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Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Juana Mikels of choosinghim.com. Juana shares in Part I the very difficult beginning to her marriage. But she shares in this episode that things still require her to rely on God. She says she depends on God’s grace in her husband to be the leader of her family. Listen in as she shares insights around what keeps her trusting God and allowing Him to use her even while feeling faithless…God is faithful.

Check out Part I at delightyourmarriage.com/75

You’ll Discover:

• How Juana doesn’t have the perfect marriage and she believes it will always be difficult, listen in to hear what she says how to trust God through any marriage
• What Juana considers the number 1 thing that has kept her marriage together
• How Juana had amazing mentors who walked beside her and shared their hard-fought godly wisdom

Books & Resources Mentioned:

• Choosing Him All Over Again: A Story of Romance and Redemption by Juana Mikels

Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholehearted intimacy!

Love,

Belah

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Transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah rose.

0:19
Hey there, and welcome back. This is belah rose. And I’m so excited that you are joining me today for the delight your marriage podcast. Now, if this is your first time listening, I want to say welcome, you are in a safe place to talk about marriage, some of the hard things that go on some of the really great things that go on. Intimacy all about marriage is what we talk about. And I interview wives and intimacy experts to really get on the good stuff of why and how to have a great marriage. So that’s what we’re going to be talking to one of Michael’s about, this is the second half of her wonderful interview. Before we dive into that I want to share an iTunes review that I found really encouraging. I have now listened to nine podcasts and I feel my marriage healing already. Bella asks the right questions from the people she interviews, the questions I might be afraid to ask. This podcast has amazing advice coming from down to earth knowledgeable people. I feel like I’m sitting down with my girlfriends to talk about the deep stuff. It’s so good and worth a listen. Thank you belah. Rose. Well, thank you so much listener, I’m so thrilled that you are enjoying the podcast. And I’m just honored that you would write a review for the podcast, it actually helps people find the podcast more easily. So it really means a lot to me. But yes, one of Michael’s today talks about her marriage. Now she had a really rough start to her marriage. She talks about that in part one. But today she’s talking about what she learned and the principal lesson she learned. She’s just got so much insight and wisdom. So I want to stop talking and go ahead and let her share her amazing story with you.

2:11
I want to switch over to ask how I mean you kind of have given us some some insight but how what does your marriage look like now? After all of the storms have passed? And? Or? Or maybe they’re still happening? Or what does it like now?

2:25
Know what is it like now? Well, we’ve experienced so much together with more of life, because we’ve had the 35 years together that in some ways, it’s it’s, I would say overall, it’s good. But it’s not always good. Because I still, I still struggle because I’m so different from Terry, I told you I talk so much more. And I’m up and down, up and down. But overall, you know, we’re not in heaven yet. We’re not in heaven yet. And for us, our marriage is always going to be a struggle. Because we are so different. Now I have friends that are cut from the same cloth, the the husband and the wife, they just agree on everything. They commit everything from the same angle I’m thinking of, there’s a whole chapter in the book on Paul and making NewBee. And by the way, all the people in my book, I asked them permission to use their real names. And and so they all gave me their permission. So for those that that are planning to read it, you’ll really enjoy getting to know Paul and make a newbie, see everything from the same point of view. And Terry, and I don’t. So it will be a struggle struggle for us when we disagree. Now, do we always disagree? No. Because we have the same foundation in Christ. We both want the same thing. We both have the same morals and values. So everything that’s important. Important, and that’s the difference is on the right page. But you know, all this little nitpicky stuff we get down here on Earth, like he doesn’t like steak, and I love steak. Every man loves steaks. I mean, that’s a whole meal I can make so easily one night a week. He doesn’t like it. Yeah, okay, so I don’t like that. But who really cares? Right, so we like spaghetti better? I can make spaghetti. I just make steak when he’s not here. Yep. So yeah, so see I’m sorry. I didn’t answer that Bella with Oh, it’s just great but real world, it’s never going to be great. Like, great like what is great woman and I just kind of analyze and tear everything apart and but the things that matter are right and that’s really because of God in His grace in our life.

4:51
Yeah. Well, and I want to follow that up with what do you think the chief three things are that have been central to your marital success so far?

5:00
Well, one of the one that stands out more than anything else wouldn’t even be in the same week if I added two more, and that that is our foundation in Christ, because yeah, and I tell for my kids, you have to marry a Christian. And when I pray for them, I’ve prayed and in our firstborn, is really close. And he is a wonderful Christian man. And I am just so happy because he is answer to my lifelong prayers for our very first child. And I pray for all of us that the number one thing is that they marry a Christian so that you have that spiritual oneness in Christ, you’re coming from the Word of God together as that you both have that same foundation in your marriage. And that’s how you’re going to attack your problems. That’s how you’re gonna make your decisions in life is based on the Word of God. And so that is so much more important than anything else. And we wouldn’t be who we are today without that.

6:09
Wow, yeah. Do you think you can come up with the other two?

6:14
Two things that help our marriage

6:17
have been central to your success to the marital success?

6:26
I, gosh, I It’s hard to pick something that’s not related to that. Number one, let me let me keep thinking on that. If, before we finish up, if something strikes me, I’ll, I’ll come back. Yeah, that’s fine. And I guess in number two is so closely related, it’s the grace of God in us because it’s, it’s even in those times that it’s hard, hard. It’s the grace of God in Terry, that I’m trusting, and it’s the grace of God in me that he’s trusting, you know, for him to put his trust in wanna? No, no, I miss inconsistency. I can’t do anything consistently, for more than a week I did about something and I’m going to take this vitamin, I’m gonna exercise and it lasts about, you know, six days. And then I’m doing it a little bit less. And then the next day, a little bit less than I had big plans. And just, I’m safe, less. You know, we are a faith less people, but we serve a faith for God. So it’s the grace of God in Terry, that I can depend on his grace of God in me. That theory can depend on.

7:36
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Relying on the grace of God not relying on your husband or your on your wife, it’s relying on the grace of God, that’s good. Okay, well, if you’re comfortable if you’d be willing to share a tip or advice about intimacy, that maybe you wish someone let you in on earlier.

8:00
Let’s see. I guess one thing that helps me on is to prepare for intimacy, if I know, you know, and I know that atomic intimacy is coming, and we don’t always know that I gave you examples when I didn’t know you, but I guess I ought to be fair, and give examples when I do know that it’s coming. It really helps me personally to prepare. So if I can take a bubble bath, or just a nice shower and shave really well, right, right. Really clean. That helps me I just, yeah, I am sparkling clean as clean as I can be for the next hour here. And yeah, that that kind of helps me to just prepare to know that, you know, an hour before that I can kind of get ready. Yeah. In your in your mind and your heart. I’m anticipating it. And the thing I can do is to to get that shower to get that bath and have my razor ready and everything so that so that you know my skin’s a little softer. Everything’s out. I’m just ready. I’m ready. Yeah. And so that that helps me.

9:06
Yeah, I love that. That’s a great tip. And and for for women, that’s a huge thing is preparing in our minds beforehand, that helps us even our body start to get ready. So I love that. Also, due to the specific marriage that you’ve had, what opportunities have you had to serve or get to know God?

9:27
To serve God, oh, the biggest area would be in parenting. And you know, we’ve talked a lot about being a wife but oh gosh, I couldn’t say couldn’t overlook that. And that is to serve him through parenting. Yeah. The kind of the kind of daughter you are the kind of friend you are and and even the kind of stranger you are with that postal clerk. I mean, it all matters. It all matters to God, you know what we’re doing? Because really what his ministry anyway, ministry is and I talk about this in the book because I do a lot of teaching as I go in the book, just you know might be a sentence, it might be a paragraph where I just put it in as God put it in my brain as I wrote it. In one, one radio host said, Well, why now? Why did you wait 20 years to write the book? I mean, why didn’t you write it 25 years ago? And yeah, it wouldn’t have been the same book, because I’ve lived a lot of life and a lot of made a lot more mistakes, new mistakes, other things. And I had some wonderful mentors with making NewBee that I just told you about, and then Liz, I mean, God could have sent me any old bag lady, because I was not raised in a Christian home, sent me the cream of the crop with Elizabeth, Elizabeth Elliot through writing letters and correspondence and then eventually meeting her and going on her radio program, and then coming and staying in our home, home on many occasions with her husband, and they can NewBee right here lives in the same town, and I’ll find a woman I couldn’t have found. So God had these wonderful mentors. So I tried to impart in the book The Best of the best that I learned from them. And one of those things from Elizabeth, I learned what is real ministry. Well, ministry is doing what God wants you to do, when he wants you to do it the way a Christian should. So put that way. Right now my ministry is talking with you, Bella, and I carved time and put on my calendar some two months ago, the morning of November 12, we would be recording this program. And so right now, this is part of a ministry. It’s the speaking ministry to share God’s Word and His principles through the story of our broken marriage and our life now, and our family, with your ministry that you have to your listeners. And that’s a real live ministry. Now, how much of my life is this type of thing? Not very much. Not very much, because I make a lot of meals for not only my family, but that’s another ministry God’s given me. Whereas we serve friends together. And we have kind of double dates together. We invite friends to eat, we go out together, but that’s all ministry too. But let’s go back one more time. And talk about what that definition was. It’s doing what God wants you to do, when he wants you to do it the way a Christian should. So put that way. It’s all of your life. It’s everything you do, it might be diapering, that baby right now, or it might be the work. I’ve done both. I’ve met with the governor, through my work when I worked for 14 years in marketing. And I also changed a whole lot of diapers. And now I have a whole lot of salads. My husband likes a salad. And I do too, with our meal. And so all of this is ministry doing what God wants me to do when he wants me to do it. And yeah, huge part of that is raising my children, for God’s glory. So doing everything, everything for him, makes all the difference in the world. It really transforms what you’re doing because now you’re cleaning the illicit linen closet out. And it does make a difference because you’re doing it as your service for the Lord. Right. I got to top it off that door yesterday, I’m serving my husband, and doing it as unto the Lord. Yeah, that’s why we’re to serve our husband, as unto the Lord.

13:24
as unto the Lord. Yeah. Yeah, that’s so good. Well, um, can you tell us a little bit about just the book that you’d recommend? So can you tell us a little bit more about it?

13:34
About my book? Yeah. Okay. I have written it in three parts. Part one is really my life. It’s called the old life. And then part two is called the new life because I wanted people to see a contrast there. That things began to slowly change after I became a Christian. So then part three of the book is the life of faith in marriage. And I just tell a lot more stories. And really, the whole book is just a whole collection of more stories to tell it through storytelling. Because so many things happened to us that really are a little story. Yeah, and then part three, just more about what faith means and reflecting reflections on marriage. And then I wanted to get nine areas to focus on if you are facing separation, or you’re in the middle of a reconciliation, just nine areas to focus on. And then towards the end of the book, still, in part three, I gave 11 checkpoints to refresh your marriage, any marriage and again, just little stories for those some of those checkpoints. And then in the final section, in the appendix, which I feel like is just as important as the book is the appendix to the book prayers. You can pray for your husband some of that I gave you today and more. And then I ended with a word to Christian wives, married to unbelieving husbands or to husbands. who are Christians who are not acting as a Christian should I really had some special things to say, because I’ve lived that I live that for several years before Terry became a Christian. And I remember those years, so very well. So I wanted to, to speak to that particular wife. And then I do want to tell your, your your listeners about the companion study guide, you get with a book, the link to download the companion study guide for free. So you can, you can download that. And then you can individually do a more in depth Bible study, to go with the book. It corresponds with the first 15 chapters of the book, there’s a chapter in the study guide for each of those first 15, with many, many more scriptures, to look up. And then many questions, application questions to ask yourself, or you can do it in a small group. So I just taught my first companion, study guide Bible study. This summer, we had a group of women that wanted to do it, and we had evolved going through that. So cool that you can download for free. Yeah, my publisher.

16:19
So that’s wonderful. I’m excited for anyone to go and take that and use those resources. Because if you’re struggling in your marriage, you just, there’s just help. There’s there’s keys, there’s wisdom that can help. Yeah. So I just encourage you to go and get that

16:38
questions and more scriptures for reflection and discussion in the companion guide are really for any marriage. And many of the women told me that and we even had some very young women from 18 to 28, that were in the study that were not married yet. And they, I, they gave me some great feedback that they felt that it was for those who were not married yet.

17:02
Yeah. Well, so my last question for you is, if you could go back to year one in your marriage, and sit yourself down, what is one piece of advice that you would give to you?

17:15
Well, the one thing that was missing in my marriage that I was looking for was Christ. And I would run to Christ. And I would see him like he is that priceless pearl. And the Bible talks about what one last sheep, that God’s gonna go after that one sheep. And you may be that one sheep listening today, you’re like that price, this pearl. And it’s worth it to run after Christ. Because when we do seek Him first, above everything in our life, everything else really does fall into place, when you get that perspective, from God’s perspective, really, is what we’re talking about. And I did not have him in my life before I married. And that would be the one thing that I would say to your listener today. If I could go back in that early marriage when we were only 22 and 24. It would be to run to Christ’s arms.

18:13
Yeah. Yeah, that’s beautiful. I love the theme throughout is really relying on Christ and seeking first him. Because really, this life is temporary. This is not our home. This is not. I mean, really, no matter how great your marriage gets, it’s still this is still a temporary space of Earth. Heaven is our home. That’s where we long for. So if you’re not, if you’re not in a relationship with Christ yet, this is your opportunity. This is the Lord asking you to. It’s time It’s time to get there. It’s time to make Christ the Lord of your life. Well, my last question for you is where our audience can find and connect with you online.

18:55
Oh, thank you for asking that Bella. Yeah, you can find me at Juana. michaels.com. But my name is so hard to spell, but I’ll give it to you JUANAMIKEL s.com. And after the book came out, we added choosing him.com just simply choosing him.com. And they both point to the same place. There. And also, you can find me on nearly every social media at one of Michael’s from Instagram, to Pinterest, to Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, it’s all one of my goals and also YouTube. And you can also hear Mary sing there she sang with a tenors from Canada. Probably seen on PBS, which she had the blessing of singing with them. And is here Mary saying if you’d like to go on my YouTube page and and look at those, but it’s just at one of Michael’s JUAMIKE ls and I’d love to connect with your, your listeners at any of these and they’re welcome To write me at Juana at one of michaels.com.

20:04
Wonderful, well, one I just so appreciate you coming and sharing all of your insight and your wisdom and your heartaches. And it just was wonderful. So thank you,

20:13
thank you. And thank you for giving me the grace that I could tell you kind of, then I’m really have nothing in me to offer. And as you could tell from yesterday, that just a simple thing that chocolate often and I couldn’t even respond properly to that strength and weakness. But thank you for for asking me on and giving me a chance to say really where it is that my hope lies and my confidence in that is in Christ.

20:45
Amen. That’s awesome. Wow, thank you wanna I just so appreciate your heart, and your willingness to share. It’s just awesome to hear a godly woman who’s stood the test of time in her marriage with her family with her kids, an amazing story with her daughter, we can learn so much from her. And I just encourage you to take these lessons that it’s all about Christ. It’s all about relying on him. I thought it was really important that when I asked her for the three things that have been central to her marriage, succeeding and she couldn’t think of three, she could only think of Christ. And and that’s just such a testimony that we can each lean into him to a greater degree today. So I just encourage you, wherever you are, whatever level of intimacy you have with the Father with Christ Jesus, I just encourage you to lean into him today. spend an extra moment to thank Him for who He is and and who you are in him. Thank you so much for listening today. I just encourage you to rely on God today for your marriage. God bless you. I love you. And I’m looking forward to talking to you next week. Next Tuesday. Be there talk to you soon. Bye bye.

22:05
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion.