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Hey there, belah here, I just wanted to give you a quick note that the 30% off discount for coaching has actually been extended one week. So I am excited for that opportunity, I hope you will jump on it. It’s actually because we’re going to my mom’s for vacation for a week. And I realized that I am not going to have the opportunity to turn off all the discounted prices. So you get a whole nother week. There is a waitlist, not too long, but I hope that you will get on it quickly. And go ahead and take opportunity for this potential to really change your life.

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Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast, the show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah Rose.

1:06

Hi there, and welcome. My name is Bella. And I’m really grateful that you’re here today, as you’re listening in. So I’m reading this book called Mindset, or I’m listening to it. And it’s really good. It says that we are either a growth mindset, or a fixed mindset. And if you’re in the growth mindset, you think of yourself as changeable and growing and learning. And it’s an adventure. And when you hit a challenge, it’s an opportunity to learn. If you’re in a fixed mindset, when you make a mistake, it’s like your whole world is falling apart. Because it says something about who you are, that you’re not good enough for you aren’t smart enough. And it’s a very academically based book. There’s lots of studies and it just talks about, you know, kids, they study them kids that have a fixed mindset that we’re in the gifted program. Actually, the kids that when they started out in the gifted program, they actually got so scared of being wrong, that they stopped trying. And they actually lowered in their, I guess like rankings or whatever in the classes. But those that kids that had a growth mindset that every challenge was an opportunity to work hard and get it and learn, figure it out, cause them to really exceed and Excel. And further studies explain how that actually ultimately causes success in life. And the most successful people are the people that have that growth mindset. I bring it up because I really want you to think about this conversation, the conversations we’ve been having this is the last part of the four part series, why he became romantic. Honestly, I’m asking you, your wife to reassess yourself? What are some things you can take ownership of and change in you? That may affect everything. And I’ve seen it happen. And it happens actually way more quickly than you can imagine. But how are you responding to this insight? are you responding to it with this down? Sad, you know, disappointing, even depressed response that oh, well, I’m not good enough. And I made that, you know, I made that error. And I should have done that. And, you know, I’m bad in this way and all these things? Or is it like, Wow, I’m so grateful. I’m so grateful. I’m learning and growing. I’m changing. You know, as as embarrassing as it is for me to, you know, hang all my dirty laundry out in front of you to show you where I have been. And some of those things are pretty darn recent. You know, some of them thank God are a little bit farther in the past, but I’m still growing. I’m still learning as a wife every day. That’s what marriage is. It never stops. You’re always doing marriage. You don’t stop doing you don’t accomplish and graduate from marriage. No, it’s a journey. You’re on it together. So I want you to have that growth mindset. You’re always growing. You’re always moving. You know, God is always teaching you if you let him you’re not there you have not arrived. And so I hope that’s how you receive this last part. You know, my husband shares some details about our lives that I probably wouldn’t share but he felt inclined so I’m not going to delete it and be controlling this Anyway, you get some details. And then at the end, I will go through the wonderful experience he gave me for our anniversary, which was just incredible. So, yeah, I’m excited for you to listen in

5:28

No, it’s just this. I don’t know those things. And I know, I’m lucky. And I know I am blessed. I know, because every time when I’ve listened to your podcast, oh, and I’m like, I cannot believe that I hear you boys. In all those wives, or husbands wish, their wives or you, huh. And I feel like, you are my wife. And I have you, you know, in your hand, I can like, it’s like a dream that I feel like, like, your podcasts and, and, and then here, yeah, I’m holding you. I just feel like it’s the craziest thing, like craziest things because I will say like, every man or woman when email you, you know, I just want to tell the listeners that all this work, all this a lot of work. Sometimes I see you’re so tired come from work. And you’re like how to do the podcast, and you’re so tired. And you want to spend time with your family. But you know that you have to do your podcast. So for other people can feel blessed. And I’m like, you know, and you told me that even I’m not helping by you say my presence encouraged you. So I just stick around in my kitchen, sweeping or mopping. So keep myself busy. And then he knows because I know, it’s a lot of work. So I just feel like for those husbands or wives too, thank you to email when they email you. Because you, you read everything that they email you and encourage you, such as encourage you, those, those husbands and wives to whatever they if they feel like bless about what you said that to please do choose to say thank you to you. Because I thank you all the time. But you know, I feel like that when people email you and you’re so excited, like somebody emailed me, and like, tell me what they say. And then just I’m so grateful when when I hear you husband, your wife, email my wife about you say thank you how you been blessed, and I guess sometimes discouraged for my wife, you know, and it’s hard, especially in this world that to feel so discouraged. And I just feel like he No, like you have a job. And part of that job, you have to do your podcast, people would think and live in New York City, like you make a ton of money, you know, that you don’t. And we had to work in another size. So we can make a living, I guess, you know, for you how your podcast here in the kitchen. And the here’s where we eat and here’s where we are play with our kids. And if I will, should take a picture of this, you will not think what it looks like, you know, here we have all this stuff our trash cans on the side. And all those things I don’t know, I just you know, I feel like they, they if they feel in blessed that that just the email, email to podcast to say thank you if you have been blessed, but if you don’t, you know you don’t have to. You don’t have to, but I know I encourage you so much because sometimes see you’re very discouraged that you don’t know if people are listening you know, and I’ll say that you’re doing an amazing job. It helps me helps me so much. So thank you husbands for email and to my wife that she feel so encouraged and even just real quick that the person the husband that he looks like he likes to write and I’ll guarantee that every email that you send it to, to Bella that you make like she will make sure that she will get it and read it to her because you know all the the website, the everything cost money, everything the website that you had to pay the amount sometimes we had to get from in our pockets to pay for that. And sometimes it microphone doesn’t work. So we had to figure out how it works. All those things, you know and

10:00

Just it’s a lot of work. No one taught you how to make the podcast, you had to learn yourself. You have to read books, and books and books. And you had to learn all everything by yourself. I was like, I wasn’t even help you how to do it. Because I didn’t know there’s a lot of technology for me. And you learn by yourself in everything you’ve done by yourself. So that, you know, sometimes when I feel this, my wife is like a lot of work. And I feel like maybe one day, we’ll get to the point that that will hire someone and, and you can just interview because she loves interview people, wives, she loves interview wives and learn from their struggles. And so we don’t have to go to the struggles. You know, and she loves that. And I just tell her that maybe one day we’ll get you know that that financial, okay, that she will, they will hire someone that help her do all these podcasts. So she doesn’t have to live by herself. Because, you know, it’s a lot of work in ICLs, a lot of work what you do. So thank you.

11:08

Thank you, baby. Yeah, it’s really amazing. I will say that dy M has been a huge, huge blessing to us, you know, just being able to talk to people that have been there before. And yeah, and I do I mean, I’m so grateful for the listeners, I’m really, I’m so grateful. It’s really, it’s just an amazing thing. And I hope, you know, I just hope that this conversation has been an opportunity for you to hear, you know, some changes, we’ve made some ways that, you know, we’ve made an end, I’m still messing up. It’s so funny that literally today, after talking about even talking about it, just last night about what we’re gonna say, and all this stuff, today, I had a really big challenge with surrendering because we were late. And it was just stressful. And you know, but it’s like, what’s, what’s more important? A good marriage? You know, the person that you want to be most connected with? Oh, there’s some one thing that you said to me? Two days ago or three days ago? Do you remember? When, like, you get, there’s always another game that you only get one way for something. Do you remember?

12:31

There’s a similar time.

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We were talking to our friend while we were talking to our friend and basically,

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oh, about the games. Yeah. Oh, I feel like sometimes when my wife wanted to talk, but also she was wanting to rock me because there’s my favorite game he’s playing. And I was talking to this couple, you know, because I know. You know that how my wife feels. So I feel like I had to stop. You know, like, yes, I want you to your game. But my wife really wanted to talk to me, whatever the struggle is, whether some excitement, some disappointment or something. And I feel like, you know, I can turn that off and all that stuff. And I tell my wife, you know, there’s there’s want to be another game. This is not like, the last game that I watch. And then never again, you know, as vice versa. I feel like there’s going to be another game. But there’s only one wife and as my wife, and that’s most important thing. And she and she knows that I’m fully paying attention to her. Because there’s going to be another game. I can be patient. There’s want to be another one. But I just want to be on the one this life.

13:40

Right? And just like me today, we relate to a birthday party. And it’s the same thing I should have said in my heart was there’s always going to be another birthday party, but there’s only one husband and it’s worth it to sacrifice a silly birthday party to have peace and enjoy and you know, an intimate experience with my man rather than you know, we got there 15 minutes earlier than we would have you know cuz I rushed everyone and got angry and so so yeah, I mean, I’m learning but like I said, I hope this conversation is has meant something to you. Was there anything? Lastly, that you wanted to make sure the listeners heard before we end?

14:33

Yes. I think I think for husbands mostly because I’m a husband. So for husbands to be. Be gentle your wife’s big gentle with your wives. Please do not call names in your wives. Please don’t make fun of your wives. Don’t make fun of your wife. cuz your struggle, yes, but she struggles to. And I think like her feelings are more stronger than the men. And if she struggled with anything exciting, something, just encourage her instead of like, it’s not a big deal why you feel like this way, you know, I don’t understand why you feel this way. And then be conflict. Like, be gentle with your wife, and encourage her every little thing that she does. Just stay with the kids. It’s a lot of work. Just staying with the kids and you say thank you so much for staying with, with our kids that to make sure our kid is safe, that eats thank you for cleaning my clothes or something. So be gentle and help your wife help your wife go and cook something. Stop watching video games or, or, or a game or something, prioritize your wife. Now your friends because I feel like your friends here. They they come and go, they come and go your wife, don’t come and go, don’t come and go your while you say, you know home with you. And I just feel like just prioritize your wife. Prioritize God through God, and then your wife, because the church says, And you you know, you remind me when when it says like, your body is the temple of God. Yeah, so cherish that. That temple, encourage that temple. Make it that temple look beautiful. And make sure that temple feel beautiful. And welcome in love. I will say just stop calling your wife names. And be gentle, be nice. Because especially if you have kids and kids are watching.

16:57

That’s awesome. That’s awesome encouragement, it’s funny that you say your your wife feels more than than men. I would also say for women, if you think that about your husband, too, I mean, just in terms of the person I’m most careful with in our relationship is my husband. I’m most careful with our relationship. Because like you said, I can hurt him the most, you know, and that’s the opposite of what I want to do. I could encourage him the most

17:33

or hurt him the most. Yeah, so I think that’s, that kind of wraps it up.

17:39

I think so. So thank you and my kids are knocking on the door because they’re already up from their nap time already calling me and it’s in this time. But I just gotta say thank you, thank you so much. And using current your wife, and if you can email my wife, she has to say thank you.

18:01

Husband is so kind and sweet to say all these things. But I will say that I think more than email, if I could ask, I’d really love. If there’s ever a podcast, that means something to you, if you would make sure that it’s that you share it with someone, you know, because this is the message I truly these these podcasts, I truly believe God wants them to be spread and shared. And I don’t do marketing, like you said, I don’t have the time or the budget to do marketing, I don’t have someone that works with me to do any of this. But if you’re the person that does it, if you’re the person that reaches out to someone to send it to them, you know, I don’t want to get to a place of pride where I receive emails all the time and you know, all these things, but what I do want is for the message to spread, what I do want is for people to be touched and marriages to be changed, you know, because the kind of work that my husband gets to do, being with, you know, all these different people that he interacts with all the time, you know, bringing people to church, praying for people, you know, discipling young boys and men and the kinds of work he does as a result of such an amazing marriage. Like that’s, that’s what we need. We need more amazing marriages, people that are free from pornography, addictions, people that are, you know, free to love their spouses and women that feel confident and comfortable when they come home from work or their their life. That’s hard. You know, that’s what, that’s what we need. couples that are praying together every night like, that’s what we need so. So as kind as my husband is to encourage me, I would even ask that. If there’s ever a podcast that means something to you, even if some of the things are not, you know, not what you would necessarily agree with or whatever. Feel free to call Those out but send it to someone that might be blessed by whatever it is so that there might be places might be podcasts might be episodes, that would mean something to them. So that okay that I absolutely respond to it.

20:20

No, absolutely, absolutely. You know, because I’m sure that you know, someone that is struggle. Yeah. And I know, I know. And I see you someone that struggle. Yeah. If it’s not used someone else that you know, some of your closest friends. Yeah.

20:34

Yeah. And we don’t want them to struggle. Yeah, guy doesn’t want them to struggle anymore.

20:41

Okay, I’m gonna come get it. Alright.

20:46

So I’m going to tell you how we celebrated our anniversary. But keep in mind that this is the man who proposed to me over fast food in a parking lot. Okay, keep that in mind. Okay, well, I am really excited to tell you about how our anniversary was. So what happened was this, my husband had told me that I needed to dress up, and that he couldn’t go there without me. So I was like, Oh, well, both are positives, I’m happy to do both. So he asked me to come home a little early, so we could leave at a certain time. So I came home early, and got all dolled up. Well, actually, I Okay, so I came home early, open the apartment door, and found he had gotten it all clean. And in every room, there were flowers, even in the bathroom. And he had taken our kids, to the babysitters. So that we could have the whole night to ourselves. And he figured out the babysitting all on his own. I didn’t even have anything to do with it. Then we get on the train. And, you know, holding hands all the way to the train and just laughing and having a good time. It’s a beautiful night, the weather was just phenomenal. All I needed was like a light sweater. And I was wearing kind of like a just a lovely dress. I’m not sure how to describe it. But anyway, so we get on the train. And we’re just holding hands. And we went through each of the years that we’ve been together and just talked through some of the most amazing moments and some of the most difficult moments, some of the biggest challenges and some of the most amazing things that God allowed us to be a part of, and some of the Yeah, the challenges, the struggles. And it was just so refreshing to just fill ourselves with the memories that we’ve been through together. You know, just holding each other looking at each other’s eyes, it was really special for me, then got out of the train. And he knew just where we were going. And I was holding his arm and part of me was thinking, does he know where he’s going? Because I thought we were doing something else and he’s going in this direction. That doesn’t seem to be right. But I just was quiet. I was like, Okay, well, I know, I he’s got a plan. And I’m just gonna, just gonna be quiet. And so I had a couple of ideas that I thought it might be. But I actually decided not to guess. Because what if, you know, he was going to take me? I don’t know, to do something very small, and I guessed something huge. And then he would feel bad. So I decided not to guess, at all. And just kind of talk about how excited I was. And in my mind, I was like, okay, and this is what I told him. I was like, Okay, I think I know what it is. I think I know what it is. And then we would pass by a certain street and I’d be like, Nope, no, it wasn’t that. Okay. And then I would get the next idea. I was like, Okay, I think I know what it is. So it was still really fun for us to kind of joke back and forth, but he never felt the pressure of you know, me being disappointed by whatever he came up with. And so we were walking, walking, walking, walking, and finally we were getting towards the water. And I was thinking what in the world this is not what I was thinking we were going and then I saw this boat tour boat that I was actually familiar with called the Circle Line. And we’ve seen it around you know around where we live it because it goes around all the Manhattan and and my heart kind of sank because I was thinking, Oh, we’re doing a boat chore. And sure boating is fine and nice and all that. But I just thought, you know, I didn’t have to get dressed up for this. But you know what I said to my husband, I was like, Oh, this circle line. Okay. Well, that’s nice that makes you know, that’s kind of you. Because we see that from our, our house all the time. That’s nice. And I thought in my head, like, oh my gosh, I’m so disappointed. But I did not say anything. Like God’s grace, I didn’t say anything. And,

25:36

and you know what, we got to that street. And he made a left away from the Circle Line. And I was so happy. I was really happy. Turns out, he had made a reservation all paid for already. He already knew exactly where to go. And because he had been there before, he actually took my son and checked out the place exactly before to make sure he knew exactly where it was. All the details were covered. Okay, so it turns out, it was a surprise, sunset dinner cruise around Manhattan. It was amazing. So we get inside the boat, you know, they welcome us up the ramp we get inside, it’s just, it’s just lovely. You know, everything is just lovely. The glasses, the plates, the, you know, the windows all around the whole boat, he happened to have made a certain choice. So we were our dinner was on the up stairs, like it was on the upper deck rather than the lower deck. And so we could see a lot more. And then as we, you know, as it kind of hit me what had just happened, you know, I just like sat there across the room like giggling and happy and smiling and just talking through how, how wonderful it was that he thought through all of these details and cared about all of my heart. And, you know, I just felt so loved. And suddenly I’m like, getting misty eyed at how much this man loves me. And he’s given me amazing compliments of who I am as a wife and a mother and all the areas of our lives together and and then the boat leaves and turns out by God’s grace, we are just on the perfect side of the boat so we can see the sunset. And my husband knows that’s why he picked this. I love sunsets they are I just I can’t say enough about sunset sunsets. Like if we had never seen a sunset before ever in our lives. And suddenly there was a sunset. Oh my gosh, people would pay millions of dollars to see one sunset if they had never seen it in their lives like it is that incredible. And we just take it for granted. That’s how I feel that sunsets. But anyway, he knows how much I love sunsets. And he made sure that I got to have a sunset and it was a DJ actually was on the cruise ship. But it was like a DJ like picking really kind of jazzy romantic songs. And so as the as after we ate our appetizers, oh, and it was a three course meal with wine pairings. In credible. After we like ordered and ate our appetizers we went out on the deck to dance to this amazing music. And that’s as the sun was setting. We could see, you know, Manhattan on the left hand side, New Jersey Skyline on the right hand side. That again, the weather was amazing. We were dancing. We are the only ones out there basically. Or were the only ones dancing I guess. But we were having so much fun. It was so relaxing. And you know, I like dancing in that way. You know just kind of enjoying ourselves and let’s see what happened next. Oh, and then the waiter actually came out to us and was like so your your dinner’s ready. And so we came back and then had our our dinner which was delicious. And then yeah, we just giggled and had so much fun and ultimately there was a couple actually it was sitting next to us. And at one point the waiter comes out and gives them extra flutes of bubbly champagne, and then he gives us extra flutes of bubbly champagne and because it was their actual newlyweds. And so it was a congratulations to them. And congratulations to us on our anniversary. So we get to talking to this other couple. And and they’re like, oh, so what are you celebrating? Oh, our anniversary and newlywed did it, uh, and, you know, I’m gushing on how my husband surprised me. And those were, those were the most amazing thing. And obviously, I’m having this great time.

30:28

And, and they’re newlyweds, and they were not having that good of a time. And, you know, my heart goes out to them. Because it’s hard. You know, it’s hard when you’re having struggles, it really, really, really is. And so the guy kind of jokingly laughed and was like, Yeah, I just showed up, my wife told me where to go. And I know, she would have rather him have done all of that for her. You know? So, in any case, that it was kind of just so clear, like, by God’s grace, here I am, where here’s this woman sitting there, and I was exactly in her shoes. So he asked for marriage advice. You know, we told him the podcast, pretty funny. So anyway, ended up I guess my last part of this story was as, as the boat neared Lady Liberty, you know, the Statue of Liberty. You know, all the tourists go out to the front of the boat to take pictures. And it’s like, not dark by that time. And so my husband and I are out in the front as well. We had been there for a while dancing. And you know, suddenly all these like New York classic songs come on. And we don’t know how to dance to those songs. Come on. But we tried, and I’m kind of stepping on his feet. And it’s just hilarious. But for some reason, a tourist decided she needed to videotape us. And so she had this, you know, bright flash on her camera, videotaping us for like five minutes dancing. And so part of me is like, Oh, this is really fun. And part of me is like, just like hilarious because I am not able to dance by any stretch of the imagination to this kind of stuff. And I’m just like, stepping on his feet. We’re laughing we’re having a great time. But it turns out, it’s, you know, probably, she’s gonna show it to her friends when she gets back to the country she’s from and it’s like, so, you know, this is a funny, funny thing that happened, but least they look happy. So, it was so much fun. We had a great time, my husband did an amazing job. You know, and every little detail that I focused on, was the amazing things. I could have had that exact experience and focused on every detail that was bad. But I chose to focus on every detail. That was amazing. And I had an amazing time. I truly did. And I encourage you to your wife. When that young man that was married, asked me for advice. He said one piece of advice. I said appreciate the little things. So I encourage you that I hope that you have gotten something significant out of this four part series episodes. And I think you

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thanks for listening by delight your marriage.com to check out all the show notes, as well as many more resources and articles. Until next time, live with love, wisdom impassion