. Another thing is also just get some different pajamas. That’s another thing and easy change. That kind of again, just motions to you is kind of a psychological thing of like, my body deserves beauty, my body is beautiful, it deserves me taking the time to remind myself of its beauty. And that’s why I encourage even when you don’t make love to your husband have a beautiful night gown that reminds you of how gorgeous and how worthwhile your body is. Here’s a couple practical things I would encourage to get to get in touch with your sex, your sexy side, your sexuality, is dance. So when I when I was young, I told you kind of how I used to be, you know, wearing T shirts and jeans or whatever and loose fitting clothes. And I remember again, my mom, not she wasn’t trying to be mean, but we were all dancing in the kitchen one time and I just hadn’t ever danced really ever. And suddenly, my sisters and my mom are all laughing at me because I had no sense of how to dance none. And so I just have not been a dancer, I wasn’t raised dancing in the least. But I have become someone who puts on an you know, some kind of music, whether it has a beat or whether it’s just kind of nice and you know, calming, relaxing, and I’ve come to really recognize that dancing all by myself, you know, maybe in a calm environments. That helps me to kind of get in touch with my sexuality to recognize the value of my sexuality.

17:35
So dance, you know, and again, you can do it completely alone. But dance, you know, just put something on YouTube, you can find you know, Christian call music, or you can do Christian rap music or Christian reggae. Like, there’s all like things with big beats that you can shake your hips and do things that you would never do in public. But if you think about it, you’re just kind of getting yourself in touch with who you would be in front of your spouse, once you get some of the nerve up the confidence up because you really do begin to embody your sexuality more and more. Another thing is affirmations. This is key I think that, you know, speaking in faith is really important. In desiring to change, you need to be speaking in faith. So things like I am beautiful. I am sexy, my husband adores my curves. I’m a gorgeous human that God is loves my ReSSA is beautiful and desirable. I deserve to be treated well and loved for who God has made me to be and I am his masterpiece, I am beautiful. These are all things you can write down what I just said. And literally repeat them back to you out loud with enthusiasm. And you do that every day. And that’s the kind of stuff that’s going to change your perspective about yourself. Stop doing the negativity towards your body, stop looking at the mirror, searching for the gross stuff you don’t like. Instead, look at the mirror and look, try to find the beauty in your body. Look for the things that you love about what God has designed in you. Because truly your body is his masterpiece. So when you think that you’re doubting your own body, you’re not you’re doubting what God created. That’s like a slap in the face to him. This is his holy temple. He made it as your body. So treat it well. Respect your own body. God made that. It is beautiful. So search when you look in the mirror, search for the beauty in your body. Another thing is prayer. Pray that God would help to change your perspective about your body about your sexuality about your ReSSA really pray those things again, he knows at all, he is absolutely involved in every bit of this, He knows your thoughts before you think them the words before you speak them. He knows how you feel even the discomfort you feel while listening to this podcast. And you’re like rolling your eyes maybe about some of the things I’m saying. But he knows, he is absolutely aware. The other thing is gentle touch on your whole body, your whole body, the biggest sex organ for a woman is her skin, your skin is divinely sensitive. And so if you think about touching your skin, all over with a very gentle touch. It’s it’s it gets you in touch with how sensual your body really is, how sensitive your skin really is. And even getting to your ReSSA it’s very, very sensitive to Gentle, gentle touch. So starting from the outside the outside, maybe the thighs and the upper, or you know, the lower belly, and then getting to the lips, and getting to the inner lips, and all that very, very gentle touches. That that helps you to get more in touch with what it feels like, what your body feels like as a woman. So all of this, what is the reason for all of this, all of this need to know and need to embody your sexuality? Well, yes, it is to be who God has made you to be as a full person. But it truly is about that physical intimacy with your spouse, that I gave you this whole podcast so far, about how to become that sensual, sexual woman aside from your husband, but of course your sexuality is your hope is that shared relationships. So

21:52
how do you be fully sexually empowered, embodying wife. And so here’s the thing that ultimately I want you to get to is that you feel like that confident woman walking down that runway that you don’t need others approval or attention by other people, just your man. So if you think about that wife walking down that runway, if she’s only doing this for her own husband, right, if that’s, you know, there’s no one else in the room, but her husband and she is walking like this to her man. Right? That’s what it is. It’s really about knowing your own sexual power and worth to your husband that you’re not wearing clothes, you’re not trying on, you know, jackets and covering up lumps. And you know, trying to use Spanx because you’re trying to impress other men, not even close. It’s about knowing who you are already knowing you are already very sexy, very worthwhile, your body has intense value sexually. And so you don’t have to share that with anyone. You don’t have to wear immodest things, you can be totally modest because you know, that when you get home, you’re going to just wear what you want to to seduce your man. I mean, I’ve noticed that the more convicted I am about this truth of my own sexuality, my own sexual power and value, my dress gets much more modest, because I just don’t need anyone to tell me that because I deeply know that it’s true. So here’s where I want you to go with that. So once you do get to a place or as you do it, these are not mutually exclusive. These are, these are not mutually exclusive. These are things that will be happening at the same time. But it is required. As you get better and better at seducing your man you need to be feeling this way you need to really be embodying your sexuality. Otherwise, it’s just fake, right? Otherwise, it’s skin deep and and it’s going to feel fake anyway, as you become more comfortable with seducing your husband, it’s going to be silly and feel uncomfortable for a while but eventually you’ll get to a place where these two match up where you know your body’s worth and value and you can tease and seduce your husband. And those two go together at the same time. Okay, so let’s talk about seduction. So, as I’ve kind of just said, to be clear seduction is about knowing the value, intrigue, beauty of your body of your sexuality, and then teasing him with it. So of course, again, to underline seduction really starts in the way you feel about your body. But from there, it’s all about the T’s. It’s all about, I like to think about it this way, when I coach women, it’s all about this. I know you want it, but you can’t have it. It’s that sexy, kind of giving them that look of like, I know you want what I have, but you can’t have it. And you don’t have to say that out loud, necessarily. And you could, you totally could. But that’s the whole kind of spirit behind it as a sexy woman is that you know, that you know, you’ve got what they want, you know your curves, captivate them, that they are crazy about your sexual prowess that you are just driving him wild, and you are going to make him weights and you are going to tease him like crazy. And that just makes him wild. So again, it is not about whether or not you have the perfect body, it’s about knowing that God has made you so desirable and attractive, and having that deep confidence. So that’s what seduction is all about is teasing, as a result of knowing the value of what you have, it’s all about the tease.

26:32
So teasing does not always have to lead to sex. It certainly can. And it’s a fun seduction, to get to sex that I very much encouraged seduction, totally apart from whether or not he initiates that you are seducing him you are attracting him you are the desirable woman incur enticing him, that’s just this beautiful, powerful thing that that God allows us as women to be to our men, but also teasing totally apart from actually initiating, you can do so much teasing, but not actually get to the sex part, where you’re just making him wild for two days. And then by the time you both come together intimately when you actually make love. It is like fireworks, because both of you have been thinking about it, both of you, you know, you’ve been playing with his mind for two days, and he is ravenous for his wife. And that’s the kind of thing that gets you guys wildly attracted and intimate with each other. Because I mean, this is all you This is his wife, you know, you’re the one that then he is at work distracted thinking about your body, because you have been teasing him all day about it. You know what I mean? That is the kind of thing that’s the kind of love and desire and attention is affection in the captivation you crave from your husband, will you determine that you’re the one that can make him captivated, you’re the one that can cause him to be enraptured by your love, and you’re all these things so. So it’s all you know, the tease the, that whole, I know you want it, but you can’t have it. And that all comes from recognizing that this jewel that you are something he is crazy about. So that’s ultimately what I really want you to get to is that space of knowing, embodying your sexuality, and causing that to be what brings you together as a couple in amazing intimacy, when you are truly living into the truth of that, that your sexuality is divine, and sharing your sexuality is also divine, with your husband, of course. So again, let me just say the practical things again, practically, dance by yourself to whatever style of music you want to and just get more in tune with how beautiful your body is, get more in tune with the way certain touches are and you know what I actually have a podcast about specifically about seduction, and kind of what ideas I have about it and some more insights that I would love for you to check out. So let me actually just give you the it’s episode 111 How to Seduce him with belah rose so you can check that out. So you can have more insight but again, practically dance number two, to get practical where cute panties go and change up your intimate wardrobe and get some things that really make your rest, I feel beautiful affirmations really do practice those practice. And I feel beautiful and gorgeous in my body. And you do have to practice it. It is a daily discipline, it’s not something that you can do and forget, this is something that’s going to be consistent. You know, confidence is a discipline. The next thing fourth thing is prayer. Pray that God would help you understand your sexual divinity that God has made you divinely sexual, this was his gift. And so when I say divinity, not that not that we are divine, it’s that God has divinely crafted us. And then gentle touch is the last one touching your skin touching your body touching the areas that you love and, and then number six is, is pointing out the areas that you love when you’re looking in the mirror, the mirror, looking for the things that are wonderful, rather than looking for the issues or the problems, looking for the good things that God has given you. All right, well, I hope that this has been encouraging and exciting for you to move forward in embodying your sexuality, because truly,

31:25
that’s the biggest thing that women don’t. That’s the biggest reason they don’t make love is because they don’t feel confident in their body in who God has made them to be. So if you embody your sexuality, if you embody what God has given you in it. The results are huge. And it’s a huge blessing to your marriage. And it’s intimacy in its unity, and in what you can do for God, what your husband can do for God. So, really encourage you in this and just take one of those steps that I mentioned, dance, wear cute panties, affirmations, prayer, gentle touch. Look at yourself in the mirror, pick the things you love. Pick one and do it today. At least one. Alright, God bless you. Thank you for joining me. I’ll be talking to you next Tuesday.

32:17
Bye. Thanks for listening. Stop by delight your marriage.com to check out all the show notes as well as many more resources and articles. Until next time, live with love, wisdom impassion